₦airaland Forum

denzel2009:
Poorly worded title IMHO, I was hoping to read he contracted AIDS.

hehe!

Dimeji Bankole's Yam by Pius Adesanmi


(The music of King Robert Ebizimo plays softly in the background)

“Your Excellency sir, I’m not sure we can pull it off ohhh”

“Pull what off, Oronto?”

“Your Excellency, Sir, I’m talking about your PDP family affair promise to

Speaker Dimeji Bankole. It will be tough now to guarantee him a soft landing as originally planned.”

“Why not? Didn’t we ask Ringim to pay him a social visit and ask how much of his overall national cake he is willing to plea bargain if we let him keep the Peugeot contract proceeds and other preceding proceeds? Has Ringim reported back?”

“No, sir. Ringim is still at his place as we speak. But our US trip is getting closer and closer. Thus far, we have been able to prevail on the local media to concentrate on the Super Eagles. As usual, our allies in ThisDay have been very understanding. But we can’t do anything about the enemy in New York. He’s been headlining this matter everyday on his opposition website”

“The usual suspect in New York? He is still making trouble for us? Oronto, I thought I asked you to launch operation Kalahari desert and settle that boy?”

“Operation Kalahari desert failed sir. The man won’t accept anything. And now he’s been blasting this Bankole family affair story on his website. And you know the Americans take his website very seriously. The problem now is how you are going to meet President Obama and Hillary Clinton next week when they now know that our anti-corruption war does not reach people under the umbrella sir.”

“Oronto, what exactly are you saying?”

“Err… em… sir… I’m saying that Mr. Speaker has become a liability and we desperately need to sort things out before you go to the US. There is, in fact, an opportunity if we make a show of appearing to move against the Speaker now.”

“Ok…ok, I hear you. Order Ringim out of the place and summon Farida here at once.”

(Enter Mrs. Farida Waziri. She genuflects at the door and crawls on her knees all the way to the Maximum Ruler’s throne)

“Your Excellency sir, your Excellency sir, congratulations once again on your glorious inauguration. The nation has never seen anything like this sir. Only your inauguration in 2015 will surpass this one sir. You and the Dame looked gorgeous sir. May the Almighty God…”

“Ah, Farida, you are here. Oronto, ask one of the boys to bring a glass of Sapele water for madam EFCC.”

“I’ll pass your Excellency. Thank you sir.”

“Are you sure? It’s pretty good stuff. Ok, I am directed to tell you that… sorry, I mean I have decided to revoke the PDP family affair soft landing guarantee I extended to Speaker Bankole. I am meeting with President Barack Obama next week as you know. Can you work on a scenario that would boost my anti-corruption credentials going into that meeting?”

“Certainly your Excellency sir. Anything you want sir. At the EFCC, we have several PDP family affair templates ready for operation at the pleasure of Mr. President. I can briefly itemize four of our working templates to you now sir. My media man, Mr. Femi Babafemi, will explain the finer details of each template to Mr. Oronto later so that you can select one sir.”

“Fire on, Farida”

“Thank you, your Excellency. We could use the Tafa Balogun template, the Cecilia Ibru template, the Lucky Igbinedion template, or the Iyiola Omisore template. Any of these templates will lead to a high-profile, heavily media-sensationalized arrest sir and that is precisely what you need to show the Americans that we are serious about fighting corruption.”

“So, what happens if we go with the Tafa Balogun template?”

“Your Excellency, we arrest and handcuff the Speaker for photo-op. We bring him to the Villa in the dead of night and you extract promises from him. We find a friendly judge to try him expeditiously. He does jail time, six to ten months maximum, refunds small change to the government, and keeps a low profile after jail. I get a Mercedes Benz jeep for my effort.”

“What about the Lucky Igbinedion template?”

“Your Excellency, same as above. But here, instead of jail time, our friendly judge will ask him to refund small change. He can get that easily from the boot of his car. No handcuff during the arrest. I get a Mercedes Benz jeep.”

“And the Cecilia Ibru template?”

“Same as one and two sir. He will have to fall sick after his sentence sir. He can then do his jail time at Saint Nicholas or any hospital of his choice.”

“I’m not sure I like any of these templates. What about the Omisore template?”

“You may like that one sir since it allows him to bounce back and work for you towards 2015. We jail him and while he is serving his sentence, the Villa will talk to Professor Jega. INEC will discover some retroactive irregularities in his ward in the election that he lost. INEC cancels the election and orders a re-run. Mr. Bankole runs from prison and wins. You pardon him and he returns triumphantly to the House. You work with Speaker Tambuwal to make Mr. Bankole head of the House Committee on Constitutional Reform. As part of the deal, Mr. Bankole will naturally understand that four years is not enough for you and your Ministers to work for the Nigerian people sir. Tenure extension will be the main agenda of his constitutional reform work.”

“A former Speaker retuning to the House as an ordinary committee chair?”

“Your Excellency, there will be public campaign before that to let Nigerians know that part of the new deal with you is that people who have served in higher office won’t feel too big to serve Nigerians in a lower office when summoned to patriotic duty.”

“I see. And what happens to the original winner of the election in Mr. Bankole’s ward?”

“Sir, you could make him a Senior Special Adviser on Miscellaneous Affairs in the Presidency or give him the open High Commissioner slot in Kenya so long as he does not go to Nairobi with his wife. There is something in the water they drink there.”

“Now you are talking, Farida! Now you are talking!”

“Your Excellency, what do you want us to recover from him? His harvest is substantial. Mr. Bankole has been eating since 2007 sir”

“Oronto, you heard Farida. What do you suggest?”

“Err… your Excellency sir, if he plays ball and agrees to the Omisore script, I say we let him keep everything. We can get a judge that will ask him to refund the cost of photocopiers, fax machines, printers, and flat screen television sets. That will be about two million naira plus some jail time.”

“Good! Farida, you heard Oronto. Let’s work with that.”

“Ok, your Excellency. Err… I get a Mercedes Benz jeep and another plot of land in Abuja for that scenario sir.”

“No problem, no problem, Farida. You are free to negotiate a non-greedy percentage of the man’s harvest for yourself. Just make sure you launch this operation before I leave for the US”

“Em… Oga, maybe we should ask Madam Farida if the EFCC has a Bode George template. We haven’t even considered that…”

“Look, Oronto, we don’t have time to consider more templates. Just work with Farida on this Omisore template and make it perfect. In fact, you should hop on a helicopter and go to Otta straightaway and brief Baba that we have decided to move against Speaker Bankole. Don’t come back here without Baba’s blessing for the operation ohh.”

“Your Excellency, Baba’s blessing will not come free ohh. You know Baba now.”

“What do you think he will ask for?”

“An omoluabi percentage of the Speaker’s total haul”

“Omolu… wetin?”

“Omoluabi sir. I learnt that code from my Yoruba friends.”

“Ok, Oronto, promise him omoluabi percentage but get his damn blessing for the operation”

“Your Excellency, Baba must also have heard rumors that Speaker Bankole was not exactly unfriendly to the Kwara Senator and the Nollywood actress.”

“So?”

“Ah, your Excellency, you know Baba doesn’t joke with that department. In addition to an omoluabi percentage of the Speaker’s harvest, Baba may request to partake of the two yams just to teach the young Mr. Bankole that some yams are better reserved one’s elders in this country.”

“Well, we can’t help him there. If Baba wants to eat more yams, tell him to phone Femi Fani-Kayode and Saminu Turaki. Last time I checked, they were his yam contractors or have they retired?”

“No sir. They are still active”

“Alright. Oya, go to Otta right away.”

“Your Excellency.”

“Yes, Farida?”

“Before Mr. Oronto leaves, maybe we should work on a draft of the press statement that Femi Babafemi will release to the public at the end Mr. Bankole’s trial next year?”

“Ah, yes, Oronto, I thought you always carried around numerous drafts of these things? Read one to Farida and let’s see if it’s fine.”



EFCC Press Statement

May 29, 2012
Fellow Nigerians, today, on the first year anniversary in office of our President, His Excellency Dr Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan, the EFCC is pleased to announce a major milestone in His Excellency’s war on corruption.

After a protracted trial which took several dramatic twists and turns, we are pleased to announce that a Federal High Court Judge today found the former Speaker of the Federal House of Representatives, Mr. Dimeji Sabur Bankole, guilty of two hundred charges of misapplication of funds. These serious misdemeanors happened with the contract for fifty flat screen television sets, fifty printers, fifty pencils, and fifty MTN recharge cards which the former Speaker illegally approved at inflated prices.

Mr. Bankole was sentenced to six months in prison and asked to refund a total sum of one million, two hundred and fifty thousand naira to the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Although Mr. Bankole immediately appealed the ruling on account of his poor health, we at the EFCC intend to follow the case to the full extent of the law.

Now that justice has been done in yet another major corruption case, we want to assure Nigerians that in line with Mr. President’s determination to stamp out corruption, move the country forward, and deliver the dividends of democracy to the Nigerian people, the EFCC will continue to pursue corrupt elements with dogged determination.
Signed:
Femi Babafemi
Head, Media and Publicity
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission

http://www.saharareporters.com/column/dimeji%E2%80%99s-yams-pius-adesanmi

LeoMax:
[b]I suppose you mean the girl is supposed to "keep the pregnancy" [/b]after being disvirgined and impregnated on the round and experience of sex, so we wouldnt be termed "reckless". DandC is a standard and certified process of getting rid of unwanted faetus. Keep religion and morality out of this. Be civil

You suppose?  How?  where exactly does my statement infers that? I suggest you read my post again, this time a bit slower and not "supposing anything"

I had inferred directly to this bit of your statement which says:

Show me a girl that hasnt gone thru that civilized medical process and I will show you a naive naughty person.

I am not saying having a DandC is uncivil or wrong, i however feel gutted to hear people justify "what they've done" by calling others who haven't done or weren't planning to do the same, as being a naive naughty person.  This is the principal reason why teenagers engage themselves in the nastiness of taking drugs and what not,. . . .simply because their friends call them naive for not doing so!

Everyone should be free to make their own decisions without being Judged by others who take a contrary position, if a person decides that she wouldn't go through a DandC procedure for some reasons they like, it would be uncivil to call them naive!

LeoMax:
The poster is a naive naughty person, DandC is a normal medical procedure in such an event that the pregnancy needed to be terminated. Show me a girl that hasnt gone thru that civilized medical process and I will show you a naive naughty person.

Life and recklessness must mean the same to you!

I know girls, several of them, who haven't had sex muchless abortions, it doesn't mean they are being naive, it means they instead choose to differentiate themselves from a rotten societal norm that have come to accept recklessness as part of life.

PS. would you call your younger sister naive simply because she haven't had experience undergoing DandC?

It appears the "womb thing" is more of an issue to you than supposed betrayal of trust, so i'd start with that!

It's Juvenile to think that every abortion must have affected the womb somehow, that's the bullshyt being sold to you by Nollywood.  Several cases abound where women undergo series of abortions and yet remain as fertile to an extent where a simple handshake ends up producing babies 9 months afterwards.  Ironically, there are several cases where acclaimed virgins are unable to procreate due to issues with their wombs, this despite the fact that they haven't even hugged a guy before talkless of having séx, getting pregnant or having an abortion.

Everyone has  unique case, and in this case, a previous abortion should be seen in a positive light, afterall it shows that she is able to conceive and procreate.  As they say, the glass can either be half filled or half empty, it all depends on how you choose to see it, but generally, it feels a lot better to go through life with positive expectations.


As for the betrayal of trust thingy, I would repeat what several other posters have mentioned earlier on ------>  grow up!

It's in my experience that no matter how much you love someone, you just can't tell them every bad experience you've had, or bad addictions.  It is also in my experience that if your partner doesn't hold back certain truths from you, then he/she doesn't give a damn about you!. . . .

To confirm the last bit of my statement, take a random sampling of the number of guys who have told their girlfriends that they másturbate in private.
If statistics are what to go by, about 90% of men másturbate, and more than half will never tell their partners, let say in a rare unfortunate instance your girlfriend finds out about your "jerk-off" problem solving approach to influence of high testosterones, how would you expect her to react?

. . . .How about she claims that she's doubtful about going ahead with the relationship, afterall you've lost zillions of spérm and you might not be able to procreate in the future?

again sir, grow the fúck up!

Dextra:
Fluid collection in the Pouch of Douglas, it could be chronic PID (Pelvic inflammatory disease). It's nothing that a very strong antibiotic taken ova a long period of time wnt cure. Except the Doctor is afraid she might end up with tubal blockage whch is a complication of PID.

Yeah i agree. I suppose the doctor fears that this might progress rapidly from bad to worse in the case the PID ruputures through the inflammatory oratory tubes, given rise to the pheripheral verbal complex. In this case, antibiotcs taken could rapidly inflame the mustugal pathway, inhibiting the passage of Iron and calcium.  

We are doctors, we must let our e-friends know that!

lucabrasi:
really i believe abacha would have checked them first due to him being a northerner and also being a soldier with a resolute will,it takes that kind of will to depose a northern emir without caring about the backlash.
however i personally believe an intelligence led onslaught against the boko haram is the only solution not force

Abacha would have sent zillions of troops to beat, maim, arrest, or kill (not necessarily in this order) anyone formenting trouble or at least anyone with the intentions of doing so.

How exactly does this differ from what the current administration is doing?

It matters not that you are a military or civillian leader, the massive presence of boots in the North would have achieved only very little effect to curb the excesses of a Violent group of extremist.

I dont tink dat really matters now, i did hav sex wen i was arnd 6 but stopped afta dat year.

You had sex when you were six!!!!   as in penetrative sex?  OMG!

The beauty of US legal system, there's no suit too stupiid to be heard in court!

sorry sire, but yo daddy now lives in hell!

“I can promise you that as a government we are committed and up to the task and will bring it down,” Jonathan told reporters at the United Nations in New York, ahead of a meeting today in Washington with President Barack Obama. “It does not rise to the level where we will have to ask President Obama or other world leaders for assistance.”

Such a sloppy use of the English Language.

If it was illegal, Ajimobi should get him arrested! making allegations would not cut shyt!

kabukabu50:
You are an absolute tool,ever heard of the word "context" before the op did not use asset in physical context,rather he indicated that he used it in an economic context.
You should sue your brains for lack of support,ode.

I think you are the tool here!  you goofed big time! 
you were in a haste to present yourself as intelligent whilst making others look bad. . . .you ended up coming across as an utter m'oron!  lmao!
and rather than accept your mistake, you rubbished yourself further by attempting to mask your idiocy,  . .hahahahaha laughing at you big time!

If i say i wouldn't trade my love for gold or silver, you shouldn't be du[i]m[/i]b enough to assume that i meant to put my Love on ebay or something. . .you professors should go eat a frog, you know nada!!!!!

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Family
Who I am
My pets
Draco [/color]

anishe:
My wife
My Kids
My manliness
My friends

190:
My family and the money i would make in future
OK maybe annita and ogugua as well

The topic says "Most" and "Asset". . .notice there's no "s" which usually is indicative of a plural term.  The use of superlative term "Most" in this case is referring to a single item.



PS. this lecture is totally free of charge, it's in my own personal commitment to fighting world illiteracy!  In any case you have questions, don't be shy to let me know.

Btw, LOL @ autioned Maddoff undies. What sort of goat would even wish to buy that old man's undies? Perhaps a ponzi junkie

I almost died laughing when i read the news as well, the bankruptcy lawyers who brought up the idea must be nutjobs!

pro01:
'Demo'cracy: Government of jokers, by jokers and for jokers. . .all na 'demo' ontop nothing. LOL. I have said it time and time again that the 'war' on corruption in this country is an absolute farce. Whenever the government wants to 'demo' that it is serious about fighting corruption, it finds one sorry scapegoat to embarrass publicly and then let him off with a mere slap on the wrist or soft landing - and thereafter everything quietens down until whenever the need arises for another public 'demo'.

The funny thing in all of this is the needless jubilation and mass hysterical  schadenfreude that accompanies each 'demo'; be it Tafa, Alamieyeseigha, Ibori, Igbinedion, Bode George, and now Bankole. The shallow and ignorant masses would celebrate that yet another 'public enemy' has been 'busted'; yet even before their hysteria quietens down, the so-called public enemy is free again and returns to enjoy his fabulous loot ad take his 'rightful' place in the political/social/financial establishment! And yet the rest of us would remain where we are: barely broke or broke 'commoners' who only know how to bark. Seriously, who is the joke on? Who would celebrate motion without movement as 'progress' if not a complete i.d.io.t?

haha, see me scramble for the like button!. . .classic and well delivered lines.

About a week ago, Maddoff's underwear sold for $200 at auction. . . .as in, his undies was auctioned off by the US government!!!!

Now that's the shyt, in Nigeria, criminals get to keep their loot!

If i could choose between stealing billions of naira with a  year jail term and working too fcking hard for every million that trickles into my account only to end up broke at 70, why should i choose the latter over the former?. . . i could always be sorry after my jail term, hell, i could even get a former president and a welcome party after leaving jail, that's a choice i can deal with!!!

I honestly agree with edicolove, the 10 billion he was said to have fraudulently stolen is mostly a result of media hype. He can't really steal that much without his colleagues screaming bloood!

Awo was and is still till the most important Yoruba after Oduduwa as rightly written by Sam Omatseye.

Bullshyt!

Have you not heard of;

---Obatala, ob' ta fa?

---Sango olomi nile feje we?

----Orangun ile ila?

----Soun

Awo is not even first ten on the list. . .and erhm Tinubu is erhm, , .  

edicolove:
The truth of the matter is that there is too much sentiments going around in naija. As much as I dont like Bankole, I did say that the 10billion story was a media creation. It wasnt like the way the media portrayed it. sometimes we have to be calm when these things happen and try and get the real story. There was an indept analysis of the issues on AIT and the panel was able to show that Bankole didnt steal 10billion like the media was crying out. He did preside over the house where the reps allocated monies to themselves that made them to seek a loan which created the 10billion situation. but the point is, it was a house decision. The whole house were guiilty of the problem so it wasnt just a Bankole problem. But some people kept making it a Bankole problem but the EFCC knows the facts. The house is a corrupt house. Their salaries are ridiculous. We need to bring them back to their senses not just shout about Bankole. Sending Bankole to prison is not the real issue. We must fight the whole and make them accountable. They should stop allocating ridiculous sums to themselves. GEJ cant do it because this is a democracy. If he takes them on, it will become a fight between executive and legislature and it will affect the country. The public has to champion the fight.

nice one son!. . .you ve got a beer on me too!

.

hassymo5:
If you are not aware of this then i don't know what to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't make sense, I am asking you how you became aware. Surely news must have filtered in from a source, No? it's only appropriate that we deliberate the integrity of the source.

Even the CBN knows that releasing news like this several months ahead could cause a Bank run and capital flight from those Banks, so Mr Man, could you kindly let us know of your source?

@Mods, could you kindly and rightly delete/lock this thread if poster does not provide source? Rumors are usually endemic in nature with potential of causing serious damage, we can't encourage that in here, can we?

I believe there's some illegality somewhere here, and i encourage all those involved to investigate properly and seek legal redress or damages where appropriate.

No employer has rights to freeze your entitled salary while you still work for him, under the Labor acts of 1990 constitution, that could be rightly classed as forced Labor and you might be able to claim damages for those.  Additionally, Ohakim or no Ohakim, the dismissal of 10000 state employees without due notice is illegal.

where did you get this info from?

^^^

who sold em to you?

i want some too and i want it badly!!

@Ileke



What i meant by "when the ovation was loudest", refers to when his powerful influence was obvious and forceful, . .and this was no other time than after Goodluck's victory at the primaries.  OBJ never really have much love from the SW people, all he had going for him was his influence in the Political space and the aura of Power he has somehow created which is now fast fading away, as people now realize he's human afterall.

The dude should have announced 3 days after the PDP's primaries that he will be stepping down from active politics, maybe even go on a 4 months Holiday visiting world leaders and beautiful tourist attractions.  When he comes back and he finds out that PDP has lost majority of the seats in SW to opposition, most people would believe this was due to his absence during the elections, even opposition leaders would tread carefully.  In the end, he retains his powerful influence------ win win!!!

Now he's just another infamous fat old fóol!!!!!

He should have stepped down from active politics when the ovation was loudest!

Politics asides, but damn, i miss Ribadu.

the very worst Bankole could get, if the Judiciary works this time is 5 years. It's however easier to look forward to the sun rising in the West than count on the Judiciary working.