Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,158,289 members, 7,836,275 topics. Date: Wednesday, 22 May 2024 at 01:46 AM

Valiantvaliant's Posts

Nairaland Forum / Valiantvaliant's Profile / Valiantvaliant's Posts

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (of 26 pages)

Jokes Etc / Re: Its My Birthday! by Valiantvaliant(m): 10:36pm On Nov 07, 2012
Happy Birthday dear! May your days be long on earth, May your eyes see your children's children's children's children's children's . . . . . . . . . . . . .children!!!
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 2:32pm On Nov 03, 2012
012
Bush and Condaleesa rice
George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice
to
see you. What's happening?"
>Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the
report here about the new
leader of
China." >George: "Great. Lay it on
me."
>Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new
leader of China."
>George: "That's what I want to
know."
>Condoleeza: "Yes." what I'm
telling you."
>George: "I mean the fellow's
name."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The guy in China."
>Condoleeza: "Hu." >George:
"The new leader of
China."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The Chinaman!"
>Condoleeza: "Hu is leading
China."
>George: "Now whaddya' asking
me for?"
>Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu
is
leading China."
>George: "Well, I'm asking you.
Who
is leading China?"
>Condoleeza: "That's the man's
name."
>George: "That's whose name?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes."
>George: "Will you or will you
not
tell me the name of the new
leader of China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is
in China? I thought he was in
the
Middle East."
>Condoleeza: "That's correct."
>George: "Then who is in
China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Yassir is in China?"
>
>Condoleeza: "No, sir."
> >George: "Then who is?"
>
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>
>George: "Yassir?"
> >Condoleeza: "No, sir."
>
>George: "Look, Condoleeza. I
need to know the name of the
new leader
of >China. Get me the Secretary
General of the U.N. on the
phone."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
>George: "No, thanks."
>Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"
>George: "No." >Condoleeza:
"You don't want
Kofi."
>George: "No. But now that you
mention it, I could use a glass of
milk.
And >then get me the U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Not Yassir! The guy at
the U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
>George: "Milk! Will you please
make the call?"
>Condoleeza: "And call who?"
>George: "Who is the guy at the
U.N?"
>Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in
China." >George: "Will you stay
out of
China?!"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "And stay out of the
Middle East! Just get me the guy
at the U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi."
>George: "All right! With cream
and two sugars
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:15pm On Nov 02, 2012
naturalwaves: Nice jokes U got there Valiantvaliant.
thank you!!
ay_klazic: cheesy grin dats nice
hehehe!
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:41pm On Nov 02, 2012
011
LETS CHILL OFF WITH THESE PICS!!

Education / Re: A.T.B.U BAUCHI 2012/2013 DISCUSSION BOARD by Valiantvaliant(m): 3:03pm On Nov 02, 2012
They just released the 2012/2013 remedials admission list. Though there is a wide spread panic of people mistaking this list for the Jambites' list but that one is not yet out.
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 1:16pm On Nov 02, 2012
010
WHOSE FAULT?
A doctor and his wife are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. The doctor gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls his wife and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone. Again irritated the doctor says "what took you so long to answer the phone"? She says, "I was in bed". "In bed this hour of the day, doing what?" "I was getting a second opinion" she replied. Whose fault??
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 1:05pm On Nov 02, 2012
009
JOY
Johnny has a wife whose name is Joy. They went 4 church one day and d pastor was preaching about Joy. PASTOR; May Joy be ur portion in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; Amen! PASTOR; I pray ur Joy will be permanent in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; Ameeeeen!!!
PASTOR; I want a louder amen for this, I pray may Joy sleep with u tonight in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; A...(Johnny interrupts)Shut up everybody, my Joy no go sleep with you ooo.
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:28pm On Nov 02, 2012
008
PICNIC
3 Friends Akpors, Rukewe and Ogaga decided to go for a Picnic. Rukewe Packs d Picnic Basket with Drinks nd Sandwiches. Ogaga Carried d Basket and Dey Set Out for D Park 10km Away. It Tuk Dem 2Hrs 2 Get there.... Wen Dey Arrived,,, Rukewe Quickly Spread D Mat nd Set Out D Sandwiches. After Checking Ard, Ogaga Found Out Dat Rukewe Did Not Pack D Bottle Opener. They Den Begged Akpors 2 For D Opener. He disagreed. "U'll Finish d Sandwiches B4 I Return," Akpors Protested. "No We Won't", Assured Rukewe. After Some More Cajoling From Them, Akpors Reluctantly Agreed 2go 4 d Opener. After 5hours, There Was No Sign of Akpors. They decided 2 Wait 4 Another 3hours. Still No Sign of Akpors. Ogaga & Rukewe After Waiting 4 Akpors 4 More Dan 8hours. By Now Very Hungry.... So They Decided 2 Take One Sandwich Each. As They Were About To Eat,,,, Akpors Pops Out From Behind a Rock Screaming: "I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN"!!!!!

1 Like

Politics / Re: The Best Democratic President Nigeria Has Ever Had by Valiantvaliant(m): 9:30am On Nov 02, 2012
GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN

3 Likes

Jokes Etc / Re: Famzing Don Too Much For Here!! by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:01am On Nov 02, 2012
This is a chronic case of brucellosis, you are in need of urgent medical attention. I recommend you to have a hemispherectomy twice.
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:53am On Nov 02, 2012
007
WHO'S WRONG?
A woman went 2 hospital 2 see a doctor. Doctor; wat is ur mission here? woman; deeper life sir. Doctor; I mean wat brought u here? Woman; molue. The doctor later said; watin u com do 4 dis place? D woman now said; I came 2 check my body WHO'S WRONG
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:54pm On Nov 01, 2012
^^^ Thank you my guys!!
006
CHILD CUSTODY
A man and his wife were in court for divorce, the problem is who gets the custody of the child. THE WIFE... jumps up and says, your honour I brought the child into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody...... The Judge turns to the husband and asked what he has to say.! THE MAN.. then said calmly "your honour, if I put my ATM card into an ATM machine and cash comes out... whose cash is it....... the MACHINE OR MINE"??

1 Like

Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:49pm On Nov 01, 2012
@Agybabe. Thanks. Be rest assured of more.
.
005
PARROTS
A woman had two female
parrots
who were always yelling, "We're
pro.stitutes, wanna have a little
fun?" One day, she was talking
to
her Preacher about this. He said
he had two male parrots and all
they did was read the Bible. He
thought perhaps they would be
a
good influence on the two
females. So they put the four
parrots together. So, the females
yelled at the male parrots, "We're
pros.titutes, wanna have a little
fun?" One male parrot said to
the
other, "Put the Bibles away!
We've made it to heaven!"
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:33am On Nov 01, 2012
PretiEbony: You try small
o.k this one is for you Preti!

004
TYPES OF GIRLS
1. HARD DISK GIRLS: Remember
everything for ever, they'll always
come back for good time.
2. RAM GIRLS: Forgets about you
the moment you turn her off or an
upgrading version of your
hardware/ software is available.
3. SCREEN SAVER GIRLS: Just for
looking, beautiful but don't even
think of dating them, you'll have
high blood pressure, not their fault
but it's due to popular demand.
4. INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to
access because of many pages
involves to browse. At times the
webpages are not accessible due
to multiple log in over different I.P
address.
5. SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when
needed but server is always green.
6. MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: They are
always available for any
showdown, party riders, all night
movers, their phone works better
than MTN customers service, taxi is
their favorite car and love to take
pictures at every hotel rooms and
call it home.
7. VIRUS GIRLS: These type of girls
are normally called
"WIFE"once enters in your system,
they will spread and overwrite
your anti-virus and dominate all
your important files, they will
download files that are not
retrievable and upgrade it to a
new version after nine months and
creating more applications for you
to start working with such as
changing your system name
to''father'', the VIRUS GIRLS comes
in just two versions, either to
upgrade or downgrade, choose
wisely when choosing this
software, they don't leave even
after formatting.
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:26am On Nov 01, 2012
003
PREGNANCY
An 18yr old girl got
pregnant.
The mother
furiously asked her. "who's
the pig that
got you pregnant?
Take this phone and Call
him, or Go bring him here
Right now.!!"
30 minutes later an old
grey haired man in a
mercedes benz comes with
the girl and found the Girl's
parents waiting for him. He
says.."Am
sorry mum for the problem..
And am not going
to marry your daughter
but.. when she gives birth
to a girl,i'll give 1 factory,1
villa and 2 Million. and if it's
a boy, 2
factories, 2 villas and 3
Million. N if she
miscarries, what do you
suggest?" asks
the man,
her dad answered. "f.uck her
again."
Jokes Etc / Re: CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:23am On Nov 01, 2012
002
NAMING CEREMONY
Akpos insisted that his first child
must bear his name. So on the day
of naming....
Rev: Which name would you like
your child to bear?
Akpos: With smiles all over his face
he said, Akpos!
Rev: No! He has to bear an English
name.
Akpos: Ok oh, Akposky!
Rev: Listen, your son should be
named after a saint in the bible.
Akpos: Nawa oh, which kind
wahala be this??
Ok oga pastor, my son will bear St.
Akpostus.

2 Likes

Jokes Etc / CENTRAL BANK OF JOKES by Valiantvaliant(m): 12:19am On Nov 01, 2012
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Nairaland jokes section, i present to you 'Central Bank of Jokes [CBJ]' of which i am the GOVERNOR.
Enjoy your stay!!!

001
FAMILY AFFAIR
A black man entered a restaurant
with a bag of bananas. He sat next
2 a white man who had a baboon
pet. After a while the black man
had 2 visit the toilet so he asked
the white man 2 safe keep his bag
of bananas. When he returned he
found his bag empty and asked
the white man where his bananas
went. The white man pointed @
his baboon pet and said, "Ask your
brother, he ate them." The black
man said nothing but sat down
wheezing with wrath. Later the
white man also had 2 visit the
toilet so he asked the black man 2
watch his baboon 4 him. The black
man agreed. When the white man
returned he found his baboon
dead and with great anger asked
the black man why he had killed
his baboon. The black man smiled
@ him and said, "It's family
matters, don't interfare!"

2 Likes

Jokes Etc / Re: Joke Section Heros October 2012 - Creativity Reward. by Valiantvaliant(m): 9:43am On Oct 29, 2012
You should have made the rules clearer. I thought we were only supposed to drop 1 joke each.
Jokes Etc / Re: MY NEIGHBOUR'S GOAT AND 2 CHICKENS by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:58am On Oct 28, 2012
PretiEbony: Chei! its true oo, i saw two chikens in his compound.

I think the goat is under his bed
no worri, i will go and check after church
Jokes Etc / Re: MY NEIGHBOUR'S GOAT AND 2 CHICKENS by Valiantvaliant(m): 9:05pm On Oct 27, 2012
bunmioguns: I trust my prime minister; Larride. . He can nvr do such. . .
ah ah, na jst joke na
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:05pm On Oct 27, 2012
BUSHY-ANUS:



*shows valiant red card * angry
É be like say you dont know my post in this game.
I AM THE REFREE.
*shows him black card*
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 8:04pm On Oct 27, 2012
BUSHY-ANUS:



*shows valiant red card * angry
É be like say you dont know my post in this game.
I AM THE REREE.
*shows him black card*
Jokes Etc / Re: The Fear Of Larride And Projan Is The Beginning Of Wisdom by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:07pm On Oct 27, 2012
I wonder
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 7:05pm On Oct 27, 2012
BUSHY-ANUS:


but why angry

gets the ball, strikes and its a goal, i don score own goal again angry 1-1 now angry
How dare you question the refree, besides where are your other players you can't play alone, produce them before half time or you will have to forfeit
Jokes Etc / Re: MY NEIGHBOUR'S GOAT AND 2 CHICKENS by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:54pm On Oct 27, 2012
Chai, we later found out that it was actually Larride that stole the two chickens as for the goat; not yet. Anyway, no worries as i sent my son to larride's house for a stealth mission. .hehehe. . . . .

Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:50pm On Oct 27, 2012
BUSHY-ANUS:
goal, i don score own goal. 1-1 angry
your own hit the bar and went outside, it's still 1-0, game onnn
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 6:09pm On Oct 27, 2012
At this point in time, the Jokes section FC have raced in majestically and have shaken their opponents Romance section FC. I toss the coin to decide who kicks off the match: heads its Jokes FC , tails its Romance FC, and
the
coin
rolls
in
the
air
falling with
.
.
.
.
HEADS! Therefore the Jokes FC Will kick off the match.
Match started *blows his gold embroided wistle* peeeepeeeepeeeieieiep
Jokes Etc / Re: Smart Akpos. by Valiantvaliant(m): 4:50pm On Oct 27, 2012
SO FUNNICIOUS AND FANTABULOUS!!
Jokes Etc / Re: "SUPER BAR". . .offtopic. . barjoint. . .NITECLUB!! by Valiantvaliant(m): 4:44pm On Oct 27, 2012
bin gbagbo:



how much? grin
N65,000 own
Jokes Etc / Re: "SUPER BAR". . .offtopic. . barjoint. . .NITECLUB!! by Valiantvaliant(m): 4:33pm On Oct 27, 2012
*shouts:Bartender*, If there is any many plenty henny in the back, full ghana-must-go then bring for me.
*reclining at my table waiting*
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 3:42pm On Oct 27, 2012
bin gbagbo:



cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy angry

where is valiant the referee angry angry angry


and where is the romance team? angry
I dey here o. Oya Romance section you have to provide us with the list of your players before kick-off. Oya sharp-sharp! Btw, Bin who is the commentator?
Jokes Etc / Re: SOCCER..JOKES SECTION VS ROMANCE SECTION!! ONGOING (1-0) by Valiantvaliant(m): 11:35pm On Oct 26, 2012
larride: When this match go start sef??

cool
when i blow my wistle.

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (of 26 pages)

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 54
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.