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 Romance / Re: Am I That Stingy? by topup: 12:59am On Apr 20, 2010 |
Why do you feel stingy?? Is it that you are surpressing a natural urge to want to give and provide for some other reason which you've come to believe OR is it because you are comparing your behaviour with what you see around you and you feel like the odd one out, so you think you're the strange one? Yeah, it's true, you don't need to provide any of those things, comfort, love and support should suffice, afterall you're not married to the person. However the issue of marriage only serves to hold if you have a traditional or religious view about partnership, if you believe that you are truly single and untied to any woman before marriage that is, however, if you're already sleeping together, if you live together, if you own anything of a substantial amount together and you hold back on buying gifts, I think that's just as bad as holding back from your wife. By the way, I would say the same thing if a woman asked the question. I don't understand the thing about stinginess, truly, if you give more, you receive, and if you have more to give, even better. Though never give more than you have, or more than you can comfortably let go otherwise you may start to have problems. |
| Romance / Re: The First Time Someone Shows You Who They Are: Believe Them! by topup: 12:53am On Apr 20, 2010 |
Fantastic post!! Spot on!! |
| Romance / Re: 9 Types Of Girlfriends by topup: 12:50am On Apr 20, 2010 |
Hillarious!! But unfortunately I have never been one of them, I love the nicknames and phrases though  Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship." Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"!! Ms. Herself - "You can do whatever you want  . . . , but I'm not waiting for you. I might be here when you sort yourself out, but then again, I might not."Also known as: No game, Oblivious, Easy-going Advantages: Ambitious, Humerous, Takes things lightly Disadvantages: Takes things lightly includes your 'fraud' of a relationship, which she can easily walk away from if it crumbles. I think I'm this LOL!! |
| Romance / Re: 5 Worst Ways To Break Up With Someone. by topup: 4:40am On Apr 17, 2010 |
It's funny, I've actually experienced no. 5 which makes me laugh, because usually I'm thinking, you'll have a hard time trying to get me back . |
| Romance / Re: Sexfree Relationship by topup: 5:08am On Apr 13, 2010 |
I'm not sure if deny is the word. Both people should be commited no matter what, and the guy should respect the choise of the woman. I think if you withdraw sex from the equation it can really allow you to think clearer about what is good and bad within a relationship. Often people waste their time with people because the 'sex is good'. I think it is time to really think for ourselves whether we deserve more, or whether sex is all we need to keep us happy. |
| Romance / Re: Why Is It Difficult To Get A Virgin As A Wife? by topup: 5:06am On Apr 13, 2010 |
Poster why are you a virgin by the way? I think, it's not that difficult to find a virgin wife, until you're looking for one, if you are looking specifically for the woman you end up with to be a virgin, that could be a turn-off for some, afterall what happens after the novelty wears off, most people will become non-virgins some point in their lives. Can you assure a woman that you will continue to be interested in her even afterwards. Also, many people will not admit that they are virgins so who knows, there might be more than you know. Also, age is a factor, if you're an older gentleman, then yes, it is statistically proven that there are fewer virgins at the older range of the scale. |
| Romance / Re: Bounty - What Does It Mean In This Context? by topup: 2:06am On Apr 11, 2010 |
Thanks . |
| Romance / Bounty - What Does It Mean In This Context? by topup: 9:13pm On Apr 10, 2010 |
If a guy describes his new girlfriend as a "bounty", what does he mean by that?? Is it just; she's "black on the outside and white on the inside". Thanks house!! |
| Romance / Re: I Really Really Like This Girl But Distance Is The Issue: by topup: 5:55pm On Apr 08, 2010 |
Sad issue really. . But what if she's right, what if you two starting something now is too dangerous and could jeopardise things. Has she ever made it clear how she really feels about you, as in both of you talking about the future, this is where (if she truly cares) she would mention the conditions - hers of course. Like how if you two can live in the same country she would give it a try or any other condition. Leaving you in the dark is not cool. She seems not to be into this as much as you are, I'm sure distance or no distance if a guy >I liked< had been hooked on me for 6 years, I would know that he was definitely out for me and would somehow want to secure him, either by planning out our future and trying to reassure him that things will get better and after we sort things out we can begin our relationship or by going for the plunge and dating him despite the distance (after all - without a relationship he has still been loyal to me). If you've not been loyal to her, as in for 6 years you've been chasing her and in that time, several other girls just as intensely then she's being smart and picking up on the signs, but really she should have made her feelings clear a long time ago. Also, I would meet a guy I liked up to chat if he was in town, or even just a friend, that doesn't mean I want to get serious, I'm just nice - what if he has something really serious to say. I believe you need to corner this girl with some questions, you need to get some definite answers. Fair enough she has a problem with distance, but what is sh doing to alleviate that problem? Does she want you to do something, if so what? Does she have no faith in the relationship, is she even interested? Is there someone near where she lives who she is interested in? Is she just keeping you on the bench?? |
| Romance / Re: I Am Not A Virgin by topup: 11:27pm On Apr 07, 2010 |
Have you asked her why she lied the first time? Did you ask for particular detais?? Did you ask her what she has actually done - hopefully you can try and suss out from there whether she's telling the truth or not. Hopefully. |
| Romance / Re: Her Insecurity & Nagging Made Me Back Out. Pls Advice by topup: 11:24pm On Apr 07, 2010 |
You seem like a great guy and her fear of losing you has consumed her to the point that she has pushed you away. I think you did the right thing, afterall you can't force a person to change, hopefully her being without you will encourage her to reflect on herself and hopefully make the personal decision to change her ways. |
| Romance / Re: My Friend! My Firend! Oh My Friend! by topup: 11:17pm On Apr 07, 2010 |
Better to dream big than small, because when you do achieve your dreams, you can always turn back to those who dreamt small, and took no risks and live an average lifestyle. It's always great to be ambitious!! |
| Romance / Re: Need Some Real Advice by topup: 3:07am On Apr 07, 2010 |
dogzymallo: You should watch the American reality tv show - momma's boys. Seriously, you seem to know what you want (your girlfriend) but you are afraid. I don't know what it is about African mothers, but they are mentally married to their sons, they claim to only want the best, but sometimes (especially at the age of 30 that you are now), you can afford to say to her that you now know what's best for you. At first I was going to tell you to beware of the consequences with marrying this girl but your mother's irrational behaviour towards any female is like a lioness protecting her cub, from what - marriage?? She is not ready to let you go and after 30 years, I am sure by now that she should be more than happy to see you go off and start a happy life with your bride, however she is finding any reason to put a spanner in the works. This is not an unusual case, it can really make you miss a great thing, I have witnessed malicious mother-in-laws first hand, seriously, you need to put your mother in place, not by trying to keep both your girlfriend and your mother separate, but by showing her that you're girlfriend is to merge with you, and if she loves you she must love her too. Your mother is going to have to go through a painful - letting-go process but it is SO necessary, this sort of stuff if not handled from the start of such a serious relationship can break your home. Please you've been warned. (P.s. make sure you are 100% (or at least 90% sure that your girlfriend is the ONLY woman you could ever see yourself with, and THE one for you, because there will be many opportnities for doubt to creep in, you've got to work against it). |
| Romance / Re: When A Girl You Love Says She Is In A Relationship Wat Do U Do? by topup: 3:01am On Apr 07, 2010 |
Even though I wanna make things black and white, sometimes "I have a boyfriend." doesn't always mean I have a boyfriend. Honestly, I know I would mean it, but not all girls do, and sometimes we're all in different stages, there's the stage where you're just seeing someone new and you couldn't care less what other offers were coming your way, then there's the really getting to know someone, and any distraction that's not diminished here can grow to ruin the relationship further down the line and then there's "I'm fed up with this relationship" where the girl is practically waiting for her knight in shining armour to come and give her an excuse to leave the guy she's with. With that being said, no girl who is really happy with her relationship would say that, and give you the impression that you should be aware, if she said it and seemed upset about that like "Damn, I have a boyfriend." then that's a good sign, however it could simply be a; "Please don't try anything because I have a boyfriend" scenario. Only time will tell to be honest (but are we ever willing to wait!!). To the poster, I would give her some space, if she really is interested in you, believe me, you'll be getting calls from her etc. It makes no sense to be dueling a man who has already won the game before you, that's disrespectful, imagine if you did go out with her, and some other guy fell in love with her and made it his mission to win her from you. That wouldn't be cool now would it? |
| Romance / Re: How To Ask Any Girl Out by topup: 2:54am On Apr 07, 2010 |
tkud: As in she's dodging the question OR you are too nervous to follow through with your previous attempts?? Just go for it, there's no easy way to tell someone how you feel unless you just adopt a mature mind frame, the person you like either likes you or not, and if they don't, that's their loss right?? If they act immature and say something mean or rude in return, then they might need a reality check, and maybe they're too stuck up for you in the first place. Life is too short I say, go for it!! |
| Romance / Re: I"ve learnt, lol! by topup: 7:24am On Apr 06, 2010 |
Q.nony: Many women believe in this, and think their men will change, this is a dangerous mentality. I think the best thing is to try as much as possible to get as close to a good guy (not necessarily a right guy) but a good guy, little silly things like habits can be adjusted if the person cares enough. However, you cannot make someone generous or obtain a new personality trait by sticking with them, that's why this forum is full of people heartbroken after they've stuck with someone for years. . *sigh* |
| Romance / Re: I"ve learnt, lol! by topup: 7:22am On Apr 06, 2010 |
You can try and protect yourself, but people like this will always leak into your life. In terms of boyfriends, maybe it's where you meet these guys?? Think of places where a specific type of educated guy would go, maybe a museum or a theatre etc. It's worth a go, get out there, and ask questions earlier. |
| Romance / Re: Crazy Boyfriend Leaves Messages by topup: 7:19am On Apr 06, 2010 |
Annoying games like this only pay off for the person if there's a reaction. Next time he does it, ignore it, and after that ignore that too. Is it possible for you to call your network operator and block his number/ID? Also, he's definitely trying to get your attention, he's like an annoying little kid trying to focus all the attention on him, he's also trying to make it difficult for you to forget him and completely move on, you can't let him win. If he has something serious to say to you, he will find a better way - not some childish game!! |
| Romance / Re: He Wants Me Back Or Wat? by topup: 7:17am On Apr 06, 2010 |
justwise: Yeah and why is this new guy 'funny' just because he's really nice and intelligent. To the poster; I think you have a good thing now, just be wise and see how things go, for now, the does not hold any positives, he's not even promised you a thing, I am sure you are just still trying to hold onto the 3 years you two had together. |
| Romance / Re: Love Is Abstract. How Many Of Us Are In Love? by topup: 11:27pm On Apr 05, 2010 |
I love you all, but I am not in love with you |
| Romance / Re: My Girlfriend Just Brok My Heart by topup: 10:34pm On Apr 05, 2010 |
Come on now, you're feeling pain, but this is a very necessary part of life. Okay, I don't believe we need to be stabbed in the back in order to learn the values of life, but heartbreak will make you appreciate whatever you will have in future. Women also get heartbroken by heartless men, so both sides of the coin are equal - FACT. I wish you explained more of what went on in your relationship, as with what you've said, it would be very easy for me to think that this woman is in fact a selfish and heartless person. But there is so much more to a relationship that being the right guy, remember it takes two, and maybe she wasn't the right girl, would you want to be with someone who isn't right for you? Just see it this way, if she had any doubts which caused her to leave, it is better now than later. You at least have a very bright future, and many women all around the world are hurting and looking for someone who can value true love and can understand how painful it is to mess around with love. It is really comforting to me to know that the person I'm with understands the consequences of heartbreak, that he too has been through the whole process, because ignorance is not always bliss. |
| Romance / Re: Why Do People Walk Away From R/s Without Even An Arguement. by topup: 10:26pm On Apr 05, 2010 |
Because he has mentality detached from the said girl a long time ago. It is not a shock to him, he probably lost faith in the relationship a long time ago. Probably a sceptical mind - and he has been waiting it out to see if the situation would change, or just wishing something would break the whole thing up, but after nothing has happened, he has come to realise that he is fooling himself. There is no such thing as a faithless relationship, you have to fully believe it is going to work, or it will not work. Doubt is dangerous and it will always grow unless it is confronted between both people, or at least if he'd discussed his doubts with a trusty and wise friend, but he probably did neither. Sad really. When people walk away calmly like that, they've usually had a lot of time to digest the situation and to see things in perspective, leaving the other person confused and angry - usually. |
| Romance / Re: Involuntary Celibacy And Isolation (help) by topup: 10:24pm On Apr 05, 2010 |
Hello, if you don't mind me asking, what illness is this?? What sort of illness can be cured by having s.ex? Is it depression that you think will be alleviated? Also, any psychiatrist will always ask you to love yourself first, and not to look for quick fixes, I understand that you've already tried several alternative options like going to the gym and such, but do you really love yourself. Can I hazard a guess and say no? What exactly are we dealing with here? Can you be more specific please? |
| Romance / Re: Av Just Discovered A Secret About Women: by topup: 4:48am On Apr 05, 2010 |
Yes, of course this is Nairaland, and the world, there are surely going to be distasteful replies and answers. I also will congratulate you on giving your life to Christ, it is a long and bumpy road. One thing that always calms my mind is in knowing that God doesn't reason the way we do, so at times we may feel that we've disappointed God, or that he could forsee things and we didn't listen, or that we were naive or we keep falling into the same traps, but God is way ahead of all our decisions, he is really in control of everything. Our priorities are based on what we see around us, and in the bigger picture consisting of the universe, heaven and hell, the horizon that forms the boundary of our lives is so out of proportion with everything else. Many people have told me - with hindsight of course - that they finally understand some things. Don't expect to understand everything, don't expect to know everything, just seek to aim as close as possible, constantly adjusting and ammending your effort to suit your circumstances. |
| Romance / Re: Hey! Wonders Shall Never Ends by topup: 4:43am On Apr 05, 2010 |
This is such a sensitive issue, I don't believe anyone here can do justice to it, though some have given valuable consideration. I think you are better off googling how others have coped with this issue, as you are definitely not the first. This is actual a real thing for many men all around the world, who donate their sperm for these purposes, and yes it must be done in confidentiality, as in all honesty, they're not wanting to bring in a 'second dad', but instead just to keep the whole thing small and probably quiet. I can't imagine going under such a treatment, so this shows how serious the couple are about this. Some of the issues and emotions you will undergo won't become apparent until afterwards, who knows, despite logic and reasoning, you may still feel guilt or a sense of loss. Who knows!! |
| Romance / Re: Why Is It Difficult To Attract Handsome Men by topup: 3:29am On Apr 04, 2010 |
Ebonyeyes has said it already: I think it's usually because believe it or not, but girls will do a lot of toasting themselves if the guy is hot, as in they will make it blatantly obvious that; me + u = bed. Lol. Another thing I've noticed is that, a lot of guys recently grow into their looks, as guys tend to get more handsome the older they grow, basically some good looking men are actually quite shy, because inside they're still that insecure geeky boy with no experience with ladies - just a theory folks!! |
| Dating And Meet-up Zone / Re: Am Searching 4 A Good Lady,god Fearing One: by topup: 3:28am On Apr 04, 2010 |
tai2: That's not very nice!!  |
| Romance / Re: Im Tired Of Hearing About Golddiggers! by topup: 3:25am On Apr 04, 2010 |
'Who pays for the bill' causes so many problems, that's why I always believe in 50:50 unless the guy insists, and if they don't then that's fine, it's easy to see a broke guy from a stingy guy (that is after a few times). Funny thing is that when I offered to pay for my half of the meal, the guy who I went out for dinner with literally shot me daggers in his eyes, like I was insulting him or something!! Hillarious!! |
| Romance / Re: How To Maintain And Control A Woman by topup: 3:20am On Apr 04, 2010 |
platinumnk:  |
| Romance / Re: How To Maintain And Control A Woman by topup: 3:12am On Apr 04, 2010 |
I really agreed with the first half of the original post, but then towards the discription of 'true control' I started to feel women like me would be seriously unfairly treated. I am straightforward, and cannot tolerate games, I am not saying I am not susceptible to all games, but most of them I can tell. I think it is a problem if a man cannot say sorry - ever, simply because he thinks I will laud it over him, because I won't, I know myself and I won't, I am lucky to come from a family where my mother and father's relationship was very transparent, from the age 8 I understood where a man draws his line and what makes a woman tick. It actually makes me respect a man less if he cannot say the words, due to pride or some kind of imaginary lordship he has over me, it really makes me think that "are we still counting points here?". I've always believed that life is much too difficult to be playing games, having sides and to be on the defense. It is these same guys who will meet women who don't follow the rules, a woman who is level headed, fair, loving and just who walks out on them because of the petty games, and then he's forced to choose to continue 'true control' which lost him the woman in the first place, such a guy who convinces himself that the woman was not controllable hence would not make a good wife might lose out. In response to some of the rules you gave for 'total/true control' I certainly would have no problems walking out on such a guy (as I already have done so before) - unless he showed me the very thing that is forbidden in that game - true love, compassion, protection and more. . I am 100% in favour of a 50:50 relationship, not all things must be shared equally all the time, but the balance MUST BE THERE at the end. If you're going to hurt me, you're going to have to apologise. And when do the games end? If we're talking long term, husbands and wives, children, do the games continue, should the mother explain why the dad might not be coming home from work in time to make the child's birthday, should she keep the children anxious because he is trying to be this unpredicatable, in control man? Bad analogy I know, but really, games are for those who don't trust, who cannot trust, and why be with someone who you can't trust, or who cannot trust you. I could go on and on. . . |
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