₦airaland Forum

Have a personal relationship with God
Deliverance is good, however what is best is if you personally can make command using the name of Jesus

Rest in peace Pastor Tayo Adeyemi
To all those pained by this, take heart.
God does whatever pleases him.

Hehehe remind me of this incident I heard:
""Wedding - £20 000 and still counting, you came, you ate, you packed more food home, you also took souvenir, you were so "present" as if you were the sponsor of the wedding
You now gift-wrapped tomato slicer as your only contribution to the wedding. E be ru Olorun o ""said the sister of the bride to a wedding guest. Lmao. iwosi ti ko da.

Guest should also respect themselves jare, if there is a wedding wish list, jejely buy something from there for them. If the couple don't have a wedding wish list, you can't go wrong with gift cards.

Damn, awon eniyan ma baje o. See how una don dey run mouth on such delicate matter now that both sides have spoken. In situations like this, we are not meant to blatantly accuse or defend any of them!

@ Poster :This is becoming a no no
Both of you need to log off nairaland and sort it out. People taking sides here will do both of you no good.
Wife, with the greatest respect, you have so so much to learn, a stranger that you don't know from Adam is saying all that to your hubby and you are saying "well said" never give anyone the chance to disrespect your hubby ego, log off nairaland and talk to him

Hubby, don't bother responding to all this on here, talk to your wife.

If both of you are not careful, this will become more than it is.

Thank God she wasn't successful
I am sure so many have been successful in countries where it is better to be a widow than divorcee.

What is the big brouhaha over? Abegi

Funny thing is deeper life members are not the one lamenting, it is the ones that have never stepped into the church or went "visiting". Mind your business, everyone should "sho igba e"

Cute bride, loving the top part of the wedding dress jare.

Ehn ehn this topic I like

1. Aso-Ebis ( recently I have had to buy ridiculously expensive lace that I even had to persuade him to wear, he is not a fan and on top lie about the price. He is not a fan of ankos and this trend will continue for a while God is blessing our extended family with weddings etc

2. He doesn't mind me buying clothing items that are different colour and looks obviously different but he doesn't understand why i will have like 2 bags that are same colour and size, me i know they are different, he just can't see it, my answer nowadays is it was two for the price of one.

3. He is British through through, his father was also born here while me my mother and father was born and raised in the village and they transferred some ara bush to me lol, so theatres o, concerts etc not my forte, it doesn't affect me negatively but i will rather be at home but I sha go because he is keen on it

Ah "organic" food, God forgive me for that one. A food product cost double price just because they stick organic label on it!!! forget it, If I know I can get away with it, I am buying what I bought and ate and survived before I met him

So many more, many more. Inside him i suspect he most likely know all this but he chooses to play along for peace to continue lol.

You don't want advice, you just need to vent but you are obviously disturbed and you been unhappy will eventually affect your home.

In situation like this, please do not attempt to "complain" especially since hubby seems to be tied to his mother's wrapper or start some silly competition. (Me or her)

There are many ways to skin a cat I tell you, I will advice you to be in fact more involved, be in their "business" it will be awkward at first especially if you are not the in-your-face kind of person

If mama want her son to be reading three passages every night, you are her inherited daughter, open bible and start reading with husband.

If mama calls at unholy hours, after they have spoken, tell hubby to pass you the phone and talk to her as well.

If mama reminds you that she used to be the owner of the wardrobe, playfully tell her that hubby will have to buy another one niyen o because you are now part of the family.

You need to do everything "politely and respectfully" to let it sink in to both son and mama that you are now one, this is a process but you will see with time when she is assured that you are not "stealing" her son away she will relax and back down!

It is well, in-laws especially single mothers that suffered eh to train up their children, you have to deal with them diplomatically at times. It is not easy for them to just let go

Think about it this way. Your father and mother I am sure did the deed when you were living in their house and you were not aware of it.
No one is telling you not to have sex but be discreet about it.
Infact not just for mama but also for those innocent children of yours. They copy everything you do, you know. You really don't want them to get to school or church and be humping others.

Sad sad sad
Ifedayo trusted the wrong person.
May his soul continue to rest in peace.
I feel pained by this sha.
Can just imagine the betrayal because of common car.
God be with his family most especially his mother.

All glory to God

Hypocrites are us!!!!!
Damn Damn Damn.
Morals? Quoting bible? Family values?

Let us talk about family values : A country where it is silently accepted that husband will have mistresses. Sugar daddies with teenage girlfriends. Paedophile uncles and aunties.

Morals : now how many single people here are virgins and how many married were Virgins before they got married?!

Who are "we"to quote bible, didn't the same bible tell us "thou shall not judge" also just incase you have not heard a sinner is a sinner is a sinner!!!

I never did and probably will never understand why some get so hot under the collar when the topic is homosexuality.
Why the loud protest from fornicators, adulterers, liars, hypocrites, thieves, rumourmonger, proud Etc. Take your pick on what category you fall under.

God bless you as you follow through
Wicked people

Tough day at work huh?!

1. Stop being so damn understanding

2. He is a grown man, you don't need to "baby" him through this "difficult time"

3. Give him so space to sort out his demons

It is his time jare, let him enjoy it well well. I feel more sorry for Folami sef.
The ideal advice is to tell him to be celibate but ermmm lets be realistic!!

Plus : if you are his only source of money, he will most likely become nicerrrrrr to you, the boy will be needing more money to impress Folami so you can drill into his head then about "life"

Minus : Now that he "thinks" he is a man, he will start challenging your authority more sha, be patient with him so be cooling temper with justice or the other way round

Abegi jare. The woman is no fool, she knows what she is enjoying in the relationship. That is a business marriage. She obviously don't care for his respect etc. no silly aide should come and pour sand in her garri. When she don eat belleful, she will show him pepper. Will he be in power forever?

Nashville: does not matter who moved in first, she did not move in to find a first wife, the person in question is her sister in law. i have not said marriage is smooth sailing all we are teaching young people on this forum is that there are different types of relationships. one is wife and the other sister. both are important but you need to know which is more important. no man ever swore to spend the rest of his life with his sister, you only say that to your wife. the sister will go out and start her own marriage soon but the man has to live with his wife forever (hopefully) so he should know who is more priority. that is what we are teaching people here. if the man understood he does not have two wives, rather he has a wife and sister, he would have handled the situation better.

they are not co-tenants. if the sister was contributing to the rent then you could argue it is also her house and it even gets messier. but in this case the only home and only family recognised is man, wife and children. sorry to say the sister is a guest and should live by the family rules not turn herself into a rival of the wife. they are not rivals, there is only one wife and she should know that. some people suggested she insisted the sister moved out before marriage - i completely disagree. if the sister was forced out the same people would criticise the wife for being intolerant. she has shown herself to be tolerant but it seems her weak husband just has no clue who his primary responsibilities are. he could as well marry his sister if he thinks they are rivals.

we really need to teach our younger ones the basics of marriage so that the young men would understand their roles and the little girls wouldn't go into their brothers houses and demand equal rights as the wife. sorry, the matrimonial home belong to man and wife and people need to know and respect that!

Of course the matrimonial home belongs to the man and the woman. I don't dispute that but please note we can say it till we are blue in the face, what is mine is yours and write a song about it, it is JUST words but actually acting out our words is an ongoing process hence why I keep banging on about not demanding but earning.

In this scenario, as i said in my first post on this thread, both parties were to blame. Wife and sister alike. Wife gave as good as she got. No innocent party here at all. Equal right, level of important don't matter, both acted disgracefully

I really don't like making assumptions but for hubby not to take sides, I dare say it was the wife that may have caused the rift, the wife must be more guilty than the sister or is it not the same sister that he would have slapped, shouted out, bullied etc while growing up and he suddenly became numb as an adult?!

Anyway at poster, hope this get sorted out. In cases like this that wife has moved out with kids, extended family tend to get involved and they will most likely shove a decision into your hand which although makes you a weakling, it eliminate the risk of being perceived as the bad husband or traitor brother.

Nashville: no one is talking about best food or best sex. And yes, respect is earned but it should be earned before marriage. You do not marry a man and tell him to earn your respect. You marry a man that has earned your respect. A man does not marry a woman and ask her to earn his love and respect. he should marry a woman he already loves and that has earned the respect.

most people do not really understand marriage. i am married too and i would not demand respect from my wife because she already respects me so it comes naturally. the respect was earned during courtship and if you not know, that is what courtship is about. back to the situation, my wife is my soul mate and the mother of my children and the most important person in my life. I love my parents, my siblings and my friends, but myself and my wife are one, my siblings have their own families too and i respect that. i would not go into my sisters house and fight her husband because afterall, i was her brother before she met her husband. her husband is not her head and they should make decisions together. same thing goes for me and my wife, just as i cannot go into my sister's house and disrespect her husband, she cannot come into my house and disrespect my wife.

We are talking cross purposes here. I am for the team, EVERYONE should respect themselves! Wife and sisters alike.

Another point, the sister didn't actually "move" in, it was actually the wife that "moved" in and that is a main point to note.

And please don't even compare courtship with marriage. The "respect" you have for a boyfriend/fiancé is totally different from the one you have for your husband. As I said earlier, marriage is a total ball game. You become a baby all over again and have to learn the basics. Yes a significant other that wishes to be husband/wife "for real" not just by name only needs to earn that title IN THE MARRIAGE.

Lastly, it is nice that you and your wife are soulmate and that is how it should be and we pray to be for others hence why we are being realistic and managing people's expectations.
A gullible newly wed will see all we write on here about how absolutely marvellous fantastic our experience was and still is and just make assumptions that it is smooth sailing allllll the way!!!!

bukatyne: In social studies, a home consists of a father, mother and children.

Look at it this way; how many relatives from the wife still hold on to her and cause trouble for her husband?

The problem is that our society does not understand want marriage really means. We think the wife comes to join the husband in his family. A wife and husband come out from their individual families and cleave together to form another family. A wife is automatically her hubby's queen bee the day they walked down the aisle just how the husband is the wife's king the same day. Does the wife crown the husband her king when she feels like it?

The fact that something is common does not mean it is right.

I can see this going back and forth for a while so respectfully I disagree but I understand your point of view but I don't agree with it.

@ Topic :

For newly wed, please respect, understanding and God is the main foundation you need.

Forget all this best cook, best sex, can do amazing things with your tongues and legs!

The crux of the matter is respect is earned, you don't automatically become queen bee etc.
My brain was definitely not wired to think that "oh I am married, my husband is the king" NOPE.
We had to work on the relationship, that is why you here people saying marriage is an entirely different ball game.

Forget "oju aiye", face value relationship most marriages fall under the days.

For a marriage to be enjoyed, YOU DON'T DEMAND ANYTHING, your significant other has to "get there" in his/her own time.

bukatyne: I don't know what you understand marriage to be BUT a home is NOT established until there is a husband and his wife i.e. there was NO home in the actual sense until Oga married wifey.

Marriage is NOT for everyone. If you know that your siblings are so important or your can't cleave to your wife/husband to become one flesh, please do not marry.

Nashville, God bless you.

Hmmmmm we will have to explain to all this people born out of wedlock that they don't have a home afterall daddy didn't actually marry mummy , anyway I will just ignore your absurd definition of a home - that is just another thing entirely and I won't even bother

It is simple really and this whole issue is about RESPECT and UNDERSTANDING. Wives needs to stop having this sense of entitlement just because they got married. That will honestly solve a whole lot of marital problems.

Second reason why marriage will continue to be endured by some of us, Unrealistic competition. Why must a man say you are the most important?! Why can't you just appreciate the fact that he is in your life and respect that he has a family before you met him?! why do we have to be queen bee?!

Honestly, we women need to relax, a man will crown you his "queen" if it is that important to you without you even having to "fight" for it.

Nashville: Now you bring another angle. So if a woman is not contributing financially, then she should be treated like rubbish but if she is, then she can do anything she likes. You forget that a woman who may have a great job today can be jobless tomorrow and vice versa. So when she is financially bouyant, she can do what she likes, but if not, her husband should just send her packing. Na wah for counseling o.

Again if the man is not matured (not sure what your definition is) then his wife should just begin to disrespect him. Nairalanders, please reader discretion is strongly advised here.

Not sure what you mean by family home, the only family that should be in the house are the man, his wife and children. It would have been a family home to the sister if her father was the one that owned the house. The only family here is the man, wife and children.

And please stop saying the sister is a child. She is a graduate and I would not be surprised if she is about the same age as the wife so she is not a child. She is just spoilt simple. Instead of her focusing on making her own life better, she is fighting another woman who is trying to make some headway in life.

And yes there is nothing wrong in being nice to your spouse's family member before marriage. When you initially meet your spouse's family, you always put your best foot forward as you want them to like you. It is only human! I am a married man and the first day I met my father in law I prostrated on the floor. I do not do that anymore cos he himself does not want it but those are things that you have to do. It does not mean the family should now turn you into house help.

No wonder there are huge marital problems in our society. People just cannot understand that when a couple gets married, the best thing is to actually give them their space to understand each other better and make their union strong. It does not mean family members cannot live with them, but family members should know their limits. The first few years of marriage are the most important because those are the formative years of marriage. The sister here just ruined her brothers marriage in my opinion.

Please stop assuming I meant what I didn’t say, if you don’t understand - ask

Stop being emotional and remove the rose tinted glasses and be logical

No I never said anyone should be treated like rubbish, what I said was, if you are not contributing financially to a marriage, yes your husband can tell you to pack out. As hard and difficult it might be for some of us to accept, yes he can tell you to pack out I am afraid.

If you don’t act like a matured person, yes people will disrespect you; in fact your children will disrespect you. Maturity is very important in life you see and yes the wife disrespected him, the sister disrespected him.

3It is a family home I am afraid, an EXTENDED family home. The wife moved IN to a home that was already established. That is what you are failing to understand. We don’t know what contribution the sister had made to the home prior to the MOVING IN of the wife.

Any person that has no source of income is a dependant; she is a “child” especially in an environment like Nigeria. You can call her spoilt, call her lazy etc. but she is still dependant, she has nowhere else to go!

You should be nice to your Spouse’s family ALL THE TIME. Don’t get married and have an attitude adjustment!

We indeed need marriage counselling in Nigeria and I will give una some for free here! Real life, time is money lol

Most Ladies are wired to believe that once the I do's has been said, they should automatically be "Queen" Oh and just give him a kid or 2 and he is tied to your apron forever, that is not always the case

Have you ever asked an older couple that has been in this marriage thing for 25+ years how "love" is for them, they will most likely say "oh I love her/him more now than I did in the beginning, I was just tolerating her/him in the beginning, now we UNDERSTAND and RESPECT each other even though the sex life has diminished shock horror!

Without the sex, majority of newly wed has no chance of survival, because that is what we have to do until we grow in this marriage thing. Sex is communication, sex is love, sex is understanding, sex is the way to finish an argument, sex is the way to avoid confrontation. For newly weds, sex is everything.

New couples needs to stop doing gragra. We need to let our other half get to it in their own time. You don't demand the crown of "Queen" "Man of the house" you have to earn it.

Stop making him choose between you and his family most especially his mother because quite honestly 95% of newly married men (7 years and below) will want to choose their mother but their mothers if he has a good one will be the one to advise them to choose the wife.

If you as a wife and mother cannot behave like a matured lady and you are not contributing financially to the upkeep of your home, then your husband can tell you to get out.

If you are as a husband cannot behave like a matured man, your wife will use your head as "orogun to ro poundo"

In this scenario, that was a family home whatever way we want to look at it. It really doesn't matter that it was the brother that was footing the bill, still a family home.
In most homes, children don't pay bills but it is still their home and in this story, the sister is obviously a "child" as she is not financially capable to take care of her self.

I can just see the wife trying to stamp her authority by being mrs commander. I can also bet my last pound that the wife was very "submissive" to the sister before she became Mrs.

My opinion is based on the fact that by God's grace, I am a sister ( very close to my siblings) , a mother ( I pray everyday that when we are no longer here, the love and bond between our children should always be there) and as a wife

This is very tricky because both parties are to blame. Most wives need to understand that just because you are now his missus, he forgets all his blood relations, it definitely doesn't work that way. The fact is the house is a family home, the wife moved in with hubby and sister that had lived in harmony for good 5 years.

Why did you even allow both of them to result into insults and generate to blows Mr husband. You should have warned both of them severely.

I don't subscribe to chasing relatives away because of a wife/Hubby I am sorry especially if there is a condition tied to their staying and the wife is giving as good as she gets.

What you can do is probably give a timeline for your sister to get a place, if you can afford it, get a place for her but please don't send her out without a plan.

I just love this couple. Their body language in picture always show them relaxed with each other. Best of friends.

Keep resting

His wonderful memories will be with you forever. He is resting in the wonderful arms of The Lord.
You shall not experience such loss again Amen. Stay blessed x

Hehehe. I trust Mr Vanitty. He will eat the food. Squeezing his face but still eat Infact that is when he will clear the plate and ask for more just to irritate me.

Tell him what exactly?
Didn't you sign a confidentiality clause where you work?
Na wa for Nigeria o

My own distinct memory of old times with my best friend is us gossiping and in pyjamas all day long watching different world reruns fantasising about Dwayne and generally not doing anything productive all day long. Awwwww the good old days but thank God we both understand and just talk about those days now

Anyway If any friend of mine come to my house hoping for the old times then she will be so disappointed so she might as well not come, change is the only constant thing in life but you are welcome to my home within reason as long as you understand my life as it now.

I keep saying this majority of the sudden death amongst Nigerian men could easily be poison
I hope all this women have no daughters, let their view die with them.
Daddies remember you have daughters. That your baby girl that looks up to you
This video is not a victory for the Nigerian man at all.