I doubt getting his mummy out of the house will automatically solve their issues! However, if Mrs insists, mummy is the reason why she cannot run her home, try and get a comfortable apartment for your mother

Just three years into the marriage and with two little ones, it is sometimes very hard to remember that you love each other when life becomes very routine with work, children, sleep etc.

I mean as someone rightly said, yes there are issues but they are workable ones if both parties are willing. It seems to me she needs advice more than you do to be honest.

All her accusations of you can easily be rectified if you communicate better. If needs be, draw up a plan of your expenses, let her see exactly how the money is being spent, not romantic enough? Easy! Be more romantic! As long as you can afford it, take her out to her heart content, always try and "drop" something for her mum and younger ones since it seems she is responsible for them etc.

Laziness/untidiness you said she is, I know this is not the 'norm' but why don't you clean up after the mess, in most marriages, at different occasions, both husband and wife have had to be the "ode" and compromise really heavily for peace to reign.

You cannot have a textbook marriage, I am afraid. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.

God will see you through this teething stage.

^ lmao
I can just imagine the look on their faces if this teenage pikins receive dictionary
you kuku ma not give them anything

engineerd: I don't mind cleaning....i'm a clean freak! But i will never cook! My wife must do the cooking!!!! except if she wants to eat poison!!!

LMAO!
Now tell me which woman will want this man in her/their kitchen.
I don't think it is absolutely necessary for the couple to "rotate" chores.
You are good in cleaning, run with that.

It is pointless eating watery salted stew with uncooked beef all because your hubby must cook as well. Some men learn how to cook (tasteful) / some don't even after many many "watchsee", some are not even willing to learn.

Bunmi, my name sake, if you insist on staying, good luck to you. Hope it all works out well. I for one have never heard of a happy ending to this kind of story. Who knows, maybe he will find Jesus!

Those kids of yours, however, if they are aware of what is going on will probably thrive better in a boarding school, the environment they are in now is quite poisonous for them. The cycle (heaven forbids) may continue with them.

Pele.

God will bless you with a job soonest Amen and all other things will fall into place. Persevere

Thank you Lord for everything

It is nice to know what one is negotiating to buy before buying.

This is one of the reason why some men are not very forthcoming with their salary, when you have a woman that thinks just because she is now your missus, she does not need do naff all. There are certain things as a lady one does not stoop to do, with the greatest respect, your husband is not your father.

Unfortunately a lady that has this kind of deep rooted mentality cannot be reasoned with reasonably!
There is a saying that says "when will a goat be strong enough to kill a leopard" you simply cannot win "respectfully" with this woman UNLESS she is willing to listen, you will just talk, talk, talk and if you force her to contribute, she will lose respect for you and will start comparing you to this friend husband etc.

If one cannot find what one wants, one should learn to do without it meaning don't talk anymore, you have done enough talking now.
Don't spend a penny outside your 70%. You have decided to contribute 70%, what the 70% can take care off, so be it.
Don't argue, Just do your bit with your 70%. If it means major luxury adjustment from the "family", start adjusting! Live according to your circumstances. You are also someone's child, you can only do so much.

Poster,don't resent your wife o. Remember different people, different ways. This is what we do is taboo in another.

"We all have mothers"
Love that phrase.

pak: I don't know why guys are judging this story after hearing from only one side.

I am a guy and based on the little that has been said I FULLY STAND BY THE WIFE.

The reasons are stated below.


1. I send money to my mum every month. I believe that's the least I can do for her after everything she's been through. and I will be surprised if anybody thinks otherwise.

2. Retirement benefits and pension system is rubbish in this country, I mean so much fraud everywhere and If this woman is a widow, then where in the world do you expect her to get money to survive from, if not the children that she raised.

3. The issue of her mother having other children is out of it. I have always performed my filial obligations without waiting to find out if my siblings are doing same.

4. The OP stated clearly that the wife is not working because she is takin care of the kids ! Sacrificing for the family ! I have never abused anyone on Nland but I will now - If this story is true, You are such a selfish Dolt ! And yet you complain that she request that you send money to her mother ! You must be crazy ! maybe its better to watch her mother starve to death.

5. Now as per the issue of comparing her to other men and opening a shop, I think that's not the issue. The point she's trying to make is that if only she had a means of getting an income, she wouldn't have had to bother you ! This is a sign of someone who is willing to be industrious for crying out loud ! Which leads to my last point . . .

6. Indeed you are most probably treating her like a slave. You are fulfilling your dreams getting married, having kids, pursuing career, while she just sits there as a fodder for you own dreams while hers lay in tatters to the extent that she can't even on her own support her mother. And yet you have never at any point deemed it fit to see if you can in anyway see what you can do to help her achieve financial independence either by encouragement, finance or education. All you know is that if she works, they'll tax you more and there will be nobody to raise the kids ! and yet you run to Nland when its time to provide basic needs.

I mean we are not even talking of providing for nephews or cousins here - her mother ! and someone has the guts to call her a leech !! ridiculous. I mean the man should even treat her as his own mother now !!!

If I get married today, and any foolish girl tries to stop me from providin for my mum ! I can assure you, that will be the very end (that's if I dont throw her down from the tenth floor balcony first)


@Debrief - I've always followed your post on Nland and hav always been very impressed but for once this is too disappointing, being the first poster you have shepherded the remaining guys in the same direction.


@poster - You most likely have a good wife but as I said earlier, you are must be a selfish person, apologize to your wife, appreciate the sacrifices she has made and she's making and do the right thing to your mother (I intentionally did not call her your mother in law)

Ah I love this so much. God bless you.

@ poster
Surely, you can't be that out-of-pocket if you are currently doing a house project in Nigeria.

However it is your wife I blame, blame and blame some more! Go and get a job wife, get a job, GET A JOB. Let your mother enjoy her old age, let her enjoy the fruit of her labour. Your mother is your responsibility.

I can't stress it enough how being financial independent is absolutely essential in a marriage regardless of how well to do your husband is.

You cannot tame him.

First of all, you don't call her "pin in the bottom" that is the first thing you don't do! Would you call your own mother such name?
Secondly, your boyfriend/girlfriend supports you so what is the problem here, let him/her talk to his/her mother, don't involve yourself in it.

WAM?:
Lol... You clearly do not have problems. Aunty, Uncle, Brother , Sister - I would even call them Mama if they want it. Don't create a problem where there is none. One thing I learnt from my brother is that he calls everyone chairman or oga - even when he is the one writing their checks. It doesn't take anything from you. Respect begets respect. Be more concerned about how you carry yourself around them and your attitude towards them. I often tell people let the person you are command and not demand respect.

I so much love this comment.

Why the sudden change and what did
you use to call them before?
How long have you been married to your husband?

It seems to me (and I may be totally wrong) that you are a western bride visiting Nigeria for the first time and the man is trying to make sure they don't antagonise you.

Listen, if my assumption is right especially and you are only there for a short while. Call them whatever they want you to call them. Does it remove a hair from your head?

They probably are less accepting of you and your husband is trying to cushion the friction by teaching you what he percieves will make them more accepting of you

However, if I am wrong and you are an igbo lady that got married in Nigeria,did the traditional rites etc in Nigeria with contacts from his family and there is this sudden change, you might want to ask your husband why? There might be talks that you are rude etc so just talk to your husband.

Thank you Dbanj! Now this is someone with common sense.
Desola Ade Unuigbe can certainly learn a thing or two from this fellow, an opportunistic writer strings meaningless sentences together, not even trying hard to make any iota of sense and of course she automatically becomes a measure of intelligence.

Here we go again!

Heaven forbids Mother author, let's just hope you are still very understanding and will still write all this Balderdash and Poppycock were you to be directly affected.

I for one and majority of others definitely do not understand the logic behind the killing of those boys.

Also, yes let's blame the government. What a bad bad government we have, they forgot to provide conscience for the concerned Judge and Jury in the Aluu community on that fateful day!!

We are solely responsible for our own actions. This was not jungle justice, this was murder. Plain and simple murder. Unnecessary murder.

Oh one more thing education did not bring about civilisation! What a foolish absurd thing to say. Infact, the woman is a not a clever one.

You will be surprised at how many cash or kind gifts are presented to the couple by family and friends while some give cash, some render services.
Funding for a wedding is never the sole responsibility of the couple, well all the weddings I have been a part of.

How selfish and proud are we! so with all what your wife have said, you still think of how you can forgive and forget, me, me, me and to top it all up, your reason for calling her disrespectful was because she talked back at you!

In all walks of life, respect is earned, you don't automatically become respected just because you are Mr husband and that is the truth.
The people that respects and I mean truly respect their husband ( not oju aye or have to respect because of circumstances!), you go and ask them how their husband treats them

That woman is frustrated and obviously not happy, talk to your other half, communicate properly, talk like you use to in 1995 - 2001 era. She is obviously very hurt and she properly thinks/knows talking to you will fall on deaf ears hence the reason why she had to pen down her feelings

Lastly, she shares financial responsibilities does not mean she should disrespects you, if sharing financial responsibilities is an excuse for disrespect,then there will rarely be no happy home left!. However husband have you adapted to your present living condition?

Anyway, It is well, marriages have challenging times. God will give you the wisdom to lead your home

Husband refusing to love the wife
Wife refusing to submit to the Husband (Head), therefore causing two captains on the ship scenario,before Mr says A, Mrs has said B to Z.

Also, pride and intolerance. Even God hates proud people and He opposes the counsel of the proud talkless of mere human beings.

Above all, Grace is what is needed to enjoy not mere just cohabit with a partner.
Ask for Grace to still be singing Eji owuro/olo mi/At last/my African queen! etc when the kitchen is bare, bank account is bare etc

May God help us all.

Thank you jare JennyKadry

Debrief, don't put words on my finger that isn't there! If what you deciphered from my post was that the man should shout her submissive, then good for you!

A woman is busy destroying her marital home and we are telling the husband to be patient! Will you advice your married son that way? A man that is hurting. Patient till when? eternity?

Also see insult on 22 year old ladies, I suspect it is probably your sisters/cousins that you relate to that made most of you have this very silly idea of 22 year old ladies as overgrown teenagers.

A 22 year old is not immature, That girl if you don't curb her excesses will still be the same at 32 so please it is not about age, that one is just a very stupid girl.

Look oko iyawo, stop playing this cat and mouse game with her, why should you be changing her sim card, why should you be the one forcing the change. Marriage is never 50.50 balanced at all times however the imbalance in yours is too much.

She needs people to counsel her on what been a mother and wife is all about and that has to be her family that should have trained her properly in the first place.

Nice post and fast forward few years later, some silly wife will want it to be "just me and my husband no relative allowed in this house bla bla bla, my husband should love me more than his mother as if na competition.

When I say iya dada ni iya mi. Oro mi ye mi.
God will bless all mothers. It is their time to enjoy and they will enjoy well well. 120 years like their Father Abraham they will be and they will still be strong and agile Amin

Speak out poster, this is your brother you are talking about, your family. In fact I always say, if you see anyone being abused, speak out!
Some people are so disturbed psychological that they really need people to help them or just to take that first step, that little push in the right direction

You have the chance to make a whole lot of noise, inform your family. The "ideal" thing is the police, but please let's call a spade a spade that is highly unlikely to happen so please inform your family. Just a selected few that he respects. if nothing comes out of it, fine but do so for a clear conscience.

Think of it this way, turning a blind eye, you risks having a murderer for a brother.

Dupsychic,
You are not deaf, God can speak to you yourself
Let God speak to you directly, seek his face and He will direct your path

Eyin mejeji ni ikan se. (Both of you have issues)
You (Husband friend) should have stood up willingly and moved to the back when Mrs came, not a power struggle but just because you are getting off first.
and seeing that you did not stand up, Mrs should have just allowed it and sat at the back. There are some things you don't need to do to prove that your husband is your husband!

Things like this are so trivial and obviously it pained you so much for you to make a post on nairaland.
The Mrs has an enemy now unknowingly, let just pray Mr does not ask for your advice one day regarding something pertaining to his Mrs!

It is well with your soul.
Surround yourself with people that love you. Take each day as it comes. Ignore negativity and put me downs.
If you are a christian, just take it all to God. There is peace guaranteed with God.

Well, this is a case of medicine after death! This should have been tabled very well before the I do.

This is a woman thirsting for more children, not conversation about moving houses or buying shoes!
I can bet it that with time, the woman will start resenting the man anyway, this is a slippery slope Mr husband is going on and a recipe for disaster for his home.

Mr husband needs to know It is not solely his decision to make, just like it is not solely her decision to decide to have an abortion and Mr wife needs to pull his heartstrings wellwell! If he is still insisting on finances, mrs wife should try her and make her finances stronger

After cajoling and more cajoling and he is still adamant, years passing by and hubby is still saying no. I personally would stop taking the pills and I will let him know! He can strap up all he likes. This is probably not going to end well if Mr husband insists on No. Wife should also pray and take it to God in prayer.

So if you take offence to people reading your messages, how about listening to voicemails on home land phones, who is the 'owner' of that one? How is it different?!

If he likes read, if I like read, I don't care. That is the least of my worries, that barely register on my radar of things to worry about to be honest.

Then again I don't have any privacy issues "work ethic" to upheld and also anything 'private' a friend tells me, you should automatically conclude that I will tell my hubby and trust me, your secret or whatever is safe with him, he won't treat you any different but If you don't want me to tell him then don't tell me. Simple.

I don't have to tell him everything but my mouth can run away with me one day when we are gisting and I spill your "private" information and I don't want any guilt on my conscience.

Poster, that man is not right upstairs, how can a father deny he has children because of mere va-gina? Is he even involved in their care or you are the only one taking care of them? Does he contribute to their upkeep, does he interact with them? Is he a good father?
That man better be careful and stop pronouncing negative things into his life! God knows no joke.

You cannot "force" him to change, no amount of shouting on him would. You can guilt-trip him and perhaps he will hide his affairs better or rather than have a stable girlfriend, he starts having one-off affairs but he will only change if he wants to.

It is yourself you need to work on, what your priorities are, what you are willing to accept or not. Your priorities will determine your next course of action. Why don't you surprise him, do the exact opposite of what he expects you to do. Put the fear of God in him.

Good luck!

And poster, please ignore the ones here that are saying it is your fault. A matured man (which obviously most of them ain't) will take responsibility for his actions. Men (well the ones with their brains intact) are not weak, they know what they are doing, they blame themselves for their shortcomings not their wife. It is a shame most don't know what being a Man is all about. We all need to go and ask our grandfathers if our fathers did not teach us well.

Good.
Mother "back handing" you does not mean any stranger can raise his/her hands on you!
We will of course love the government to treat the citizens right but not withstanding that was a good step from the government
At the end of it all, it is Nigerians that suffers!
Useless government must at least have their usefulness and this just might be one of those rare times

So what? Your mum did it, your sister did it, your niece did it, even that baby girl born a few years ago is managing well without any help kudos to them I say but people are different, surely it doesn't take a genius to realise that, people are different! This life is not a competition!

Eastman11. God will fulfil the desires of your heart. Triplets at a go for you. Amen

Poster
Within hours ke? Biko sorry but a 6 year old boy is old enough to know better. Please try to curb this behaviour of his. Boy probably watches too many action films! He needs to know that there are repercussions for his actions, he probably knows daddy will buy me another!

A stern word here and there, let him do without the toys at times, refuse to feel bad that his siblings still has theirs and forced to get him new ones. Let him know daddy will not tolerate that sort of behaviour.