₦airaland Forum

The revival is beginning in male thinking pattern, tehehehe.
OP ride on.

coogar:
thank you!
i was just checking if we are on the same page.

See the article you posted of ya people on the issue of marital rape in Nigeria.
They need to add this question of marital ra.pe to the questions they ask Nigerians at the US or UK embassy, loll
How can I reach Harriet Harman? I think she would do justice to this problem.

Narrating how her husband daily violates her, Ayofemi told the customary court at Alakuko, Lagos, that, “he doesn’t care if I am on or not, tired or not feeling fine. All he wants, is to have his way whenever he feels like it. I am tired and want a divorce” showing the tell tale signs of wounds and scars she received from her struggles with her husband in his attempts to have sex with her against her will.

Although the marriage was dissolved but members of the jury didn’t hide their unease with the word, violate, Ayofemi used in describing lovemaking between her and the husband. According to members of the jury, “a married woman has no right to deny her husband sex, at least not often to make the man get violent. It is painful that many young women are getting this thing called civilization all wrong.”

Though members of the public present in the court room laughed over the matter, with each person’s expression betraying his or her position on this sensitive subject, but the fundamental questions are, can a man rape his wife? At what point can a woman accuse her husband of raping her? What does our law and religious books say about sex in a marriage?

Going by the common definition of rape, which is forcefully having carnal knowledge of a woman by a man, can a man’s quest to have sex with his wife against her will, mean rape?

There is no doubting the fact that this topic will elicit mixed reactions both from men and women.

This is what our Senior Reporter, Anthonia Soyingbe went to town to find out.

It is a definite yes, according to Amaka Okorafor, whose marriage is just seven months old. I don’t care what anybody says, “my husband daily rapes me because each time he comes to me, irrespective of my willingness, he destroys my self esteem. He desires love making in very different ways from what I have been used to. He takes joy in rough handling me. He likes to bang my head against the bed, bite me and generally wants me to suffer physical injuries all the time,” she states.

She is not alone. Gloria Glory endured marital rape for 15 years. Sharing her experiences, she says, “It took me years, to get past it to the point I could forgive. I did forgive years after the divorce. I think it was only then, I truly got past the triggers, flashbacks and dreams where I would wake up crying. It is rape if you don’t consent to it and marriage has nothing to do with it. I am talking about becoming emotionally violent when he didn’t get his way. I am talking about refusing to speak to me for days until he got his way. I am talking about being extremely mean to the kids until he got his way. Men learn quickly that women will do almost anything to protect their children, even sacrifice themselves. I am talking about withholding money until he got his way. I am talking about punishing me or the kids in any way he could until he got his way. I am talking about making me feel worthless for not meeting his wants. I am talking about expecting that it was my job to be the commercial sex worker in the pornographic movies whenever and in whatever way he wanted it. It took me so many years to understand what was wrong. I violated many of my principles for him, because he demanded it. And then I feel so guilty about it being my fault. Looking back, most times, I feel so worthless for the things I let him do to me. It’s horrible to feel more like a prostitute than a wife”

Sexual abuse in marriage is a tough thing to judge and most men who offered to speak with Daily Independent say that there is nothing like marital rape.

Idowu Sogelola, an engineer and managing director of Rock Associates, insists that marital rape doesn’t exist. “When does sex in marriage become rape? The Bible states that a woman doesn’t own her body and vice versa. Sex in marriage becomes rape when couples don’t have any relationship and when there are elements of violence. Spousal rape is Western culture and has no scriptural backing. Sex is an extension of love in marriage and one of the cores of marriage is conjugal love. If there is no sex in marriage; that means the essence of marriage is broken down. When we are talking about some issues, we should look at it from the cultural and scriptural angles,” he states.

Andrew Ogene, not real name, is an auditor in a Lagos-based private firm. When this reporter asked his opinion on sexual violence in marriage, annoyed at the question, he insists, “there is nothing called marital rape. How do you explain that? That is just not possible! The day she refuses my advances is the day I throw her out of my house. Is she crazy? There are so many women out there who can satisfy my sexual urge. If she refuses, I won’t only throw her out, I will go and to bring another woman into my home. This is Nigeria and not America. Let us put all forms of sentiments aside; why did I marry her in the first place? If she can’t satisfy my sexual urges anytime I need her, then let her return to her father’s house or go to a convent because I am not a celibate. ”

Rape, according to Kayode Salako of Change Agent of Nigeria Network, is forcefully having canal knowledge of a woman without her consent. “Going by this definition, a man who uses force to have sex with his wife has raped her, since it is an act of sleeping with her against her consent. In some of our cultures, it is regarded as the man’s right to have sex with his wife anytime and anyhow irrespective of how the wife feels. But in the Western world, such an act would be termed, rape. Men who force their wives to bed in the Western culture and under our constitution, are raping them.” According to Salako, the issue is not generating so much attention because many women don’t come out to report their husbands to avoid public condemnation.

“It is a pity that we adopt everything Western, including their laws but, shy away from the challenges that go with such laws. Most men maltreat their wives in all ways but, because the society frowns at divorce and separation, the women keep enduring the situation until they either get killed or can’t take it anymore. There is no other name for marital rape, than violence. What do you call it when a woman starts crying and cursing her husband after sex? Often times, this is as a result of marital rape. You rape a woman when you have carnal knowledge of her without her consent and that is violence against her right to say no to sex when she doesn’t want it.”

Kennie Okeowo, like Ogene is of the opinion that spousal rape only exists in the Western world as he argues that a husband can’t rape his wife. ” I don’t believe a man can rape his wife in this part of the world, such ridiculous ideas are for the Western world. The man or the woman can’t claim rape since the two have become one. African men don’t rape their wives,” he adds.

Janet Emirien, a marriage counselor describes as being unfortunate, some of the things men demand of their wives all in the name of sex. “Most men strip their wives of all the values of their womanhood simply because they want to have sex. It is unfortunate what some men make their wives do,” she adds.

Speaking further, she states that most women are unaware of rights even in their marriages. It takes two willing minds to get the best results from sex whether in or outside marriage. It is simply about consent from both parties. It is conjugal affection and both of them must show affection towards it.”

Just like domestic violence against women as well as other forms of violence, researches show that women hardly report cases of marital rape.

http://dailyindependentnig.com/2013/04/can-a-man-rape-his-wife/

ArchEnemy:

Well done en. That's extreme na
It's a bashing thread anyway

Tehehehe

EfemenaXY:


That can't be a swimming pool! Looks more like an overflowing gutter.

Dirty people. Which yeye hotel is that anyway? Na wa for the few "brave" women in there sha. One's even got her shower cap on.

The guys must have promised those babes meatpie and coke.

1bkaye:

1bkaye? Hmmm Are you an old member?

coogar:
so it's all about his money?
do you think men like maje are preys to the ever desperate nigerian women?

Yes!

coogar:
so what do you say to the women who use sex to punish their hubbies? is that reverse râpe?

Reverse rape? Lol...that is emotional abuse, still parts and parcel of domestic violence. If you feel you are being abused, there's always an option of breaking off the relationship.

KanwuliaJara:
Dem and dem grandpapa full NL ke!
Na today?

Nigeria, a nation of women walking around with "slap-blisters" on their faces!

One reason you can't see the profile pics of many "loud-mouth"!

Black EYE, NOSE and LIPS . . Na DOUBU-TRIPOO!
Some even carry horns for head like UNICORNS, dey make mouth like "God with us" or "The Lord is Great"!

Mtcheeeeeeew!!!!

All these "Clara CHIMES" ati "BOLANLE" of Deji Akure with punched-out clintorises!

Haaaaa Kanwulia... it's not fair o.

coogar:
ewo!!!!!!!!!
it's not up to 99%
jeeeez - what do you take nigerian males for? a chunky percentage are even celibates - where are those in your stats. i would put it between 50-80%.

99.9% has more effect. The 0.1% make up for the celibates and good Nigerian men. Make sure you warn your brothers. They should not carry that gra gra to the West, otherwise prison awaits them here.

Culturally , they are positioned to live on the magnanimity of men . The society pauperizes women because dependence on men glorifies men -prancing bags of ego. Independence perhaps detracts from the sex appeal furnished by dominion.
Across the cultures in Nigeria, women were almost in some ways were seen as sub-human. The female child was always considered inferior to the male child. Patriarchy meant that the cultures and traditions were merely the wishes of men. And societal leadership was the exclusive preserve of men. And the inferior women whose roles were to gather wood, cook and be married off to breed children had little real value. And a man who died without a male child -heir, lived a wasted life.

Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a killer line. Wooshhh!
Independence in women is a pe.nis destroyer! The Nigerian male is attracted to the vulnerable, weak woman.

freecocoa:
You go first ask yourself, whether these women even believe it is normal for a woman to be president. It is something still considered taboo around here.

Forget the internet, Nigeria is still very backward on matters like this.

When I try to even talk to some women on women empowerment, the response I get is saddening "babe leave o, we are in Nigeria, unless you don't want to get married bla bla bla"

Sometimes I even think, the women themselves don't want a change, many Nigerian women are intellectually lazy, they fear responsibility like mad, they just want to manage to graduate, get married, have babies and enjoy their husband's money.

Absolutely correct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coogar ride on! Educate your brothers before they disgrace us when they come to the West. That is why many Nigerian men are being thrown into jails here. You guys can go ahead and think emotional and verbal abuse is not on the same level as physical violence, but make sure you don't take the visa and come to the West.

This is the domestic violence chart. From this chart alone 99.9% of Nigerian males are guilty.

[img]http://www.cityofclarksville.com/modules/showimage.aspx?imageid=1606[/img]

cococandy:
exactly

[img]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcBTKZ9-QkE[/img]

I doubt coogar can beat up this woman in this video. Hahahaha!!!

raumdeuter:
Just like you can write about defending a moral dysfunction marijuana in the US, Someone too can write about defending the moral dysfunction in Nigeria.

In the US, People marry inanimate objects some even marry animals, Are these not moral dysfunctional enough?

In most US states, the age of consent is still 16yrs

Marrying an inanimate object is now comparable to marrying off a girl to an old papa? Is the inanimate object going to suffer from VVF, or its life and ambitions cut short? Animal Human-animal/inanimate objects marriage is not legal and recognized in the US. Stop clawing at straws, abeg
In 1880, my foremothers were still barechested, but today it's criminal that I go out naked. So that quote was not necessary. Let me post my own quote too

Teens / Minors Marriage License laws

In the United States, all but one state requires that a couple be 18 in order to marry without parental permission. Nebraska sets the age of majority at 19. Although a few states will waive this requirement if there is a pregnancy, the couple may still have to have court approval.

Delware, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Maryland, and Oklahoma: Allow pregnant teens or teens who have already had a child to get married without parental consent. However in Florida, Kentucky, and Oklahoma, the young couple must have authorization from a court. Maryland requires that the minor be at least 16. Even with parental approval, many states will require court approval when a person is 16 years of age or less.

The reasons stated why a 16yr old would be granted marriage, not because a pedophilic 'uncle' is interested in robbing the cradle.

Ok I agree the US and Nigeria are on the same level for woman empowerment and rights, tehehehe. You sef can't say that with a straight face.

raumdeuter:
Moral dysfunction Like same sex marriage or marijuana? Hell yeah they are in the law

This is about the policies your country installs for women. Besides I can write a whole thesis on how I don't see legalizing marijuana as a moral dysfunction. In fact it would be best America puts this into law and go the route of the Netherlands, kicking out the drug cartels. America is losing money just on incarcerations alone. Marijuana has shown to have properties to aid epileptic patients. It's very important this should be legalized especially medical marijuana. Same sex marriage between 2 adults is of no grave importance to me, I'm not gay, but female. So I'm more interested in favorable policies for the girl child in Nigeria which the people you elected find a hard time aiding. America will not put in laws not favorable to women, so don't think you can compare yourself to them on that issue.

raumdeuter:
How are you sure there is no Yerima in their midst? One Senator Mark Foley was caught sending sexually explicit messages to Teenage boys

SOme of them even go on sex tourism outside of the US. Like Bob Menendez

Do they have the guts to sign their moral dysfunction into law? Ours do.

SAMBARRY:
The girl is soooo cute.




the man wey go take am away from her papa in the name of marriage go fasten his seat belt well o because the father and daughter bond pass super glue

Beckham's baby girl is so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

bukatyne:
Some fathers will see this as an affront to their 'manhood' and 'headship'
On a second thought, maybe he is a beta
Nice one Beckham

Lollllllllllllllllllllllllll.

raumdeuter:
Women can pick ballot paper and contest for elections

EVen in the US there are significantly more men in govt than women

There is no Yerima in their midst. We just can't compare ourselves to the US.

snakebeat:
What do u mean by equal representation?
It's a democratic system, legislative positions are entirely democratical. So I don't see the level of women participation in politics as men's fault. The dicey state of our political terrain is not for the lily livered, this tend to scare people away. No one is restraining women from partaking in politics. Or u want nigerians to elect a woman as a president on the premise of gender?
If I may ask, what biased laws are u talking about?

I nor knw wetin una want o....

What da heck? Why are you putting words in my mouth? Where did I say women should get in based on gender?

She's now saying that if i default in any of the things she said i shouldn't even see her as my mom. I don't know what she'll gain when I'm feeling bad of myself by obeying her.

Let me tell you now... Don't be fooled by all these their sentiments. A mother that loves you cannot go anywhere. Our parents are egotists!
The only way you can break free from the clutches of Nigerian parents is to challenge them once or twice or thrice . They will get the message.
It is not even about moving out, they would still want to control you whether you are in Antarctica.
Just give them one or two outbursts of anger and annoyance. After every outbursts, take a breather and apologize. If they start again, multiply your outburst by 100%. Think of it as a training, in subsequent months they will treat you respectfully.

This advise is for children who have parents that don't know when to let go.

coogar:
damiso, what's the meaning of a runs girl? a sprinter or a marathoner?



the truth is coming out.

You are laughing, hehehe, this is what a Nigerian woman wrote on the Toke issue here on NL...
You think if I were a gentleman I will not pick race? They will do everything and anything to be Mrs...
Do you know that Nigerian women marry the first person to give them a ring dating or not?
I have heard them say the bible did not say they needed to love the man, that love is the forte of the husband alone.
Why do you think there is an epidemic of horror stories? I would never ever pity any of them.

Very okay with it as long as I have my own children and a good job that keeps me busy and provides enough money for me and my kids...That's what is important, not how many women husband is impregnating.Its insignificantl.Men are used to having children outside marriage with girlfriends.Why should I bother

What's with all these hype about a married man impregnating his girlfriend?
Toke dis,Maje dat!
I really wonder what's the big deal is
So if Toke is a relationship expert,does it suddenly make her husband less of a man?
Una just dey hia dey give una sef headache.i won't be surprised the victim Toke won't be bothered.abi una think say she no know say her husband get another babe for that long?
Toke may have just wanted a ring on her finger and a Mrs title to fit into her society(thats is the only reason a woman needs to marry in dis generation,esp when she is successful n doesn't depend on a man for survival)
to the ladies bashing the man,hold ya self dere
No man,i repeat,no man ever gets satisfied screwing one woman.Hang urself if e dey pain u
Maje may have another babe(s) aside his baby mama to be,i won't be surprised
sex is food n experiment to men
Every man wants to bed as many women as possible,get that into ur skulls!
I really commend Maje for choosing his long time Gf to have his baby.Most men would hv gone for the maid,wife's sister,friend,recharge card seller,pure water hawker,dustbin packer,etc
If u want to marry,go ahead n marry.stop looking for faithful man,e no dey o.
in olden days when women were decent,sex was sacred,men cheated steady,some married more wives and the women understood.Marriage worked.nowadays wives be fighting hubby for sleeping wt another woman,why??
If u are expecting ur husband not to cheat When he is now forced to grudgingly unhappily marry only one wife,when everything in this world now suggests of sex,even the air we breathe and d food we eat is all about sex!,abeg wake up before u bedwet!
I am a lady and I tell u
A married man has 1 wife+10 girlfriends+100 flings
Drink otapiapia and die!
That's easier than quoting me to argue!!

snakebeat:
Hmmm....
So ur prayer is; women should constitute majority of our legislature, to enable them pass biased laws against men? I hope the name of ur God isn't jehovah? Because the one that I know is just & unbiased.

So you bypassed the better idea of having an equal representation of both sexes in the house to crying about extremities such as majority rule? *roll eyes*
Why are you scared though? Patriarchy has been dishing out biased laws all of a sudden you don't want the same to happen to you? Talk about hypocrisy.
Since women have suffered thousands of years of biased laws being thrown at them, I'm sure your innate instincts to survival would allow you fare appropriately well under the new dispensation if equality is not achieved. I don't mind giving you some training on how to be humble and docile under our rule sha.

We need to stop blaming other people or society for the decisions these women make, for real.
The average Nigerian woman chooses to stay in a bad marriage. She would do anything to be a Mrs.
That is the average Nigerian woman's life goal . To be Mrs Somebody. Don't you see how they pray in churches? I must marry by force o.
Why won't you people's marriages turn out to be a disaster? If I were a guy I would run away from Nigerian women. You find out the societal pressure they talk about, it's Nigerian women that mostly put it on top themselves.
She made the choice to stay. A gun was not held to her head. Enough of these pathetic stories. Stop playing victim.
In this day and age, I will not pity any woman that stays in a bad marriage. I can help you look for the necessary authorities to report the husband to because I'm practical. That's all. You know what to do either you divorce or you die there.

There is a positive correlation between equality
and economic growth. Countries that do not treat
women as second class citizens are often more
likely to prosper in a sustainable manner, and
thus is true regardless of the prevailing ideology
or religion of that country. Rwanda and the United
Arab Emirates are two classic examples. Both
countries rank high in comparative regional
gender equality surveys and both have
experienced an upward trend in economic
prowess and social development over the last 10
years and 40 years respectively. In the book
Flashes of Thought , the ruler of Dubai,
Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, says of his
government: “our job is to provide an environment
that unlocks women’s potential- one that protects
their dignity and feminity, helps them create the
necessary balance in their lives, and values their
talents and potential. Given this environment, I
am confident that women will perform nothing
short of miracles.” To that end, 70 per cent of his
personal team are women, 65 percent of their
government employees are women and 30 percent
of the leadership positions are held by women.
Closer to home, let’s look at Rwanda. Since the
genocide ended over 10 years ago, women have
generally made up more than 50 percent of their
parliamentarians. Currently, approximately 63
percent of their members of parliament are
women. During that time, Rwanda has
experienced year-on-year GDP growth. Their GDP
per capita, their Gross National Income per capita,
their Agricultural Production Rate and food
production rate have all increased steady over
those years. this is no coincidence.

This is why I have never been comfortable that Nigeria's National assembly is made up of mostly men. People do not change traditions that favor them. It has always been the disenfranchised that has to fight to get the message across.
How would we get 'female friendly' policies out of a bunch of misogynists and staunch medieval losers and also weak/beta females that are content with caressing male egos for the rest of their lives?

While I bask in the aura of my natural machismo
and masculinity. I have this consciousness that
woman was created for man. So therefore a
woman must do my bid. This is how an average
man thinks.

Thank you for being honest with this statement.

There is a radical evolution. An
obvious consciousness. There is a potent
uprising. And if you don’t fix yourself as a man
and you choose to be oblivious to this reality,
you’ll be grossly disappointed.

Absolutely. Our parents have empowered the girls but forgot to teach the boys how to respond to the empowered woman . Those who refuse to adapt shall become extinct.

In a trado-African setting. A special importance
or acknowledgement has always been attached to
the male-child. I don’t understand the sentiments
shared. But the female-child is always secondary
and often relegated to the background.

Thank you again for not feigning ignorance to this terror in our culture. Not acknowledging this fact is prevalent here in this section. Get your guns ready!

I’m a feminist. Maybe Like 70 or 80%. I’d discuss
why in my next post.

That's a good start.

Girls get punished for the same mistakes boys
commit while the boys gets away and move on. A
man will sanely impregnate a woman he doesn’t
have plans for but insanely scream her down to go
abort the resulting pregnancy. If I begin to go deep
into atrocities boys commit, I might lose the focal
of this post. So let me hold my horse.

I always say it takes two to tango. Culture/religion cannot be teaching girls to keep their virginity and the other half of the population does everything within his power to destroy the girls. That is beyond illogical. Even the church has failed woefully in instilling decent values in christian boys. It is an epidemic.

But a
woman is born to multitask. A woman can pick
beans and breastfeed at the same time while
doing some light household chores systematically
together. She cooks, wash, iron and sings at the
same time. She can fry Akara for sale in the
morning, hawk moinmoin or vegetable in the
afternoon, fry oduku in the night, retires home to
cook dinner for her family and wakes up early to
do the same thing the next day.

This gene must have skipped me, though.

Also you don't respect women because they are women, but because they are human beings like yourself.

Chillisauce:
Is this valentines day? or fishing festival?

Buhahaha.

FrancisTony:
It takes a MAN to make a cheating WIFE...

Buhahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chillisauce:
Have you seen some photos of some of these Nairaland guys posting pictures with their finger nails like jezebels

I mean so called men with dirty long fingers?
if fingers dey like that, how much more boxers go last for waist .With the heat and sweat.

Ayanma

I see it o. They are plenty on this site. Some just leave the little finger to be growing like a satanic blood sucker.
Look at this pool in one hotel during 'Valentine' in Naija, I'm 100% certain it's naija men's boxers that turned the water from blue to black.
[img]http://2.bp..com/-tS6nZymKFSw/Uv9av8-5x9I/AAAAAAACh5o/akJ7-apK_-4/s1600/Untitled.png[/img]

Chillisauce:
Just relieving some stress and waiting for game of throne to air.
I don't know why I read the spoilers. I might sleep off sef.

OMG game of thrones!!! Let me not spoil it for you but right now I'm rooting for the White Walkers!

The average Nigerian man doesn't wash his boxers until after 6.99 months, but it's women's fingernails you are concerned about?
Talk about misplaced priorities.

avwerosuoo:
my husbands always hits me anytime we argue. i cant even talk to him when he is wrong cos he is always defensive and what he says is always right. i ve noticed that this is a pattern. pls i need the contact of any organizations that handle violence against women. i ve been quiet for too long. pls someone should help me.

Found this site below. Never ever keep quiet about domestic violence!

http://projectalertnig.org/contact.html
http://projectalertnig.org/about.html

Contact
Project Alert on Violence Against Women (PROJECT ALERT)

Address: 21, Akinsanya Street
Off Isheri Road, Taiwo Bus stop (Behind FRSC)
Ojodu - Berger
P.O.Box 15456, Ikeja
Lagos, Nigeria

Telephone/E-mail: 234-1-8209387; 08052004698; 08180091072
projectalert@projectalertnig.org
info@projectalertnig.org

ABUJA OFFICE
26 Bamenda Street, Off Abidjan Street,
Wuse Zone 3
Telephone: 234 -8708618

Congratulations!