Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,158,289 members, 7,836,275 topics. Date: Wednesday, 22 May 2024 at 01:46 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Valiantvaliant's Profile / Valiantvaliant's Posts
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (of 26 pages)
Jokes Etc / Re: Its My Birthday! by Valiantvaliant(m): 10:36pm On Nov 07, 2012 |
Happy Birthday dear! May your days be long on earth, May your eyes see your children's children's children's children's children's . . . . . . . . . . . . .children!!! |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 2:32pm On Nov 03, 2012 |
012 Bush and Condaleesa rice George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's happening?" >Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China." >George: "Great. Lay it on me." >Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China." >George: "That's what I want to know." >Condoleeza: "Yes." what I'm telling you." >George: "I mean the fellow's name." >Condoleeza: "Hu." >George: "The guy in China." >Condoleeza: "Hu." >George: "The new leader of China." >Condoleeza: "Hu." >George: "The Chinaman!" >Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China." >George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?" >Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China." >George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?" >Condoleeza: "That's the man's name." >George: "That's whose name?" >Condoleeza: "Yes." >George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?" >Condoleeza: "Yes, sir." >George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East." >Condoleeza: "That's correct." >George: "Then who is in China?" >Condoleeza: "Yes, sir." >George: "Yassir is in China?" > >Condoleeza: "No, sir." > >George: "Then who is?" > >Condoleeza: "Yes, sir." > >George: "Yassir?" > >Condoleeza: "No, sir." > >George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of the new leader of >China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone." >Condoleeza: "Kofi?" >George: "No, thanks." >Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?" >George: "No." >Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi." >George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And >then get me the U.N." >Condoleeza: "Yes, sir." >George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N." >Condoleeza: "Kofi?" >George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?" >Condoleeza: "And call who?" >George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?" >Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China." >George: "Will you stay out of China?!" >Condoleeza: "Yes, sir." >George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N." >Condoleeza: "Kofi." >George: "All right! With cream and two sugars |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:15pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
naturalwaves: Nice jokes U got there Valiantvaliant.thank you!! ay_klazic: dats nicehehehe! |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:41pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
011 LETS CHILL OFF WITH THESE PICS!!
|
Education / Re: A.T.B.U BAUCHI 2012/2013 DISCUSSION BOARD by Valiantvaliant(m): 3:03pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
They just released the 2012/2013 remedials admission list. Though there is a wide spread panic of people mistaking this list for the Jambites' list but that one is not yet out. |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 1:16pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
010 WHOSE FAULT? A doctor and his wife are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. The doctor gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls his wife and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone. Again irritated the doctor says "what took you so long to answer the phone"? She says, "I was in bed". "In bed this hour of the day, doing what?" "I was getting a second opinion" she replied. Whose fault?? |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 1:05pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
009 JOY Johnny has a wife whose name is Joy. They went 4 church one day and d pastor was preaching about Joy. PASTOR; May Joy be ur portion in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; Amen! PASTOR; I pray ur Joy will be permanent in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; Ameeeeen!!! PASTOR; I want a louder amen for this, I pray may Joy sleep with u tonight in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; A...(Johnny interrupts)Shut up everybody, my Joy no go sleep with you ooo. |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:28pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
008 PICNIC 3 Friends Akpors, Rukewe and Ogaga decided to go for a Picnic. Rukewe Packs d Picnic Basket with Drinks nd Sandwiches. Ogaga Carried d Basket and Dey Set Out for D Park 10km Away. It Tuk Dem 2Hrs 2 Get there.... Wen Dey Arrived,,, Rukewe Quickly Spread D Mat nd Set Out D Sandwiches. After Checking Ard, Ogaga Found Out Dat Rukewe Did Not Pack D Bottle Opener. They Den Begged Akpors 2 For D Opener. He disagreed. "U'll Finish d Sandwiches B4 I Return," Akpors Protested. "No We Won't", Assured Rukewe. After Some More Cajoling From Them, Akpors Reluctantly Agreed 2go 4 d Opener. After 5hours, There Was No Sign of Akpors. They decided 2 Wait 4 Another 3hours. Still No Sign of Akpors. Ogaga & Rukewe After Waiting 4 Akpors 4 More Dan 8hours. By Now Very Hungry.... So They Decided 2 Take One Sandwich Each. As They Were About To Eat,,,, Akpors Pops Out From Behind a Rock Screaming: "I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN"!!!!! 1 Like |
Politics / Re: The Best Democratic President Nigeria Has Ever Had by Valiantvaliant(m): 9:30am On Nov 02, 2012 |
GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN 3 Likes |
Jokes Etc / Re: Famzing Don Too Much For Here!! by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:01am On Nov 02, 2012 |
This is a chronic case of brucellosis, you are in need of urgent medical attention. I recommend you to have a hemispherectomy twice. |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:53am On Nov 02, 2012 |
007 WHO'S WRONG? A woman went 2 hospital 2 see a doctor. Doctor; wat is ur mission here? woman; deeper life sir. Doctor; I mean wat brought u here? Woman; molue. The doctor later said; watin u com do 4 dis place? D woman now said; I came 2 check my body WHO'S WRONG |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:54pm On Nov 01, 2012 |
^^^ Thank you my guys!! 006 CHILD CUSTODY A man and his wife were in court for divorce, the problem is who gets the custody of the child. THE WIFE... jumps up and says, your honour I brought the child into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody...... The Judge turns to the husband and asked what he has to say.! THE MAN.. then said calmly "your honour, if I put my ATM card into an ATM machine and cash comes out... whose cash is it....... the MACHINE OR MINE"?? 1 Like |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:49pm On Nov 01, 2012 |
@Agybabe. Thanks. Be rest assured of more. . 005 PARROTS A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're pro.stitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots, "We're pros.titutes, wanna have a little fun?" One male parrot said to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!" |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:33am On Nov 01, 2012 |
PretiEbony: You try smallo.k this one is for you Preti! 004 TYPES OF GIRLS 1. HARD DISK GIRLS: Remember everything for ever, they'll always come back for good time. 2. RAM GIRLS: Forgets about you the moment you turn her off or an upgrading version of your hardware/ software is available. 3. SCREEN SAVER GIRLS: Just for looking, beautiful but don't even think of dating them, you'll have high blood pressure, not their fault but it's due to popular demand. 4. INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access because of many pages involves to browse. At times the webpages are not accessible due to multiple log in over different I.P address. 5. SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when needed but server is always green. 6. MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: They are always available for any showdown, party riders, all night movers, their phone works better than MTN customers service, taxi is their favorite car and love to take pictures at every hotel rooms and call it home. 7. VIRUS GIRLS: These type of girls are normally called "WIFE"once enters in your system, they will spread and overwrite your anti-virus and dominate all your important files, they will download files that are not retrievable and upgrade it to a new version after nine months and creating more applications for you to start working with such as changing your system name to''father'', the VIRUS GIRLS comes in just two versions, either to upgrade or downgrade, choose wisely when choosing this software, they don't leave even after formatting. |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:26am On Nov 01, 2012 |
003 PREGNANCY An 18yr old girl got pregnant. The mother furiously asked her. "who's the pig that got you pregnant? Take this phone and Call him, or Go bring him here Right now.!!" 30 minutes later an old grey haired man in a mercedes benz comes with the girl and found the Girl's parents waiting for him. He says.."Am sorry mum for the problem.. And am not going to marry your daughter but.. when she gives birth to a girl,i'll give 1 factory,1 villa and 2 Million. and if it's a boy, 2 factories, 2 villas and 3 Million. N if she miscarries, what do you suggest?" asks the man, her dad answered. "f.uck her again." |
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:23am On Nov 01, 2012 |
002 NAMING CEREMONY Akpos insisted that his first child must bear his name. So on the day of naming.... Rev: Which name would you like your child to bear? Akpos: With smiles all over his face he said, Akpos! Rev: No! He has to bear an English name. Akpos: Ok oh, Akposky! Rev: Listen, your son should be named after a saint in the bible. Akpos: Nawa oh, which kind wahala be this?? Ok oga pastor, my son will bear St. Akpostus. 2 Likes |
Jokes Etc / CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:19am On Nov 01, 2012 |
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Nairaland jokes section, i present to you 'Central Bank of Jokes [CBJ]' of which i am the GOVERNOR. Enjoy your stay!!! 001 FAMILY AFFAIR A black man entered a restaurant with a bag of bananas. He sat next 2 a white man who had a baboon pet. After a while the black man had 2 visit the toilet so he asked the white man 2 safe keep his bag of bananas. When he returned he found his bag empty and asked the white man where his bananas went. The white man pointed @ his baboon pet and said, "Ask your brother, he ate them." The black man said nothing but sat down wheezing with wrath. Later the white man also had 2 visit the toilet so he asked the black man 2 watch his baboon 4 him. The black man agreed. When the white man returned he found his baboon dead and with great anger asked the black man why he had killed his baboon. The black man smiled @ him and said, "It's family matters, don't interfare!" 2 Likes |
Jokes Etc / Re: Joke Section Heros October 2012 - Creativity Reward. by Valiantvaliant(m): 9:43am On Oct 29, 2012 |
You should have made the rules clearer. I thought we were only supposed to drop 1 joke each. |
Jokes Etc / Re: MY NEIGHBOUR'S GOAT AND 2 CHICKENS by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:58am On Oct 28, 2012 |
PretiEbony: Chei! its true oo, i saw two chikens in his compound.no worri, i will go and check after church |
Jokes Etc / Re: MY NEIGHBOUR'S GOAT AND 2 CHICKENS by Valiantvaliant(m): 9:05pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
bunmioguns: I trust my prime minister; Larride. . He can nvr do such. . .ah ah, na jst joke na |
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:05pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
BUSHY-ANUS:É be like say you dont know my post in this game. I AM THE REFREE. *shows him black card* |
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:04pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
BUSHY-ANUS:É be like say you dont know my post in this game. I AM THE REREE. *shows him black card* |
Jokes Etc / Re: The Fear Of Larride And Projan Is The Beginning Of Wisdom by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:07pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
I wonder |
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:05pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
BUSHY-ANUS:How dare you question the refree, besides where are your other players you can't play alone, produce them before half time or you will have to forfeit |
Jokes Etc / Re: MY NEIGHBOUR'S GOAT AND 2 CHICKENS by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:54pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
Chai, we later found out that it was actually Larride that stole the two chickens as for the goat; not yet. Anyway, no worries as i sent my son to larride's house for a stealth mission. .hehehe. . . . .
|
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:50pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
BUSHY-ANUS:your own hit the bar and went outside, it's still 1-0, game onnn |
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:09pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
At this point in time, the Jokes section FC have raced in majestically and have shaken their opponents Romance section FC. I toss the coin to decide who kicks off the match: heads its Jokes FC , tails its Romance FC, and the coin rolls in the air falling with . . . . HEADS! Therefore the Jokes FC Will kick off the match. Match started *blows his gold embroided wistle* peeeepeeeepeeeieieiep |
Jokes Etc / Re: Smart Akpos. by Valiantvaliant(m): 4:50pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
SO FUNNICIOUS AND FANTABULOUS!! |
Jokes Etc / Re: "SUPER BAR". . .offtopic. . barjoint. . .NITECLUB!! by Valiantvaliant(m): 4:44pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
bin gbagbo:N65,000 own |
Jokes Etc / Re: "SUPER BAR". . .offtopic. . barjoint. . .NITECLUB!! by Valiantvaliant(m): 4:33pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
*shouts:Bartender*, If there is any many plenty henny in the back, full ghana-must-go then bring for me. *reclining at my table waiting* |
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 3:42pm On Oct 27, 2012 |
bin gbagbo:I dey here o. Oya Romance section you have to provide us with the list of your players before kick-off. Oya sharp-sharp! Btw, Bin who is the commentator? |
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 11:35pm On Oct 26, 2012 |
larride: When this match go start sef??when i blow my wistle. |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (of 26 pages)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 54 |