₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]God will help you, if you let Him.

Ever heard of the 80:20 rule??

If this Nairaland 'chick' is distracting you, that's probably because she's the 20 that your wife doesn't currently have. This means that she possesses some 20% of the qualities you like in a woman that your wife doesn't have. However, assuming you chose carefully before you married your wife and that you really and truly do love your wife, I can say that your wife is the 80, this means that she possesses 80% of the qualities you would like in your ideal woman.

Since no woman is 'perfect', and you CANNOT HAVE BOTH, you have to remind yourself that by being preoccupied with the 20, you could lose the 80 you have.

Any guy can work out that it's not worth it.

Not the gamble,
not the price,
not the aftermath.

Take care.
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[color=#008855]Are you really confused?? If you don't feel comfortable with the idea of marrying her, I think you shouldn't be dating her. However, don't marry her just because you want to disvirgin her.

I'm not sure what 'will happen' if you disvirgined her, but it's an obvious threat, you could ask her what 'will happen' if you're really that bothered.

Lastly, I'm sure you know what is the right thing to do.
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[color=#008855]For the fact that you are still trying to keep your options open, you really don't want your ex to forget about you and move on, but you want to give him the illusion that you have - probably just to threaten him in a hope that he'll fight for you.

Well, I believe you should start with honesty. It isn't a crime to admit that you are harbouring feelings that a lot of people here will judge you for. Hey!! You're only human. However, what are the reasons for you wanting to re-consider the relationship??

Is it because you haven't found another guy to replace him??

From your posts (if I remember correctly) - he deserved to be let go, you did the right thing, and we here on Nairaland were ready to offer support for you to restore yourself, so it's a little confusing.

I don't want to be a hypocryte, because I've been there before, but in all honesty, you should try and make a decision, don't waver too much because even he won't take you seriously. Make your decision, make a list if you must, of why you think the relationship was better broken off and why you think it'll be all worth the hassle stress and confusion to try and re-open the healing wounds.

I think if you're honest, you'll be able to rationally convince your heart that bit longer that you are better off without him.

Everytime you feel weak, come on Nairaland, I'm sure others will advise you on ways to move on.

Alternatively, if you discard everything and decide to do a U-turn, you can just follow your heart, because I doubt anyone here will be able to give you a rational reason as to why you should go back to a failed relationship.
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Monicaa:
U said once a decision is made, it's made but y do sum couples reconcile nd get back afta breaking up? I don't think in all cases 1ce a decision is made, it's made, sum things cud have been said @ d heat of d moment.

[color=#008855]Things like this confuse me, because the impression I got was that you made a rational decision in breaking-up with him and that you knew deep down inside that you were better off. Yes, that feeling fades over time, but the reasons should still be there.

If you feel like you've misrepresented the guy or your relationship and you believe it was really special and definitely worth fighting for, this is your chance to convey that, but until you do, most people will say the same as what's above (iice & ezinne1212).
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[color=#008855]More times than not, I believe it isn't right to accept things from an ex, be it 'gifts' or 'loans'. I just think that it's a little too risky. I mean some people can have the relationship where they are close friends and neither person is using the other, but more times than not, one person takes advantage of the other. Either it is the person loaning or 'giving', and they are secretly trying to re-lure their unsuspecting victim, or it is the person taking who is aware of the vulnerability or naivety of the person giving.

It is really difficult to make sure if something is truly a gift, and the only way to clarify for sure is when things go wrong. Why wait until that happens, why not just try and minimise transactions between yourself and the ex. Some people say better the devil you know, but who ever said you knew the devil to begin with.

That's my advice anyways.

(I feel a similar way when it comes to friends.)
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[color=#008855]Those happen to be the best monkeys I've ever seen. .
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whiteroses:
so you guys don't hate boring girls that's impressive, i noticed nigerian guys dont mind boring boring girls as long as she's respectful and pretty but for jand or yankee if a girl is not bubbly, down to earth and especially a bit feisty she's out lol

[color=#008855]That's true, but I think it's because of the Hollywood idea of romance, being exciting and fun.

I think boring in their case, means predictable. . they don't mind that.
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[color=#008855]This is all true, and it's worldwide. Women can be a very insecure bunch at times, I've noticed this, even when there are multiple women in the area, usually when I'm speaking to a girl's friend or I'm being introduced to a guy that another girl was just introduced to.

This behaviour doesn't intimidate me, it just infuriates me. Who gave them the right to try and intimidate anyone, just to make up for their own insecurities. If they spent more effort working on their insecurities surely they would benefit more. It's not about the 'other woman' it's about the alter ego.

I don't want to compete with any other woman like that, and I refuse to be put in such a situation.


When I'm faced with a situation like that I tend to just carry on smiling, though it is very difficult when she's giving you icy cold glares, but you give the impression that you cannot be bothered with that type of behaviour. They don't tend to soften up until they realise that you are somebody they should respect or someone who is important to the object of their 'attention'.
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[color=#008855]This seems natural to me, because you still have feelings for your ex, despite what logic might tell you.

I personally think that you should allow yourself sometime to be honest with yourself, come out with it. Do you still want him?? Are you still expecting to get back with him?? Because the pain and anger disappears once you manage to convince yourself it's over between the two of you. I guess there might still be some pain when you remember what could have been but ideally the pain from imagining another woman with him should fade.

Also, just because your ex is sleeping with another woman doesn't indicate a thing. It doesn't mean he's enjoying his new found freedom, or enjoying the company of that particular woman so you can afford to relax. Stop trying to imagine how it is with him, don't just think about the good things, remember the reasons why you both broke up, they were significant enough for you two that you're still apart.

It's easier said than done I know, but it's worth it, you'll heal quicker and enjoy the process that will grow you and make you stronger.

All the best.
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You have our undivided support and HIS unwavering guidance. Let God lead you into that room and put your mind at rest.

All the best.

x o

[color=#008855]Alek Wek is NOT ugly.
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[color=#008855]For every guy who prefers the lighter skinned female, there will always be a guy out there who prefers the darker skin . . Find him.
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[color=#008855]The closest thing you can get to control is avoidance, you can control whether you're exposed to him or not.
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[color=#008855]Whether it's a girl or a guy that says such a thing, I usually leave it up to them to make any moves or progress the relationship.

By making such a statement, they imply that they want nothing more and if you try and force anything more, she/he can always say "I told you, I just wanted to be friends." even if at the time it seemed like they wanted more.

It's like a get out of jail card for some, but then there are always those who actually really mean it.
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[color=#008855]I think this calls for frankness but gently.

Have you had a serious conversation in which you have told him that you are not interested in marrying him?? If not, you shouldn't be surprised that his hopes are still up. He probably has the idea that you'll eventually come around and will say yes, as you may be giving him the impression that you are confused about the whole thing.

It is now time for your actions to speak louder than your words, avoid being friendly with him, be polite, but don't go the extra mile - this is after you hopefully let him know how you feel about the situation.

He will probably be mad that you never told him this earlier, and that you continued to test him and play games with him, I mean wouldn't you be mad if you were interested in a guy and you thought all you had to do was prove that you were a trustworthy candidate and then after two years of being friendly and pursuing him, he turned around and said that he just wasn't interested?

Anyways, all the best. I know that there are two sides to every story, I hope for the best for you, hopefully everything will go smoothly.

God Bless.
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[color=#008855]I have never been cheated on, but I've come close.

If we're talking about your guy becoming emotionally involved and interested in another woman whilst he's dating you, I've come really close.

If we're talking about the guy actually sleeping or making a move on another woman whilst we were dating, only time will bring out the truth on that one, but for now. . the answer's N.O.
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[color=#008855]I don't believe there is a way to tell for certain.

But one thing I've noticed is friends when they say; "He was terrible in bed." . . who knows maybe they laid with a virgin, or someone who wasn't too experienced and yet I've also had friends who've said; "He was a natural, very tentative and instinctive." Who knows really. .
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[color=#008855]I haven't met someone who doesn't know of either, but I think that Michael Jackson is more popular, I think it has to do with the number of generations his music spanned - and he's still alive.

The media still covers him and he is still an interesting public figure. He gained fans from a much wider range of people all over the world and I think people genuinely like his music.

I'm not so sure about Bob Marley, I may like his music, but I don't often hear people ranting and raving about him, he has had less documentaries and biographies written about his life too. Seems like nobody's interested.
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biola44:
r u harmful?

[color=#008855]Passively. . yes.
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sidman:
hi topup.

You are the bumb. u just hit the nail on the head. She travelled to London to se her mom and shes been trying to reach me since that time.

Both online.  Thank you

[color=#008855]Hey there,

In other words, you deserve better and there is better. She seems to be struggling with removing bobo2 out of the picture. Maybe if you stay clear, she'll have time to think about your worth, if she thinks you're worth fighting for, that's exactly what she'll do.
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[color=#008855]Yet again we are portrayed as these harmless wonderful creatures. . well I'm not complaining
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[color=#008855]You make it seem as if these are the only two ladies in the whole world who you could possibly get married to.

There are millions of other women you could be equally if not more compatible with - without all the mayhem and hassle.

I believe this girl from Atlanta and her housemate have too much drama going around them and I wouldn't advise you to stick your head into it.
I always advise people to only enter into something when they are sure they are doing it the right way. For now there is still a lot of concern about "bobo2", especially since he seems aware of you and your budding relationship with her. For your safety I would advise you stay clear. I am not convinced that you have fallen in love with her or even considered the longevity of your relationship, maybe if you make a convincing argument as to why you believe that there is no other more compatible woman than her, maybe then I'll be able to advise you.

Otherwise like I have already stated twice, stay clear of this dead end situation.
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[color=#008855]I can't believe no other woman has mentioned this.

The stain you're talking about is probably blood. To be frank.
Especially if her undies have been washed and are drying, funny enough I noticed this when I was in one of my friend's room, I assumed, no one hangs dirty underwear to dry.

I guess, sometimes blood from a woman's period can leak through the sanitary towel (VERY COMMON and does not mean she is unhygenic), and if it isn't washed immediately it can stain. The blood stain can remain there even after washing, or cause a discolouration after several washes, alternatively she may be lucky and the stain can completely come off.


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[color=#008855]You guys are funny.

I do worry about love, but I don't worry about boys, I over-analyze relationships because a great lesson can be learnt from most things.
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C2H5OH:
Because the girl who finds love has found a wonderful blessing.  It is a lifelong gift she would  never part with.

Plus she is not worrying about them as much as she is analyzing the situation before her .

[color=#008855]Agreed.
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[color=#008855]Hate to disagree but I do. I believe maybe in some countries and situations money may prove the most challenging. . challenge, however I have noticed that many relationships break because of other more deeper issues, like the mis-match of habits, infidelity e.t.c.
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[color=#008855]I don't believe this very unfortunate event is enough to testify that this world is coming to an end.

I do agree though that it reflects badly on both the police, the prostitutes and the potentially drunk drivers.
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[color=#008855]Can I just give a HUGE applause to the replies here, you guys have truly thought this through and some good and great advice here.

The situation thus so far,

Nothing, nada.

I know I tend to be vague when I'm describing certain things, and at times completely over-descriptive - and I'm usually like this because of paranoia, I think if I'm too specific, that I'm just a google search away from being found out - and the SHAME that would come from it .

Anyways, it's cool, nothing's happened, and I was probably bored to begin with. I think Feelitx you're very close, I believe I didn't encourage him at the time he may have had the most feelings for me and now, they've plataued.

As for everybody who asked questions about why he was admitting these things, we were playing a very mature game called 'Truth or Dare' .

You tend to think, once you're over 20, you can handle the game, or take it to the next level, but really, it's just as childish as it was back in primary school or whatever.

I have a very very interogative friend, she is more analytical than ME!! And she made it her mission to find out what the guy's thoughts were - mind you he had no clue that this was her intention as we all played. I admitted to her a couple of nights before that I had a crush on this guy, and in this game, she asked him to rate the girls in the room, and it wasn't who he was most attracted to like I mentioned earlier, it was infact, who he would have sex with (where I came third), who he'd like to kiss (where I came first) and who he'd like to marry (I also came first).

She asked more questions too.
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[color=#008855]Women want men to come to them because compared to men, women are less likely to date carelessly, which means basically, just because a guy asks a woman out or shows interest doesn't mean she'll respond.

Whilst there is the opinion that men should approach women because if a woman approaches a man, there will be less of a chance of knowing for sure if the guy was just accepting what came his way or if he genuinely cared for the girl.

That's my opnion anyways, and books such as "He's just not that into you." insist that a woman should never ask a guy out, because most guys will say yes out of boredom, especially if you're an attractive girl too.

Apparently it's hard enough finding a guy who is genuinely interested in you for you, without handing everything to him on a plate first .

It's also traditional, the man is the hunter, and if he is truly interested, he will track his desired female down, but if not he won't. It's one of the first ways women use to sort out the genuinely interested from the bored and lonely.
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[color=#008855]Lol, being a member of Nairaland forums, it's completely understandable how you can be afraid of love.

But with everything that's worth it, there's a huge risk factor involved too - the rewards can be endless, and the same can be said for the torture and punishment.

Just try and clear your head of all the stories and stereotypes, being yourself is the best way to start and the easiest way to finish.

All the best
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SeanT21:
He is after your friend. He is just using you to get close to her.

1 of those GAMES MEN PLAY!!

[color=#008855]Who knows. .

So, does that mean, if a guy likes you, he'll always like everything about you??
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chihums:
my advice is dat wen u see the rite man that has d qualities u want go 4 him.

[color=#008855]You mean, chase him or reciprocate or??
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chihums:
topup, sorry o. i didn't mean to embarrass, intimidate or even put ur knowledge into question. i was just trying to find out if u are above 20. though i didn't put that well. hope u understand.

[color=#008855]No worries.

You didn't embarass me.
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