₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]In all honesty, I have noticed some bitchiness, but you get that everywhere, some forums are worse, others are better.

I think that with Nairaland, I'm starting to get the vibe that people are getting bored, and so they are engaging in unnecessary drama just so that they can make it more interesting.

Everyone's different, and it's everyone's job to make sure that they don't mis-represent themselves. In this case, words speak louder than actions, these people could be wonderful in real life, but we wouldn't know because we can only judge by what they say.
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FL Gators:
If you care enough to be  jealous, then you gotta tell him what you feel.

Before you lose him
. . . . .and?

[color=#008855]Maybe that's it, maybe that's all it takes. But that contradicts the advice above, about a guy who is truly interested will do almost whatever it takes to get his desired girl.

This guy has sent me numerous signals, but we've mostly been out of sync, when I was willing to reciprocate, he would be more focused on the 'single life' and dancing with random girls on the dancefloor and chatting up girls and collecting numbers, and when I lose interest, he compliments me about being beautiful and being too good for my ex. He wanted me to break up with my ex and he did give me the vibe he was really interested, but when it came down to it, he didn't initiate anything. It wasn't just me who was dwindling.

Who knows maybe he actually has no idea of how I feel. . does that matter though? I know most confident guys would chase the girl of their dreams, and maybe others wait for encouragement, but really, I don't feel to encourage someone who seems to lack focus. I don't want to pick him, I want him to pick me.
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chihums:
sorry, if i may ask 'how old are u? u sound very precious

[color=#008855] I haven't heard it put that way before.

I'm not a teenager, I'm slightly naive and very open, I don't pretend to know more than I do, and question asking can make me seem like I lack knowledge or that I'm young and impressionable, but if you spoke to me in real life, I'm quite sarcastic and at times sceptical.
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chihums:
i commend ur polished english. if ur conduct is polished too and u are beautiful. never too worry ur Mr right will come. if he truly loves u he'll do all he can to get u, no matter how hard u play to get not flirting with ur friend. a lot of guys like people who sincerely are hard to get because those ones would ever be faithful wen they are gotten. my advice is dat wen u see the rite man that has d qualities u want go 4 him. if he truly loves u he'll like everything about u and not compare u wit another.

[color=#008855]Thank you.

But in all sincerity is the last line true, or really that simple.

I have had boyfriends in the past who I have truly cared about but felt that I loved them despite their bellys, or skinny legs or whatever's supposed to be a turn-off for a typical woman. This meant that I acknowlegded the fact that they had these flaws.

Are you trying to explain that the guy who loves me might be aware of the flaws, but to him he wouldn't see them as flaws??

I love the advice, because I believe even if it is not always the case, it is worth holding it as a standard, any lower could drive a woman to choose a man who can subtract from her self-confidence.
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[quote author=Desiré link=topic=284111.msg4028711#msg4028711 date=1245032971]I have to admit, I wouldn't know how to respond to this. It is perfectly normal to be jealous though as long as you can control it.

I got a question though, while he was flirting and complimenting you, what was your response like?[/quote][color=#008855]I was shy, and unsure if he was being serious because of the fact that he was flirty with every one too. When he's tipsy he can be very flirty, but I'm usually just grateful when he compliments me, and I return the favour. My usual response is to just say thankyou, nothing more, it takes more than compliments for me to fall head over heels.

I'm not raging with jealousy, it's just made me wonder if it's possible to really like someone but then like their friend's body more.
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[quote author=oyinda. link=topic=284111.msg4028713#msg4028713 date=1245033007]maybe he's giving up on you. lol over a year is a long time
you don't like him back do you? why were you jealous?[/quote][color=#008855]I met him a year ago, along with many other people, he went his own way and I mine, and made his own friends and over the course of the year we've been working together in a group, causing a lot of frustration, so I was never interested since he was always criticising me and bossing me around. He was never consistent with the signals either.

Maybe he is giving up on me, though I wouldn't say so since he still gets really shy and freezes around me, but it doesn't really matter since he's travelling soon. . lol The story of my life.
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[color=#008855]Perhaps, but I'm good at these things.

It's been going on for longer than a year.

AND he admitted that he would most like to get married to me. . yada yada yah. . He says that he sees qualities of his ideal girlfriend in me.

More proof david?
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[color=#008855]Hey everyone,

I was discussing with some friends and we got chatting about preferences, in the opposite sex.

One guy in particular has been flirting with me on and off for the past year and recently started becoming even more shy and caught off-guard around me so of course I get the impression that he has a crush on me (he occasionally tells me I'm beautiful and compliments me too).

However, in this discussion he admitted that he found my friend's figure to be incredibly sexy, she's slimmer than me, more toned, and has large breasts, however her appearance is more slim than curvy. He reiterated that he liked her look because she appeared very flexible (LOL kinky guy).

Anyways, guys share insight, how am I supposed to feel, what does this mean, she's my friend so it's a little close for comfort and his reason too

I was slightly jealous, but then I was thinking, does this mean that he probably lusts after my friend or am I just over-reacting?
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[color=#008855]It is not about becoming like the other women you see. It is about becoming different, making yourself indispensible, you are sticking around, and irreplacable.

Personality and confidence are the key points and I believe that over time you can master it. You don't have an expiry date, and once you focus on God, you realise that earthly time is a distraction. Focusing on your age or looks and other wordly things are superficial and it doesn't seem to me that you're looking for a superficial guy.

I pray that God brings you to a new level, guy or no guy, where you will be complete.

I believe you can do it.

Once you forgive him, you can leave him, and start anew. Please do.
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[color=#008855]You will not die, because you are not a number, you are a valued human being and thank you for reminding us of this fact.

I value you because you are like me, a human being who deserves to be loved, is loved and will continue to be loved. Please do not become short sighted, because of this one human, as everyone in this topic has agreed, he did not treat you the way he would like to be treated, and you deserve better.

You are not ugly, just because he did not value you doesn't mean that another man wouldn't value you, honestly.

If you want advice, I would encourage you to enrich your personality, become a well-rounded person, focus on growing your interests and the friends you have around you will grow too, through friends I am confident that you will meet someone new, and by being yourself and being completely honest.

Don't lose hope because that's the only thing that will keep you going.

All the best and God Bless.

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[color=#008855]Hi, keep strong because there are hopeful girls out there, what you need to work on, is finding them. Don't get distracted by certain habits and looks but look deeper in traits and you will find it a lot easier to differentiate between the two types of girls.

Once you master this task, you can avoid heartbreak and being lead on, the problem is mastering the task itself.
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C2H5OH:
i think good girls like topup are too focused on the wrong set of dudes to even notice the good guys right in front of them.  if ya know whatta mean

[color=#008855]Nah, I'm not focusing on any guy right now. But you can always point me in the 'right' direction if that's what you think.

Also, not every good guy suits every girl's taste. I know this sounds cliche, but a few good guys in my life are not too adventurous, but I think after a year of knowing them, I'm realising that they are just really focused on their future, you know, which is great, but initially it just looks like the person is not outgoing. And by the way, how am I to know that the guy who was chasing another girl last year and was crushing different girls every so often, would be the good guy at the end of the day?? How can I tell a genuine good guy when he plays up to the idea of 'bad guys', he doesn't want to seem sensitive or too caring because it'll make him look 'wimpy'.

Another good guy I know already has a crush on my close friend, and even he doesn't make it clear, she's realised how amazing he is and she is willing to make a few moves, ask him out on dates BUT when he told his friends he would make a move one night to ask her out, he never did, he didn't even acknowledge her, as far as she knew, he never liked her.

Not every guy can be 100% good, great or fantastic all the time. We're all humans, and it's this factor that confuses everything, because now she probably thinks that he's just looking for whatever comes his way, he's made no moves towards her since.
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[color=#008855]Lucky for you poster, genetics don't work like that. I have seen people with quirky features have the most beautiful babies.

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[color=#008855]There are plenty of good guys.

I believe in the idea of every guy is a good guy at one point in his life, and a 'bad' guy at least once in his life. The length of this stage depends on the guy's personality and his environment.

I know a good guy, but I don't push him away, he merely does not make it clear what his intentions are, and before you know a bad guy will come and distract me (by pretending to be a good guy but offering much more including excitement and personality), the good guy so never makes any moves that would be too forward and is sometimes too safe. Not many girls will pursue a guy, however, if it is plain to see that a guy is a good guy and is not merely a player who is waiting for the fish to jump into his net then of course women would flock. But it's not that easy to see.

I am still waiting for the good guy to make it easier for me to see his intentions, because as far as I know, we are no more than friends.
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[color=#008855]Odiaseo has a great reply!!
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[color=#008855]You seem like you really care for your girlfriend, I'm quite unsure why she's confused or troubled by the decision, but if she's deeply spiritual, she might see it as a sign or a message. It all depends on the individual.

If you love her enough to marry her and be patient with her, then you must reassure her that you love her, at least this way, you cannot be blamed for anything, she cannot say that it was true, that you never cared for her.

Who knows maybe she's confused on the level of your relationship, does she think she's going to be with you forever, is she even ready for marriage, are you?? Is it that she's been wanting to get married for a while now, because this guy may have answered her prayers - but they confusion is from the fact that she has no feelings for this guy.

I hope that she's a smart woman, and that she will make the decision that is best for herself, and not just weigh up odds or take gambles.

I think she should just follow her heart and what she knows, we all learn lessons one way or the other, she may learn that you're the best thing that's ever happened to her or she might find out that she's not ready for anything too serious now.

She may also be receiving pressure from family to get married.

Has she ever brought up the issue of marriage with you?
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[color=#008855]Do you drink a lot of water at night?? If so, avoid drinking any water before bedtime and visit the toilet just before sleeping.

Then pray like others have advised, see a medical doctor, and hopefully women who also have been in this situation can help.

I think you should tell your fiance, especially if you plan to share the maritial bed.
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[color=#008855]Fantastic . Go O.A.U.!!
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[color=#008855]I think the original post was good, and might help some guys.

It's gentle advice, allowing the person to adjust it and customize it to their own situation. Of course if you know that your ex girlfriend is dating someone else and is adamant that they can never be with you again, then simply being kind to her and friendly, might not do the job.


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[color=#008855]Ask him to hear you out, ONE LAST TIME for your conscience, and if he is still adamant that he cannot trust you and that he has taken another girl as his 'prized possession' then I'm afraid, I'll be the first to say CONGRATULATIONS.

I don't know 'Christopher' but there are bad and mixed messages coming from this guy, it seems it's a combination of a great deal of insecurity and lack of trust, self control and honesty from his side.

Those are not traits worthy of marriage, to a loving, wonderful woman as yourself.

Please continue to cry, let the pain and agony be released from your heart, don't hold back thinking that he'll return - please he had a diamond but keeps scratching it and rubbing it the wrong way.

Well, you'll never be dull in my eyes.

Okay, I guess maybe this story is one sided, or maybe you've been completely honest, if so, I can see RED ALERT signs all over this relationship.

Cheating is a strike, a very serious one, and if he can easily be tempted by your best friend of all people then who's to say he won't be tempted by your sister, your mother, cousin, niece or God forbid, your daughter. I am not saying he's a monster but he's not serious about you, well not as much as you are about him.

My suspicions tell me that maybe he cheated on you a second time and the guilt is what was affecting him, also self-doubt has caused him to resent you, because maybe he feels that he doesn't deserve you and found any excuse for a breakup or maybe he believes that: such a loyal woman doesn't exist and that maybe you're lying to him, or maybe you're playing a smarter game.

I'll write more later, but my honest suggestion is that you escaped being united with a reckless person.
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[color=#008855]Let's analyse this in terms of longevity. Do you see yourself marrying someone like her?? If you can't stand a messy house and it brings you two to blows then maybe you should reassess the relationship.

But first, you two need to talk, why is it that she doesn't like to clean and argues with you?? Are you the one who makes the majority of the mess, but offer no support with the housework?? Is she really busy working, or looking after people most of the time??
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[color=#008855]Nope I can sorry easily, but recently with friends, it's becoming harder for them to get me to say it - I guess only when I'm adamant that I'm correct. When proven wrong, I will easily admit that I'm wrong.

It's pride, maybe she needs to eat a good slice of humble pie.

Saying sorry flows easier, when the person you're apologising to is understandable, who wants to admit they're wrong when the other person is yelling in their face. The normal human reaction is to stand tall and defend yourself, some people cower - but really, that's only SOME people.

Talk to her and explain how you feel, be more self aware, and if you are incorrect, don't hesitate to apologise even if she hasn't begun to, because two wrongs don't make a right.
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[color=#008855]If it isn't true it's not love, the only place where you can find this 'true love' is in God. Honestly, there are other substitutes but they come nowhere near.
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[color=#008855]Awww, all the best, believe and you'll receive, and then to God leave the rest.

Have a wonderful day, stay safe, make it memorable, take care.
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[color=#008855]And is this; "Why Ladies Fall." - a book??
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hackney:
Miss all my siblings and my dad.
I Kind of miss home.
The fact that i would have been married by now if i was in Naija kills me.

Now all i have is a girlfriend (E.africa)who knows i wont marry her.
The worst part is that she's all kinds of hot.

So far haven't met a good Naija girl here;being busy and all.
(Nothing pass home girl)

[color=#008855]Excuse me for being nosey, but that's a shame, (about the hot girlfriend - who may want to marry you) - just because she's not Nigerian?

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[color=#008855]My mum, dad, grandma, cousin S*, close friend/ex, sis & bro (compulsory) .

*sigh*
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[color=#008855]Chances that you truly love this 'girl' are very slim. Like most have adviced, it's not worth all the hassle, but at the end of it, all I'll advice you to do is to do whatever you feel.

It doesn't seem too serious. Your 'cyber babe' wasn't really someone you were considering long term, was 'she'?
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[color=#008855]In a way, attending the wedding can make everything REAL, he can accept his loses, instead of wonder if there was anything he could have done or if there was any reluctancy.

I think that it all depends on how highly this guy rates his ex, he obviously was able to let his pride dictate things for long enough - because he thought she'd always be around. How are we sure that it's not only because she is unavailable that the feelings have become harder to hide?

Anyways, I don't think what your friend does with the invite matters too much, he'll just have to decide to do what he believes is best for him, or if he is no longer keen on using rational and now wants to follow his heart, he can do just that - then he'll find his answer.

Everyone's different, some will go and they get closure, others won't go and they can save the memories or put them away in a neat box and move on.

The emphasis is on moving on - he should try his best to move on.
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[color=#008855]There is always a demand first before the supply. Prostitutes did not appear before the sugar daddies and people who wanted to be able to sleep around without commitments.

It's all true, the gap for the this kind of activity arose (probably from grooming of women who wouldn't normally do such things, but due to economic crises do), then these same women fill the gap (by becoming prostitutes), and the demand is still there (mostly from men), and until there is no demand it'll be very difficult to curb such a thing - unfortunately.
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[color=#008855]No it's not wrong for the guy to be upset IF HE CAN PROVE THAT SHE CHEATS - because everyone knows that paranoia is a factor in these type of situations. He should not make decisions based on pride or bursts of emotion, he'll need facts.

If the girl in question has betrayed his trust, the emotion that comes with that can be saddness or anger, or if he never loved her (which isn't the case in this particular scenario) he may not be phased.

I think the guy has all the right to be disappointed in his beloved girlfriend, whether he wants to work it out is another question, as she has not chosen to be honest about it with him and he has found out, that type of situation can make a person paranoid; "What else is she keeping from me." e.t.c. .
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[color=#008855]Humans in general, men and women are equal, because there is no 'lie' gene, that is inherited by females that makes them greater liars.

If so, then all women should be compulsive liars.
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