₦airaland Forum

Tashamania: Awww I understand now. Seriously, I kept refreshing my 'followed topics' just to know when you reply.
But 17? Wow! You really tried, How did you cope with all the evils and malicious acts of this wicked world at such age?
Your mum or dad wasnt worried?

And it wasn't easy, there were a lot midnight tears, I was made fun of, I was insulted and humiliated. I remember those days, those IMSU students that I lived with used to call me Jabez. funny huh?

My parents were worried, but they also trusted me. I was really focused and that was my compass. And at the end of the day, it actually paid off. It feels so good to make them proud.

P.S I'd kill any Mod that puts this thread on FP.

Tashamania: And where did you go to at that age?

you really wanna know huh? Ok.

Finished secondary school at almost 17, there was no money to further my education. I'm the first child and you know how is it with first issues in igbo land, especially when your parents are poor and not educated. You are supposed to get married and help train the others. That's btw.
So I did a road side computer training (crash) for 3months and the demand of computer operator was low in the city my parents lived. So I had to leave, I went to Owerri where the demand for computer operators was high and got a job. Was bonking with a friend at Alvan Ikoku COE, the potters found out and chased me away . I moved in with 1 of my friends that was in IMSU, they squatted me and I was paying like 1k every month, then I was 17 and some months but I looked 25 .
The rest they say is history

I kinda envy you tho.

Its only on Nairaland that I hear this " financial background" non-sense. I don't hear about it in the real world, at least the part of the world I live in.
I'm from a poor background btw, and no body has ever bothered about that. I don't give a rat's azz about financial background either. I just believe together we would make our own background.

I'd rather stick to a poor guy with prospects than a spoilt brat who flexes his old man's money.

Between 16 and 18.

Passwords are no big deal for me. As for my bf/hubby, you can go through my phone, fb and NL pages if you want. No biggie.

You can even have my ATM card pin tho strictly for hubby.


I don't see any big deal in it.

Who are those fighting on my thread? Does here look like a battlefield to you?

Remmyy: Ultimatum made me a better person . .
i am someone who, if i do not go to school, i am made
but someone said. . look, go back to school or get dumped
i did and im glad i did. .
sometimes ultimatum means someone loves you so much but you are too stubborn to do what he/she wants (my view)
as for me. . .it made me a better person and i thank God i have someone like that.

Awwwww, that's touchy. Thank God for u.

nikkyshyne: Exactum.

Hello Vivi ♥.

Hi baby, tried reaching you on BBM, what's up?

IZUKWU: i will call your bluff.

ok

Donalð Genes: What are we havinq for dinner dear
Am famished?

Ok, this thread is on FP, you could get banned for derailing. Just telling you from experience.

Donalð Genes: Where is vivian oooooooooooooooooo?

Present sir!

Donalð Genes: Lastly, its one of the tricks we quys use in tryinq to find any available fault to break up
And if the qirl is one that too dey poke nose in everythinq and ofcourse its irritates us......

I really hate to give or be given ultimatums. It turns my blood to blue.

But I have given ultimatum once in my relationship. Omg, my bf (now ex) was going to kill his brother. Family issues and I got caught up in the middle. I begged and begged and begged but his rage was getting the best of him. Menh, I was scared, but I also knew I was his weakness. So I was like "if you touch him, this relationship is over." He was jolted back to his senses. I still couldn't figure out what changed his mind; the ultimatum or the fact that he have could seriously injured his brother and maybe go to jail cos I hadn't seen him in so much rage before.

Bontee: As a last resort sometimes in resolving issues, they are needed if one partner is becoming too unreasonable. When given an ultimatum then you act on it based on the fact that it is reasonable or it is not and this will determine how you are going to react to it. You can either let it slide and dame the consequence or make your partner see reasons to why the ultimatum is not needed to resolve the relationship.

Good point you have there.

Donalð Genes: Hmmm interestinq dairy from you!!!!am lovinq it and feelinq it....kudos dear!!

Awwwww *blushing* thanks.

Donalð Genes: Ohhh pm me on my mail donald.genes@yahoo.com anytime you hit ph
Don't wanna drop my BB pin cos I don't trust some NLanders

Lol, I understand. I'd pm you.

Donalð Genes: ...With this points of yours I surrender" you have win me over....you just hit it right on the spot..I couldn't aqree less.in fact you just earn my espousal.......first time qirl win me handsomely that I feel so irresolute when I went through your post......
I wish you are in ph.I wouldn't mind have a cup of coffee with you,....you challenqe my intellect absolutely....mehn! Can I ask you one nore thinq?

Thanks for you vote of confidence, but I didn't do this to win, I just want you to believe that whatever you do for the sake of love doesn't make you less of human; man or woman.

I'm close to phc, Bayelsa State to be precise and I come to phc regularly. So how about I find you whenever I come and we would have that coffee? You might be the first Nlander I'm meeting in person.

Ask your question dear.

sassy angel: @ chinaza,i don't support dis working harder cos he had a bitter experience or experiences. Then she should b prepared 2 work harder in d marraige n end up being stressed instead of enjoying her marraige. Sometimes God is passing a msg or wants us 2 b a better person 2 our spouses wen we encounter bitter experiences wth exs. My advice 2 d op is dt b URSELF,do THINGS THAT WILL MAKE HIM MISSSSS U N UR PRESCENCE, V male friends n let him knw he gat a treasure. Don't ask him any questions abt ur position in d relationship.JUST TELL GOD UR DESIRES N WATCH UR MAN`S ATTITUDE 2WARDS D RELATIONSHIP.

Oh dear, the last thing I want today is to be misunderstood again.

But one practical thing I know is that people with bad pasts have a lot of baggages. And being with them is more challenging than being with people with clean states.

For instance, if you are with a girl who her mum suffered some kind of abuse or severe heartbreak from men. This lady will have a very bad mental image of men, there would be trust issues, everything, you name it. Now being with this kinda girl will be more challenging than being with a girl with a normal image of men.
Any man that really wanna be with her would work so hard to convince that what happened to her mum won't happen to her. And my dear this is not easy becos any honest mistake you make she will be frightened; "oh what happened to my mum is about to happen to me again." And I asked, is that not hard work?

Being with someone with a bad past is challenging, if you can't face that challenge then bounce. If you want to stay then you have a lot of work to do. My sister that's common psychology.

Pls read, open up your mind, digest and familiarise yourself with posts before you counter. That is what 'understanding' is all about.

byvan: I hate ultimatum!!Giving me an ultimatum is like intentionally luring me to defile you,because I ll.I can't give an ultimatum,it mares relationships.Once you give me an ultimatum,my Oga at the top will make me do another.

Exactly!

I remember when a friend gave me an ultimatum and that severed our friendship.

My friend and her bf were fighting, and she left the house to cool of at my place. Around 11:30pm the guy called and wanted to know where she was. She told the guy she was at my place and the guy told her if she didn't come home that night, she should consider the relationship over. Wow! I didn't know what to make of it and it was late for her to be on the road that night.
She was faced with risking her life going home and saving her relationship. She had to choose one. And she chose saving her relationship.

Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if I found myself in such situation.

freecocoa: Who da fuq gives ultimatums in a relationship?

Duh!

Babe, you dey provoke? Its just a discuss na. *pours ice water on her* chill babe.

sanb: @Op hope you’re cool!!!

IMHO, having ultimatum/s in a relationship is/are wrong. It won't make any sense and I don’t think it should be done. It can create big issues, havoc and unnecessary distractions. There shouldn’t be a case whereby ultimatums are used to signify love/commitments as that won’t be right…..I won’t expect my partner to give me ultimatums and neither would I do that to him; we're both adults with our thinking caps on.....

I’ll answer your questions as follows:

Do you give ultimatums? No

Do you think it is the best strategy? YES

Do you fight back when given ultimatum? We don’t give ultimatums hence, N/A

What impact does fighting/rejecting ultimatum have on your relationship? We don’t give ultimatums hence, N/A as well

Babe I'm cool, how are ya?

Donalð Genes: Nooo we noT e-fiqhtinq...we just debatinq on who's qonna qet the last word"that said,I think you quite a learned qirl and I do cut some slacks for you. And I....I..prolly think I will tell ya what morality means in the biblical context as simple as possible

Morality means the ability of someone to discern good from bad in line with the fear of God"
1 Timothy 2:12ESV / 29
I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

Ok, correct me if I wrong. Immorality is a sin, agreed? and based on your posts, a man kneeling for a woman is immoral right? Because it is a challenge to man's authority right? Hmmmmmm

Ok, can you pls tell me what kneeling down signifies?
Another question, why do guys (most) get on their kneel when proposing? Is that morally wrong too?

I'm glad both of us are Christian. And by Christian, we emulate Christ.
Do you agree with me that when Christ was on earth, he was worshipped (figuratively) by his disciples, they called him "master?" And by being a master it is an 'abomination' for him to wash his servants' feet. Oh yes of course, it depicts 'weakness' and a 'challenge' to his authority. But guess what? He did anyway. Yes, Christ did wash his servants' feet.

So you see, the ONE whose authority supersedes every other authority did something most of you would call 'a sign of weakness.' But it didn't make him weak, did it? No, rather it made more powerful.

If you agreed to open your mind, you would have seen that I'm not challenging a man's authority or manship or headship whatsoever. But as a ruler, the only way you can rule well is not by seeing yourself as a king, but by seeing yourself as one of your subjects. And it takes a "prideless" ruler to know that. If a ruler keeps reminding his subjects about his authority and whatnot, he is a weakling. Substitute this for what we are discussing and you get your answer.

joeydozzy: ultimatum is meant for kids in a relationship.

just like having a roommate and you set some terms in the room, don't touch my towel, don't use my toothpaste blah blah. those roommates decided to live in the same room not because they're comfortable and okay with each other or that they care for another but just that they're putting up with the other for the day he/she gets to leave the room

setting terms and deals for your half to follow means you don't wanna reveal the whole you, you just wanna contribute your own quota to the relationship.that part of deal remains secret to you and you only need a part of her too for the relationship to go smooth sail

Is that a relationship? FAIL!!!

Ok. Thank you.

Permit me to rephrase, may I?
What is someone, let's say your babe tells you "Joe, if you don't do this, its over between us." How would you react to that?

Donalð Genes: . I have every reason to believe that what makes a man is not just the 'thing' dangling in between his legs. What makes up a man is so much more


Is that what really comes outta your mouth?
So having a dick is not something that makes a man abi? Conversely, I don't blame you sha....that's the limit of your thinking....and you no lonqer respect what you said dangles in btw our leqs? If you thinking having dick alone is not worth making a man,then meet a ten year old boy and qet impreqnated.then you can answer the question yourself...

Stop being unnecessarily feisty with men!!!! You can't win! Arque with salient points not blindly.....*just sayinq*

The only way you can present a logical argument is by getting hold of your emotions and sentiments. One more thing, let's save the personal attacks, it won't be good for us, would it?
You have not yet answered my question. Define morality? And tell me what kneeling which is a sign of respect btw has to do with morality?

Good day all.

I just want us to talk about ultimatums in relationships and how we handle them.
Ultimatum is a final, uncompromising demand or set of terms issued by a party to a dispute, the rejection of which may lead to a severance of relationship. This is a strategy used by many of us which can make or mar our relationships.
Often times when we are given ultimatum, it paralyses us, and we fight back for the wrong reasons. Maybe to show that we are in control, to prove that we are not weak, etc.
Personally I believe ultimatum mars a relationship more than it makes it. So many relationship break ups can be attributed to ultimatums, either the we you give or the ones we receive.
I also personally think that if we understand how to handle ultimatums by sharing ideas, it will help us a great deal in our various relationships. This relationship is not restricted to that of man/woman only, no, it cuts across every aspect.

So ladies and gentlemen, how do you handle ultimatums in your various relationships? Do you give ultimatums? If yes, why? Do you think it is the best strategy? Do you fight back when given ultimatum? What impact does fighting/rejecting ultimatum have on your relationship?

Let's live and learn.