₦airaland Forum

@ poster

I'm AA in the U.S.

I have had African friends from different areas of Africa and many different tribes.  I HAVE NEVER, EVER seen anything like what you are posting, ever.  And I am not trying to take a stand against Africans or AA's - I'm just stating what I have seen in 16 different states in this country.

I don't believe you.  I'm sorry - I'm not trying to turn against you my fellow patriot - but you are - I hate to say this, but you are lying.  And if you aren't lying you have met very few African women - because I have never seen that with the wealthy African women or the poor African women that live here in the U.S.

I have a very close family member in the Washington D.C. area who attends college there and I am going to ask him about this so-called "bad reputation that African women are suppose to have as being easy"  - because I absolutely don't believe you - I don't - I hope I am not offending you - but your even creating such a thread like this - makes you look very suspect - are you who you say you are?  Or do you have more than one identity and you are trying to instigate and just start illogical trouble?

Or are you hurting because of the different posts on the "tribalism section that are inaccurate and self-promoting towards different groups?" and that has influenced you to present this topic that you have created from fiction but are attempting to present as though it is fact? 

If that is what you are doing - it isn't going to do anything but push the canyon of differences wider between the different ethnic groups.  Each group will continue to hold onto "stereotypes" of small groups within each ethnicity and then walk around ignorantly proclaiming that those stereotypes are representative of the different individual ethnic groups as a whole.

If you want to thrive and get your blessings spiritually, financially, academically, socially, personally and in all other ways.

In all sincerity - I strongly suggest that you "walk your words back." Why don't you initiate the start of the change you want to see.

Don't hate, cooperate.

@ livedit

I completely agree with your comments to the poster.

In your comments to me - thank you very much.  I agree with you 100% as well.

FYI:  If you noticed my first numbered bullet that I listed was 1) God

Both my mate and I prayed for a number of weeks/months asking God to "select/send" who he wants us to have to each other.  We did that prior to meeting each other.  But I didn't mention that in my post as that wasn't the topic of the post.

God blessed us and the trickle down effect of that blessing has been produced in many areas in both of our lives - which were the examples that I gave to those that really only know what they can see, feel, touch, taste and smell.

"The book" was getting too long for me to continue to go into additional detail as you have listed - but TRUST ME - my base is GOD - hence the "happy, happy, happy."  True happiness can only be derived from the creator.

Now I am officially OFF NL. I have mountains of projects for 2011 and need to seriously focus. Cheers to all

190:
[color=deeppink]OO-eee,

Another essay!!

Please pass me the chewing stick when you're done,
Ivynawa, eve, my babie darkskin and brownjay, Shy-one are really good at Long essay's [/color]

hahahahaha

I am sooo sorry - @ mygoldie and 190

forgive - I promise to cut it out.

I am done with long and wordy - my bad

guys if I start - say something ok? help me cut it short

I am always open to constructive criticism to improve on my shortcomings

[quote author=Jenifa_ link=topic=578201.msg7462972#msg7462972 date=1294181621]OP took out a loan? 
hmmm. . .  I guess all we can do is sit and watch. OP seem to have her mind made up. she's an adult in her 50s afterall. she should know what she's doing.

I wish her goodluck. I hope she comes in a few mths time or even year(s) to tell us her story.

shy-one,
i'm sorry that your relationships were based on money. but that doesn't apply to everyone.
some are based on sex, lust, infatuation, mutual trust and understanding, friendship, lies and deceit (ex. internet scam) reasons are endless. No one in this world can be satisfied with a one sided love  (ie knowing that your partner only wants your money and do not care an ounce for you like you do for him) unless they are extremely desperate or have 0 self esteem.
i will assume that your idea is based on your experience?

my fear for the OP judging from her post pattern is that she may be naive and not know fully well the extent of what she's getting herself into. You on the other hand, i think are a seasoned and experienced woman in this issue. You seem to be ok with the idea of a man wanting you for money. not saying this is wrong. but the OP may not know this and she may believe that her husband truly loves her. the chance of this is low. it is possible but very low (judging by similar cases) which is why she needs to be warned.[/quote]Who ever you are - don't waste your time feeling sorry for me - as I am happy, happy, happy.  My relationship is one full of 1) God, 2) Love, 3) Family, 4) Business, 5) Money

I am truly blessed - But I see that you derive pleasure out of expending effort(s) to twist my words - I'm not sure why - but my experience with people such as "yourself a talker vs a life walker" - you appear and project yourself as having very little life of your own that is satisfying and fulfilling.

Let's be honest - "you don't fear for anybody, let alone the OP" - you don't even know the OP - you are beyond passionate in your posts - which leads me to wonder "who has hurt you?"  Is this hitting too close to home - you are still going on and on and on about it.

The OP is my senior so if anyone has experience - it should be her.

Since you have warned her - why can't you let it go?  Now I am REALLY CONVINCED that you completely wrong with your "Speculation of Her - as you have now proved without a shadow of a doubt that you are definitely wrong with your Speculation of Me."

I don't date unemployed men or one who isn't walking into my video who doesn't either own his own airplane, business, lands and/or one who isn't a responsible leader in his community and isn't financially capable and isn't educated enough to handle me and my lifestyle.  When a man walks into my world - you can believe that I provide the same back to him as much as I possibly can provide.  My man is more educated than I am and is wealthier than I am financially and he has a very serious relationship to God - as do I - I have to have a mate that I can look up to and who has more than I have in [all areas of life] - who can counsel me and provide for me and I in turn provide for him.  EVENLY YOKED.

So whoever you are - you know not what you speak.  I marvel at people like you and wonder how and from where you just pop up and start yammering as though you are some sort of "sage" - but the above text that you wrote - makes me wonder where people of your sort start out and what have you to gain with what misinformation and venom you seem to enjoy to spew?

Surprisingly, Prior to  your "using me as your example" - I was trying to understand the point of view you have so forcefully projected but after reading all of the misinformation you fabricated about me - someone you know "nothing about" - It is sooo obvious that you are desperate to push your agenda that you will stop at nothing to make your point by even going as far as lying on a complete stranger.

So my buying into anything you say from this point forward will never happen.  You don't even maintain a sense of integrity in your fallacy as you have even departed from the use of intellect as unbeknowst to yourself and your projected fabrications - there are others that know me personally who read NL and can say w/o doubt that you my dear are a "liar," and know not what you say especially about me and my mate.

All in all and unfortunately, I now see you for a "buffoon of sorts," for you create presentations from fiction.  Good Grief - someone hurt you to your core and/or hurt someone very close to you.  For you to use such desperate measures.

If you want a crowd to buy into your "sales pitch," and see you as "believeable" and "worth listening to" or as some type of "authority" in any given area - start with admitting at some point that you "don't know everything" and stop "lying and piecing fiction together in an attempt to create fact - you don't know what you speak and all I can do is look at you for the 'coconut' you are.

[quote author=Jenifa_ link=topic=578201.msg7461960#msg7461960 date=1294170558]If you listen to Shy-one's advice, you will realize that looking at your relationship as one based on "love" will hurt you in the future. Instead, see it as a give and take relationship. You give him financial opportunity etc and he gives you sex and company etc. And don't forget to accept it if and when he decides to leave you. You bargained for it.[/quote]Please don't break my words down to "your understanding to what you thought I meant."

My words speak for themselves - you don't need to re-quote them and add to them and reconstruct their meaning as you have gotten it totally wrong and then you attached "my name" to the above misrepresentation.

First of all the poster is "non traditional."

Why would anyone give her "Traditional Advice?"

She isn't 20, a virgin, living in Nigeria, never been married.

This woman has been through different relationship is at the beginning of her 5th decade on this planet and is on NL asking for advice about a 37 year old African male.  And she obviously doesn't want hear what you are saying.  You are on the same thread as I am - I know you have got to be reading her answers to you when you post.

She doesn't want to hear it.

I am giving her practical advice.  First of all she "will love" - that is what she is doing and it is what she is going to continue to do.  She has taken out a loan already - she ran and did that - so obviously your words meant very little.

It seems as though you are unaware that all relationships are built on love and money.  Her lover has a child that he is caring for.  He is mature and so is she.  Why are assuming that he is a scammer?  Why are you assuming that?  She needs to take what she can get from him and give what isn't going to hurt her to give to him.  That's ALL RELATIONSHIPS including your own.  But because she is 52 and he is 37 your are automatically thinking that he is scamming her and that she is his victim and not a real lover.  That just isn't an option to you.  Is it?  That is COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE that the relationship could be very legit.

I advised her to keep God in sight at all times as God is her protector - you glossed over that part too huh?

Instead, my words, you chalked up to being advice that was given so she could be used.

@ Poster - do what makes you happy, be cautious, Keep God First, Make sure he is giving to you and you are giving to him as well.  That makes a relationship - regardless of whether he is 16 and you are 14 or he is 80 and you are 65 or he is 37 and you are 52.

Enjoy your mate.  You know the difference between right and wrong.  You weren't born yesterday so you should be able to smell "unethical behavior" as its stench precedes each and every time.  Don't be anybody's fool and don't allow others opinions to sway your decisions.  My question is - have you asked God - what did he say?  That's whose word matters and that's who sees, knows and can counsel all.

What illness do you suffer from?  Why are you so angry?

I love owning my own business - I am very good at it.

I am not arrogant.

I am pragmatic - very practical.

Any English Speaking Country that the Poster visits with a wife - it would behoove him and her to be able to communicate in the native language both verbal and written - EVEN ONE WITHOUT MUCH EDUCATION WOULD AGREE

As far as your little statement you put together without much thought:
"Those who can, do,  and Those who can't teach/proof/read"

Is laughable at best - aren't you still in school?  Tell that to your professor - the teacher - by the looks and sounds of it - they have a long way to go with you and your studies - your social skills, your communication skills, your reasoning skills and your debate skills are in need of "serious work."

I like Science - I am very proud of you - "that's the maturity in me that can commend you on a job well done." - I am not blinded by rage and anger and bitterness inside as you seem to be - it seems so consuming for you.  Tell me what can I do to help you appease that as it will be your downfall.

You should be able to converse, dialogue without this amount of pent-up rage over comments and thought processes.  You lash out so forcefully - show us that "scientist" stop tearing down.  You should have clearly seen where I was going in my post which is to encourage in others "what you, yourself own - you read and write in English and are working on a Doctoral Degree" - what angered you sooo much when I stated the obvious that this person doing 'what you also do' would be of help in a marriage to both him, her and their children?

You latched on and ran full speed like an Olympian, flames coming off your feet - you were so quick to jump down my throat because I said to offer her an opportunity and to not marry her if she drags her feet.  He values education, why wouldn't he want to have someone with the basics?  Why is it that my opinion didn't have you quiet and moving on to another thread?  I gave you your opinion?

Are you not aware that there are a billion differing opinions out there today?  Are you going to attack everyone who thinks differently?  You will be an old man if you live that long - if the ulcers and boils and cancers don't kill you first from the upset you put yourself through when you hear and see things that aren't in-line with your own thinking.

I am coming to Nigeria soon - I cannot speak my bf's language - but guess what - I am not going to wear him out trying to interpret every single thing for me.  They speak 2 languages in his home.  I am already learning on my own - because I love him. 

Also, you are wrong I already enough French and Spanish to get around and a little German.  You assume wrong and then you run with it.  When I advise on NL - it is because I am putting that same advice in my own life as well.  I know what helps me in my business, I know what helps me expand my own happiness and those around me.

Stop putting words in my mouth,
"Why dont you shed your toga of arrogance for once. Bigger things do not necessarily mean travelling to America, the OP and his wife could achieve greatness without leaving the shores of Nigeria. Again, you seem ignorant about Nigeria and it would do you a lot of good if you limited your opinion to things pertaining to American."

I said and I quote, "fStranger6 is making alot of assumptions - as though your girlfriend/future wife won't ever be in the position to leave Nigeria." 

Leaving Nigeria - could mean London to visit or any English Speaking Country.  That is what I said - and instead you went for the "American Jugular."  Because you have been persecuted in America and in turn you are NOW the persecutor on NL of anything American. 

"Please Get a Grip on Yourself."

Also - qualities of "marketing" yourself for "optimal opportunities." Isn't "region specific."

The Poster could buy land in Nigeria and Have leases that need to be signed, monies collected for rents and his wife one day might be in the position to assist him in his absence - Those leases might be written in English for Foreign Renters - That's just an example of the millions of different reasons that her reading and writing English could be beneficial to him.

Anyway - I need to go back to work - I do have a business to run.  I see that you are "unwilling" to see a different point as your motives and driving factors aren't where they should be with this conversation.  I am clearly looking at the Poster's question and seeing it from that point of view.  You have dredged up a whole "history of this and that and the other." 

You are fighting a lot of anger as well.  I just don't know.

But I still stand firm - My sons, daughters - should be able to Read, Write and Speak English and any other tongue of the country where we live and definitely my spouse.  As it is beneficial to survival and progressive movement.  I don't have the energy or patience to train someone in basics - especially if I am giving them a product [myself] that I have worked my fingers to the bone on many different levels to perfect.

If I have put myself through school - having a spouse that cannot read and write in BOTH LANGUAGES that I speak - English/Yoruba, etc. For me, it isn't an option - It is understandable years ago - but not today.

If I am bringing something to the table - I want something similar on the table waiting on me when I get there.

fstranger6:
Again, Education does not make a person.
You have to put this into context
The OP is talking about her inability to write in English language, that does not make her inferior or substandard to those that can
In Nigeria, we have our own language, and many an individuals, who are illiterate with respect to the English language, are actually literate in their local languages. Mikhail Gorbachev can neither read nor write in English, and despite that, he went on to become the president of his country and a famous world leader.

My point is that as long as she is functional in Nigeria, the OP should cares less about her ability or lack there of to write in the Queen's language.

You seem to have a narrow POV, looknig at everything from your 'vantage' point as an American. I, as well as Inked, have seen the two sides and we understand more than anything that it is no big deal. And her inability to write in English language should not be counted against her, and definitely she should not be jugded by that as well. Even the White people that own the language do not take a stand as rigid as yours.

It reminds me of my undergrad days. There was this grad student from Taiwan who could barely speak the English language, reads scientific articles with a dictionary by his side. I had a personal conversation with his preceptor, because i needed him to write me a reference letter, and he confided in me that despite his inability to speak English, he still regarded him highly , far and above, a lot of Americans who speak impeccable English. What matters, i was made to understand, is his attitude and willingness to work hard

What am i getting at: English language is not Nigeria;s language. There are two lingua francas in Nigeria, French and English language, not to talk of the more than 200 local languages spoken in the country. As long as she lives in Nigeria, her ability to write in English language is a moot case. It says nothing about her worth and it says nothing about her drive, and obviously it says nothing about are eligibility for marriage.

In my household, we dont speak English, and as matter of fact, it is somewhat forbidden, yet we all are very educated. When I am ready for marriage, communication would prolly be strictly in my local language and why should i care if she ( my wife) speaks or is able to write in English language.

your inability to put in into context in worrisome, somehow you expect every one to speak English and anyone not showing interest in English language is somehow inferior and damaged.    .   .  I find your line of reasoning very primitive and ridiculous.

Actually many of the assumptions and narrow-minded thinking is coming from you DIRECTED AT ME - this is what I haven't said and don't believe AT ALL:

anyone not showing interest in English language is somehow inferior and damaged

To be educated and to not see what I am conveying and to "judge me" makes me disbelieve that you are a "Doctoral Student"
[list]
[li]I find your line of reasoning very primitive[/li]
[li]I find your line of reasoning ridiculous[/li]
[/list]

Also - who is to say that she will live in Nigeria for the rest of her life?  You are a "doctoral student" and you can't think any more in advance than to write what you just wrote?  And you are advising a man with a Masters Degree from an emotional point of view as you are quite charged and you are using your own personal household and members there of?

You State that: "As long as she lives in Nigeria, her ability to write in English language is a moot case"

Just because people don't speak English in your home and there is no need to speak English in your home - the poster should be content with that?

Also you bring in Inked - she is woman who speaks, reads and writes English and has a professional position working with and among people who do the same.

Not only do You, yourself speak English - but you read and write English too.  So who is the real hypocrite here?  Your English reading, writing and speaking skills speak louder than your words 'she don't need to read and write English.'  You are a contradiction from the gate and to top it off - you boast that you are in the Doctoral Program - a program that encourages/demands that you be able to read and write English on an even more ADVANCED LEVEL.  THAT IS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE READING AND WRITING ENGLISH - Here's a Question - Tell me, should I laugh now or later?  You say one thing and do another and then tell everybody on NL.

Why are you angry with me?  Your anger is misplaced.  Again, this isn't about the British, Anything UnAfrican or African - this is about men and women placing themselves as "marketable" in today's society for the benefit of themself, their spouse and their future children.

She NEEDS TO LEARN TO READ AND WRITE - that will assist her TREMENDOUSLY WHERE-EVER she is - Nigeria or the U.S. or London or anywhere.

And you know what I said is true - you just dont' want to agree with me because I was the one to say it.  That's all.  I understand and I'm not upset with you - you haven't gotten there yet - you have a lot of anger going on and I am sorry to have triggered whatever I triggered in you because it wasn't meant for you - my words were meant for the poster so he could weigh all of the different view points.

I was NOT trying to get into a bashing affair with a stranger called fstranger6.

Hint - Mikhael Gorbachev had translaters, cabinets, teams of people and fat bank accounts - does the Posters gf have the same?  If so, THEN she doesn't HAVE TO do the work herself - she can keep hiding and allow others to do for her what Mikhael's translators do for him.

In the same vein, though I am AA, I am not Beyonce, I don't have her money or singing ability and I would never compare myself to her in a debate or argument as you have compared Mikhael to the poster's girlfriend.

I am a commoner - the poster's gf is a commoner - we are regular people that have to work harder, reach higher, "do our own agendas" - the more we know fashions us for the more we can do.

You can defend and ignore all you want and come up this and that.  I stand firm - she will go farther, be happier, be more fulfilled, if she can "read and write."

Nigeria is more and more becoming an investment for many countries - Reading and Writing will serve her VERY WELL more so than her not being able to "READ AND WRITE."  She will be able to converse with more people, create more deals because she will be fully bi-lingual and can be of HUGE BENEFIT for her future husband, those in her family that cannot read and write and for her future children.

@ fstranger6

Also AA have very little luck, haven't you heard?   We have to work much harder than most to get the "little" that we have.

As far as thinking that I am better than most of the world - I only focus on my world.

For your information - I edit and proof Doctoral Thesis for Graduation for 4 different Universities in the Washington DC area of the U.S. and 2 different Universities in the New York area of the U.S.

So please don't compare your education to mine - we don't need to get into a "whose balls are bigger contest" ok?  So you might want to walk your words back.  I am not trying to intimidate nor threaten you or put anybody down.

I just know that with my education level - I could in no way marry someone who cannot read or write.  That's all.  I was answering the poster who is also educated - not trying to put down Nigerian people as you "jumped" to the conclusion.  Just being honest.

"Evenly Yoked" = a life with little crisis

If you marry someone who isn't similar and they don't "value" what you value - especially in the areas of the "basics" - that marriage is doomed from the outset.

Again - to the Poster - see if she is interested in obtaining her "basics."  Also, what are your plans for your future with your education?  Do you need a wife who might be a public speaker or who might travel with you to other countries?  If so, she needs to read and write.  Will you be able to proudly introduce her in your circles?  Do you plan on staying in Nigeria for the rest of your life?  If you move to another country will her ability to read and write hinder her, you and your future children

@ poster - In order to defend his position - fStranger6 is making alot of assumptions - as though your girlfriend/future wife won't ever be in the position to leave Nigeria - you are an educated man and you sound as if you are positioning yourself for "bigger things in life"  which means that his assumption could very well be wrong - you might travel with her outside of Nigeria - if you do - she will be in for a very RUDE AWAKENING.

Things are things you need to think about and hopefully all of the posts that you have read will assist you.

I wish you a great day.

fstranger6:
^^^^
SHE IS IN NIGERIA, NOT IN THE US

STOP GENERALIZING!

Why should she want less or reach for less because she lives in Nigeria?

@

fstranger6:
I really do not know what to make of your drivel
To me you came across, for lack of better words, the typical lucky AA; a little education and you think you are as good as the rest of the world

Again, this is Nigeria. people's worth are not measured by their educational attainment.
My parents are both educated and i never needed them to help with my homework, and here I am about to finish my doctorate degree in the good 'ol USA. Despite coming from a disadvantaged background, I am more educated than you, who have lived in the US all your life, no offense.

My grandfather was a stark illiterate, yet my father was well educated, completed his MBA at the best university in Nigeria.
Again, interest in education/literacy level is not a good gauging tool of someones,s character, intellect or worth.

You cannot look at the world as black and white. Even if she does not show interest/willingness to learn how to write, it still should not be counted against her.
Again, this is Nigeria, I have seen countless situations like this and it absolutely means nothing .
About your fire analogy: Nigerian houses do not have signs like that, and even if there were, you dont need to know how to write for that, all you need is luck and common sense.

Again, even if she cant drive in the US, who cares, she is in Nigeria. And even that is a very stupit analogy: My uncle's wife is a stark illiterate, and yet, she lives in the US and drives fine, with no hassle.

Look, please for godsake, desist from commenting on issues like this, you make me sick honestly! Limit your input to the racism/tribalism section, you are better off in that department

I appreciate your interest in where I do or don't comment.  However, I don't recall asking you.

I'm not talking about Nigeria or what you have or haven't seen - I am talking about an educated man choosing a "life partner" and a mother for his "future children."  Also, this is NOT 1960 - this is 2011.  He can choose the "normal" or he can step his game up to choose one who shares his "thought process."

If you can get it off of African, African American, U.S., Nigeria - you will be able to think much clearer w/o whatever is rotting you from the inside and putting you on the attack towards me.

If we were talking about "cars" - in terms of quality, longevity, resale value, low maintenance - every man I know would want one that was well built, would hold their value, cost little to maintain.  They would want a car such as a Honda, Toyota, Mercedes, etc.

In that same vein - why would you marry a woman who cannot read in the year 2011?  Why would you continue breed a generation of illiterates?  When there are other choices?  It's that simple.  It isn't just about not being able to read - there is an attitude that goes along with it being "ok" to not being able to read, that millions of people use to support their activity of not being able to read.  "Well, everyone around me can't read so it's no big deal."

But I don't know, maybe the poster is ok with it.  But I don't think the poster is because the poster is on NL asking around as well.

@

Inked - ask your grandmother - I bet she wished she could read and write.  I have people in my family that also wished they could go further in school.

This isn't a put down - this is fact.

I am sure all people are wonderful - I am not commenting on their wonders.

The poster has a masters degree - in all respects - that person if they live in the U.S. - they have gone through 12 years of school prior to college and 4 years of undergraduate study and 2 -3 years of graduate study.

She can't read and write - they teach reading in 1st grade and in pre-school - 6 and 7 year old children - this Poster sounds like he is in his 20's or older.

There are many adults in the U.S. that cannot read and write and are in Night School today trying to learn - just as your grandmother wanted to learn - that must have been why you were teaching her.

My advice to the poster is to offer her the opportunity to read and write this is 2011 - Inked I'm sure your grandmother's generation - it was normal to and more acceptable to see people of that age group not reading and writing.  So obviously I am not speaking of your grandmother who is possibly 60-70 years of age?  I am talking about a young woman who has a man with a master's degree interested in her for marriage.

@ fstranger6

You like tangents - if you are furious - that's your problem not mine.

I don't care if I infuriate you - that's how I feel - why don't you marry her?  Make yourself feel better and her too while you are at it.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to 'better yourself.'  That isn't an "American" ideal.  Many of my friends from all parts of the globe want to better themselves and they have a hard life as well.

I have struggled and worked all of my life and the odds have been against me on so many different levels.  Stop speaking for her - you don't know - she just might want to learn to read and write.  

As far as common sense goes - when you can read and write, you can utilize your common sense even better as more methods of operation open up to you.

I suggest you use your common sense right now and get yourself under control.

fstranger6:
This is Nigeria, not America
A little compassion
Some one has to marry her
And she deserves to have a good life as well
The same situation happened to someone I know, an uncle to be precise

Life, especially in Nigeria is hard
She is not an exception, as a matter of fact she is the norm.
There are no safety nets, beyond your immediate family, like you have in America
In college, I had pell grants, even though i wasnt a citizen; in Nigeria, nothing like that.

So I think your advice is a little harsh, disrespectful, and unhelpful
Inked gave him the best advice possible
Education is not a fair way to gauge someone, not in Nigeria, may  be in America, but definitely not in Nigeria.

ohhh ok

thank you

no disrespect meant AT ALL

you are correct, I surely DO NOT KNOW

your taking your time to tell me - I am very grateful
I have just learned something thanks to you
------------------------------------
so said, let me rephrase, this is 2011

you can go into 2012, 2013, 2014 with the same statistics
you can marry someone who is illiterate and point at the surrounding population to offset your decision

or you can w/o emotion or judgment, marry someone who has lifted themself away from the surrounding population and educated themself to be able to 'at least' read and write

that decision and action and drive - will be passed from their hands to the hands of your offspring that you have together - because your future wife won't be content to remain illiterate like the surrounding populace

she will want to read and write and she will want your children to do the same and she won't allow the 'normal statistics' to be their future

that is the kind of woman you want - TRUST ME

Again, provide her with an opportunity to learn - if she runs towards it with eagerness - GET SERIOUS ABOUT HER FOR A FUTURE MARRIAGE

If she shows little interest - there are plenty of uneducated men out there who will marry her

You have a masters degree - which points out the interest you have in education

how do you require your children to go to school and your spouse can't even read and write?  Your children will look at you like a hypocrite - "dad you must be kidding, we have to go to school but mom can't read and write?"

don't marry her because she needs a husband, before she needed a husband, she first needs to feel the importance of being an active participant in her own destiny.  

If she were in a building that was on fire - she wouldn't be able to read the "exit" signs

How does she know what bathroom to use in a public facility that read "men" or "women" - unless it has the figurines posted?

She can't read a menu at a restaurant, she can't read a prayer in Sunday School, she can't drive in the U.S. because she can't train herself to pass the driver's test or realize what the signs on the side of the road mean.  She can't write a check to pay a bill in your absence [which might be a good thing - no pun intended].

But really, you know where I am going with this.  If she doesn't show interest move on - you will tire of her and it won't take too long because you are educated and you enjoy the rigorous, the challenging, and the interesting.  Her beauty will wane and fade and even quicker in your eyes once the newness of the relationship wears off.

She either learns to read or write or you need to move on.  You are educated - you have reached higher, you want more out of life - your relationship will last once you have a woman who wants more out of life as well.  If she doesn't more.  I would fondly, but politely, good - bye, bid her adieu.

I'm in the U.S. and I could grab right now today on any corner a very handsome, delightful, humorous, well-mannered uneducated, unemployed individual as well - but I know that I would be COMPLETELY miserable.

I don't know - I guess what I am trying to say and I don't feel like I am doing a very good job saying it - is that "for her to have lived to this point and she cannot read or write" why does that even exist?

Why hasn't she on her own done something about that?

Is there no one in her family [if her family could not afford to send her to school] that she could have persistently hounded who could have taught her?

A neighbor, a pastor?  Someone?

If a person wants something bad enough they get it, even if they have to steal it.

If I were you, I would present her with an opportunity to read and write and see how long it takes her to "jump on that opportunity" or watch to see if she drags her feet or gives excuses, etc.

That will tell you "why" she is still illiterate - if she drags her feet, don't make excuses for her - just look for another pretty face to replace her.

I wouldn't marry her

It is bigger than "she can't read or write"

There is an entirely new WORLD and THOUGHT PROCESS that she lacks - that would be a major turn off for me.  

IF she can't read or write - what can she teach to any offspring?  Why can't she read or write?  Is she a little girl or a woman?  If she is a woman - there are way bigger problems ahead that you can't see yet.

Date her longer before you marry - they will come to the light

You need to see more of her first. Does she have a learning disability that she will pass to your offspring?  Why can't she read or write?

How many people in her family can't read or write?  Are her siblings and parents illiterate as well?  These people will be grandparents and aunts and uncles to your children if she gives birth.

It isn't just that she can't read or write - it is that she is from a "lifestyle" of ignorance which means you expose yourself and your children to the backlash of that environment that she brings into "your home."

I don't know if you even understand what I mean - I am not trying to offend at all or put anyone down - but realize that for her to be an adult and she doesn't read or write - that is a "major problem."

However, I wish you luck and God speed in all that you choose for your life.

Cheat?

For what reason and why?

I cannot wait to dream about his d.ck - I have no interest in seeing, looking at, touching, tasting or feeling one attached to anyone but him.

Cheating would be a "turn off" not a "turn on" for me.

A 5 Bedroom Duplex @ Soluyi Gbagada

Price: 13m asking

Tittle: Receipt and Survey
--------------------------------

Do you have pictures of this one?

Do you have pictures? What is the asking price?

queensmith:
my queen!!! congrats! I wasnt banned i was just pissed! nl is full of scum!
so how was the honeymoon? 
platti's cool! shes doing her thang!

shyone excuse me dont take everything so personal im just saying i disagree with you sheesh!

I didnt ask for a sermon really, I was just wondering why you said she should hit the gym, and you still havent reallyy answered the question. Are you giving her a lifestyle lecture or giving her tips on how to have a happy marriage with a Nigerian man? because i am definitely confused!

I am suprised the same fingers you use to type about God is the same one you use to say - we all take advantage of each other? what is godly about that? lets leave God out of this and give me a more practical approach.

Also im sorry to say, nobody wants to be used, whether mutual or otherwise, neither do i think she should lead herself into a position where she is taken advantage of. And definitely not marry a man who can cause her harm. she doesnt have to part with it, for him to be able to take it from her. Especially if they are in their matrimonial home

You say your a woman but it sounds to me like this is a game to you??

I dont know what the giving is all about i didnt ask how you feel when you give to people??, how will she maintain happiness of sense of worth being with a man that is taking advantage of her and will leave her? where is the consistency?

ohhh ok

well - first let me thank you for "finally directing your comments 'to me' versus 'about me' to another."

my response was "matter of fact" it wasn't "personal" - so no emotion was attached

I am not in the pulpit - so I don't give sermons - I just give information and different "thought processes" so decisions made are more "informed" versus "from the hip with little thought expended"

regarding - the gym - at the age of 52, I am certain that the poster is aware of why I gave her that information - since the information was for her in response to her "opening this thread," - I owe you no clarification or need to take the time to expand your thought in that area as you were not the one asking the question - those that need to know now have the knowledge - if you didn't get it - then obviously you don't need to know

let me say it again with the same fingers I used to say it the first time "GOD uses ALL OF US" - that is why we are here on this earth.  You didn't get the memo?  Open your bible - it is packed with memos - many, many prophets are used by God to do his work.  Touch any page - then come back on NL and tell me about who "uses who."

Jonah tried to avoid God and found himself in the "belly of the whale."

Anyway - "you are used only when you allow yourself that position" - so saying that "no-one" wants to be used is a lie.

I know hundreds of women that love "being used" - and wouldn't have it any other way.  I have told too many of them to sit down, rest, don't do this, don't do that.  They won't be still - trying to please this one and please that one.

You don't know me to know what is or isn't a "game" to me - but I appreciate your attempt to "make it appear as though you do."

I must have impressed you on some level for you to "waste your time" trying to analyze me or think that you are "sizing me up."

selena:
Am so disappointed in you black bitches

ohhhh, ok

Look, "here's one now."

lololololol

what do you want to say to this, "black b.itch"

Oops - we are derailing

I am sure we will have opportunity to rediscuss this later on another thread.

Have a great day Mrs. Eve.

@ Mrs. Eve:

I have been the "token" - for as far back as I can remember.

In school regardless of living around blacks and whites - I had mainly honors classes - I was always the "only black" in the chair

I was raised around nothing but "whites" when I was younger

Most of my jobs [when I wasn't self-employed] were "very high paying positions" - I was the "only black" as well and one of the "top paid positions in my field at the different companies" and again - I was "the only black."

When white women would approach me about "black men" - only after work in a "social drinking environment" would they venture to "pose questions or make derogatory statements." The higher the position the "less the questions" - Many times I wouldn't even know what to say or how to respond - I would just stay quiet and listen, smile and nod my head, counting the moments when it would be time to depart.

I definitely believe you.

If this is "my baby" - I am "already yours"

If this is a "stranger"

Shy-One - closes, locks the windows, pulls down the shades, bars and locks the doors

locking "adosjun" out.

I agree with you and I also am not surprised nor stunned about "white women" asking you those types of questions because that is "common place"

Don't go out with them as a group after work and you are the only black woman in the crowd - many times they will take the opportunity to question you in those areas about our men.

That is also quite common in the states.

I agree with the rest of your post as well.

queensmith:
lol its ayettymama! wassup are you married now?

im probably the only one that disagrees with shygirl
esp when she says she should hit the gym to look young- is it because her husband didnt know her age when he married her or because she should be ashamed of her age?
no2 i agree with her focusing on herself, but i dont think she should alow him to take advantage of her knowingly, its dangerous in soo many forms. He can rob her in soo many ways. she should still be very careful. if she wanted fun i dont think she needs to marry him!
and all the if he stays if he goes stuff, still i dont get the point of her marrying him, if its that simple why doesnt she keep him as a boyfriend?
i dont think marriage should be taken as a joke- esp in this sort of situation. regardless of how many of you feel Nigerians can be very dangerous people!

It's not shygirl, it's shy-one - I am not a GIRL - I am a woman

A large % of middle aged people look older because they are generally heavier - and working out promotes health, weight loss, inner glow, outer glow, a positive attitude, rids the body of toxins, promotes better sleep - ALL= YOUTHFUL SERUM

When God is in your life NOBODY can rob you = my advice to her to increase her "spiritual base."

WE ALL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF EACH OTHER.  There is nothing that you get for free.  So I said it and I "stand by that."  Your spouse, children, friends, parents, relatives, strangers USE each other on MANY DIFFERENT LEVELS.

EVEN AT THIS MOMENT - Someone right now is "using this conversation" to educate themselves.

Again - "don't part with what you CANNOT AFFORD TO GIVE"

Believe it or not, but there is a major sense of "joy" when giving to others.  Most people that give "enjoy giving" and so it is rare that the giver isn't getting something out of "the act of giving."

It's just those of us who have allowed ourselves to be used beyond the point of being "able to afford it," that come on NL preaching to others because they "gave too much and they hurt themselves in the process."

You are to be "wise as a wolf in sheep's clothing."  So that you can continue to enjoy this "wonderful life" that God has bestowed on us all.

Also, what man do you know that will do "what you tell him to do if he wants to do differently?  That is why I said if he leaves or if stays - regardless of "what he does" as she is only responsible for herself - "she should maintain her happiness and sense of self worth."

@ Mrs. Eve:

I know what you say to be true - I agree with you.

Let me add to that.

The majority of the "white race" believe that "black women" can "really get down in bed" and are very, very good in bed compared to "white women." What I find interesting is that a huge percent of blacks think the opposite.

Each race thinks the other race has more moves sexually and are a better lay so to speak. Which I find hilarious.

I have a lot of white female friends who are "always asking me for pointers" in the bed. It amazes me, utterly. Each side thinks the other sides women are looser sexually.

White men fantasize about black women - YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT - ESPECIALLY IN THE U.S. = YES THEY DO.

I have 2 white females whose fathers left their mothers for black women and when I initially met those women they didn't care for me - because of their anger towards blacks - my AA skin reminded them of "daddy's dirty deed." lolololol

A lot of people [not all] are always looking over the fence and thinking that the other side is rosier, smells better, is to be modeled.

The only advice I asked of a woman is about shopping, not sex as that is suppose to be spontaneous and to be created and researched with the person you are having the sex with.

smh

Seun:

This will put her in "your shoes"

Watch and see how she responds - then you won't have to tell her how you got her password - she will know that you have her password.

I don't talk to those that don't talk to me. I just set up situations that "speak for themselves"

If she cannot respect enough to be honest - why would you "show her your hand?"

Don't give your pearls to swine for they will turn and gore you.

Seun:

1) Write a love letter to a Girl - NOT HER
2) BUT email the love letter to "your girlfriend" a guise that looks as though you thought you mailed it to the "fictitious girl"

3) In the love letter "pour your heart out"
4) Respond to the "fake girl" as if "she is running after you as though you are turning her down" but leave the door open in the letter because you suspect that your "girl friend" is cheating with a Yankee and that it has come to your attention that this Yankee is sending her money and gifts and that if you find this to be the case - that you will be available to accompany her 'the fake girl who is paying for everything' to a 'weekend' away in Ghana. Let the fake girl know that you are not a cheater and that you care for your girlfriend very much but that you won't dishonor her by cavorting with the 'fake girl,' - etc,

5) Send the email ASAP

6) THEN Go ahead and meet your current girlfriend and see if she acts differently - she will either start being an active participant in the relationship with you by calling and texting you immediately and/or she will cut it off with you and use this as an opportunity to either lie her way out of your relationship or she will be honest with you.

I realize that this sounds like a "little work" - but creative liars at times call for the innocent to create traps in their measures.

[quote author=Area_boy link=topic=578538.msg7454051#msg7454051 date=1294070453]no we dont!!! i dont know about u, but i never say it unless i mean it, even if it means me missing out on a nice booty, cant say it unless i absolutely mean it,[/quote]I agree - it is good to know there are still people like you.