₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]Aww this is sweet, and I am sure everytime you read it you are transported to that time when you both loved each other.

Just as long as you remember it was in the past. .

Look towards the brighter future, even if all the new woman does is look at you, that look will be all you need to know, to show you that she truly loves you - after all actions speak louder than words.
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[color=#008855]Are you really willing to sell yourself short?? You don't mind having the best of a bad bunch now rather than waiting for the best of a good bunch later.

Try and look further ahead, imagine yourself in a peaceful and trusting relationship. Yes, people will lie about things, but that's their problem, they're just looking for the girl who'll be insecure enough or dumb enough to go along with their lies - and you're not one of those types of girls - OK!!

Believe me there are better options, don't sell yourself short

Also, who is to say that you're ex is having a great time, he might still be in the vicious circle of lies and deceit.
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[color=#008855]Where she lives, they're not called streets, they're called catwalks. Surgery is popular, looks are everything. Sex for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
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[color=#008855]Get a better guy. Not a rebound guy, but a man who will love and respect you. He will want to make a mense when you agrue and you won't even really have much to argue about. He will NEVER cheat on you, and will respect your wishes, if anything, he will only leave you if you turn out to be ungrateful or uncaring and not because he wants any excuse to disappear and live the single life.

It's funny how we seem to believe that everything we gave into relationships are wasted because the relationship ends. I don't think that way, I'm happy with the love I gave, the things I shared because it made the relationship worthwhile. I learnt painful lessons from the breakup but I will never deny that whilst I was in the relationship that everything was worth it.
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[color=#008855]Wow, this reflects equally bad on you as it does her - after all it takes two to tango. You called her right?? - The next day in fact.

Until she actually puts her words into action, I can't judge how 'desperate' she is.

Although, you do give me the impression that you don't know each other too well as you're shocked that she's quick to respond.

You won't get the virus if you don't have sex, you don't have to have sex with her if you don't want you know.


Peace.[/color]

[color=#008855]Let it be said that I read it here first, seeming interested in a guy is a turn-off.

Can someone tell me when we're allowed to stop playing hard to get again!!
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[color=#008855]Wow, way to eliminate women men!!

How can you judge a woman's character simply from how she calls? I can understand that stalkers, possesive and controlling girlfriends are a turn-off, but there are other ways.

It's times like these that men expect women to be mind-readers (knowing when and when not to call). See, it's not just women who expect the mind-reading thing!
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[color=#008855]Take a step back. .

So you think she wants both you and her ex? Just ask her, see what she says, check if it sounds honest, if it does, I reckon you should give her the benefit of the doubt. You can always walk away from this relationship saying you've tried your best - also it's the only way we learn about ourselves.
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ElRazur:
It means a new man.

[color=#008855]Oooooh. . and what's new then?
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Romeo4real:
C'mon, you know its not that simple. A man is not a mind reader, neither is a woman.
The problem is, even when you ask a woman whats wrong, she will say "nothing, if u dont know it already, then there no point in telling u". WTF!! What can a man do?
Yes, you shd be sensitive and observant to you partners feelings, but communication is about being clear, precise and direct about what u are trying to say - Not sending out signs, signals and codes, that could be ignored or misinterpreted.

On the tie issue, i would definitely specify what & where i want it from, as its one of those things that is so easy to get wrong.

[color=#008855]I would never say "Nothing." (and definitely not with 'smart' response afterwards) unless I didn't want to talk about the issue. If he then proceeded to move on and never ask what was wrong with me again, then I would be punching myself wishing I had just got what was on my chest. . off my chest. I am a person who likes to talk things through. . which shouldn't be a surprise to those familiar with this board .

I agree with you, the whole "nothing" thing is silly.

It's usually used by women not when they're trying to play mind games, but when they're doing the whole;

"I'm not going to fall into the stereotype of an emotional female, I'm going to handle this problem, and not let it affect me."

They do it just to prove something, when deep inside the issue is biting at them and they want to speak about it. If you ask again, and again, it becomes difficult to withhold the info. and there's always the excuse "He really wanted to know, what was wrong, it wouldn't be fair if I ignored him."

(There are a lot of assumptions in what I've said, I know, but that's my interpretation of it).
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Romeo4real:
@Topup - Wow! She only asked him one question thru the whole drama, to which he gave a simple and truthful answer. As a man, im really trying to see his "lack of communications skiils".

Its so important to try and make sense of this from a woman's viewpoint, as its the kind of stuff I, (and many men)go through.

[color=#008855]I never said he lacked communication skills, but there was a lack of communication. We are responsible to an extent for a tiny bit of how our actions affect others, this is passive action - it was the way he didn't act.

I'm sure if he yelled at her, we would all agree she had a right to ask what was wrong or even demand an answer.

But he did the opposite, he imploded instead, his actions changed, he wasn't himself, he was probably sad, disheartened or just fed up, and she picked up on it, which is what all people men or women should do.

You should notice when your partner is acting stranger than usual. In fact I think we should know when even casual friends are acting strange, we are accountable for those around us.

I mean how many people afterwards say things like "I thought she was acting a little strange, but I didn't know that her parent's divorce would cause her to commit suicide."

Yes, it's an extreme view, but you get what I mean.

Luckily he only had a bad day at work, and if he had just said that, then I would be here siding with the guy, saying his girlfriend should have just killed her doubts right there and then, and trusted her guy.
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ElRazur:
Are you sure it wasn't a cock you had down your throat? That is called[i] deep Drinking[/i]. lol Unless off course your GF have tounge as long as a snake or something, or both of you are just rubbish kissers.

[color=#008855]Yup, I think you got all the reasons, right there LOL!!!!

P.s. I looked up 'homonovous' and no definition came up for it, I suggest you get on it. hmmm
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[color=#008855]Lol, coming up for air is not an insult you know! !

I used to kiss for hoursssssss. . and just to make sure that I wasn't choking anybody (tehe) I used to break it off gently. . .

AND THEN CONTINUE
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Guy's top lies.

(1) I Love you,
(2) I'm not a virgin,
(3) I love sex,
(4) I'm a player so I made the first move,
(5) It's huge, you've never seen anything bigger,
(6) I want something more than just physical because you're different to the other girls,
(7) Girl, I promise just this once
(8 ) You're the only one for me,
(9) I have never loved any other girl like I love you (and never will),
(10) I can't stop thinking about you.


Sorry guys, I couldn't help myself.[/color]

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I'm sorry but the issue is to do with your outlook. You have to take that first step, it won't be easy, but you will have many opportunities to try and try again before you perfect it.

It's things like this that make me thank God I was born a female.

Anyways, I think maybe you should try and ease off online talking, people talk differently online than they do offline, women may act more sincere, be more honest and can hide their body language, so you're not learning how to speak to people face to face, even though you think it's increasing your confidence.

I would advise making friends with the women you like first, and even though you might want something to happen, convince yourself that you only want a platonic relationship, that should calm down the nerves more, as friends come and go, but an insult from a crush could last a lifetime.

I'm not saying you're going to get insulted, but some women may not react the way you want them to, to the words you say to them, that is why it is important to do your own trial and error. Some women react positively to being 'toasted' from the first meeting maybe on the street or in a restaurant whilst others will detest it.

Being good at reading boyd language, whether you're getting a positive signal to continue the 'toasting' or a negative as she's preoccupied with a phone call, or looks worried, in a bad mood e.t.c.

You'll learn over time, unfortunately I can't predict how much time it would take for you, but if you start now, it'll take less time.

Also, I believe maybe it's now time to curb the 'in bed' part, most respectable ladies are not looking for things like that upon first meeting and announcing stuff like that to their faces can be a turn-off/negative point.
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[color=#008855]The woman in question is compensating for her boyfriends lack of communication by over-thinking things through.

We're all adults, and guys don't pretend you don't understand how your moods and behaviour can be perceived.

I know if I'm behaving differently to how I normally behave, someone could take it as me being offended with them, even if I had just had a crappy day at work.

If I sense that the person I'm with is a little cautious because of my mood, I would start a conversation, which would reveal that I'm not in the best of moods. I guess sometimes people don't want to say a thing, but that lack of talking will lead the other person to make their own conclusions.

Would you really want a girlfriend who needs you to say things before she picks it up.
e.g. would you want her never to buy you a thing unless you explicity say; "I want that tie from. ."
Wouldn't you be amazed if through knowing you in depth she bought the tie and surprised you with it?

I think the woman should have just asked the guy as soon as she detected something, but the guy probably would have just said bluntly; "I had a crap day at work." which might have not been enough for the analytical woman in question.

Lastly:
"I got a shag though"

If my husband ever said that or thought that . . man that wouldn't be a positive thing at all. .
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Archilles:
Its pretty funny how the ladies arent talking so much and those that replied, simple asked her to change job and ask for forgiveness. But if it were to be guy that posted this thread, missiles for dey fly left, right, center. Anyway,

[color=#008855]Because I guess some of us women don't believe in insulting, especially when the deed is already done. As for double standards, you'll just have to wait to see how we respond to a guy asking the same question before you can make such assumptions.

(And there are insults already in this topic, need we add more??)
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[color=#008855]Definitely, but apparently, Nairaland did, but people exploited it. I think if there was a private messaging service, all those people searching for sugar mommies, daddies, b/fs, g/fs e.t.c. would exploit it.
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[color=#008855]He's stronger than you. . not always the case, with men versus women (though usually) - but he is.
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[color=#008855]Ooooooh, now that I've read the story I understand.

If I was in her position I would say that I was a virgin, because there are so many different technicalities. She has never had intercourse so under some definitions she is one, however, the finger may have broken her hymen (if it hadn't already been broken), after all not every woman bleeds.

It gets harder and harder to tell if a woman is a virgin, but to be honest, there was never really a definite technique, I feel sorry for all the women who were virgins but because they did not 'produce' the blood were cast out as whores and liars.

Back to the original topic, yeah it's possible to be a virgin and be unsure, sometimes people consider you one if you've never had intercourse, whilst others insist on the hymen being in tact.
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gentleogoo:
What is love? Im a female and at 26, i haven't  loved anyone, i have gone into relationships but i realize i don't love and don't even know what love is? Could this be a spiritual problem? Or certainly not met someone to love?

Please i need advice

[color=#008855]Don't worry about it, don't try and force something if it's not coming natural.

I think it could do with the guys in your area, or your expectations (which could be unrealistic) - hopefully soon you'll meet that guy who'll make you stop and think.

Everyone's always trying to figure out what love is, but for me, my husband will be as close to my best friend as possible. We'll laugh and cry together, and with that as a foundation, anything extra will be a bonus .
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Aquila Joy:
Pls help me out, i fell in love with my boss. We screwed each other for a while and i am begining to feel the shame as a married woman. I have told him that we got to stop but he wont even let me be. During my birthday he bought me a brand new jeep. I gave it to my husband as a symbol of my love for him. Now my bus bleeps me everyday in his guest house. I am his PA so nobody knows this. I love my husband. What do i do?

[color=#008855]Are you trying to convince me that you're an opinionless woman. If you don't want to do these things, why are you? Yes, there is pressure, you could lose your job, lose the jeep *pfft, your boss could make working for him very difficult.

But in all honesty, are you willing to lose your husband because of these things??

I think it's important to remember that rarely are these men genuine, and even if he genuinely did love you, that wouldn't change a thing! But I think that your 'position' as his sex buddy could easily be filled up.

Imagine if from the very onset you said "No." he may have fired you, but ultimately if he feels to cheat he would probably ask the next PA to do the same.

You only have one life to live, and ideally one husband to cherish - is it so much to ask that you consider how the other half would feel every once in a while.
For me the guilt could kill me, I couldn't take it if my husband cheated on me - well maybe it's because I would sincerely love that man!

It's not as complicated as you've presented it, you should stop sleeping with your boss, if he decides that he's had enough, that's even more reason to fire you and hire a 'fresh face'. Please, you've been warned, ask for forgiveness - that always helps if it's a fresh start you need.
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alfchye:
I have done that and I had no regret and my girlfriend still tells me everytime that she was happy I hit her becos she came to her senses after everything.
I did that twice and I hope not to do it again.We have not quarrel much after the two times and believe me It is always happening at the end of every year.
But don't blame a married man hitting his wife, Number 1 poverty will make a man loose his temper, I do not blame all of you here saying beating a woman is bad.
You do not understand when a man don't want trouble, there wasa neighbour of mine back in the days, He lost his job and was always thinking of how to get a new one and all other stuff, plus paying lite bill, house rent and children school fees, instead madam to allow the man straight head she will always call the man names even outside their home.
Evryone hater this woman becos of this, But when they came new to this compound, they use to be the eveny of all, look what poverty is causing, sumtimes I feel for this man becos he doesn't beat the woman on regularly basis, But I will say this particular woman deserve beating every hour.
If this man should beat this woman, It will be him crying and telling people that he never wanted to beat her, The woman will be inside shouting, you go kill me today and other than.

So don't blame any man who beat his wife or girlfriend, It is condition, A men in his right sense will not raise his hand on any woman.
So you guys here use your brain and not your head to think , I will beat if that is wat will give the woman good sense of reason.
Not until you kill me before I will react.Women who are troublesome will not dialogue with hubby or BF, They prefer scene.

I rest ma case. Make una curse me

[color=#008855]As the dominant species, should you really be abusing you're strength?? And if so, justifying it too??

Wait until you have a daughter. . hopefully you'll believe that her husband, if he becomes a wife beater (God forbid) should not be blamed for beating her - after all 'poverty will make a man lose his temper'.
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OBNOXIOUS:
Bull***SH**T!

I am over 30 and i dont give 2 flying F***ks about love! You dont have to waste your time trying to sacrifice your emotions for one B***TCH[color=#008855]Someone sounds bitter!!
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! Just go with the flow and continue to F***K them.

Nothing is wrong with you and dont let these chicks convince you other wise. they will just start bombarding you with reasons why you should fall in love but when the chick gives you a middle finga in the middle of the relationship, they will be the first to offer their condolensce.

Just ignore them, meet a woman with no strings attached, Yansh her well till your tired, move along and repeat the whole cycle.

The day you decide to invest in Love is the day the love stock market will so crash down badly on you that you wont be able to get out of any love recession for the next 100 years. Save your self the stress and plan for your own future alone and no one else. Adding a woman to the equation is just a one way ticket to hell for you!

Your better off than Millions of Men that have invested in Love and their hands are burning badly because of that fatal error of falling for the saggy boobs and drooppy Asses!

Wake up My Guy!

In fact think deeply, how many of these nairaland chicks that your waiting to advise you are presently in love?[color=#008855]Not presently, no.
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How many of them have actually broken up with someone that loves them to death?[color=#008855]Never.
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How many of them toyed with a Man's heart and desire while they were pretending to love him back[color=#008855]Never.
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And how many of them would honestly say they give 100% in any relationship they have ever entered?[color=#008855]Hand on heart, ALWAYS!
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How many of them have bled a man to death financially?[color=#008855]Never.
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Are these the ones you are looking up to to advise you?[color=#008855]No, she [/b]shouldn't be looking up to us to advise her, she instead should just use her own wisdom. We can all discuss but at the end of the day, it's what feels right to her.
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If yes, i feel sorry for you and anxiously wait for your post 6 months from today after you might have been brutally tortured emotionallyand shown what true love really means!

[b]So just continue F***king them (Use protection sha!) and plan your own life without them. So far so good, it has worked well for me after i learnt my lesson years back and today, i am more stable, financially okay, no stress or wahala of women or marriage, abortion wahala, bitterness, money problems, greed, jealously, nagging or any of those stupid things that can make a Man die of a heart attack.

Any woman pushing you for lnstant love or marriage is just doing it for her own selfish greedy reason to protect her self from societal and parental scorn to become a (mrs) ad not because she desires you! And the moment you fall for that age old scam, Men you are totally done for and i would really cry a river for you like justin timberlake!

You are in controland you should keep it that way!

[color=#008855]Well, I won't wish you good luck with that because I highly doubt that every woman you've 'yanshed' has not been heartbroken, you've probably done more than your fair share (if you really have been in the cycle you advised). Unless you sleep with women who are into no-strings attached-type relationships, how many woman have you uttered the three words to just to get into bed for your own satisfaction?

And, it works both ways Mr., just because you're not uttering the words doesn't mean that your emotions are completely separated. There will come a day you will meet love face to face and if you decide to carry on in denial that it exists, then you may just lose the best thing that could possibly happen to you.

We need to really understand what love is; I don't believe that true love hurts, I believe that true love is similar to giving without expecting to receive. Everyone associates love with heartbreak but in all honesty, the signs for heart break are usually there early into any relationship. It's a challenge to learn about yourself, learn how to love yourself, learn what you can and can't tolerate from others, then you can release the pain and guilt that comes from a naive heart.

Everyone has free will and just because another person chose to deal carelessly with your heart doesn't mean that the next person will. We're all vulnerable human beings, becoming more and more synical as the days go by.
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[color=#008855]That's only a tenth of the story. .
What are your feelings for her, has she made any moves on you, what does she want, what do you want e.t.c.

I need more info.
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[color=#008855]I've been told that before, but I got annoyed because, who said a stranger was to start judging me. I could be unstable for all they know. It turned out that the guy only said it to shock me because he said that it was to catch my attention, since he knew all the other guys would feed my ego with compliments, he wanted to stand out.
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[color=#008855]Just ask her for some tips on how to go about convincing her mother. It's a test some women put their guys through, if you believe she's worth it, you'll want to give it a go.
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[color=#008855]Stories like this make me feel sad.

No man of God, should be doing such a thing. You sound quite young and possibly naive, but I want to reassure you that you are right to think something odd of this, this is wrong. It is immoral, it's not right for him to be chasing you. He is simply a man who is giving into his urges - you would think that because he is a pastor and has more to lose that he wouldn't do such things, especially when he already has a wife - but I guess anything can happen in life.

It is wrong because:

- As a Christian he is committing repetitive sins by allowing his desire for you to grow and he sounds like he's grooming you, the way he asks you out, keeps you from other guys, it's all a tactic to make you fall helplessly in love with him.
- He should not be doing these sexual things, let alone thinking them, especially as he has a wife. He has already committed adultery and that is a sin. He has disobeyed one of the 10 commandments.
- You shouldn't trust your pastor more than you trust God, do you realise that the sexual stuff you're doing with him is wrong? If so, you know what to do.


Please, I urge you to take time away from church to read your bible, in the meantime, you could join a prayer group or meeting so that you still regularly socialise with likeminded Christians and true believers.

I think a change of church is even appropriate.

You also need to ask God for forgiveness, please, I know that you might have not been aware of the sins, but they are sins nontheless, it really seems like you were groomed, you were guided along this path.

*If I get my hands on that 'pastor'!!  *

Since I believe that he's grooming you, I don't believe he was grooming you so that his goal would be to finger you, I believe that eventually he would like to have sex with you. Please consider his wife, please, what if you were her, she doesn't deserve this. You deserve a true man of God, a true follower of the faith, not this guy who's using it as an excuse to get closer to you.

Please, not everything that feels good, is good.

Shame on this man.
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