₦airaland Forum

Most homosexuals "believes" they are born that way so therefore "forcing/wishing" their adopted children be one will go against everything they believe in won't it?!

Fear not, one kid at a time, adopt all the motherless babies etc, then no impoverished babies will be left for them.

It will probably be best to also make a ruckus and get some sort of law created worldwide to ensure no woman submit her womb for the gays!

Mrs poster, it is well with you. Something about speck and log comes into mind!

Please follow her
It will save a lot of hassles
If you can get your husband to tag along, even better
However, please be very alert and cautious.
Once you feel something diabolical is about to happen, get away from there.
Come to think of it, it will be best if you go with your husband. Try and persuade hubby to tag along.
Good luck

Awwwww this topic takes me back to my past. This story reminds me of my director where i used to work. Worked very closely with her. Very intelligent and educated woman she is, has all this titles behind her name, also very dedicated to her job and why won't she, that is all she has and holidays, she travels the world all by herself.

Never got married, never had children. Too busy she was. Now time came for her to retire and it just saddened me. What was she going to do now?! Very inquisitive she was, always asking about your family, your life. I definitely sense some regret behind that her decision.

Thankfully, although she retired, the organisation kept her on as a consultant working twice a week.

Now back to the question, I doubt you can quantify intelligence based on procreation.

Chase those kids from your room ( most important) . As long as they are clean, not sick and fed, a little (or a lot) crying depending on how they want to play it will do them no harm. Once that is done, other things will fall into place. The most important is having that few minutes before bedtime to talk or whatnots

Also, cliche answer but you and your wife need date night at least once a month where you "dump" the kids on grandma, a trusted friend or a professional nanny.

Mr Husband, don't fret too much, this is just a stage once those kids are at that stage where they are not solely depended on her, wife will once more give you the attention you crave.

Let them get to the "mummy I am a big boy, i can bath myself, mummmmmy" wife will once more get back to her senses and realise those kids (opoju) by 25 years they will be gone to have their own family etc and she will remember her husband but until then it is YOUR job in the interim to make sure that by then you are not strangers.

By his/her actions throughout the courtship you must know the sort of person you are getting married to unless you met the person last month

The only constant thing in life is change. If you start tabulating how many kids you want, who the chief financier will be, what if your plans don't go to plan nko ?!

However, It is very important to go for counselling before the marriage. I know We Nigerians are not shy to give advice, since it is free! everyone will give their own advice lol but if you can afford a competent marriage counsellor that understands your tradition, values and religion, book an appointment and visit one.

Do one thing, does he have a key? When he comes home late, ignore him. Just ignore his total existence. Act nonchalant towards his ways. Don't nag him, don't even question him.

Focus your attention on your children. Take pictures, put frame up, create happy memories with your children. In passing, when he happens to be at home, talk subtly about what the family did today, let him know what he is missing.

You, yourself, have a purpose again that he just happens to be A PART of. Don't let your whole existence revolve around him. STOP WAITING FOR HIM. Call him once just to make sure he is okay but not more.

As for the violence, nip it in the bud, the first time he even threatens to touch you, create so much ruckus that he won't even dare think of it again.

It is well with you and all that concerns you in Jesus name Amen

No one wants to see life pass them by. Please don't hold people down on some naive promises they made in the past now that they are miserable and unhappy with them. Only God can be good all the time. Word stops being your bond when the alternative is a future that seems long and depressing

It is a difficult decision but she has to be the one doing the compromising, simply because the man has done his bits for four years. Who is to say she won't love it!

Your best option is to agree with him this time round and apologise because the odds are stack against you, shattered mirror, bugs etc.

What "uncle Amos" will madam be talking to and looking guilty/alarmed when caught. I don't blame poster for been suspicious. He is only human. Were the case be reversed, madam will not be taking it lightly I am sure.

Poster, either your wife has given you enough reason not to trust her or you personally have trust issues.
If she said the relationship with Uncle Amos is platonic, you are going to have to take her words for it unless you have more evidence. Do you have more evidence of this alleged infidelity?

Rule of thumb in most marriages, there is nothing like personal friend or my uncle, it is FAMILY friend and OUR uncle. Try and merge both your friends into one so the line become blurred on whose friend he/she was initially!

Ashiwere eniyan
Awon eranko gbogbo.
Nigeria is in big big trouble with this kind of people in power, shameless lunatics.

I love the professor but truth be told, with the greatest respect, you need to shut up this time round sir because you wrong, you wrong, you wrong!

A still tongue they say keeps a wise head.

There are so many ways to skin a cat, it should never degenerate to name calling. Professor Soyinka I am sure is aware of "tact"

His words is akin to "bullying" , trying to get a rise out off the First Lady.

Assuming those utterances were made by the man, won't that be classed as "cheating" ni. I can just imagine ( ehn ehn calm down now have I married you ni, it is just a picture, it is just a text.

Ayo my hubby's namesake, that girl is no longer in to that your relationship or she is getting very impatient.
Don't let her manipulate you to marrying her by force if you know deep down you are not ready.
If you do, get ready for even more shocking questions ( which food, what alhaji etc.) that will disturb you even more sef. Keep searching for your greener pasture ojare, get some sort of income flow and then you can put ring on it.

Love love stories like this especially the young uns.
You will know by the "comment" the "ones" hahaha.
Who ever is pained should do better for his wife! If you can't, rather than hate, pray to whatever you believe in for elevation.
Shikena.
Ride on jare comedian and wife.

Yes, It is important for married couple to be singing from the same hymn sheet so yes it is important for couple to practice the same religion. Ever of the popular adage, a couple who prays together stays together?!

However hubby is going about it the wrong way, he can "force" you to be a Christian but are you truly saved or just going to church on Sundays for the sake of it.

Poster just some questions
1. Was your marriage blessed in a church?
2. Has Hubby ever followed you to the mosque
3. Were your children christened?

Common sense prevailing, it surely can't be the lady's fault, for him to come back and beg with his family, he knows what he is doing is wrong. Also his disappearance for 5 good years from his family home.

Listen poster, don't let anyone portion any blame on you. All marriages have issues, if we all decide to run away, no one absolutely no one will remain a couple.

This is a very unusual scenario i must say. When he left, were you aware of his whereabouts? If you were not, next time he disappears, please make so much noise about it, you don't want to become a suspect (Heaven forbid)

You answered your own question really, inform his and your family. Also, your hubby needs to see a shrink, this is a mental issue that he needs to work on. My own conclusion from this is he is a lazy man that shy away from his responsibilities, a very insecure man that uses no stress no wahala persona as a front to hide the fact that he is simply not man enough. How does one run away from your own child and wife. Na wa.

I wonder how he is at work when faced with different issues.

I remember when ( which I still so by the way)I pray my kinda prayer when my kids were just babies, my husband tell me, let them crawl first na before you start denoucing and rebuking lol Hmmm temi ye mi!

Siblings that were close friends prior to marriage should now be mere acquaintance because of some spoilt wife that has no family value. God forbid. My children and such wives must not even cross path talk less of saying hello to each other. Amen. If they do, God in his infinite mercy will break them up before they become mr and mrs Amen

Some girls are their own worst enemies. Poster, things like this always come to a head with the same "me and my husband only" wife coming to you to beg you to talk to the husband, you just watch. I will advice you to play the fool for the time been before kasala burst which it surely will ( trust me). Your "respect" and "politeness" inspite of her attitude is the right shovel for her to keep digging her hole, You just watch her.

Don't let any one intimidate you, if she has issues with you, she needs to talk to her husband not you. Next time, to avoid unnecessary arinfin, ensure your brother is home.

Buy your range over please
With your mindset, you may not be ready to tie the knot

Royal Roy: A very interesting topic worthy of debate!!!

In my opinion, I believe destiny exists!!
But God in his infinite Wisdom has given man the freedom to choose!! .
Now, God destined you to be with Miss A.....out of ur own choice & lack of "prayer for guidance", u decided to pick Miss B for the alter!!!
After a while.....which might be 10 yrs or less the wrong choice u made manifests in all facet of the marriage!!!
Now, its possible with prayer that u find ur way back to ur destined partner, who might also have made a wrong choice wherever she is too!!!

Note:::: Not in all cases do u find ur way back to ur destiny!!! Only grace brings you back from ur wrong choices to ur destined path!!!

Check out the story of Mandela, Obasanjo, Fatai rolling Dollars.....these men were destined to be what they were.....irrespective of what they went through!!! In the case of Rolling Dollars who came very late to his stardom.....he was destined to be great & famous....that is where choices come in......It may be delayed....but can't be changed!!!

End off!
Love this

biolabee: If this is so why do we humans overreach in trying to box God into a set of do this do that

Let God be true and all be false

This same God wanted his people freed and deliberately hardened pharaohs heart

This same created Jacob who deceived everyone else uptill his old age

Let us be careful when we make definitive statements about this same God

Hannah married in divine will yet was childless for a season

SARAH was barren for decades

Let us not judge

Very contradictory post you have there. You seem to agree with what I say, reiterate it and in the same sentence kick against it. Response to all your questions is in my previous response to your post.

I mean if you want to go further, the same God created devil himself! Shock horror? Listen God cannot be rationalised. He choose to do whatever He want.

However, your last statement about definitive statement. I can boldly make statement about God. God is not a God that lies, He is not in the business of deception. He remains the same forever more. Should I continue?

I think we need to understand free will and God using a situation created by yourself to advance His own plan.

Judge I have not.

biolabee: Ok I now get your point of view.



Not linked to testing.......however I dont think it is totally true when you say that a deception that led to marriage is always of the devil as God in His infinite mercies can turn things around
David murdered to get sheba mother of solomon who became the line of jesus

I feel God cannot be fathomed by our mind n ways

Morning Biola. Yes God is a God of Grace and He is a merciful God. That is true. It is also true that David committed so many atrocities that God won't even let him build a church for him but when you call Jesus, you call him the son of David.

However, I answered your specific question regarding deception, God and marriage. The answer is No. A marriage based on deception cannot be from God, what happens after such marriage is solely based on His Grace and Mercy.

God's plan is for us to have hope and a good future. Jenny explained it perfectly but unfortunately we human tend to deviate from it and at times we suffer the consequences because God choose to have mercy on who He choose to have mercy on and that is what is difficult for people to assimilate. Some get very uncomfortable about this because they choose to rationalise God based on mere human emotions.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]So her marriage was ordained by the devil?

A good Christian sister who followed the teachings of your bible religiously, was a virging who kept her chastity till her wedding night?

And I suppose this is your solution? To tell her that the 'voice' she heard wasn't God's but that of the devil??

Unbelievable! smh...[/quote]I have said my piece yet you bicker on. I repeat and I repeat again if it is NOT in the bible, it is not the Christian way. I am not a fan of running in circles, assumptions, insinuation, trying to lay a guilt trip on. I choose to move on from having this conversation with you jare.

biolabee: If i may ask are you saying a marriage where the person heard from God cannot experience child bearing challenges

Or that if a marriage is built on deception, it cannot be God;s will

think carefully before you answer

Of course a Christian woman that married her "true" partner will face challenges - child bearing could be one of them.

My post says no different. However God will not give you what you can't handle so if God gave you an impotent man, He knows you are more than capable and your soul aligns with his. Everyone has some cross to carry, that could be yours

Just bear this in mind, a man God gives you will never have to deceive you to marry him. He won't "trick "you and I believe that ties in with your second question. I certainly don't think so, you can't mix light and darkness together, deception is of the devil. A marriage based on deception cannot be from God.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Choi!!

Your post is all over the place! I can't make head or tails of what you're saying...




No? Then what are we talking about in relation to this woman's example? You are aware that if there was no deception on the part of her husband, she wouldn't be here in the first place crying her eyes out would she?





So now it's her fault that the man tricked her? How much more of a Christian should she have been? She was a virgin and just in her twenties for goodness sake! She had practically been living her life according to your bible...chastity and all that.



Now, now vanitty, this isn't about Efe or Efe's sex life is it??

Yes, there is more to marriage than just sex. Much, much, more BUT, sex does play an integral part in marriage. And yes, there's nothing wriong with being taken to the moon to see 100 stars and back (you forgot to add the part of screaming "hallelujah"...)



And how does one tell with absolute certainty that they've heard from God and not the devil? You're saying here that you can only tell if the voice you "heard" was God's if it worked out well for you. And if it didn't, as in this lady's case, then it wasn't God's voice she heard but the devil's? And the bolded bit, how is that applicable to the lady in question here? She didn't fall into the "sin" of having pre-martial sex! She waited! She kept herself pure! So how was she at fault? What more did she fail to do??[/quote]Which woman?
I read the first post and my response was based on it, i really didn't go through the thread. Babyosisi response to my post was quite generic about impotent man and lady and i deciphered what I thought from it hence my whole essay about God's will, your cross to bear, i believe i also try to inform that God way is not our way etc.

This is becoming a chore jare Efe. Seems I am going on a merry-go-round . The rest of your post about "my Bible" is not even debatable i am afraid, I can't be swayed. If you want the bible perspective, then you will get it. I can't change the Bible so it will be the same response all the time I am afraid. If it ain't in the bible I won't dare advice a Christian to do it. I can't afford to collect that kinda sin!

However, your last paragraph interest me. If you have a personal relationship with God, then you will know it is God that is speaking to you, also there are signs, read your bible and does that man actions align with God's words? I also believe my first post said "peace" that is very important, do you have peace in your heart regarding him etc. if you are not "strong" enough and your faith won't hold, you have elders that can pray with you. That is why it is important to attend a bible-believing church and attend a church that you are serviced every time you attend.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Your last paragraph made me laugh out loud!

Trust me, nearly 2 decades on and my sex life is just fine. Even better - so let's not go there, shall we? And this isn't about testing vs testing - I've made my stance on that (long ago)

I rejuvenated this thread because of the example above. I'm interested in the practical solutions out there for those who chose to wait till after marriage, only to find out that they've got serious problems.

You STILL have proffered no solution. You've said a lot without really saying anything. Basically, you advocate that she does nothing, as per carrying her cross and bearing it, abi?

Now is that really a solution? Deols, has been even more realistic here. At least she's sighted divorce on the grounds of deception as an alternative / solution.

Yours is: despite the man's deception, she should stick it out, yes??[/quote]Ahh I see.

Deception? I am not talking about deception here.

My words are solely based on the fact that If you call yourself a Christian and you say you heard from God!

Surely if a man deceived you, he really can't be the one God want for you can he?!

Kudos that you still have an amazing sex life but that is simply because that is not all there is for you and hubby.

If you base your decision on who to marry solely on how the person can make you see 100 stars and send you to the moon and back after "testing", with time the sex may still be amazing but you will be searching for more . . anyway that is just going off the tangent

My POV is a Christian lady should hear from God about who to marry, if she truly heard from God, then it is finished. No testing needed. However, the lady could fall into sin but that is another thing entirely at least she won't come up with oh I am just "testing"

[quote author=Efemena_xy]You still haven't answered the question though.

What we have here is a real life scenario that requires a real life practical solution. The last thing this lady needs are quotes, excerpts and ideological dreams of how life should be. Crap happends. It is what it is. What we have here is a good Christian sister who followed the rules to the 'T' and has been dealt with shyte.

So I'll ask, what exactly are you suggesting she does now? What's your advice to her?? What should she do now??[/quote]I believed I answered the question when I said if the woman truly heard from God, then that is God's will for her.

She will have to carry her cross and bear it hence why I said God's way is not our way, forget logic, forget trying to be intellectual about it.

She won't be the first neither will she be the last to be have an impotent husband. God will never give you what you can't handle so therefore if you truly heard from God that Mr is hubby then that is your lot and He knows you can handle it.
Listen, you cannot twist the bible to fit into your own ideology. Everything changes but the Word remains the same.

Now if the conversation is about the sinner called man and woman then that is something else BUT from the WORD OF GOD'S perspective it will always always remain the same. Trust in God for the right man then you won't have to be checking if it is complete.

The idea of testing is even ridiculous, what after the "testing" something happens that you and him were not privy to and you married the person, would you divorce?! Or you got pregnant before marriage, after marriage you lose the baby, hubby had an accident, can't perform anymore divorce?

Let's call a spade a spade, the body is weak that is why we fall into sin, not because of any ridiculous "testing". Even after the so-called testing, the sex is poor, most will manage it, unless if sex is the only reason you married your husband lo ku. Then you are in deep trouble when the sex dies down niyen!

babyosisi: So the women that didn't test ,trusted God and ended up with impotent men should see it as God's will for them?

If the said lady heard from God regarding who to marry. Yes that is God's will from her.

We need to stop being emotional about this and realise God cannot be rationalised. Our way is not God's way. How do you explain Jacob and Esau, why did God love one and hated the other?

If you want the Christian way then yes no testing allowed I am afraid. Have you ever been in a congregation that preaches different? What so you expect? You want pastors to be preaching fornication and adultery?!

Talking from the Christian perspective. This is a no-issue. There is absolutely no other way than to trust God and your partner.

Most Christians believe they heard from God on who their partner is so why are you testing? God give you the one that is perfect for you so what exactly are you testing again?

Will you leave the man God specifically told you is yours!
Is God not all-knowing? Doesn't He have the best in store for you?

As a Christian, you should always look onto God for the man to marry and there should be peace hereabout in your heart about him.

Don't make a mockery of God. After testing testing and more testing, we now wear white and go to church and pray to the same God to bless our marriage. Thank God for Grace.

The fact that I was a sinner does not mean I should encourage others to do so

Biko, no matter how modern a woman is, never lend hubby the money to pay for the bride price directly even if you have the money.

You can be fair to him and contribute more to the celebration aspect but bride price, your engagement and wedding rings and his wedding suit he has to pay out of his own pocket.

There are things in the surface that appears minute but has the marriage grows it has deeper meaning. Being able to pay bride price massages the ego of the man sef. Think about it, why do a woman change her surname after marriage?!

The "real" English belongs to the British
If we must conform, then every other nationality needs to speak the Queen English! The Aussies, the Americans, the Nigerians!

It is very rare to see a Nigerian speak the "Queen English" - regardless of you being born in Uk as far as your parents were brought up in Nigeria.

In cases I have seen a black person will only have the "real" British accent if at least 2 generations prior to him/her have lived in the country or you were public schooled here and you are far removed from the "Nigeria" society - church, parties, friends etc

So what say we! Talk clearly! Don't force it. Have you ever a Scottish person speak? I rest my case

It is always always Nigerians that needs to fit in. No other nationalities seems to care. They will even tell you I am sorry, my English might not be clear enough for you to understand

You just mistakenly tell a Nigerian anything deemed negative about his/her english, you have an enemy for life niyen!

Awwww!
I won't say "smell" but almost all Nigeria food most especially the stew and soups have a very "heavy" scent, you can blame it, by the time you have added crayfish, "eru", onions and all the rest, it has no choice. Same with Indian curries as well.
You will know when you are having lunch at the office tea room and it is only the Africans that have to "excuse my food" haha
Won't have it any other damn way if the alternative is bland food

Was there a time in your relationship when you were happy?
I am guessing you are now at your folks? Please stay there for now.

This period of separation

1. Get a job ( I am presuming you don't have any as off yet )
2. He needs to come to your mother's house and totally humble himself ( this is very important). - never you go back with him if he refuses to come over. When he comes over, all your people needs to be seated and he needs to hear the word of his life! Your family ( brothers, uncles) needs to warn him sternly that he should be beating the devil he is fighting not you.