₦airaland Forum

nnamx4u:
There is this girl I have known for a year and 4 months.

About four months ago. I asked her out and she agreed.

We started dating. The day we went on our first date after we are done, I wanted to do transfer but network was very bad.

So she paid for what we drank

and since then we have been talking over the phone

I invited her to my house and she said she don't visit people except her relatives

I asked her why and she said it is her life style

I told her maybe she doesn't like me that much or she doesn't find me attractive

She said none of that is the case.

She was saying we should go out.

I told her that I don't like going out. I don't like crowd.

Last week sunday was her birthday and I took her out. We had a good time together.

She is not demanding though

But I am just thinking if I should continue or not.

The whole stuff just look childish to me. I need something serious

I don't want what happened to me last time happen again.

She is about entering university and you know most girls when they enter university their head always turn 360

What should I do?

There is nothing childish about this, she is just trying to play save.

juman:
Baba suwe an actor that just died.
His medical doctor son recently reconnected with him as his father.

Go and watch muary show and paternity show on youtube.
You will see even people in forties and fifties crying to know their real father.

Baba Suwe case is totally different from the case on ground. If a father abadons his child, if I was the mother of the child, I will not allow the child know his father because I struggled to take care of the child on my own.

The only reason I'm supporting this guy is because the mother of his child allowed him to take the responsibility of the child and now she wants to keep him out of the child's life, is that not cheating? She should have not allowed it from the beginning. Except there is more to this story, I believe the mother is wrong.

sharone21:
It DEFINITINITELY will and can even tear a marriage apart. Marriage that he refused to give the girl.

It is marriage or forget about visitation...So, he wants to permanently be a distraction to that family.

If it is some wicked family, wen time reach, the child will be in boarding house.

He should learn to tame his urge in cohabiting with woman when he is not financially ready.

Will he accept this nonsense he wants to dish out to someone else?

Marriage is not by force, he should only marry her if he loves her and he is ready for marriage. If they are not able to come to an agreement on their own, the court will handle it better. Nobody is above the order of the court, whatever order the court makes, the both of them will have to follow it. There is no need for us to agrue, it is better for him to go to court, let's leave the decision to the court.

There will be specific visitation time, the guy will not be allowed to visit the house of the lady regularly because she is not his wife. The mother of the child might even decide to drop the child in the house of the man on the visitation days, if she doesn't want him to visit her house.

sharone21:
If he only wants the child under the deceitful guise of wanting to marry the child, the girl's family ought to totally severe ties with Jim so that their daughter can focus on her education and marry a more suitable man later in future instead of throwing her pearls to dogs which the bible advised us against. His meddling in any form in her life even getting money from him ( bait) will not allow her to fully concentrate on her new man when the time comes and his asking for co- parenting( wen no be say he marry her) will be a distraction to the girl and her husband....

It should be the other way round...The family can also sue him to take care of the baby( to force him to do it), that is if they are ready for all that after he had succeeded in inflicting PAIN on their hearts.

Let him allow the Child to grow and decide if he is still needed in his/her life...Though if the woman is not a long throat collecting from him, her family and husband to train the child, she will not need his dime, would have long changed child's name to any name she prefers( her dad's or new husband) and would train a child as he ought to be trained and the child may most likely not need a distraction who saw him/her as a burden when the child was younger.

I thought DAD used to mean SACRIFICE... he can't eat his cake and have it using court to console himself...Even fiery lawyers when they had issues didn't take their legally married to court dragging for custody...

I hope u are not a lawyer trying to deceive him that he will win this case. Which competent court of law go say make person wen no fit feed himself( probably without a comfortable home) take care of baby when the mother ( unmarried)and her family her alive and well....Anyway, lawyer( Charge & Bail) wan chop money( lol)

According to what he said, it seems what he wants his visitation right not the child's custody. Being some else babyma will not affect a woman's marriage, I have seen situations like this in Nigeria and abroad. All they have to do is come to an agreement with each other. It is either, they discuss it on their own or in court.

sharone21:
Why cohabiting with someone's daughter when u know the economy is harsh and u ain't ready yet?

All those telling u to take her to court, I laugh in Spanish even contracted, fully wedded couple, don't drag for child when child is still young... You can ask fiery lawyer, K.E.Y.A.M.( lol).

You don't want a contract business due to oversense and u didn't see any future in it, profit miraculously come out, u now remember you needed to share in it( lol).

If u haven't paid bride price, since most of u believe this is even more marriage than church/court wedding, don't think u can claim that child...In fact, the girl can choose to name her child her family's name.

People dishing u foolish advice and even yourself, u won't take rubbish from her irresponsible boyfriend if your daughter brings this kind of shame home.

And those advocating condom all the time, know that it can 1) burst 2) Slip into a woman which will reqjire surgery to remove

He will be giving visitation right by the court if it is proven that he is the biological father of the child and he did not abadon the child. He might have to do a DNA test to prove to the court that he is the father of the child.

Supreme145:
I was on my own chilling jejely when my next door neighbor knocked on my door, he said I wanted movies so I let him into my room reluctantly. I hardly relate with my co tenant's beyond hi hi greeting so I was kinda uncomfortable letting him into my room.

He sat down and had this bewildered look on his face, the next thing I heard was, Bros omo you get mind dey stay inside this kind empty room o, so na ontop this kind flat bed you dey run all these your babes wey dey come see you ehhn....nawao you be badt guy oo. So na ontop this bed that one wey get big nyash dey even lie down with all slay queen shakara. He kept blabbing while I kept silent, I asked him so even if I want to buy a better it should be because of ladies baa, and he said ehhhn now, how you go dey run matters on top this mat. This someone that I gave transport fare to go and meet someone he said was owning him.

He kept quizzing me on how I'm able to attract ladies despite the vaguely furnished room, I went on to tell him that girls are not my problem now. Moreover I'm not dating most of them, I run projects for people so some of them are people I'm working for.

Even though I've developed a tough skin to this kind of negative comments, I was upset though I masked my embarrassment. But why do some guys feel everything must be to impress ladies, I for one don't have time for them and I'm fully focused of sharpening my programming skills in order to get a job before the year runs out so I can renew my rent by January. For someone that was once homeless and slept in lecture halls, this my current place is like a duplex to me, and how I got this place is still a miracle to me.

Hence my question is the room really that bad? I've visited some friends and my room is nothing to write home about. Is it so bad that the guy feels I am not worthy to have a girlfriend just because of it?

Ladies can you date or marry a guy living in this kind of apartment?

Yes, I can date and marry a guy that is living in this kind of apartment as long as he plans on moving out of the house after marriage. After marriage, we will start bearing kids, I don't want my kids to live in such a house.

My parent struggled to give me a better life, I have to also struggle to give my kids a better life. Such house can be convenient for a single person but it will not be convenient for a family. This is my own personal choice, I'm not advising anybody to do the same.

Awkabigboy:
Thats cool, congratulations. Please do you have a friend of yours you can refer me to, thanks

Yes, I do.

Awkabigboy:
I didnt know you were in a relationship already

It's alright.

truthsayer009:
To be fair, I have only met 2 women from Nigeria in my life time who aren't parasitic and I have met a lot of women from 24 years till I became 30, so I can assure you that paying of bills is part of relationship in Nigeria. Also to note that all the women I met all had jobs, none was jobless so I know what I am saying.

I agree with you, as long as a lady is not lazy or jobless, her guy will respect her, even if she receives gift from him.

It is essential for married women to stay in their marriage and make it work but it is not compulsory for unmarried baby mothers to marry their baby fathers.

Two people that met causally or that don't love each other, can have sex with each other and it will still lead to pregnancy. Asking baby fathers to marry their baby mothers means we want to increase the rate of infidelity. They are not bound under any law to get married.

SavageResponse:
Her mother does not want you to distract her from her studies in school.

Move on man if you don't want to marry the lady!

Understanding is the key. The lady's mother doesn't have to worry, her daughter can even decide to marry someone else and the guy and the lady doesn't have to be sexual involved any more so that it doesn't affect her studies but according to what he said he was always their for his baby

They cannot stop him from playing the role of the baby's father now, they should have stopped him from the beginning. He can fight for his right legally.

Sometimes, death is better than shame. There are some things in life that we prefer to die than experience. If you are a Christian, you can pray to God for his help, even if you end up dying, at least you will make it to Heaven, we will all die one day. Death is a debt we all have to pay.

Awesomeking:
if you know how hard it is for a single mother to even get advances..you will stop saying baby doesn't bind people together

You would have been right if you said it is hard for single mothers to even get advances if it is written on their head. When a lady goes to outings without her kids, how does a guy want to know she is a single mother or does she have to take her kids everywhere?

I have seen several single mothers marry well. Life is a game, you just have to know how to play it. People are fond of giving their selves a reason for failure. When love enters life is sweeter. Life is not hard, if a single mother believes that her child is her only (but), she should simply date without her child and allow love to enter before bringing the baby into picture.

If some guys see a woman with kids they might get discourage half way without getting to know the woman personally but if a guy gets to know a lady well before he discovers she has got kids, it will be very hard for him to walk out on her, if he has falling in love with her. A lot of single mothers have used this technique and it tends to be very effective.

Modified
It is better for her to simply be his babyma. If she marries the guy because of her baby, she will end up suffering it, if love does not exist in their relationship because she will end up being a figurehead wife, the guy will still go out to have sex with the kind of ladies he loves. Some relationships are suffering today because there is no love in it.

truthsayer009:
My sister, this is how traditional relationships work. Nobody came to count bridge in Lagos.

You are required to take care of the needs of the person you are dating, in exchange for sex or commitment. Something must give.

Okay, I understand you but my advice is not for all ladies, it is only for ladies that want to be respected in their relationships. A lady can decide to have sex with a guy and even collect money and gifts from the guy if she wants to but she should first get to know the guy every well (for at least six months - eight months) before relying on him and she should allow the guy know that he is not her source of income.

Let's be frank, though I hate to say this but the lady in question acted like a prostitute, she followed a guy that is not her boyfriend and that she doesn't really know outside the country. She has disrespected herself, how does she expect the guy to respect her? She played cheap to him.

We are no longer in the 90's, this is the 21st century, things are now different, there are playboys and ritualists everywhere. In the olden days, ladies were not even lazy, they were useful in farms.

I'm a lady, each time I see ladies being shamed, it hurts me deeply. Some of these things can be avoided, some ladies today don't want to work, they want Cinderella type of life, they spend more time enhancing their beauty and going out to attract guys.

The profession of some ladies is relationship, they have no other means of survive. If guys can struggle, what is stopping some ladies from struggling, I know life is not easy but it is not easy for both guys and ladies or are ladies underpaid? It is not the same amount a guy can make that a lady can make?

Is there any man that will not be happy if he is not the only one providing for the family but his wife is also contributing to the family?

Witlee1:
I didn't abandon the baby, infact I took care of the baby and the mother for almost 2 years
I'm hearing they want to pack out of the house they are staying now so should I still relax and wait?

Don't wait, it is better for you to take the matter to court quickly.

I got to see Seun Kuti on TV for the first time when he was celebrating felabration this year and since then I have very high regard for him. He is very reasonable and straightforward, he said if you go and pick a poor man from one local area and make him the president, he will embezzle money and claim he did it because he was once poor, it is our mentality that has to change.

He is very right, we are just deceiving ourselves, the mentality of most Nigerians are very poor, a lot of people think about themselves alone. Before now, I use to avoid people like Seun Kuti because I don't listen to their type of music but before he spoke on channel TV today, I was eager to listen to him.

Witlee1:
My gf got pregnant, I'm not an advocate of abortion so I told her to keep it so I and my live-in gf had a child (girl) outside wedlock who is 2 years old now and I took care of her and the child for 1 year and 8 months,paid the hospital bills and everything, which a single dough of the girls family didn't come to the wellbeing of the child, it was All me which the mother of the girl is aware of.

Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all,me and my gf still lived together without the baby and I helped her pay some fees for her school cuz I understood that for my baby to be educated the mother needs to be .

Fast forward to now, the mother of my gf doesn't want me to see my child because I don't want to marry my gf now, my gf and her mother had to even report me to human rights for me never to contact my gf any longer cuz I am threatening her which I never did... I tried contacting my gf to know what is happening, she's not picking her calls neither is the mother too and when I texted my gf she rained insults on me lol (life's so unfair)

NB: I learnt from a reliable source that the mother of my gf is the one Influencing her this way,my gf is also in her 3rd year at school
I'm so confused, please advice me on next step to take

You are sure you didn't abandon the baby? If you did not abandon the baby then the lady has no right to pressure you to marry her. You can even decide not to marry her if you are not in love with her.

Baby cannot bound two people together, if it is not love, it is not going to work. Don't be desperate, if you are not ready, don't rush yourself. You are the baby's father, you can fight for your right but you have to prove that you didn't abadon the baby.

Awkabigboy:
I'm interested in you if you would permit me, thank you

Thank you so much for your interest in me but I am in a relationship.

Datboredberry:
Who is the woman to know when the vast majority are bad?

What other option can you suggest?

How is it wrong?

In other words, to satisfy your conscience... You would advice a 16yr old girl to 'struggle' and raise a child on her own... Both would suffer, but it's okay to you? And assuming she's not pyschologically stable, you wouldn't mind her having a nervous breakdown...being depressed and suicidal?...or the effect it would have on the child who would feel unloved?

Toxic positivity...Not everyone is going to be rich or influencial... the probability is one in a million... for this slim chance, these women and their children should be miserable?

There aren't so many millionaires compared to the masses who are poor... Most of these children would grow up to be nobodies... That's reality.
Sure... but remember, the reasons for having an abortion... it's not only about the possibility of being a single mother... there are married women who've had abortions... The health of the child, if it's mentally impaired... That's also a reason... Victims of incest...

Not everyone agrees... you can't use your religious views to limit others...

Because it's a criminal offence, it's performed by quack doctors... If it's legalized, the risk of unsafe abortions wouldn't exist...

You could have tried to prevent it... with contraceptives... So it isn't your fault...

You might be lucky... Doesn't mean others are as fortunate... You can tolerate stigmatisation... Most women can't... And it's normal. How is abortion murder? If the child is alive, why can't it live on its own? If it has to survive off me, it's nothing more than a parasite...

Be logical... Not everyone believes in your God...

Many have aborted ritualists and rapists...etc... Those who weren't aborted, what have they done? Success isn't for everyone... You can suffer today and die in poverty tomorrow... Leave these motivational quotes elsewhere... Be realistic... Not everyone would make it...

You are right not everyone can accept my belief, I will try not to force my belief on anyone

Modified
but stating my belief doesn't mean I'm forcing it. I'm Christian, it is a sin for me not to preach my faith, if you don't accept my belief, some people reading my comment might learn from it. Apart from religious consequences, abortion is risky even in more advanced countries. The risk of unsafe abortion exist everywhere.

Awkabigboy:
Are you married please

No. Why do you ask?

Datboredberry:
This is Nigeria...

How many adoption homes are there that would easily serve Nigerians in situations like this?

Secondly, most of these adoption homes aren't like those in the West...that are monitored... The homes are poor... Not conducive for children.

I know a few that sold babies to ritualists...etc.

The children aren't fed properly, not taken care of... But maltreated, raped, etc... There's usually no bond between the children and their care-givers so the latter don't put in much effort... They aren't there to support the children emotionally and psychologically.

No mother, even one who opts for an abortion wants their child to suffer... Getting rid of a foetus is a better choice that giving it up to live a life of uncertainty... In this country.

How many women adopt children in Nigeria? The practice isn't so common and it's not yet culturally accepted... Most would rather their husbands marry a second wife...

The demand for abandoned babies and orphans is very low..

Then those who do, they treat these children like they aren't truly theirs... For example, my aunt... The most perfect baby... And she still can't being herself to love her... even accused the child of being the source of her problems...

Avoiding sex is impossible... Yes, it's the best but let's be realistic...

And most contraceptives are totally reliable...

There are families that take good care of adopted kids but if a lady does not want to put up her baby for adoption or if she is not able to put up her baby for adoption, that does not mean, it is right for her to abort the baby. What is wrong is wrong, I will never support abortion except the life of the mother is at risk. If a lady gets pregnant and she is unable to put her baby up for adoption, she should give birth to the baby and struggle to take care of the baby.

There are some single mothers that struggled to take care of their children and today some of their children are in top positions. Nobody knows tomorrow, you cannot predict a child's future, there are people that went grass to grace and there are also people that went from grace to grass. Being a single mother does not limit a woman, a single mother can still become successful and a single mother can still get married to a responsible guy. Except from the fact that abortion is a sin, abortion can also lead to death and it can damage the womb.

If I decide to open my legs for a guy and I get pregnant, I will not abort the pregnancy. The highest that will happen to me, is that my parent will be angry with me, they might even disown me, people will stone me with insults and I will have to struggle on my own but to me all these are better than committing a murder.

I will not add to my sin, rather than that I will ask God to forgive and move on with my life. I know life will not be easily but I will keep encouraging myself with the experience of other single mothers that ended up being successful and I will keep praying to God and asking God for his directions.

Today does not determine tomorrow, some people have aborted glorious children unknowingly. Don't you know some children are untouchable. Is it only orphans that get kidnapped or can my parent protect me from being kidnapped? No, I look up to God for protection. If it is food that saves life, why are some rich children dying of different types of sicknesses? God did not ask man to assist him to reduce the population of the world, let God do the mathematics himself. Hand your life over to God and stop believing in your strength.

Raw sex is very good when it is done by married couples.

Datboredberry:
Life isn't black and white...

It's not just a matter of avoiding ones responsibilities... But not even being able to handle them...

Poverty for example... Would you encourage a couple (married or not) to not terminate the pregnancy when they aren't able to adequately care for the child?

Or women who aren't psychologically stable? Abortion is definitely better than throwing newborn babies in gutters and waste bins...

If a guy and a lady is not ready, it is either they avoid sex or they try to prevent pregnancy.
If a lady is not able to prevent getting pregnancy and she gets pregnant unexpectedly, there is something called adoption, there are some women that cannot conceive babies, a woman can put her unborn baby up for adoption, I think it is better than abortion.

HML in advance. May God bless your union.

Actors have be careful so that politician won't use them to play politics. I guess Mr. Ibu thought he was just doing his acting job because he said he is not voting for Tinubu, he said he is voting for Atiku but there will have be no need for him to tell us his choice, if he did not accepted the proposal from Tinubu's campaign team. Even if his intentions is right, people will still misjudge him because of his actions. I believe he made a mistake and he is trying to correct it.

winner37:
Don't worry more money is coming so if you give today tomorrow she will pay you back. .
Maybe she is using the money to support her family and siblings do a proper investigation about it before crucifying her ..

It does not matter if she has responsibilities, he also has his own responsibilities. He has not even married her so he is not meant to carry her responsibilities. Will she not survive if she is not in a relationship? She even knows the guy his unemployed and she is stressing him so much, she is very selfish and greedy.

She is meant to give him the chance to become financially stable. Instead of giving her money, he is meant to be investing his money in a business. If he allows her spend all his money on unnecessary things, how do they want to get married and what will they live on after marriage?

davodyguy:
Good for him.

From my tribe, but we don't support criminals.

Jail him and throw the keys away

It is not a tribal thing. In the world generally, it is normal for lawbreakers to be punished.

Havesomesense:
Lol,
I lied to a very pretty lady that I was single.
After knacking her well, I told her I was in a relationship.
The girl just stopped showing me affection, I tried using gifts to lure her back but it didn't work.

You are joking or you are for real? Do you really think she is the wicked one?

Ammishaddai:
Bros , the foundation of every good relationship begins and ends when both parties see and accept things from the other person's point of view .

So try and make her see things from your perspective by highlighting the pros and cons of her spending habits . But if she's adamant, kindly walk out of the relationship and save yourself the horrors of living with someone who's unbending.

After all, a woman who's used to living extravagantly isn't someone worth marrying and raising children with.

You have said it all, understanding should be the basic of every relationship.

walkingshadow911:
who goes on a sex trip with a stranger if not a prostitute.
And a lady can dump a guy she claimed she love just because she found someone better abi
you just changed the narative.
can you have sex with a mad man or woman accross the street just for pleasure or to satisfy one yeye temporal desire

your guy never asked you for sex is a bloody pathological lie.

thank God you said some guys*
I ain't some guys, i doubt you can even reject my advances.
And if you fumble na your loss be dat
i only date for marriage and attractions must come first while other qualities follows.

i doubt you have a problem wif dat

My comment was a general advice to ladies, I never said it was right for the lady to go on a trip with the guy. If a lady respects herself, no guy will be able to disrespect her.

It is good you mentioned that you have good intentions for dating and having sex but there are a lot of heartbroken ladies out there, I cannot take any chances because I don't want to add to the statistics. How do I know a guy's intention? I'm not a mind reader, all that matters is that I protect myself from being hurt.

If you are saying I am lying because I said my bf is not demanding sex from me, it means you are saying that all guys persuade ladies to have sex before marriage and all ladies get deflowered before marriage. Don't deceive yourself, all guys don't think the same way.

You said ladies dump guys and go for better guys but guys also dump ladies for better ladies (more attractive ladies). Stop generalising, not all ladies and guys do that.
If I am to speak for myself, I cannot dump a guy because of money except the guy is very irresponsible and lazy. I will never marry a liability and I will never be a liability.

Not all guys and ladies marry their first dates, will you marry somebody just because you dated the person?
I will not be with a guy out of pity. I know I love my bf but for instance, if I'm dating a guy and I feel I don't really love him and what we had was just infatuation, I will breakup with him. My bf also has the right to break up with me, if he feels I am not the best for him. Love cannot be forced, breakup is allowed, it is not a crime. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

If I allowed all the guys that approached me and told me they loved me to have sex with me, then by now, I would have opened my legs for a lot of guys like prostitutes do.

Think twice before you accept some gifts. If you allow your boyfriend to struggle to send you to school, be ready to marry him, if you cannot marry him, don't permit him to pay your school fees, stay at home and wait for God's time. If you deceive him, the law of karma will still meet up with you.

A similar case happened in my Church, a guy struggled to send a lady to school but she refused to marry him after she finished her education. She told him that she cannot marry an uneducated guy. The guy was very hurt, he cried for months, he even sent people to beg her but she refused. God intervened in his matter and he married a good wife five years old but the lady that left him just married this year at 34 years, after much pressure from her parent, she even ended up marrying an uneducated guy.

walkingshadow911:
can a man get sexually attracted to females he comes across everyday.

why do you females see it has an insult whenever a man approach u for sex instead of seeing it as a sense of love and admiration from him.

if a man didn't spend on you, u call him stingy, broke, scum, jerk etc. and he spend, you say he is calling you prostitute.

should everything goes to you for nothing ni

what do you lot want exactly

Does she respect him by making him waste he precious time and money?

No sensible man should take you women seriously cos ur reasoning can be worst than an ant.

These are the answers to all your questions.

1. If attraction is love, why don't guys marry the first lady they approach and say I love you to.

2. You are wrong, sex cannot be a sense of love and admiration, some guys just approach ladies because of their sexual desires, are you saying a guy cannot have sex with a lady just for pleasure? Does the guy have to be in love with the lady before his member can work.

3. My guy doesn't have to give me money because I'm not in any way entitled to his money but my guy must not be a liability. He must be responsible and independent by the time we are ready to get married.

4. No, everything should not go to me for nothing, I should be able to put in the same energy I am asking my guy to put in and that is exactly what I am doing in my relationship.

5. I want a guy that loves and respect me, I don't want a guy that sees me as a toy or an object.

6. I cannot allow any guy to treat me like a prostitute. My guy does not demand sex from me, he willingly accepted my terms and I have never asked my guy to spend money on me because I don't want to lose his respect. We respect each other a lot, we settle quarrels easily because we understand each other so well, there are times, we fight because of our distance, time difference and schedules.
For me, relationship is not a job or a means of livelihood. I don't depend on my relationship for survive, I don't buy things I cannot afford to buy myself and I don't ask guys to weather my storms for me, I am use to weathering my storms on my own.

7. No guy like you can respect any lady, I have met guys like you but thank God I was wise enough not to allow them hurt me, I left those relationships without being hurt. My present bf is not like you, he is very reasonable and responsible. I love and respect him a lot, our relationship is very healthy.