₦airaland Forum

Ivynwa:
@Shy-one
Nne sorry to hear about the death of your first husband. It must be hurting bad. Accept my sympathy. If possible drop me any casual e-mail address of yours at ivorybt@yahoo.com. I want to drop a one liner for you there, something that may be useful.

thank you - ok


I sent you mail

sexkillz:
He thinking you haf bribes the Op to helpin u to be wins the elecsion. and i telling him no no that he is lie, that shy one nefa bribin the Op. . . Nefa!

whattt?? of course not - we don't know each other - I like your "Nefa"

@ Ivynwa - ok - i will - later today - is that alright? If you are in Lagos - you are 5 hours difference from me

@ Chief - thank you - i really hope you are right

@ Rich - you are right

i don't want to derail - not fair to OP - i've been trying to be more aware as i am guilty of that quite a bit

i just wanted to give you an honest answer to your question

i don't want to open a thread about this because - i am praying deeply on this and i am communicating frequently with him, who i love soo deeply -i fear that if i listen to too many voices - i won't hear God's voice or the voice of who is already a huge part of my life - that is my man, his voice.

i completely owe it to him to be true to him and to be supportive of us - when you start listening to too many people on something this serious before you marry - you will during the marriage constantly listen to others as well which bodes ill for a harmonious home.

so he has agreed - we have talked and he is giving me time to heal - but he is also looking at the fact (in his mind) that i will never heal and he is rethinking now if "he should wait for me or not"

there is another woman in the States who is chasing him and it is killing me  - very painful - i know she is chasing him because i see her throwing herself at him on his FB page

Shy-One was devastated to see this, though he has sworn to me that nothing will ever occur with her because he has no interest in her at all.  But I was crushed to my soul to see this.

It was my understanding that we would wait some more months before we married.  But he has lost faith in me and I don't want to lose him because I love him so much.  I don't want to lose him.  There is no-one like him - he is unique and special and I adore him.

But I just needed some time to mend, it doesn't change how deeply I love this man.  I am his rib and I know that with every fiber in my being.

I just still need to make sure that there is some time - that I take to focus on me for a while. I have never been selfish, but it is necessary for my future happiness and our future happiness together that I take this time for a while.

@ Rich

It's ok - I am not embarrassed to answer your question.

ummmm - ok - this is the problem

He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but i think i got afraid as the date kept getting closer and closer, i became afraid, i ummm, well he moves too fast for me.

i love him,  but i need to slow it down.  we just met only 14-15 months ago (a little over a year ago) and so much we have done together right away and i just didn't follow through and he put everything into me, into us and i backed out.   

my husband died nov. 2009, i met my guy march 2010, we had arranged our marriage november 2010 - he made all of the arrangements, ALL OF THEM, he even picked the date, location for wedding, honeymoon, guest list (everything), we were to be married in Lagos, he also was paying for everything - and the closer it got to that date - i started hyperventilating and getting afraid, everything just mentally hit me and i kept rescheduling and he got upset and devastated and he started pulling away from me, pulling back from me emotionally detaching from me-----because of my indecisiveness.

so really I AM THE PROBLEM --- i just didn't realize that this would hit me like it did.  my love for him knows no bounds, i know that he is the one for me.  i just needed to heal first from the loss before moving on. 

men - alot of times i notice will put pressure and rush things and such - it seems to be in their nature.  i just need love right now from him to heal first versus being his wife right away and i need him to understand and give me his patience - because in this area i am weak and he has the strength here.

ok so what did i do wrong?

@ Poster

I love you post - I agree - I too am in this category as well.

I also agree very much Iice thought process ---- I just want to be with someone whose issues are similiar to my own.

[flash=200,200]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGQ6VwUcxok[/flash]

Rokiatu:

I love that thread - lots and lots of songs

thank u

@ Rich

ok

@ Poster - You sound like a lovely person and Shy-One hates the thought of hurting you with words, so I will not say it, I will let these 2 say it for me:

arramyjay:
Forget him,surprises me that u have to come on NL to ask what to do.

Sijo01:
@op, Move on gurl. d cow-ward cannot face u to let u know its over. just put urself 2gether & trust me, in no distance time u'll find a better person.

In America we say "Put Up or Shut Up" - very well known phrase

Meaning "put your money on the table or close your mouth"

@ Rich - I am not looking at who or how many she slept with - that is not for me to speak on - I didn't sleep with her, she isn't my woman - he slept with her

I was just "feeling her thought" - that's all

I am not giving him advice - I am telling him what I am sensing - he doesn't have to marry her

I think that he should still ask her to marry him - I think he will see a difference - if he cannot get over the fact that she slept with another man, he can call off the wedding.

But here's my thought - why has 2 years elapsed and he hasn't asked for her hand?  Why?  He asked and received her vjj and now he is upset that someone else got it too?

That's what I don't understand.  If he wants it for him and only him - and loves her so much that he is upset - then make her an honest woman by marrying her.

He has outlined in one of his posts that he didn't want to make a scene and he spoke with her alone - so he obviously knows etiquette and how it makes him look to others if he overreacts in public.

How do you think she "feels she looks to him and to herself" after giving away her virginity - As a young girl - how do you think she is feeling knowing that she is no longer a virgin and 2 years have passed - he is older than her and knows better.  What is she to him just a phuckmate?  Get inside of her head.  I bet $$$$ those thoughts are swirling around in there----and she is young as well?  She is REALLY INSECURE and wondering about her future.

@ poster

i feel that she has lost faith in "marriage" with you

you deflowered her, but didn't marry her and it is now 2 years gone by

Ask her to marry you and see if her behavior changes to being loyal to you

"I read this here your post" some days ago and withheld my tongue so your words could marinate in me

it is my firm belief that she wanted you as husband

she is now seeing her vjj as non-virgin and seeing herself as non-wife material to other men because you had her virginity

the more time passes the more it is becoming transparent to her "in her mind" that she will have problems marrying because of the taught "virgin wife" syndrome around her

"call me crazy" - but it appears that it is dawning on her more and more that her vjj is cash register opportunity - since husband in her young mind is "out of the question" because the deflowering didn't lead down the path that most girls are led to believe that it will lead to, which is the bridal alter

i believe that your answer lies in asking her to be your wife and being serious about it

that's my 2 cents - i could be wrong - but what harm is there in your taking that route?

you sound very angry and upset - which tells me that you love this girl - what do you have to lose by asking for her hand in marriage to her family and to her?

every SINGLE TIME he says "baby" - i melt, just melt

his voice soooo deep.  i love deep voices - but his even moreso

his laugh, his kisses in my ear

he says "i love you" - makes me love him that much more

even when i am mad at him - as soon as he says "baby" - all anger disappears inside of me

gosh, how am i going to get over this guy?   wow

help me Lord.

CrazyMan:
If she loves her first guy so much that she doesn't want to leave him; then why should she see someone else? Incase she doesn't know, she's already 29, and at that age she should be sensible enough to make a wish choice in life.

Tell her to cling unto her first lover if at all she doesn't want to have any regrets.

^^^^ completely agree.

Orikinla:
My dear, I have no apologies for calling you an expendable , because I will call a spade a spade.
And I will not flatter you.


No apologies my dear, you are an expendable  

She was faithful and was happy with me, but it was an ordeal tolerating her ignorance in conversation and her fake accent in her attempt to impress guys. She could not comprehend the raison d'être of my cause and work. All that mattered to her was having a good time. So, going out with her was really a waste of quality time, except you are one of them.  After making love twice, I ended the relationship, because there was nothing she could offer me intellectually.  She turned nasty when I ended it months ago. But weeks later she breezed into my office all made up to impress me.
She was swinging her long weave on like Willow Smith in her debut music video, "Whip My Hair", but this typical Nigerian hottie  comes with a lower  IQ than the 9-year-old daughter of  Hollywood superstars Will Smith and Jada Pinket Smith.  She is the typical Nigerian wannabe with all the airs and graces.  My associate , a notable filmmaker and writer was with me and said he thought she was the character like Kenya Moore in my short romantic pulp fiction The Thing Around Your Waist.   

She is just one of the hordes of an intellectually bankrupt generation who are contributing little or nothing to the collective intelligence of the black race, except engaging in their philistinism. 

Of course, majority of them are liabilities we call flotsam and jetsam in the ocean of life. 
They are all expendables in the black comedy of Nigeria.

Is it not pathetic that majority of Nigerian girls display and portray themselves as sex objects in order to get laid to get paid in cash or kind. They are spongers posing and posturing as girlfriends and “wives”., but heaven knows they are not better than LovePeddlers. Almost every one of them sponges on one man or another and their greatest ambition is to hook a rich guy to fool for life and desperately they will do whatever they can to achieve it. But ask them what have they done to make a positive impact in life?
No wonder millions of them are jobless and milling about on the street.
Many of them get jobs, but they still go moonlighting at clubs where pimps get them unscrupulous men for part time prostitution.   

Of course, there are the special breed of brilliant, intelligent and smart Nigerian girls and women who are ambitious to pursue and fulfill the Nigerian Dream. But they are a minority, like gems in a rubbish dump. And when you discover or come across them, they are the best companions at home and at work. Like the one I call "Total Package", because she is black, beautiful and brilliant. And when she shares her dreams, you cannot help but give thanks to God and ask for more of such blessings in our life. With more like them, more Nigerian bachelors will no longer be looking far for brides of substance.  But we have to separate the sheep from the goats.

My dear, is it not tragic that the best assets you can offer are just your mammary glands and womanliness, without any i[b]ntellectual property upstairs[/b]?
It is a waste of quality time dating you, and it is more beneficial reading a good book than forking you.

wowwww,  u are beautiful - i love this what you said in bold - your thought process - your words,

i will not comment on the topic - because i am ignorant on such as I am not in Nigeria

but your posts and your words are like songs, they lift the imagination and are poetry in the air,


thank you for sharing with us.

yes imagine is correct

when I say that these men in U.S. have no problems AT ALL dating single mothers, obese women,  divorced women, widowed women, women with a few children or many children.  They date who "you are as a person."

I KNEW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.  Alot of writers didn't believe me.

A picture is worth a thousand words, thank goodness media documents everything.  Cameras erase the "he say/she say" - now you can see it for yourself.

@ Tpia

That is Puff Daddy aka Pdiddy aka Sean Combs - in the picture.

yes, yes, yes and yes

i definitely believe in Love

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https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-707034.0.html

OK

My mind is made up - I am going to remain single for a while. It is now official.

Shy-one isn't going to cry or miss him anymore. I am moving on. My tears are dried up and actually, I am getting excited and happy to be looking for "Single Pastures"

Again, thanks for the thread and the encouragement.

This is very good.

Very few men like you actually exist. You are sweet, intelligent, hardworking. You will find who you want in time. Focus on finishing school. You've waited this long, don't just jump up and be with her. Hold to your convictions.

You must be honest with her. Being nice, agreeable, etc. will land you into a relationship that is mediocre at best and isn't the payoff you are looking to receive after "looking for the one" and holding yourself to higher standards.

Just tell her. There's no getting around it, as she sounds quite persistent.

oooooo - i love this thread you guys

i love this

thank you for opening and contributing

i am considering very seriously to just be single as well

i remember being single and it was sooo good - to do what i want to do - just focus on me for a while - i love this - it is so good to hear others say the same

happy 4th of july everybody

what is kontolo?

^^^^^

do not call me baby

i am not interested in you and i want you to face front and stop it!

all u and i can ever be is "just friendly" to each other

you are not the type of guy that i would ever consider on any level - we have nothing in common on a romantic level - so get that into your head and stop yourself