₦airaland Forum

How old is this your boy?

Ofcourse, you don't want divorce, if you want divorce, you would have gone to a lawyer what you are looking for here on this blog is for people to give you the solution to your problem, maybe they will tell you how to behave and how to make a man happy! I feel sorry for you.

I am not even concerned about you, but your children both born and unborn, you are a very selfish woman, how can you bring up your children in that environment, the man is contantly telling you that he wishes your son was never born and you are still sitting down there during Mrs
Until he kills you, that is when you will know that you should have left.

The GRACE of God is abundant my dear, I strongly believe that my God is not a wicked God.
Have you read your bible well, do you know the story of David? Do you know the many many atrocities he committed, yet when people call Jesus, they call him the Son of David

Sit down there and kill yourself, what a stupid woman unless you are not been honest with us. Poster, just so you know the bible also most definitely frowns upon abortion, you are literally killing an innocent child.

And their lies the problems plaguing Nigeria, "we" never seem to get the balance right. A land where stealing milk and milo carry the death sentence but billions of stolen naira in a swiss bank earns you the title "chief" and honourable.

A year for a first time traffic offender that lead to no casualties, what is needed is justice and correction not this so-called stiff punishment. By all means, seize his licence, fine him heavily but don't ruin his life.

Fast-forward a year from now, man out of jail, sure he might never break Fashola's rule ever again but he now has a criminal record, no one willing to employ him etc, is there not a chance that this man becomes a menace to the society . . . a very dangerous path this our favourite Governor is trending.More outrageous law to follow.

I just hope a prominent politician figure falls foul of this new traffic law and then we will see just how determined and patriotic this our favourite Governor is.

It is their cup of tea what the silly elder brother and the rude daughter choose to do. If they like, apologise, if they like, they shouldn't.

However, the wife must be seen to be building bridges for her husband's sake. The husband must be going through some sad emotions right now so she needs to extend an olive branch to her in-laws, if they choose to accept it - great. If they choose not to - oh well no one can fault her for not trying.

The wife needs to be on her "bestest" behaviour now simply because the husband will be reflecting on the situation and will most likely be feeling guilty and sad that her actions had to make him choose between her and his brother.

Now that "noises" have been made by hubby and wife's family leaving the elder cousin with no doubt that "o jebi" Were the wife to be someone I know,I will personally advice her to apologise to her the in-laws if for nothing but for her husbands sake, let her start the "healing" process.

The wife also needs to apologise to the child for the slap and should NEVER let her come to her house again in that capacity. If she must come, she must come accompanied and as a visitor.

Unfortunately in cases like this, it will be very very difficult to go back to "as before" so everyone should just respect themselves from afar and make small talks in family function e.t.c.

That is one family gone unfortunately all because of a wife, now someone will come and be singing it is a man's world and we "run" things hehehehe

If you are not fuss either way, I will just go with the hubby's.
it will even further 'cement' the husband-wife relationship as the marriage is still in its early years. It also shows he can advise you and you ignore any other. Also, one day he might be in the position you find yourself now........

May your mum keep resting in peace Amen

Poster, Sometimes, we think we know more than our parents, the certificates we have manage to accumulate over the years sometimes deceives us. Learned relatives indeed! who cares? Are you living your life to please others? What will make your daddy happy

Tell us, how is it morally or socially wrong that a widower wants to remarry? Please tell me? Why are 4 grown MEN not bickering old women even concerned about what people will say. Do you know what happens in everyone's home?

Financially, it might strain the old dear a bit, however instead of needing your "father's attention and finances" how about you all get something doing. Hasn't he tried enough? When is he going to start eating the fruit of his labour?
The man needs company and you are deliberating over what people will say, don't you want him to be happy?

4 full grown men niyen o, youngest being 26 years old. A 26 years old will refuse to eat food, food he should even be grateful for. A 26 year old man that shouldn't be living at home but still is and you are already presuming that he won't eat food. I mean food? In this situation, should that be your line of thought

So to sum up some of the reasons you and your siblings does not want your father to remarry. . . "What will our learned relatives think, his much attention is needed towards helping us establish ourselves, and that requires finances (you need his money)and finally you may or may not eat her food" now please tell me is that not very selfish of all 4 of you

Stop whining and grow up.

Yes I totally agree that it is not easy to turn your back on your marriage, 3 kids or 1 kid sef. However, it takes two willing adult to make a marriage work, there should be a limit to what you should allow to happen as a person.

If the man is holier than thou as he has described, then he should certainly not be the first person to reason with the in-laws. Trust me, if it takes that step, then he stops being a man in his home. His in-laws will use his nose to blow trumpets. He will hear eh.

If this is ritualism/cultism crap going out, even the more reason, he should distance himself from that family. Pray and fast for your wife in your own home, when she comes to her senses, she will be back, there are some things we cannot control, you also have to have it in the back of your mind that she may never come back. . . . .

I certainly think he shoud adapt the 'dey look' stance as the mother did not even support your union from the word go.

Eeyah
I find this post very very innocent, naive and cute
Honey, be as romantic as you can be for the two of you but probably waking the man at 2am is not really a good idea
He might succumb and also be romantic grudgingly/awkwardly romantic but at least he is romantic
Just have it in the back of your mind that he might not change but since you love him soooooo much that shouldn't be a problem, now should it

@ poster
Good, now that she has moved out willingly, Please whatever you do, DON'T be the one to start the negotiating process, DON'T beg her to come back,as much as it hurts, if you can act like she does not exist, good!
Just make sure your children are well and that is your only duty as for now
Don't even try and reason with her, let her go, forget her, don't go and call any family meeting. Infact just ignore her existence patapata for now as long as you are sure your children are well looked after, just make your children your first and only priority now.

However, poster please be sure in your heart that you have not offended your wife in any way causing her to act out like this, however if you have done no wrong, just ignore her and her family.
Play the waiting game with them, you will not wait for long... . .

Eeyah.

Poster, you are clearly affected. If only this men thinks exactly like us, what a wonderful world it will be. See you planning surprise birthday for him etc. hmmph!, don't take it to heart jare iyawo titun, awon okunrin yi sha.

If your husband is the forgetful type, it is better to prevent the hurt that you will feel and tell him clearly that '''dear next week is our . . . . . .etc etc''' so you will never know if he was going to forget!

Also, we sometimes have to explain it to them words by words and say it loud and clear what we want, because apparently they cannot read minds hmmph! Besides, have you in the past hinted on your birthday not been a big deal?

Anyway, thrash it out, don't do the understanding wife thing, your marriage is relatively new, start setting your boundaries now, what you will tolerate and what you won't . Birthday is a big deal to you, so be it. Every damn year whether he likes it or not, he must acknowledge it. If that is what will make you happy, then he must to do it!

What bible is this your woman reading from? that I will like to know!
However you, mr poster can't keep shouting divorce over every issue, man up @ poster.
A wise & patient man knows how to 'handle' his home issues. Be wise!

Foolish family, stupid husband
It is the way you portray your husband/wife that they will be treated
I am 100% sure the man does not hold the wife in high regards in front of his relatives.

The wife should not even bother with the in-law.
Face the husband squarely, by the time she finishes dealing with him, the in-law tries even calling her by name, the man would have responded with a violent bang.
My advice will only work if there is love/sanity in the hubby's heart for her though.

Arin fin oshi. The girl must have dragged herself so badly in front of them.

OK understandable, new wife, you want space etc, just one teeny weeny question, his family that have been living with him before you married him, have you or your husband made any other arrangement for where they would go?

I am presuming they have no place to live hence living with you or do you just want your husband to render his family homeless? Iyawo and this sense of entitlement we usually have, so because you are his wife, he should forget about his family just because you want your own space.
When the wife have her own sons, she will appreciate this.

Just remember one thing, you met them in there not the other way round, the house was more or less a family house and you were silly enough to agree with this arrangement, even if it was for a short while prior to marriage!

Hmmmmm

Diplomacy is needed here
Technically, the man is your "uncle sir" as he is your elder sister's husband
A car is just that . . . a car.
I will advice you to bear the brunt.
He is family, with family, we get the good and the bad

Poster, from your write up, I sense that you are convinced that your way is the right way, why is that so? Anyway eventually if u coerce your lady to resign from her Job and become a businesswoman, she may grow to detest you, not everyone is business minded and not everyone want to become self-employed

Also It is not absolutely necessary to share the same vision although I will have to admit, it helps a whole lot. You can have different visions as long as both visions don't contradict each other and you support + respect each other but to be honest, for me, it is not worth the hassle, it is better you talk it out now before you get married, if you realise she/he is heading north and you are heading south and rather than adding to you, he/she will most likely be a hindrance and one that is not willing to compromise, I will say you have not reached your bus stop. Keep searching.

I guess my line of thoughts are different and I see the poster point of view very differently.

A man that you have been in a relationship with for 3 years and has never given you a "gift', bia I no no o, that is one stingy man.

All this is he ur husband, is he ur father, let me say this people never change, there won't be a sudden amazing change just because she becomes Mrs him, he won't suddenly transition to Mr generous. As we lay our bed we will lie on it. If she is happy footing the bill in the marriage, then she shouldn't complain.

What I find offensive is probably when you expect him to give you money to make your hair etc as if you have a right to his wallet but a man that is in a relationship with you and does not even think and make the effort to buy you gift willingly. O ga o.

Please let be real here, how many of us married women here can honestly say in our courtship, the man didn't buy you one thing that you were like awwwww even if the gift was dirt cheap, we still appreciated it because he thought to make you smile. Even with less to nothing, the man should at least prove to you that he can take care of his family.

Buying gifts is a sign of appreciation and whether we like to admit it or not, the generosity of one's partner is one of the character trait that makes some of us abokoku. 'Love love love' is not enough. Anyway in time, we will all learn more.

Awwww
Happy birthday to them
I remember watching a documentary on them eons again when they were still pre-teen I think.

Lovely topic.

I will be the first one to probably say I can be very stubborn and that is why I know God is great, he looks at you and jejely gives you the partner that will suit you just fine. If you are a christian and you listen to God and is PATIENT, He will give you the flesh of your flesh, yes there will be trials and tribulations in your marriage but not the extreme ones I read on here at times.

However, training your children, the most important thing as far as I am concerned, after prayers and even more prayers that this children of ours listen when we teach them especially in this western world, is self-expression, let your daughter think and talk for herself. Any suggestion she brings, no matter how strange it is, always try to see her point of view, table it and discuss why it is not plausible, why we should do it this way instead of that way etc.

Never never shout her down based on any idea she has, if you do, she is going to grow less confident and less self-assured and start allowing people to think for her which is a big NO

Let her make decisions that might be minute to you but to her can be a big responsibility, things like where should we put that new kitchen table, should we take the car or the train, what should 'WE' cook tonight for the family and let's her decision be final. Nkan ti o ba so la be ge.

No matter how comfortable you are, also let her know the value of money

Again, I mention prayers again, pray together, don't do the let's dad pray every time, let her lead the morning/evening prayers at times, you learn a lot in that private moment when she is talking to God.

I am confident, God's willing that my children, Son(s) and daughter(s) will be just fine in the society. Amen. Also, any useless girl or boy that will make life difficult for my children, God should please start rewriting his/her story so they never meet Amin.

I watched this film 'Jejeloye' - very very funny yoruba film but that pretty much sums up how not to bring up your daughter

Yes people, let us all ridicule her, she can't speak English but yet she is the woman beside the President. Some of our people just don't think honestly, she can't speak English, yet she is one of the most powerful woman in Nigeria even with her "gun shooting" self and we come here and start making fun of her. Really? I mean really? Who is fooling who here?
Olorun ma je ki ori mi gba paro o. Amin

Even with her bad command of English, where she is right now, 99.9% of our perfect English-speaking ladies and gentleman will NEVER get there. I honestly believe she is a perfect example of the Grace of God not how you can speak English more than the Queen herself.

Did you hear God yourself?
It is very important that God speak to you directly not through a mouthpiece

Buhahahaha, threads like this provides comedy relief

Poster A that lives in Nigeria: Thank God, the power in my area is improving

Poster B that lives in a far far far away country: Shut up, what do you know, I can authoritatively put to you that you are lying, come and see statistics, see links, see this see that

Poster A (now confused) : but all I said was power supply is now improving in my area, when it starts to dwindle, I will come back and inform

Poster B : Ah shut up, you are not intelligent, what do you know, come and see statistics, I have evidence that you are lying


@ Topic, Anyway, I have been informed that things are improving and my people are all over Nigeria , However I doubt this few weeks/month for certain places should be used as a yardstick to measure performances of the relevant bodies.
Let's just wait and see . . . . .

This might be the beginning of having to write another business plan sha, I guess that one of my very very brillant ideas ( generator distributing warehouse) that I have been discussing . . . well more like harassing Hubby about might just need to be thrown out of the windows. Back to the drawing board I go

I work in a very corporate organisation,shades of black and grey is the colour of the day all day!
However, we have colleagues that bring salmosas and other mini treats from other department to sell at times, we get books delivered bi-weekly.
Does it affect productivity? No
Really, how many minutes can you spend buying the chinchin?! Afterall, are you really going to spend the whole day debating what chinchin to buy?!
Kudos to the husband I say. Higher grounds you shall go Oko iyawo. All successful businesses that stands the length of time have humble beginnings.

I am guessing this is your first child Biko, don’t be too annoyed o :-)

It is her emotions /temptations to buy all this cute things. You just need to tell her to reign in on her excesses. To be honest, this babies outgrown this items so quickly, they really don’t need so many items. Babies will always be cute as long as they are clean, healthy, well-fed and happy

Anyway, even people that are not pregnant, do not plan on having another baby are always tempted to buy this cute cute items for “keeps” or just in case or oh I can always give it to my sister/niece/friend/That pregnant lady in chirch! etc. .., not to talk off a first-time mother.

Pele.

So instead of getting proper health care for their mother, they decided to take her to a herbalist.

Surely, the mother didn't even bring them up well. How can all 4 of them be this silly

Then on top of that, they are rough handling your father, throwing him out of the house, disgracing him. Awon omo jatijati.

Their mother's ailments could well be as a result of her foolish children, thinking how did she manage to bring up 4 failures as Children.

So all 4 of them can't collectively take care of their mother, they are fighting for gratuity.

Regarding Oko omoge, Papa 70 feeling funky, let him be. When the young wife is done with money, she will send him back to his first wife!

Besides when the husband was working, what was the woman doing? Obviously she couldn't have been a housewife as the husband was lowly paid and if she was a housewife then God will see her through!

They should take their mother to a hospital before her condition degenarate further

In my own point of view, this does not mean he is the best father in the world neither does it translate to him being jobless

How this automatically turns to the man is jobless is beyond me, it could be his free day from work, it could be a man that works on rotation basis, it could be on annual leave from work.

I suppose it is the 'ankara' people can't seem to look past.
Were it to be a 'posh' baby carrier, I doubt people would protest this much.

The only thing that might be wrong with this is the safety of the baby. I personally don't think an ankara is strong enough to hold the baby and I refuse to let anyone carry my babies like this. All the shebi you were carried that way is not my business lol. I insist only God kept me safe with all the experiment my grandma did on me and siblings lol.

Lazy mother, she didn't teach the son his language and does not want his culture to be completely gone. A yoruba woman would probably speak the language to their children and her grandchildren.

Hypocritical or not, she gave birth to him and she has the right to 'want' things. Now it is up to the son to accept his mother's wishes or go with you against her wish

The learned professor is simply put, an idiot and a mere agitator.
He surely without a doubt a mouthpiece for someone else.

There is a difference between "insult" and "criticise"

Mr professor needs to be schooled on the appropriate way to communicate to other dignitaries, most especially if their words could incite uproar/emotional response from the supporters of the other party involved.

Until then, he needs to shut up and learn how it is done properly.

No, I am not a supporter neither am I a non-supporter of the president!