₦airaland Forum

platinumnk:
u should also add how old is ur mind?

[color=#008855]Yeah that's a good question, but I think the best person to ask is anybody apart from the person in question - people like to think they're more mature than they really are.
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[color=#008855]If you were able to do these things in the first place, I don't think you had a strong relationship with God.

Aside from that, stay strong it's not over.

You've learnt from your lesson, but will the lesson stick. I think you need to definitely go cold turkey on this issue as it's very much obvious to you that it's not something you should be doing. In a way I'm proud of you because you came to this conclusion by yourself.

I've heard something like this before, it sounds like an insecurity issue. Women who date men who are supposed to be unavailable supposedly get a thrill from feeling like they've attained something that seems unattainable. They feel extra special that the man is willing to leave or ignore his 'chosen' one for them.

What they don't realise is that often, they are in the same position as the 'chosen' woman, who isn't sneaking around but is the girlfriend/wife. Sometimes they are in a worse position because the guy usually returns to the wife or girlfriend leaving the other woman alone feeling dejected.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with insecurity, sometimes they have lack of faith in the fidelity of men, and so they don't mind if they are the other woman, at least that way there are no surprises or secrets, they'd hate to be in the position of the wife, who is unknowing of what's going on with her husband/ boyfriend.

Just keep being strong, you've already taken the necessary first steps, if you keep going down that path, you'll reach your destination.
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[color=#008855]First do me a favour and slap yourself, because you CAN do without her.
She is only a human being, they have free-will, they travel, distance themselves, get closer to us, die e.t.c. You CAN live without her, never put your life in some other person's hands, because people can be very reckless.

Since you've given us the go ahead to stick our noses into your business, my advice is to leave her. I am not sure if you even trust her, and how can you start a healthy relationship without trust, love alone is no longer good enough I'm afraid?

She left you, insulted you, infact she trampled over you, how classy??

And now you don't even like her personality, PLUS you're hurt remembering things and flashbacks and possibly nasty visuals.

There is nothing wrong with being there with open arms, but nobody should be allowed to enter into your privacy and then destroy it, only to come back. From what I've read it seems that she's only back because she has no other choice, the guy mistreated her. Maybe she has left her old ways behind, but I just don't like the idea that she didn't come to the decision to leave him herself, she was forced to. Almost as the loser in a competition is forced to accept the consolation prize. Yes, you're a prize, but you are no consolation to nobody.

Do what's best for you - but at the end of the day, if you can't seem to bring your heart around, then you've gotta go with that.

Just try and think rationally for the time being, does it sound like a match made in heaven? Honestly?. .
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[color=#008855]I was just wondering how old the average Nairalander in the romance section is. This might help with understanding responses as replies will usually differ from age group to age group.
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[color=#008855]You're probably going to say that it's not her you distrust - it's the men.
But she should be a smart woman by now right?? She should know, not to get into situations where people could take advantage of her.

Is this the case of the man who feels that his girlfriend is just too irresistable, or are you the protective kind?
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Gaggi:
Most of them have thousands of posts and are always online. When do they have time for their imaginary boyfriends?
Girls, please tell us you're lonely let's find a solution for you. I could hook you up, seek and ye shall find.

[color=#008855]You think?? And what makes Nairaland Boys so different?
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Nesia:
how can u hack into an account, it mite b useful 4 me 2 see or have more ideas y dis heartless bf of mine could brek up wit me.

[color=#008855]Lol, if he's heartless. . then isn't that you're answer?
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EshuKemi:
I hack into their profiles anyhow. I even hack into profiles of women i see and get their names or those i meet through blind dates or phones. Its always good 2 get a woman's secret so as to use it against her while i make sure i sanctify, protect and firewall any thing about me so that she is kept in the dark!

Its better that way so that your always on top and one step above that LovePeddler!

[color=#008855]Wow, that's degrading. The only thing about hacking is the guilt - even when they are guilty, there is no way for you to really defend an argument because technically you're not supposed to know about the 20 other boyfriends or the sexy pictures she's been sending to her sugar daddies.

If only people were honest, we wouldn't have these problems.

I have found out so much that has given me insight into people. I don't currently hack, or have done for years now, however, I have asked friends about what they've seen (behind my back) of certain guys.

I've also found out things that have given me insight into why a certain guy is having commitment problems. I call it research. I don't like it when I'm being honest and the other person is being dishonest, and just don't want to seem psycho if I break up, but don't have any concrete reason.
I guess people who hack are skeptical, they want to be reassured, as it's that whole situation of 'fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, '

Although I don't hack I do still check the profile of my ex's facebook account, but that has helped me A LOT!!

Hacking confirms or discards suspicions, it's like feedback.

Am I insecure. . well yes, aren't we all to some extent - be it checking a page that's been left on the computer, or asking for some kind of proof from the spouse, or answering their mobile, we've all done things along the same line. . I think
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[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=295331.msg4174310#msg4174310 date=1247402461]You would not get far if you use the word unaffected The word "disaffected" though would get you far and take you places [/quote][color=#008855]Checked it, I'm cool.
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brein:
And when we ask them (gurls/women) to post their pics for doubts u begin to see diff pant holes borrowd frm either their siblin or relations
pls just stoP claiming on NL :d

Gaggi:
Nairaland and its mouthy girls. To think that 90percent of them are ugly. Dem go come dey form confident and not intimidated.

Prof JYK:
we are on the same frequency my bro. the uglier the mouthier(pardon me) especially thier Obama-the pink panther.

[color=#008855]Are you sure, you want to go down that road?!
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[color=#008855]I would and I have, but only because I don't have much self-control in that area. Once I'm committed to someone, I won't be checking anything of theirs, I'll leave it to their conscious to do the guilt and nagging for me.

On the other hand, if I'm dating someone and they break my trust I will probably just stop wasting my time with them. It takes a lot to get me mad, and if I've decided to leave, usually it's because I'm thinking with my rational brain - doing what's best for me. I would have given them enough chance to redeem and prove to me, I will only leave if the situation does not improve.

About checking personal information. I actually have lines drawn at different areas, not one giant line drawn for personal stuff, I will never look at bank accounts - because I trust he will tell me everything I need to know if we're married or together long term, I will never read letters or emails. However, something like facebook or hi5, if given the password I'd probably log in a few times just to be nosey.

If we break up for any reason, I'm the type to still try and log onto or gain access to his personal details, find out his whereabouts e.t.c.
I've been trying to deal with this, but I just can't help it, I just want to have a heads up, who I'm bumping into, whether the story corrolates, because I've had a lot of people tell me things to try and not hurt my feelings, like exs telling me that they cry because they know they've lost the best thing, but then on their profile they've got a girl kissing them on the cheek and are flirty with several girls e.t.c.

I have this habit of checking the confirmed guests of an event I'm planning on attending, just to make sure where I stand. I don't do it all the time, but if I remember, I'll do it.[/color]

[color=#008855]This has to be one of the most judgmental things I've said on this forum, but I've said it to friends asking the same question before, and it's because. . you are shallow.

You judge others to such a high standard, and you can't apply one rule for others and another for yourself. When you see a person, you don't see them, you see what they have, what they are wearing, how their hair is styled, you're probably only using 30% of your conscious mind to focus on what the person is saying, the other 70% is used to compare from head to toe.

I'm sure you've met people who haven't been as fortunate as yourself, and you look down to them, because you have this and you have that.

The sooner you give people a break, and learn to look deeper the better your outlook for yourself will be.

Not everybody has such a strict judging system, if you can achieve it, you can forget about the snide comments "Man, I wonder if people think that of me too."

After all, life's too short to be trying to be perfect because we never will be. [/color]

tommyogaga:
Peps,

This was published in a highly reputable tabloid in UK.

I could not hold mysef. Feel like getting the woman doing things to her to remind her way of impregnating women. I think she has forgotten wat she did to get the gal to life.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2525921/Teen-pregnant-after-swimming-in-pool.html

[color=#008855]Haha, as if, everyone knows The Sun, is one of the most un-trustworthy tabloids out there. They're not even a broadsheet newspaper.

It's probably one of those 'shocker articles' they publish at the front to draw your attention.
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[color=#008855]A few questions I'd like to ask:

1) And was her daughter nude in the pool too?
2) Why didn't every other fertile woman in the pool get pregnant including the mother herself?
3) Is the mother aware that sperm have a really short life-span and can't survive outside the sexual organs for long at all - especially if the pool is chlorinized or cleaned out frequently?
4) Is this the girl's spin on things, or is this the mother saving face because - she knows her daughter so well?

There are other things, rape, e.t.c. for all we know, the daughter may have been pregnant before going on the holiday - things happen, we can't watch our children 24/7 hours a day, and if you try, maybe it's the 3 hours a day that she escapes from your watch that she lets loose.

Nevermind that it's a long journey between entry and the ovaries for a sperm to find an egg, but they also have to do the 25metres to reach the entry first!! Those are some amazing sperm!!

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[color=#008855]I think you can afford to relax on this issue, it can bring up issues which are temporary and can put more strain - in a moment when she needs support and strength to deal with all the crap she probably has to deal with from people disappointing her, late meetings, no shows, increased fees e.t.c.

Of course she's become obsessed by the planning, planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things in a woman's life, especially if it's her own, and a big one at that, so many people to please e.t.c.
I think maybe you'll be able to understand whether she's become too engrossed if you partake in the decisions and helping out with the planning (if she'll let you), if you're able to not get engrossed then you have every right to ask for the same thing, but I bet you'll understand why she talks about it all the time, once you get into the details. I was a makeup artist in a wedding not so long ago, and boy, even I could feel the strain, the bride made it look effortless, but at times more strain was put on those around her to make decisions in her best interest.

I think it's such a good sign that she's putting her all into the wedding right now. It has to be special and even though you might be happy with a simple do, she's already made it clear she wants it to be something big - big expectations.

Have you seen the movie; 'Sex and the City.' it came out last year - watch it.
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Atreus:
So anyway,i got over my commitment issues,bought her a ring and asked her to marry me,and she said yes.

[color=#008855]You never had commitment issues, you just hadn't found a woman who you felt was worth committing to.
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fayahsoul:
I think you mean uninterested[/color].

[color=#008855]I could get away with using either, because of the dialect in my area, disinterested is used in cases where uninterested could be used. I meant he lost interest in me, uninterested, but I could have gotten away with meaning that he became unaffected by me too  .
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iice:
[color=#9900ff]I think most people are usually conscious of how they look and consequently it affects their confidence.[/color]

[color=#008855]I have honestly met confident people, but I have never met someone who hasn't been conscious of their looks one time or the other.
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[color=#008855]A woman's No, means No all the time. 24/7 hours a day, the sooner you start to believe that the better.

If you're short sighted, you might be willing to push things, and risk breaking the trust or doing something inappropriate when a woman says NO. But if you're in for a real honest and genuine thing, take it slowly, if she says no, back-off. Make her regret her own decision, if she's not too humble, she'll seek you out, then you'll know the truth. Like I said, there's nothing worse that risking doing something that a woman genuinely disagrees with.

Imagine, if you're like me and tired of the stereotype that women are indecisive, and so you make a promise to yourself never to lead a man on, and a man asks you if you want to partake in somesort of sexual activity, and you decide even though you fancy this guy, you don't see potential and you say NO, but because he's had previous experiences when a girl hasn't meant it before, and he assumes that he can use that learnt lesson as a way of dealing with you, he proceeds to use more agression on you, and before you know it, you've been sexually assaulted - all because some woman 2 years ago or last month or week said no, but then turned out to be playing games in the end. . All because of her??

Since when have we been allowed to speak for other people anyways; "she said no, but she didn't really mean it."

Is that fair??
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[color=#008855]Hi, Reggie, you're very pretty .

It's simply because you've kinda got the girl-next-door look. You appear friendly and sweet, probably have dimples as well, and probably walk with a smile on your face. You look approachable, and that's why people approach you. Same thing happens to me, but I'm just nice, nothing worse that feeling to bring a guy's ego down, not all of us have the choice in our social status or economics so in order to be greatful, we should all try and treat all people the same.

At least this way you have more choice .

We can never pick who we attract , I've been approached by a 35+ year old man (when I was 17/18) and even at younger ages in highschool, builders have shouted across the street.

I think the issue is our approachability, if it really bothers you, you can put up a front, walk fast, don't smile too much, but then wouldn't you develop those frown lines on your lovely face .
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[color=#008855]It depends on the vibe I get from the guy.

In the past I used to be really intimidated - I grew up with parenting from an over-protective mum who basically went everywhere I went. When I met attractive boys I would always feel watched and encouraging the guy would land me in trouble later at home. I eventually found a way to avoid eye-contact with the sons of the family friends, to avoid picking up on compliments when my parents were around, to deny knowing or being friends with any guy e.t.c. .

More recently I used to be intimidated more so when the guys seemed really keen or attracted to me (I'm great at sensing attraction) - I get somewhat tense and aware that they are checking me out - not just listening to what I'm saying but who knows, maybe they're imagining me without clothes on (I know it sounds crazy), or what it would be like to kiss me (as the gaze lingers on my lips), but their eyes used to bore into me, and I was scared that they would at one point become disinterested in me, when they psyche themselves out ("she's too young.", "she sounds a little hard to get." blah blah blah), and I can sense the moment that they close off the possibilities.

Sometimes I still feel like my mother is watching me, if not her. . someone is watching me, keeping an eye on my flirting and response.

Most recently, I don't feel intimidated by attractive men, but I do get slightly nervous when meeting them for the first time, often when they're flirting with me. (I start thinking too far ahead, of the possiblities and the 'what ifs', also, black guys are not afraid to flirt shamelessly at times).

I feel most confident when I'm looking my best, or on a day when I feel great without much makeup, I trust my personality and I think I'm both funny and interesting to chat with, so I'm not insecure about my personality.

*Note*: I feel nervous and tense when I'm surrounded by others, when I'm having a one-on-one conversation, I feel completely at ease. I flirt more. . as I don't feel like I'm being watched. I'm quite a flirt at times.
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[color=#008855]Quite happy to have found no link. .

There's nothing you can't share on Nairaland, look at the examples. .
There are so many people on here offering dating advice.
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[color=#008855]A hard lesson, that will hopefully stick. We can't afford to be careless with our lives, just for sex.

I wonder how many AIDS/HIV victims feel stupid knowing they gambled their lives for a few minutes of pleasure.
(I understand not all of them were promiscuous or unwise).

You've recovered from this, and I think the issue is that you obviously don't think the relationship is worth salvaging, it hasn't passed the test of time, as most people will believe that 5 months really isn't nothing in the bigger picture of things.

Just be more aware of certain consequences of your actions next time.
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[color=#008855]Don't proclaim your love for her, because the chances of you loving someone you've never really gotten to know is really slim.

You need to get to know her first, drop your guard, get to know her for a bit, don't utter the three words until you're sure. Some of us will take those words very seriously so don't throw them about.
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[color=#008855]Ooooo, I'm interested in the replies for this one.

Since I have never gotten back with an ex, I can only tell you about a friend I know, she got with a guy 5 years later - after maturity.

It's not too uncomon for highschool sweethearts to re-unite, since they usually breakup due to distance rather than misunderstanding or some scandalous action, it's easy to forgive and forget an issue brought by distance, especially when the two of you have developed into an attractive pair of adults and are living in the same area now - wounds heal quickly.
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v3nom4eva:
@post

i thot text mesgs were no longer than 160 xters or am i missin something?

[color=#008855]Yes, you run out the characters, and send another text
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v3nom4eva:
@mesg. . .

after everything she still left you. . .o ma se o

[color=#008855]That's life, nothing is for certain, do not rely on the words of man - because we are indecisive by nature and are unable to forsee the future.
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[color=#008855]Act like you don't care, and that she's being really immature, because she is. .

There's nothing you can do to convince her, she's probably doing it for a reaction or because she just wants to gain points from her friends, if that's the case, there really is still nothing you can do - she'll probably decide on her own to stop or move onto her next target.

What have you done to cause her to be like this, please share the full story. .
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[color=#008855]I would much rather be a person who looks better in real life than in her pics (and that's what I am).

I've thought about this, and I've realised that I rarely look beautiful when I don't show my teeth - as soon as the teeth are out, the dimple shows in my cheek, my eyes start to glimmer and I just look healthy, happy and energetic. I used to feel that smiling with teeth was forced as I never used to, but I've realised that even though that's true, it makes a huge difference in my pics.
I look more grown too - rather than a cute little smile.

Also, I luckily don't have angles (or I haven't found one) - smiling with my teeth is the biggest thing for me, but I have another friend, she has one stiff angle and expression. When it comes to poses, she sucks it in and crosses her legs to make her look slim, she pops open her eyes too to make them look bigger - the only down point of this is that she appears vain in the process, since it becomes obvious that a lot of effort has gone into 'researching' the perfect pose. When all of us are goofing about, she'll be the one remaining completely fixed and will a doll-facedexpression - it's funny
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lady kool:
ohh thats the same text i sent to my ex-boyfriend
so wats so special about it

[color=#008855]It made him feel special. .
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davidylan:
this monicaa sef . . . when will you stop crying?

[color=#008855]It takes different amounts of time for different people. I for one just want to say the longer you keep trying to convince yourself that you're over him, the longer it'll take. Forget the opinions of people pressuring you to salvage your ego and "move on already", and try and find out why you haven't.

It seems the main reason is that you are scared that he's the best you'll ever have - but unless you really don't expect much from your life, that couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm not saying that there is a perfect guy but there is a better guy, it's not much to ask for is it? Don't sell yourself short, you want a guy to genuinely care for you and be loyal to you, love you and NEVER cheat - why have you convinced yourself that you're asking too much. .

*shakes head*
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[color=#008855]Isn't that terrible when a girl has her own opinions and free-will to do as she wishes.

Man, don't you just wish they could 'swim in d ocean of love' and just give it up??

Which self-respecting girl would do such a thing??

Do you have sisters? You expect them to do something like that?
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[quote author=$osisi link=topic=294589.msg4162837#msg4162837 date=1247190051]at least if person wan show,make e show healthy bazookas not garden eggs in traing bras[/quote][color=#008855]Rihanna's breasts are healthy. . They are not enormous or gravity-defying. Many women's breasts look like hers - oh before the push-up bras that is. .
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[color=#008855]I was just wondering which hairstyles most black men thought most suited their black counterparts.
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