toygod2: @OP,can u see the number of replies ive helped u 2 generate,from my single comment on ur post.i

Maybe,i dd dat in a wrong way or probabli in a wrong place.

Nawa o,na una dey find my trouble now o.

YU own me an apology for that. Tell me tank u

thank you. Clap for yourself!

It's too0 early for this

When will the winner be announced and whats the prize.*jes asking*

realsammie: me luv the joke noni...
haters una fit go pray 4high way

thank you. And dat jojo d nanny eh

Xymc...:
Lwkmd Nice jokes@op,any1 hu claims dat dis jokes are not funny doesnt have any sense of humor.

thank you. Dont mind that castrated goat stating the number of views

FLYGERIAN91: Terry said he was just kidding.... Can't artists play wt each odaa again? Free den moor

which kind kidding, that Terry g abi na Teri Gorilla openly insulted MI on twitter some months ago just because M politely asked him what Akpako meant. This Terry tin is not and wil neva be in the same level with MI. He is just a mad man who happens to have some unfortunate mad people like him patronize the 'noise' he calls music.

Wadup NL. . .
a little sumtin 4 safari.
.
.
This is my 'revelation' but unlike the Bible it aint my end/
as a matter of fact it's the beginning my friend//
so if sleakid is sleak, and siddoggg is sidd, then safari is supposed to be saf[e] but she aint cuz am 'at her keen'(attacking)/
so if safari wanna 4uck with me she better get protection remember u aint safe get security cuz am hacking//
chicks hate it when i talk about this so let me tease my 'date'/
Safari dnt be in such a hurry you've got to check your wait(weight)//
Now that you've got the ample opportunity to 'beef' me/
just take it easy in the process we dnt want you getting fat or h.orny//
F.Y.I i am more accustomed to computer than mosquito bites(bytes)/
thats why rap is like my jean(gene) cuz it fits me quite alright//
Guys dine with their chicks in 5-star/
No p i'll diss you in a different place, believe me 6-star(sister) //
while your at it dnt eat with your hands it aint no manner(manna)/
just trying to teach you morals and word play like am your gran[d]ma(grammer)//
if you wanna make it up to me am giving you a chance/
i am throwing a 'ball' but it isn't in the stadium you're invited to the dance//
<PEACE>

@safari. Warming up for you girl!

^^^ presido where you dey go? Come defend ya title.
.
.
.
A family in Nigeria was
puzzled when the coffin of
their dead mother arrived
from the USA. It had been
sent by their sister.
The tiny corpse was so
tightly squeezed inside the
coffin that their mother's
face was practically touching
the glass cover.
When they opened the coffin,
they found a letter from their
sister pinned to their
mother's chest, which read:
Dearest brothers and sisters,
I am sending you our
mother's remains for burial
there in Lagos.
Sorry I couldn't come along
as the expenses were so
high. You will find inside the
coffin, under Mama's body,
12 cans of Libby's corned
beef and 12 cans of
Luncheon Meat. Just divide it
among yourselves.
On Mama's feet is a brand-
new pair of Reeboks (size
for Junior. There are four
pairs of Reeboks under
Mama's head for Tunde's
sons. Mama is wearing six
Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is
for Omo, the other for Roy
and the rest are for my
nephews.
Mama is also wearing one
dozen Wonder Bra ( your
favourite), just divide it
among yourselves.
The 2 dozen Victoria's Secret
panties that Mama is
wearing should be
distributed among my nieces
and cousins. Mama is also
wearing eight Docker pants -
Ikeje, please get one for
yourself and the rest are for
the boys. The Swiss watch
you asked for is on Mama's
left wrist, please get it.
Auntie Ronke, Mama is
wearing what you asked for
- earrings, ring and necklace
- just please get them. Also,
the six pairs of Channel
stockings that Mama is
wearing must be divided
among the teen-age girls
there. I hope they like the
colour.
Your loving sister,
Bukky
P.S. Please take care of
finding a dress for Mama for
her burial.

Types of Sh*t or "The Sh*t
List!"
1.The Ghost Sh*t
The kind wey you feel shit
come out, see shit on the
toilet paper, but there's
no shit in the bowl.
2.The Clean Sh*t
The kind where you feel
shit come out, see shit in
the bowl, but there's no
shit on the toilet paper.
3.The Wet Sh*t
You wipe your ass fifty
times and it still feels
unwiped. So you end up
putting toilet paper
between your ass and
your underwear so you
don't ruin them with
those dreadful skid marks.
4.The Second Wave Sh*t
This shit happens when
you've finished, your
pants are up to your
knees, and you suddenly
realize you have to shit
some more.
5.The Brain Hemorrahage
Through Your Nose Sh*t
Also known as "Pop a
Vein in your Forehead
Shit". You have to strain
so much to get it out that
you turn purple and
practically have a stroke.
6.The Corn Sh*t
No explanation necessary.
7.The Lincoln Log Sh*t
The kind of shit that's so
enormous you're afraid to
flush it down without first
breaking it up into little
pieces with the toilet
brush.
8.The Notorious Drinker
Sh*t
The kind of shit you have
the morning after a long
night of drinking. It's
most noticeable trait is
the skid mark left on the
bottom of the toilet bowl
after you flush.
9.The "Gee, I really wish I
could sh*t" Sh*t
The kind where you want
to shit, but even after
straining your guts out, all
you can do is sit on the
toilet, cramped and
farting.
10.The Wet Cheeks Sh*t
Also known as the "Power
Dump". That's the kind
that comes out of your
ass so fast that your butt
cheeks get splashed with
the toilet water.
11.The Liquid Sh*t
That's the kind where
yellowish-brown liquid
shoots out of your butt,
splashes all over the side
of the toilet bowl and, at
the same time, chronically
burns your tender poop-
chute.
12.The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing
in size and/or appearance
that you have to show it
to someone before
flushing.
13.The Crack Flapper Sh*t
This shit seems to create
its own weather system.
Your butt cheeks feel like
they're flapping in the
wind when this shit
comes out.
14.The Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a
lengthy period of
constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your
old self again.
15.The "On the Clock" Sh*t
This is any shit that you
take while you are
punched in at work.
Lunch hour and coffee
break shits do not qualify.
16.The Ritual
This shit occurs at the
same time each day and is
accomplished with the aid
of a newspaper.
17.The Guinness Book of
Records Sh*t
A shit so noteworthy it
should be recorded for
future generations.
18.The Aftershock Sh*t
This shit has an odour so
powerful than anyone
entering the vicinity
within the next 7 hours is
affected.
19.The "Honeymoon's Over"
Sh*t
This is any shit created in
the presence of another
person.
20.The Groaner
A shit so huge it cannot
exit without vocal
assistance.
21.The Floater
Characterized by its
floatability, this shit has
been known to resurface
after many flushings.
22.The Ranger
A shit which refuses to let
go. It is usually necessary
to engage in a rocking or
bouncing motion, but
quite often the only
solution is to push it away
with a small piece of toilet
paper.
23T.he Phantom Sh*t
This appears in the toilet
mysteriously and no one
will admit to putting it
there.
24.The Peek-a-Boo Sh*t
Now you see it, now you
don't. This shit is playing
games with you. Requires
patience and muscle
control.
Go ye into the toilet and Sh*t some more.

GIRLFRIEND : (Low Voice)
Sweety, Last night I had a
dream about you.
:
MPATA: (excited) Oooh, Tell
meSomething Honey...
:
GIRLFRIEND: I dreamt We were
traveling in a bus, Suddenly the
bus lost control and fell in the
river. Everyone swam to save
their life,
but you were still swimming and
searching for someone.
:
MPATA: (with luv): Oh,
Definately, i was searching
forYou..Right?"
:
GIRLFRIEND: (Frown) NO, You
were shouting, Driver! Driver!!,
Please, Give me My Change
before You Die

Where sleak and his opponent. Am waiting Guys. . . . .

GUILTY AS CHARGED ON ALL COUNTS EXCEPT 14

I NO LAFF SO.
EEEEEEEEEDIOOT

EPISODE 9
On monday, Akpors and Twale were in court, and the judge said to Twale
Judge:How did you do over the weekend?
Twale: Well your honour i persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.
Judge: 17 people thats wonderful. What did you tell them?
Twale: I used a diagram i drew two circles like this; O and ¤ (a big circle and a small circle). And told them the first is your brain before drugs and the second is your brain after drugs.
Judge: that's admirable. And you Akpors how did you do?
Akpors: well your honour i persuaded 256 people to give up drugs forever.
Judge: 256 people that's amazing! How did you do that!
Akpors: well i used the same circles , i pointed to the small one and told them 'this is your as5hole before prison . . . . . . .' Akpors was released immediately with an all-expense paid trip back to Umukoro while Twale was transffered to a better prison but still in Maiduguri.
.
.
EPISODE 10
Akpors bade Twale good-bye promising to come back and help him. He headed back to Umukuro and arrived after 2 days. At the bus stop his wife and son came to pick him up. After the huggings they entered the car and Akpors said only one thing 'F.F' his wife turned to him and answered 'E.F' out on the highway he said 'F.F'. She responded simply 'E.F'. He repeated 'F.F' She again replied 'E.F'. 'mama, papa' Ovrikpo yelled, what's going on? Akpors answered your mum wants to 'Eat First'.
THE END.
.
.
Now Who can guess what 'F.F' Means?

ROTFLMAO! Nice 1!

larride: Nice one bro, can i join in the script writing?

co-producer Season 3. 9 n 10 coming up soon!

É no Easy. Booqee.jpg

Xymc, Realsammie, Teekrackz. One luv y'all.

EPISODE 7
Akpors was running in the bush and then he finds a small cave in which he hides. Amidst his worries he heard footsteps approaching and the person appeared to be running. After sometime he noticed the face of the person and it was Twale. He lept out of the cave with joy and hugged his friend. Then they waited for Akrika until nightfall and didn't see him so they decided to head towards the city, but on getting to the main road, they were caught by another group of soldiers who on seeing their prison uniforms immediately deported them to 'BAKIN WAK'E' prison nicknamed ''final destination''.
.
.
EPISODE 8
The conditions in this prison were too horrible so Akpors and Twale devised a plan. And their plan was to start smoking weed to get their minds off their troubles and this they got from Audu a notorious drug dealer in the prison. Akpors and Twale were later caught smoking weed in their cells so they were arraigned before a judge for trial. The judge said, you seem like nice young men and i'd like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug abuse and get them to give up drugs forever. When you do that you will be transffered to a better prison. I'll see you back in court on monday. The two were desperate to go to a better prison so they set to work immediately.

Lets clarify things here. Vicky and Jackpot can you please idicate your genders respectively. Thank you.

I comment my reserve.

R.I.P

EPISODE 4
Before reaching the main city of maiduguri, they were able to pass about 5 JTF checkpoints without hindraces because it was a police van but at the 6th check point the soldiers told the police driver to bring out the prisoners. They came down and were asked to frog jump which they did until their legs were sore and they were about to faint. After pleas from the police-driver they were allowed to continue on their journey. As they were going they saw a pillar with the inscription 'WELCOME TO MAIDUGURI, The home of Peace' . Akpors couldn't help but wonder why the slogan wasn't changed to 'HOME OF BH'.
.
.
EPISODE 5
As they were going, the driver lost his way having overfed with garri the night before. He later entered one bush looking place not knowing it was a BH hide-out. They kept on going until they were attacked by BH members and ordered to come down. They came down and were asked to lie down, meanwhile the police-driver hadn't come out of the car yet and he used the chance to zoom off despite shots from the BH's Ak-47s that were inflicted on the van he managed to escape leaving Akpors, Twale and Akrika behind. The leader told the others to tie get them tie them and prepare the firing squad.
.
.
EPISODE 6
Akpors, Twale and Akrika were visibly crying asking the BH to spare their lives but they refused. They were tied up in one place and Akpors was untied and brought forward. They wanted to shoot them one by one. Just as they were about to shoot him he shouts EARTHQUAKE. The BH went running and Akpors escapes before they realize there is no earthquake. They untied Twale and right before they shoot Twale he shouts TORNADO! Of course there is no Tornado but Twale escapes before they realize that. It was time for Akrika, he was untied and the leader goes 'Readyyy, Aim' then Akrika shouts like the others 'FIRE!!' .
May Akrika's soul rest in peace.

Nice ish. Bt more of a literature section material

D last one got me laughing really hard muan!

Intro; In the land of Nairaland and a time of stale jokes, the destiny of the jokes section rests on the shoulders of a young man, his name . . . . . . . . . . . . .AKPORS.
.
.
.
EPISODE 1
Unknown to them. The prison guards knew about their plans and had hidden in ambush on the day, but the guards couldn't understand why the prisoners didn't go through with their plans even when no-one was at the gate. So all the inmates were woken up the next morning and asked who their leader was but they refused to talk so they were denied food for three days. Having endured their predicament for the three days, they decided they could endure no more and so turned in Akpors, Twale and another inmate called Akrika.
.
.
EPISODE 2
The three were brought out and told that they would be transferred to another prison, a tougher one popularly known as 'BAKIN WAK'E'. On their way to the prison they were each given money to buy one item which would help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus Twale turned to Akpors and said 'what did you buy?'. Akpors pulled out a box of paint and said he intended to paint anything he could. Then he asked Twale, Twale brought out a deck of cards and said ' with this i can play poker, solitaire, gin and a number of games.
.
.
EPISODE 3
Akrika was sitting queitly grinning to himself. Akpors and Twale asked him what he brough, he brough out a box of tampon(women's pad or pampass) and said 'According to the box, with this i can go horseback riding, swimming roller-skating. . .' Akpors and Twale started laughing really hard at Akrika. Then the Police-driver told them to shut up and said ' if you know where you are going to, you would be crying by now''. They aske him where and he said doesn't the name of the prison sound Hausa-rish to them, they said yes and he told them ' well it is located in MAIDUGURI'' . . . . . . . . . . . . ,they wept.
.
.
.
.
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!

Lagusta:

Very very funny....

But what is a mutula

na 'iiiddiot' for one language like that

Xymc- Xtra-terrestrial Youngest Mutula in Cerebrumlessness!

Just to refresh your memories before we proceed. And also for those who haven't seen it before.