₦airaland Forum

I would suggest that he move forward and not look back, any apology he would extend would not be sufficient to undo what his big mouth has released.   He should consider it a "teachable moment" and never make the same mistake ---- though in his eyes, he thought he meant well.

MEN: Abeg, Study women before you open your mouth.

it's obvious why she is upset

he told her she was "homely" and just because you are homely, don't be upset, it's not over with for you, many men would want you for your fallopian tubes, your hands to cook and clean, your vajj and your quiet take anything manner that is usually expected to be in "mental residence" with someone of your "homely" stature and demeanor.

since she knows and majority of men know what "you are not that pretty you're the kind of girl every man would love to be with" - generally means. she was angry, horrified and upset that if he thought this way, others would as well. she was given a snapshot of what life could mean for her if she dealt with the large group of thinkers that would view her in this manner.

^^^^

you know I could have responded too rapidly. i am from a different culture. the writer very well, could still be pregnant and this is just how she and a whole lot of other writers communicate. many times they didn't read the "actual words" and allow those words to "stand for themselves." instead they meant to say, "if I abort will he still marry me," but they typed the opposite, "that they have aborted, now that they have aborted, will he marry me."

English for many of these writers is their second language and not their first or only language. so they don't communicate at times point blank accurate and for those who take their words at face value it is extremely time wasting and misleading.

upendo 98:
Am I the one interpreting wrongly?
Her message body makes u think tht shes already aborted 'for the guy' but now the dude is scared of marrying her ,4 reasons best known to him!.
note: 'who I have had an abortion for'

Though going by the thread title it means otherwise.

But then I ask why would he be 'scared' of you if you are 'still expectant wth his child'.Its not a disease it needs some decision making.
Nway,dont abort! if you havent done so already. This may be the only baby ul ever have.

Welcome to NL - you haven't interpreted wrong.

Part of the nature of this beast (NL) is having to read the writings of a "Thread Opener" and the writings of those who respond, who actually don't know of what she speaks, but still go out of their way to answer anyway. lololololol

The writer ALREADY ABORTED (per her thread) - she is VERY CLEAR - but scroll up and count the responses that somehow either 1) aren't reading correctly, 2) refuse to pay attention to the words that are in front of them, 3) think she is actually lying and is still pregnant, 4) just want to make their own point, etc.

Again, welcome to NL.  I suggest that you filter through the responses, discard those that DON'T apply and read those that do.

when angry with a loved one - i do the opposite that i do on NL

I actually "stop talking" and get quiet

i need to figure out how to handle the situation - when i do talk, i start asking a bunch of questions regarding the issues to make sure i am not jumping to wrong conclusion too quickly as THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO is jeopardize my relationship with them

my asking questions gets me to the root of what is going on, it is important to me to make sure i know whether or not i actually have a "reason" to be angry or not.

my first inclination is to get quiet and assess the situation as much as possible before i respond and kill someone

ahahahahahaha

ooooooooo - lolololololololol - whew

thread starts off sooo magical and wonderful - all are amazed

enters Mr. Brownjay

ahahahahahahahaha

poster - go ahead put food on your table, you have our blessings.

@KK

ok - i agree with whatever you say, this poor woman has been murdered let's focus on the thread.

it's blazing hot over here, dreaming of cool breeze, tall glass of water [shy-one dripping with sweat]

Kandi

u really must "read for comprehension" - that's why I wouldn't give in and agree with you because I knew you were reading wrong.  I was posting "popular opinions" held by large groups of people.  which is another thread. that is why as you saw that regardless to how upset you kept getting, u saw i didn't get upset with u, because it was clear to me that u were misreading and taking offense where none was intended.

so you are excused.

i also mentioned aa's ---- not just africans ------ another oversight on your part as well.

anyway, let's move forward, shall we

quote by chijam - Today at 03:45:34 PM »

[s]yorubas are bastard, murderer, ritualistic, tribalistic you can ever imagine[/s].

- close your filthy mouth

[quote author=last_apostle link=topic=647069.msg8188104#msg8188104 date=1303561072]let me assume the poster is my ex-date and she called me to intimate me that i have ignorantly contributed to my present predicament. the poster is not known to me but i believe that since my ex date is in lagos now,she must have influence this post through a faceless nairalander. initially when i read the post,everything looks so real to my circumstances until the poster begin to say things not in place as akind my experiences, lets assume the poster is my troublesome ex date and deals with the issue in a defensive posture. i stays in port harcourt and believe this post originated from lagos the present abode of this unrepentant woman wolf. i begin to go through all the posts again when she called me and was fascinated by the out pouring of emotions expressed by concern contributors. i equally envisage the mind sets of all contributors and drew my contributions as thus,some are gifted in counselling,others manipulates their psychological prowess and mature presentation while others were emphatically naive to reality hence fueling animosity through their short sighted approach and over bearing tantrum of self delusions. basically,i never intend to join issues with her not in public save save electronic medium but this the jet age hence this re-joiner in the nairaland forum to put the record straight as requested by concern contributors.
this topic attracted so much elucidated sentiments i have to tell the honest truth so everyone would have positive mindset rather than myopic and unfounded sentiments. i actually met the poster in late 2007 when she was on an industrial attachment and stays wit a cousin of hers and we became instantly attached. few month later,we started seeing and i was there for her measuring in every respect.i never douths her love now i know it was infatuation built on fantasy. she later had an unending issue with her cousin and i accepted to accommodate her to enable her complete her pro grammes,sooner she moves in,she started making troubles,nag and becomes quarrelsome.initially,i thought it was education stress but i was wrong as she became violent and shout at me at any opportunity. it gradually developed into assaults she locked me behind closed doors and gives me the beating of my life. somethings she tore me to shred and after beating the day light in me invite my friends over for mock feast.too bad. she reign curses and abuse on me including my families and disgraces me in the neighborhood. people begin to treat me with disdain and disrespect and i always moves in shame.there is this day it became unbearable and i slapped her cos she say am an insignificant brat to talk to her. that she must not listen to me but men of high repute like her professor this,professor that and her co travelers in the pharmacy discipline. she is too proud,pompous and lack dignity.she is worse than a LovePeddler.she slap me back after that incident and we really had issues. i then decided never to touch her again but instead of stopping,it graduated to her battering me. shes slaps me at any provocation,always daring and confrontational and never yielding. she is stubborn,hot tempered,short and really irritating in character and disposition. i stop sleeping with her when she accused me of infecting her with the deadly virus HIV even at a busy street she held me and was shouting i gave her the dreaded disease. after proper test it was found untrue and she never ever apologies. whenever i scold her or say something,she slap my mouth or ask me to shut up. sometime i just slap back to remind her she must nt touch me. in all this circumstances,i do always come out brushed,bitten and molested. sometime she confront me with dangerous objects like kitchen knives,bottles,any thing in sight dangerous. she always destroy my properties in her outrages. she is nt contended and see men all the times. if i confront her,she always tell me the are his friends nothing more yet the take her outing,buy her gifts,including blackberry and i pod. she lies alot and wot makes me finally drove her is she lied to me she was going to her school over a particular weekend only for one of her male client to flow her to abuja and bleeped her severally and parcel and sent her back to me. when i confronted her,she lied she went to process a visa in a weekend day in abuja. i guess that was a Satan embassy. she lie,lies and lied alot. in all of this,i have never ever bruised her. never have i slapped her twice,never. all those allegation was a smokescreen to give the post coloration and credibility. in all honesty,am the one who always comes out of this disturbances, bruised and battered. once i nearly lost my manhood,she bites a lot and would not stop until she inflict bruises on me seeing blood all over me. upon all this,i still see her through her education,kept her in my house,protect,feed and properly take care of her yet she is insatiable and runs after rich men. only of his client facilitated my arrest and detaining in a police cell because i went asking for my house keys. such is the lifestyle and pathetic sorry of this tormentor. finally,i never beg her,only ask her to stop her violence as it contradict my lifestyle. am a reserved guy and an introvert. i do not need trouble[/quote]my apologies to you if i said anything amiss, u are correct her story is one-sided. i hope all is well with you and you have been able to put this behind you (both of you). you have been able to meet someone else who treats you well and allows you to be yourself in an unharrassed, peaceful and loving environment. both you and she deserve peace and happiness. it is my wish for you that you find it.

dammytosh:
I AM SURPRISED WE MUST CHANGE EVERYTHING TO ETHNIC ISSUE TO DRIVE HOME A POINT. NO SANE PERSON FROM A SANE TRIBE WILL GENERALIZE THAT XYZ IS DONE BY A TRIBE AFTER SEEING IT HAPPEN WITH JUST 5 PEOPLE OUT OF OVER 15MILLION. SUCH STATISTIC IS NOT ONLY FLAWED BUT REFLECTS A FOOLISH ASSERTION FROM A LAZY MIND.

    THIS ACT IS BARBARIC AND SHOULD BE SEEN AS SUCH. THERE IS NOTHING THIS WOMAN WOULD HAVE DONE THAT WOULD WARRANT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.


  I ALSO WANT TO ADVISE LADIES WHO JUMP INTO MARRIAGE BECAUSE THEY ARE TIRED OF THEIR FATHER'S HOUSE OR THEY DON'T LIKE THE WAY THEIR SIBLINGS AND PARENT TALK TO THEM ALONE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MARRIAGE MEANS BEFORE VENTURING INTO IT.
 NOT EVERY GENTLE LOOKING BEAST THAT CAN BE YOUR FRIEND FOR A MONTH AFTER TAKING YOU TO SILVER BIRD CAN COPE WITH YOUR MADNESS FOR A LIFETIME. JUST THINK, THINK AND THINK.

MAY HER GENTLE SOUL REST IN PEACE. AMEN.

- MY OPINION

^^^^

thank you - i completely agree


i also agree with the female writer who said this was escalated from an argument over finances - a small argument that grew quite large and out of control.

Yes, I cry over him even now, I miss him oooooo

Jaybee

PLEASE ABEG - are you EVER going to do anything about 190? If you own a va-jay-jay - he comes running. Can you NOT STOP HIM?

you - but you'll take it the wrong way - i saw it on a movie and thought it fits this scenario quite well

anyway - just joking

you are odd, very, very odd

^^^^^

Strike him dead now God - strike him, strike him, STRIKE HIM DEAD.

Shy-One waits expectantly.

@ Poster

PLEASE COME AND GET YOUR HUSBAND.

He is running amock on other threads.

Rein him in abeg.

@ 190

I don't have my man right now and my mood is foul and shaky. My rock is gone and I stand alone.

I could laugh, cry or get upset quite easily as my foundation has cracks right now and you are taking advantange.

Stop approaching me in that manner. As I could implode on you.

This is the second time you've trailed me from the back.

You have "one more time little man" - ONE MORE TIME,

Get off my azz 190 - Get off my azz,

In all honesty - I don't think that any person in the relationship will feel "Un-Used"

We "use" each other - husband/wife and wife/husband

Boyfriend/Girlfriend - so when a relationship ends - both parties feel that they have been used to a certain degree

I could care less about feeling used - as I love giving - myself and whatever I have to my "extension of myself"

What bothers me more is the treatment you receive while together and during any separation(s)

Were you true, were you honest, were your motives pure, did you give your all and all to the relationship or did you misuse that person's trust in you?

You can separate and still "Treat Each Other Respectfully" so that the other person isn't crushed or "feeling abusively used and discarded"

I love this here - thank you so much.

Genius100:
OP, when are you women going to learn? Men are very simple. All we want is peace. I'm 100% sure he had warned you several times but you wouldn't stop with the nagging and complaints. I very much support the man's move 100%. Even the bible says it is better to dwell in the desert than with a nagging woman. Most men feel like they are about to lose it mentally with a constantly nagging and complaining woman. Nothing men do is good enough for them. Well OP, you've suceeded in chasing your man away. Congratulations. Hopefully, you have learned your lesson and your next man will not leave you over the same issue.

Shy-one,  Heaven helps those who help themselves. You can shout God all you want, but if you do not put in the time to solve the issues in your relationship, God won't help you. And if the man was just fundamentally wrong for you, then congratulations. But, if the situation is like the OP, you brought it on yourself.

Genius: You are indeed a Genius. You are right, every single word you typed is correct. Truth is truth whether I like it or not.

Shy-one appreciates your honesty. You didn't tear me down or put me down. You assessed the situation to the best of your ability and gave me a forthright, practical, honest response that was very helpful in nature. My situation is nothing like the OP's situation (I'm sorry to hear about hers having deteriorate to that level). I love him and I die inside thinking of not being with him. We are starting to talk as of today. I will put the time in to see how to strengthen our bond. I am very glad that the issue(s) have arisen in the early stages so we can do everything possible to put this behind us and continue forward.

He is a man of quality and very high intellect for that and so many other reasons I do respect, admire and adore him.

^^^

Thank you for your kind words.

The Truth is that "I don't want anybody else"  -   "I want him and only him"  - That's truth and I have no shame saying it.  He is the water in my rice.  I crave him completely.  His mind, body and soul.  His laugh, facial features, eyes, thoughts, enthusiasm.  Everything he currently is and is striving to be.

But I also am NOT on a level where "I can't live without him"

I will be content focusing on me, traveling, shopping, working out, seeing the world, reading.

Trust me - I can occupy myself with myself and completely enjoy it and my life.  Maybe 3 years from now I will start to get lonely.  Then maybe I will consider "trying again" with someone.

I am hoping that he and I will be able to work through this, but if not.  I will still enjoy the horizons, there is still that little girl in me that can find joy in any situation.

thank you for your loving remarks and encouragements.

dstiva99:
All,

As an update, my BF called me yesterday and left a message, as I was en route to another city I missed his call and he left a message saying: "Hi Babe, I just was calling to say hi.  I hope you are doing well, I will call you back later"  I was shocked that he sounded so casual after a week of not communicating to me at all.  Should I call him back today?  What should I say if I do?  Honestly, I still care about him but the lack of communication really hurt my feelings and I was starting to try to get over him.  Now just unsure.  Any advice would be much appreciated.

NO - DON'T CALL.  "After all I did for him" - you did alot already - he knows it and you know it.  But let me clue you baby girl.  You DID NOTHING.  As everything on the planet belongs to God and all God does is shift and move it around placing it in the laps of those who have shown themselves approved unto God.

So let go of "What you did for him and how good of a girlfriend you are" - kill that angle.  Because it will bury you if you don't.

Call him?  HELLLLLL TO THE NOOOOOO.  Why?

Go out and party. Go to the gym.  Bury yourself in work.  Your efforts have been massive on his part - he knows it.  IT'S HIS TURN NOW.  If he wants you, let him be the MAN and step to you.  Get your mind off of him and what is, was, wasn't between the two of you.

If you were that good of a girlfriend, trust me he won't want you to get away and/or been seen in the arms of another.

Get busy.  Don't play games with him and don't allow him to play games with you.  He better man up if he wants you.  Games are for kids.  To get your man, You need to be a woman, not a girl.  Stay quiet, say nothing to him.  Everything has already been said that is to be said.  Action is needed at this point.

Let him be the man.  If he wants you, let him tell you and you be the woman and tell him the same.  Any hint of game playing from here forward.  Dump his backside and don't look back.  This is your life.

He should move to the U.S.

WOMEN LOVE THEM BALD - everywhere you look - muscular, bald men - black and white

I LOVE BALD MEN.

Tell him to shave himself bald and keep it like that every 2 days - reshave.

Some of the sexiest men on the planet are bald men. Oooo I get chills just thinking about a bald head on a man.

2buff:
^^ ShyOne, always had a soft spot for u on here, but your stories are getting a bit dynamic . . .

I thought u were saying earlier that you were about to marry. 

sorry, didn't mean to be dynamic.  i just ran across something very unexpected 2 days ago that stopped me in my tracks, i too thought it was quite dynamic.

will always love him, can no longer commit at least not for a while, will wait to see if we can get through this one, still want him but not at ANY COST.

so will focus on work for the rest of 2011. thank you for your "soft spot"

but completely encourage everyone else to  keep looking for your "ideal Nigerian man/woman"

officially "off the market" - turning gaze towards business and business only for a while

might start dating again 2012

^^^^

I didn't stick my dik in another woman - her husband did. My guy didn't leave me - I left him.

God has NOTHING TO DO WITH EVIL - In my post, I referred to God loving her.

Contact her husband and tell her husband what you just threw in my face.

Get behind me DEVIL.