₦airaland Forum

Sixfiguresmart:
Rape is anything out of consent, right? I will tell you how it happened.

The first one was me at 9. Playing in my neighbour's compound with friends in the hood. The girl called me upstairs and asked me to bring (I've forgotten the item) to her. I did and she closed the door. (Can't remember what happened before) I was on top of her. She was literally lifting my hip up an down. I begged her that I wanted to pee. She didn't let go until I peed inside of her and she quickly let go and warned me not to disclose it to anyone. And, threatened to kill me if I did.

I didn't tell my parents. She is married today with kids but I live with the scars. I have no intention to ruin her marriage.

The second rape was me at 18
I was troubled, going through unknown emotional pains. Flashback of the rape surfaced sometimes. A friend of my cousin living with us at the time would occasionally spend days with us. She built a trust with me. I opened up my trepidation to her and told her how I was raped.

She offered some clues and I felt that she was the one to help me deal with the thoughts in my head. A few months later was the 31st of December and the whole fam was out to the churchy new year thingy.

She came in right before midnight. Told me that we would go together. I didn't even want to go anywhere that night. My cousin was the last to leave the house and joked about us using the condom in her shelf and we all laughed about it. She went into the kitchen, served herself, ate a little.

Moments later, she was all over me that night. She saw her moment. I snubbed her and went upstairs, she followed me. It felt like a joke, but she playfully got serious. Told me how she had a brand new shaved kitten

Flashing her newly shaved quim and scrubbing it on me. She had me feel it. I asked her to stop, she didn't. I was lost in a dichotomy. She jumped all over me and we landed on the bed. I squirmed outtta the bed. She locked the door and asked me why I hated her. I explained that I didn't but didn't think it was right. She argued that she understood but urged me to also read her feelings that she needed me badly. She approached me, hugged me so tightly. Reached for my crotch, rubbed the tip of my mickey. I felt perplexed as my blood ran wild. I told her that I was scared. She soothed my anguish and slowly dragged me to the bed.

She took control of me, my power left me. As soon as she notice that my reluctance had trickled down, the monster in her grew fierce. Down went my pants and my boxers.

Before I could wink, she was all over me. Riding me and pleasuring herself. She would lean up to my body, felt like swallowing me and then back to ride

After a while, I ejaculated. She told me that I was sweet. Tried to kiss me but I looked away. She kissed my face and my body. Smooching my torso.

I felt truly ripped off of my dignity. I had a shower, curled up in my bed. She asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I nodded to decline.

I woke up to a new year. Pretended nothing happened. My cousin suspected what happened, but she was simply making jesting comments about it and trivialising it. She told me later that she had always wanted to taste a virgin male.

That was a new me and another ordeal that I still live with. As a man, you are forced to suck it up and move on. I do, but it forms the man in me. Men are sexually assaulted. These are two cases in which I felt indubitably fell out of control. There are many more sexual assaults as I got older which are grave but at least I have built the cojones to establish control over them.

These two ladies are thriving as respected women and mothers. No one knows their pasts but their victims. I am sure that they didn't start or stop at me. There are others parading themselves as virtuous women today while they take advantage of people's sons.

I hate sharing this but since I am anonymous, its fine

So sorry. It's so sad.

Sominablack:
Greeting Nairalanders,
My wifes attitude has been unbecoming, disrespectful, avoiding intimacy for months, insultive and always playing the silent treatment which I have learnt to ignore. Her mum visited and confirmed these attitude, she did counsel and advised her to change yet she was reluctant and stated she dont want to continue being a wife that she has lost love and feelings for me because I want things to be done decently and in order in my family which she is opposed to. Having observed this her mum left angrily and told the matter to her husband to confirm some of the issues of my wifes behaviour which I had stressed on and as a result had a family meeting with her family since I was invited not long ago.

Now with the attitude still being displayed by her, her dad asked me to come down to the village by next week so the issue will be discussed in their larger family so that my wife would come and explain to them why she is behaving the way she is doing, but not up to three months we had a meeting and now this one billed for next week again.I dont feel like honouring the meeting because I have done my best to follow peace even though I cannot fathom where I am at fault. At this juncture what do I do?

Go for the meeting.

Scapula112:
Hello nairalanders, I'm an old user of this forum just wanna remain anonymous. Pls my career is not making me be in a relationship with any lady, all the Ladies I've dated in the past all complain of one thing which is time. I'm a second year neurosurgical resident here in new Jersey prior to my residency in this program, I was a medical officer whose job Is not more demanding , I had a girlfriend who's always complaining of me not being there for her tho I give her money and always visiting her if I'm on shift even though I got limited time to prepare for a medical board exam to get into residency (USMLE) those know about the exam knows how crazy it was, a three steps examination.
She broke up with me for a guy she always call her friend..the heart break almost cost me my step 2 CK, life goes on. Here am I in neurosurgery, my first day was like hell imagine being in the O.R for 16 hrs straight without seeing the sun because they brought multiple patients who sustained brain injury during a road accident, I nearly cried, to my chief of surgery ..An attending surgeon it's like nothing I almost regretted being there and not going to family medicine or internal medicine.
This has made me so awful that if see me you'll think I'm a mad man...is either I'm in the O.R or I'm sleeping no time for family, Cinema, vacation, the girl Ioved has left me all because of time. I make money i don't have time to spend, money is now useless to me because there is no time to look after myself ..in the next 1hr I'll be in the middle of a surgery. It's just crazy, is this how I'll spend the rest of my life? No woman? It's frustrating .
Last week i collapsed in the middle of a surgery because we just finished removing a tumor In the right part of the brain barely two hours, I was sleeping when I got an urgent call to report to the O.R ... I'm now regretting choosing this program. Can a lady love a guy whose everyday life is like this? I think not.
What do you think I can do please mature minds. I'll be 29 by June.

Mr Man, calm down, take a break and rest properly. Yup, it may not be easy but find a way to get some few hours.



As for relationships, see, you're not missing anything, take your time and you'll find someone who will understand you. Don't rush okay?


All the best.

FlowerGirl040:
I appreciate everyone that gave me a good advice... Those that scolded me are also well appreciated from the bottom of my heart... Those that insulted me and call me names for speaking out are just barking with no course... It baffles me how some lies against me are flying left and right... Pls where did I mention I still want to be in this marriage? Or where did I made mention of leaving either? I replied comments and questions, nothing more. Besides do they expect me to leave my marriage empty handed? Those ones barking and calling themselves names on the other thread are just wasting their time,is that how to scold an adult? Talking as If I am your child,no one lives with me,so why shouting up and down ontop my matter as if their life is so perfect? You trolls,I dare anyone of you to come drag me out of here,call the authorities or even arrest me. Nonsense.

You expect me to start doing gra gra with my condition? Puting my life and my unborn child at risk? Isn't it obvious it you trolls that lack common sense? You think everything is done with fight or quarrels? I shared BS here but the busy bodies and unfortunate ones carry am for head... YOU all can talk from now till tomorrow,it changes nothing as I have already taken the few sensible advices here. See how stupid false assumptions about me are flying around on nairaland. Is that how to advice an adult? With insults, calling me names and shaming?

You can continue calling me whatever name you feel like,that's on you as it takes nothing from me or the life of my children. You did not read to understand,you just jump to name calling. No one knows my husband and my life more than I do,drop your advice and allow me make my decision. Imagine calling me a scammer with multiple monikers,did I beg anyone for money? And I swear no one has ever sent me money here. So I wonder where those accusations are coming from.

Kokaiye
TOHHAN
Omakraid
Expectantmom
Layormiii
Cinderellashoes
Mummytoo
Miracletoday
Tiffanyj and other Mamas I can't seem to remember the correct spellings of their monikers right now,I appreciate everyone here. This may be the last you hear from me. And I really hope our next meeting will not be life after,I really hope so. Is suicide an option. No.. But I hope I don't commit suicide unconsciously and out of depression. I really do hope so. But if I survive this heavy pain in my heart and head,then I promise you the next time you will hear from me will be a good expected news,that I promise.

Good, this is what I want to see, I want to see you strong, wise, observant and in charge of your life.


If you like, hate me, but I wish you well and I don't want your life to be cut short, that is why I'm shouting.


Be strong. Be well.

Mummytoo:
Hello sweetheart❤

Where in my post did u see that a woman should endure domestic violence

For Christ sake, divorce has been made very easy for us, even with benefits

Read well before you rush to type

Tell men how to be good husbands, they are the ones who lack training, most of them.


That is my most important message to you.



Please don't 'sweetheart' me.

kokaiye:
e yaff do... We don close chapter abeg

Continue closing chapters, continue moving on with your lives, one day it will be your turn and people will close your chapter just like you are doing to others.

FlowerGirl040:
Like I said before,for me going out of the house to work it's 100% impossible. I can only earn in the comfort of my home

If you find it difficult to step out of your house without permission, you are being abused and held hostage.


Forget how much money he's spending on you, it's just a decorated cage you're living in.


When women like us talk, you scoff at us, see, I don't know the state of your health, but get out of that cage and find something doing for yourself because your son can never respect any woman, not even you, the way you're going.

Mummytoo:
Lemme just chip-in this
I love all the women here but please as virtuous women pls

1. Lets respect our husband, men love respect, they feel like kings when respected, respect in the areas of, cooking what he wants, keeping his clothes in the manner he loves and other little things that makes him happy

2. Communication: sometimes we women assume that he man knows (oh he sees it so he knows), no its not like that. Open your mouth and talk, talk politely, as for me I can shout and talk for one hour for him to get the message, but in all know when to talk and don't say things that will hurt both of you

3. Be quick to forgive: when beef happens be quick to resolve the issue, don't go on for days keeping malice, always look for solution quick and allow joy and peace in the home

4. Appreciate and compliment him: when last did u kiss your husband? When last did you tell him you love him? Please I beg us, appreciate him no matter what, tell him you see all his effort and you appreciate him, when he dresses up, tell him he looks cute make him happy

5. Free your heart: make sure you are happy, take yourself out, or take him out, even if its just an evening walk, or any karaoke place.

May God bless our homes and may we enjoy our marriages, there shall not be any separation or bad news.
We all will grow old in peace, joy, love and happiness with our kids and DH, may GOD help us. Amen

Your virtuous woman nonsense killed Osinachi.


Women have been kind enough in this country, if men are not ready to meet in the middle, women should stay put and stay beautiful.


Make posts for men and raise your sons better.

Timekeeper:
1. Is the essence of marriage no longer important to people?

2. Did the lady made a mistake by getting pregnant for an irresponsible man?

3. Is the lady so irresponsible that the man can live up with her, hence they separated?

4. Is it the unreadiness of both couples?

5. By mistake?

6. By choice

7. Death of a partner?


So sad seeing so many pretty ladies turned single Parent and I feel so bad.... These ladies should be wives and not single Parents...

Married people, abeg why the rise in single parenting these recent days?

The single mothers did not complain