₦airaland Forum

mrcasanova1:
There is a rapid increase in divorce cases in the world today.

Our darling nation, Nigeria is not left out of this trend.

So why do most marriages fail? Why do people go to the altar and after solemnly exchanging those vows, want out within the next couple of years?

In this write-up, I am going to give a list of 10 good reasons why I think a number of marriages crash. Enjoy them... and more importantly, learn from them whether you are married yet or not.

NOTE: There are numerous reasons why a marriage may fail.

Here are the top ten most common ones.

1. Selfishness: If you consistently put your wants and needs before those of your loved one, they may start to feel unwanted and unloved.

When there are too many needs that are neglected, your unloved spouse will end up feeling ignored and used. The most destructive forms of selfishness includes jealously, control, and manipulation.

But in less destructive forms, it consists of lack of respect and consideration.

And sad as it sounds, most Nigerian men are guilty of being jealous, control-freaks and over possessive. The women are not left out too, but it's more rampant among the male folk.

This is a ultimate marriage killer.

2. Disrespect in a marriage: All good marriages need acceptance, admiration, appreciation and emotional safety.

As you discover your different opinions and your differences as people, your anger and frustration can escalate to impatience, labeling, criticism, or simply hurting their feelings. Changing a spouse’s feelings by ridicule and brainwashing is disrespectful and is so unneeded. When you are constantly feeling “attacked” by your partner, it is often hard to continue loving them.

3. Dishonesty: Trust and respect is the basis of love. Lies and disloyalty destroys the trust in any relationship. Marriage is a partnership between two people who love each other. Each have to work just as hard as the other to ensure that there is trust. So ladies, stop screaming "My husby doesn't trust me; it kills me". You now know that to earn his trust, you need to work for it.

4. Bad habits and addictions: Addictions that are strong enough to be put ahead of your partner will doom a marriage to failure.

Anger, betrayal, hurt, and pain follow the wake of the addiction and can easily hurt the marriage.

Aldo, there are other forms of addiction that annoys your spouse. Imagine a man self-servicing all the time in presence of his wife. We had many complaints like this, even on Nairaland here.

Getting help with the addiction is key to keeping your marriage from falling apart.

5. Communication: When a marriage consists too much of blame, conflict, and verbal attacks, you start to feel as though you’re living with your enemy, not your best friend.

Marriage has to be a safe haven, not a place that you are afraid of.

No one can ever always be right. When you avoid a conflict, you only make it worse by not talking about it with each other.

The emotional connection is also then lost when they don’t share their opinions and don’t try to fix the problem.

6. Leading Separate Lives: When couples don’t spend enough time together, the relationship suffers.

When you begin to live independently, you lose the emotional connection and the joy a couple should have because of never being together.

Time needs to be put aside for each other for conversation and for fun.

Without these things, it’s easy to lose connection with your significant other.

7. Lack of affection: When there isn’t affection in relationships, such as kind words and caring
gestures, problems arise.

Without such things, your love for one another can feel hollow and unfulfilled.

I hear my Naija sisters chant all the time "Nigerian men are not romantic". Haba sister, being romantic is not for us alone. When last did you show your man how much you love him? Now you see that you are guilty too.

8. Lack of emotional intimacy: When one doesn’t share their feelings and goals, it leads to loneliness and sadness. The feeling of friendship comes from sharing such things and when these things become unshared, you lose that friendship with your spouse.

9. Angry outbursts and rages: Anger can create more anger and withdrawal, which both leads to communication issues. However, anger can also be purposeful and can help to solve problem.

10. Poor boundaries: In a marriage, you shouldn't go looking for other intimate relationships with people of the opposite sex. It will only create trust issues and possible retaliation from your spouse because of the hurt they may feel.

Once you lose the love, connection, and trust with a significant other, why would you still be with them?

A marriage is built on these three things, and once you lose them, the only thing you now have is lost communication between the two of you and a possible new enemy based on things that may have been said in a heated argument.

So let's learn to avoid these marriage killers and implement the things we need to implement for a better and conducive homes.

You can add yours.

sportsmaster:
If a christian goes to HELL,
then God Lied in His promises and Jesus did not die for any Sin .
But scriptures has it GOD cannot LIE and Jesus died for the Sins of the Whole world.
If Jesus paid for my Sins,then why would my Sins be charged against me..
What you should teach people as a Pastor is SPIRITUAL GROWTH and the assurance of their salvation.
Not HELL.

Scholar8200:
Op, says you can make heaven even if you sin everyday of your life!(I read your article but since this is how you captioned it, it means it summarises your position). But my Bible tells me that:
1. 8 But when people keep on sinning, it shows that they belong to the devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil. 1 John 3:8
Interestingly, people quote this passage only when doing deliverance, they dont realise it was written in relation to freedom from sin (SIN BEING THE LEGAL GROUND FOR THE OPPRESSOR)!

2. 14 But afterward Jesus found him in the Temple and told him, “Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.” John 5:14
Now will Jesus say this poor man should do what God cannot enable him to do? Besides, why not focus on deliverance from sin? Why indirectly encourage something that leaves the believers in bondage of worse things that come as result of sin? You mentioned fornication, do you realise that he that is joined to a harlot is one body with her? and that by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread(worthlessness)? No one will lie easily who knows that true repentance includes restitution!!!etc

3. My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But [size=13pt][b]if[/size] anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous.1John 2:1[/b]
It says IF not WHEN! Meaning its an exception not a norm because:
But if, in our desire and endeavor to be justified in Christ [to be declared righteous and put in right standing with God wholly and solely through Christ], we have shown ourselves sinners also and convicted of sin, does that make Christ a minister (a party and contributor) to our sin? Banish the thought! [Of course not!]
Gal. 2:17 Meaning if we seek the Advocacy of Christ, we wont hold on to sins!

4. 16 Do you not know that if you continually surrender yourselves to anyone to do his will, you are the slaves of him whom you obey, whether that be to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience which leads to righteousness (right doing and right standing with God)?
Roman 6:16 Meaning if you obey sin everyday (like your topic puts it) do not deceive yourself, you are a servant of sin and the wages to be received is death!!!

5 You cited the OT practices but remember that it is written:
Because the blood of bulls and goats is powerless to take sins away. Hebrews 10:4 hence your statement regarding this suggests that the sacrifice of Jesus was just as powerless!!!

6Let not sin therefore rule as king in your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies, to make you yield to its cravings and be subject to its lusts and evil passions.
13 Do not continue offering or yielding your bodily members [and [a]faculties] to sin as instruments (tools) of wickedness. But offer and yield yourselves to God as though you have been raised from the dead to [perpetual] life, and your bodily members [and faculties] to God, presenting them as implements of righteousness.
14 For sin shall not [any longer] exert dominion over you, since now you are not under Law [as slaves], but under grace [as subjects of God’s favor and mercy].
15 What then [are we to conclude]? Shall we sin because we live not under Law but under God’s favor and mercy? Certainly not!
17 But thank God, though you were once slaves of sin, you have become obedient with all your heart to the standard of teaching in which you were instructed and to which you were committed.
18 And having been set free from sin, you have become the [b]servants of righteousness (of conformity to the divine will in thought, purpose, and action).
You are the servant of the one you obey,'everyday'.

The desire of Christ is that the Church be,"... in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].Ephesians 5:28 This should be our focus!!!

deadZONE:
A lot of people do not have genuine intentions
seriously Who takes Ashawo serious.

OBEAGO:
The Concept of sin, a very sensitive but very important topic in the body of Christ. Who else has another revelation on this?

kepstone:
Sir, I am a Pastor, and what you wrote or posted is heyressy. I will not and never teach this nonsense to my church. U are not spiritually matured yet bro or whoever u are. U have not understand bthe concept of SIN. Time will not permit me to elucidate more on this, cos I see u don't know homiletics ( law of scripture interpretation). Please just ask God to to forgive u for this s trash you posted, cos this is not the HolySpirit speaking through you. 2tim2:19-22, 1thesss4:3-4, Gal 5:19-21. There are many scriptures that talks about purity, Holiness and much more. Please don't derail people with this. God did not save you to keep you in sin, and for you to keep on wallowing in sin. If a pig falls into the mud it wallows, but if a sheep falls into a mud it cries out for help because its not in the nature of the sheep to wallow in d mud. No matter how you sin and how you fall, or make mistake, never endorse sin, cos sin is not the nature of a believer. But when a beliver consciously sin.... Does he think grace will abound. If many will run with this as believers they will end up in HELL FIRE. So please correct yourself and go and study your bible well before you come out to the public to tell people about the bible you did not authored.

boboLIL:
Hmmm are u God?

Stop confusing people.. How can u give ur life to God and remain a sinner? Stop misquoting Bible ohh

Shalomdee:
Inasmuch as you sound innocent there is something gravely wrong with that conclusion. You cannot keep sinning simply because you can repent. What if you die before repenting. Besides Paul said we shoudnt continue to sin because grace abounds. Sinning willfully consistently can harden your conscience and as such you may go to hell.

The bottom line is this, try all your best to live holy, ask God for grace but if you fall, don't hesitate to repent and keep living holy.

emitheo:
Damnnnn....now i'm feeling bad & scared

BUTCHCASSIDY:
Thats cheating

dmcdad:
God knows I wouldn't tolerate the emboldened. Yuck!

BUTCHCASSIDY:
Word bro
Right on tha money

misspicy:
1)Op why exactly should Nigerians care about flat stomach,with all the problems we facing,na flat stomach we go.start to worry about

2)with all d copy copy we don copy the western world sotey most of our cultures and traditions have been abolished,eg girls dressing half n.aked in d name of looking beautiful,you still want to add flat stomach syndrome?...is big stomach associated with fashion again

3)please I need you to enlighten me about the health issue associated to natural big stomachs,not d disease or illness caused big stomach.



Modified:----

First time making FTC and many peeps wan die untop my matter
anyway lemmr invite FirstEva and Gurgle bae to join me....daslim180 you sef follow do body guard abeg......my royal entourage

FriedPlantain:
Ofcourse you are pure, you even look as pure as pure water. See her coconut head!

MrsPhyno:
That's why I'm always advocating complete abstinence

U no go need worry about all these ones

eghos12:
linda dey use this site they make publicity o. If i be the oga@the top of nairaland all linda post nor go make fp.

passionate88:
Na now u know?

geni340:
see nice comments,, see hw gentlemen should adress each other. instead of picking on others wen they air their view, cant we just talk maturely lyk this?...em' pls oh,, any ideas wen oyibo will make condom dat will cover d scrotum? I think my bf should chill a lil until they make it oh..*scared.

Shamstiel:
My ex use to complain about my small penis...she left me cuz of that

The length of my dick is like my middle finger when flaccid and it it as long as a gotv remote when hard. Please I don't know what to do anymore because my new girlfriend is not "feeling" me anytime we have sex

djeezy:
Nice thread.

collinsVP:
Thanks for squeezing out clarity from the thread Doc.

Without any abrasion either on the penile shaft or any other part of the skin, you are save with condom provided that you consistently and effectively used it.

tete7000:
Anyone who have spiritual insight will have control over who enters his house. One thing I find repulsive about people attitude towards house maid is one that tends to portray everyone doing the job of a househelp as a LovePeddler who is out to seduce husbands. You see my brother as a man thinketh so he is. If you need decent house maids and if you think everyone doing the job are whores, then there is possibility that most of the time you ll meet ones that suit that definition. The painful thing for those who think all housemaids are whores is that if you offer them a good one, the tendency is for them to think that no one is good. They live perpetually in a state of fear. That said, the truth is that there are pure innocent young and decent girls who are simply looking for a work to assist themselves and sometimes their family and who because of circumstance of life have resorted to doing house help job. I have personally met a girl who decided to come and be help to pay exam fee, I have met one who is looking for money to set up her learnt trade. My house is one where I grew up with some helps at various times. It doesn't mean my mother abdicated her matrimonial job and many who claims christians and condemn house maids on forum like this might in all honesty not be better christian than her. Infact she sees taking people in as part of her christian duty to help the poor and vulnerables. While I grew up in my house I have seen my mother took in a totally pregnant strange girl impregnated by her step brother. She took care of the girl, nurtured her, she gave birth and eventually abandoned the baby and ran away but my mother didn't complain, she didn't make fuss. She continued taking care of the baby and at appropriate time passed thechild to her grandmother in the village. My father was always there supporting her and I never saw him molested any girl and he wouldn't condone anyone doing that either. I never heard him say anyone seduced him either. While I can however not deny that there are vicious one, how the family is set up suppose to make it easy to fish out such in time and send them out. All help are not necessarily evil and all are not necessarily seductive as is usually popularly portray in the social media.

The painful thing about the modern news and social media is that they tend to readily publicise bad news while the good news are kept in dark. You readily read about a housegirl that maltreated the child in her custody and refused to feed him but nobody talked about countless others who have saved the lives of their guardians. Not much is heard of those who have even done so well that they were adopted and sent to the highest level of education by those they lived with. We live in an evil world and promoting, publicising and inflicting fear is one of many ways devil has kept hold of many people's lives. Do you need an example of a house help, a slave girl turn useful to her mistress family, turn to 2king 5 and you read about how a poor Israel girl in the house of Naaman helped her master get cured to his leprosy by directing him to Elisha.

My conclusion, the issue of house maids is not one of bad news. In the modern world many women have plenty of things to cope with - works, family and many other concerns in an urbanised world where moving in-between two places separated by just few kilometers apart can take hours. If you don't live yet in Lagos, come down herw and have a taste. They sometimes may not be able to do without a help and I refused to join all who say all house maids are seductive and as such maids should be totally avoided because like my antagonist, An2elect2 who is probably not even yet marry arrogantly said any woman who cannot 100 percent dedicate herself to her matrimonial duty is lazy.
Husband and wife should cooperate to run their homes. If they need help, let them prayerfully look for a good one and when they found a decent girl let not the husband lose his self control, start pursuing a vulnerable girl to sleep with her and turn around to foolishly claim he was seduced. If in course of time they have any reason to suspect any help, then they agree to send her away immediately. It is their house, they cant like you said flee from it but they can be sure God takes care of his own and will always send in appropriate help when needed.
My argument is not a wash, they are my candid opinion and you are most probably without any arrogance involved not more Christian and any more responsible than me. I mean that, it is the truth.

Jenny1010:
they were meet with a shocking sight of the victim naked in pool of blood with his joystick almost detached from his groin. And in the other side few distance from the victim, is the girl naked and making a rhythmic movement of the arms and legs, which signifies she was having an epileptic seizure. She was giving the victim a mouth-action when the seizure started.


Better be warned.

nnamdiokere45:
lolz...wer wld u gt dat kind of cd.dis guy self u funi.lol
na break i dey abeg

nnamdiokere45:
ok.was jst observing sha.I hardly comment bt wen I saw d heading on ur topic, I had to enquire so mayb I cld learn more.d head doesn't suit d point ur try to create.condoms protects if used effectively n consistently. am a medical practitioner in a hospital in owerri.

nnamdiokere45:
thank God u cleared urself. so if no abrasion or wat so ever on d exposed part of d penile shaft, condoms r safe rite?

nnamdiokere45:
I jst have a simple question to ask.if ur theory is tru, dat means if d vaginal fluid of an infected lady touches any part of d skin, nt necessarily d penile shaft, hiv can still b transmitted rite? dats if dis ur theory is tru cus d skin on d penis is same as d skin on any part of d body.so pls enlighten me more.
P.S Doc nnamdi