How to make your Husband Happy

by Sheikh Muhammad Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1- Beautiful Reception
•After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,begin with a good greeting.
•Meet him with a cheerful face.
•Beautify and perfume yourself.
•Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
•Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
•Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.


2- Beautify and Soften the Voice

For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried).


3- Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
•Taking good care of your body and fitness.
•Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes to please your husband.
•Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.
•Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
•Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
•Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
•Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
•However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.


4- Intercourse
•Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
•Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
•Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
•Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband,and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.


5- Satisfaction With What Allah Ta'ala has Allotted
•You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
•You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah Ta'ala for all that was given to you.
•You should remember that real wealth lies in Iman and piety.


6- Indifference to Worldly Things
•You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
•You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
•Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible(Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah Ta'ala gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah) with moderation.
•Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.


7- Appreciation
•By the saying of the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
•The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways.
•The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?


8- Devotion and Loyalty
•Be devoted and loyal to him, particularly in times of calamities in your husband's body or business,e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy.
•Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.


9- Compliance to him

In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).

In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.



10-Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.

But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:

1- If you mistaken, then apologise.

2- If he mistaken then:

# Keep still instead of arguing or

# Yield your right or

# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.

3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:

# Keeping silent untill his anger goes

# Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him

# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened,e.g.

1) You should tell me what happened?

2) I must know what made you so angry.

3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to know


11-Guardianship While He is Absent
•Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
•Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know.
•Take care of the house and children.
•Take care of his money and properties.
•Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab.
•Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
•Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
•Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.


12- Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
•You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
•You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
•You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife.
•Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to it in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
•Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
•Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc..


13- Admirable Jealousy
•Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc..
•You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.


14-Patience and Emotional Support
•Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
•When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
•When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
•When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.


15- Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad
•Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
•Encourage him to pray at night.
•Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
•Listen to Islamic tapes and nasheeds individually and with your husband.
•Remember Allah Ta'ala much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
•Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
•Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
•Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
•Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
•Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah Ta'alaSWT.


16-Good Housekeeping
•Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
•Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
•Prepare good , wholesome,healthy meals.
•Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing etc.
•Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way. Read authentic books or consult experienced people in this light.


17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
•Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
•Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
•Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions of the Prophet(sallallhu alaiyhi wassallam).

http://www.everymuslim.co.za/index.php/articles-menu/family-issues-menu/564-how-to-make-your-husband-happy#comments

Why do you keep posting this same topic now?

We don hear abeg. Besides, not every man on earth will like the same thing cos different people have different preferences so the advice in your topic does not apply to all Muslim women.

op appears to have ulterior motives

deols: op appears to have ulterior motives

You think he is a non Muslim?
He might be o.....
I dey come, let me check his profile.

Hmm. I saw nothing suspicious.
OP seems legit.

fellis: Hmm. I saw nothing suspicious.
OP seems legit.

okay. promoting a blog?

deols:

okay. promoting a blog?

Na him sabi.

ashson: How to make your Husband Happy
by Sheikh Muhammad Abdelhaleem Hamed.
9- Compliance to him
In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
14-Patience and Emotional Support
•When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
•Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.

I don't even like spending other people's money to begin with and I'd rather work and spend my own money. I hate inconviniencing others by asking them for things.
Having to take excuse for ordinary tomtom that I want to buy will greatly put me off taking his money.

@Fellis, do you feel it out of place that a husband should "command" his wife?

@maclatunji
Do/would you feel comfortable commanding your wife?

zayhal: @maclatunji
Do/would you feel comfortable commanding your wife?

I am willing to discuss this openly and plainly with you and any other lady for that matter. But first you should answer the question I asked fellis.

Thank you.

ayam following this topic. I didnt read what op posted sha. only skimmed.


but I kinda like where this is going.

I feel it "out of place" if a husband just hands down orders to his wife and this is my understanding of the "command" here.

"Get me my food"
"You must not go out today!"
"My friend will be passing the night with us today, go on and tidy the guest room quickly beefore he arrives!"
"What's this you're wearing? Go and put on something better, my friend!"

And on and on. Yes, I find these out of place in a marital relationship.

zayhal: I feel it "out of place" if a husband just hands down orders to his wife and this is my understanding of the "command" here.

"Get me my food"
"You must not go out today!"
"My friend will be passing the night with us today, go on and tidy the guest room quickly beefore he arrives!"
"What's this you're wearing? Go and put on something better, my friend!"

And on and on. Yes, I find these out of place in a marital relationship.

You have subtly evaded my question, I asked about the principle not its application. When I and the OP use the word "command", synonymous with "order", it does not mean what you just implied with your post. However, it does mean that the husband may in certain situations insist that his will prevail over that of his wife and these things do not transgress Allah's limits (so, don't go there to save us time)- I am still asking, do you find that "out of place?"

You can not get a 'yes' or 'No' answer to issues such as this. There is no contention in the headship of the man in the house. And I as a muslimah would be failing in my duty if I don't respect, obey and support the headship of my husband in every way possible. But I'd still see it as out of my place if the man of the house capitalises on quranic verses that say he's the head and thus becomes a dictator.
Oga Mac, will you answer my question now? Or I have still not satisfied your 'condition' for answering?

zayhal: You can not get a 'yes' or 'No' answer to issues such as this. There is no contention in the headship of the man in the house. And I as a muslimah would be failing in my duty if I don't respect, obey and support the headship of my husband in every way possible. But I'd still see it as out of my place if the man of the house capitalises on quranic verses that say he's the head and thus becomes a dictator.
Oga Mac, will you answer my question now? Or I have still not satisfied your 'condition' for answering?

See how you have constructed an intricate web just to make a simple issue seem complex. I salute the woman in you.

zayhal: @maclatunji
Do/would you feel comfortable commanding your wife?

The answer is 'no', that does not mean I will not assert my will if I deem it as the best for both of us. You ladies really need to cool down. In a bid to protect yourself from abusive men, a lot of you are going overboard and becoming intolerable to decent men.

I cannot speak for every man but I do know that I appreciate strong women and want one for a wife. However, she as to submit to me has her husband and I will be ready to honour her as my wife. The problem will only arise if a woman continually relates with me with an "attitude", I will just let her know that at no point in time will I become the follower in the relationship. It is not a matter of pride, it is the way God has made it. Let us submit to his will.

maclatunji: @Fellis, do you feel it out of place that a husband should "command" his wife?

Marriages should be about companionship and understanding. When any major decision is made, there should be an agreement between both the husband and wife about that decision. Both parties should be happy about any decision that is taken in the marriage for there to be contentment and to avoid development of any resentment from one spouse towards the other.
A husband should talk things out with his wife and try to make sure his wife is ok with whatever decision he wants to make, the same way a wife should make sure her husband is ok with the decisions she makes concerning the marriage.
There shouldn't be any 'commanding' done by any of them, husband or wife. Marriage lasts longer when there is companionship and understanding, not when one party is busy commanding the other to do their bidding.

Which intricate web did I construct?

maclatunji:
See how you have constructed an intricate web just to make a simple issue seem complex. I salute the woman in you.

Display of sexism. Take it easy, mac. We women also have feelings and we hate being stereotyped.

The answer is 'no', that does not mean I will not assert my will if I deem it as the best for both of us.

If you deem it best? Are you saying your word must always be final?

You ladies really need to cool down. In a bid to protect yourself from abusive men, a lot of you are going overboard and becoming intolerable to decent men.

Please tell me the different ways ladies are going overboard and becoming intolerable to decent men.

I cannot speak for every man but I do know that I appreciate strong women and want one for a wife. However, she as to submit to me has her husband and I will be ready to honour her as my wife. The problem will only arise if a woman continually relates with me with an "attitude", I will just let her know that at no point in time will I become the follower in the relationship. It is not a matter of pride, it is the way God has made it. Let us submit to his will.

What do you mean by the bolded?

fellis:
Marriages should be about companionship and understanding. When any major decision is made, there should be an agreement between both the husband and wife about that decision. Both parties should be happy about any decision that is taken in the marriage for there to be contentment and to avoid development of any resentment from one spouse towards the other.
A husband should talk things out with his wife and try to make sure his wife is ok with whatever decision he wants to make, the same way a wife should make sure her husband is ok with the decisions she makes concerning the marriage.
There shouldn't be any 'commanding' done by any of them, husband or wife. Marriage lasts longer when there is companionship and understanding, not when one party is busy commanding the other to do their bidding.

I agree with virtually everything you have said. However, life is not perfect and we cannot agree all the time. Does the couple then continue debating indefinitely so that everybody can be 'happy'? Of course not, a decision has to taken and it is the man's perogative to decide and the wife's duty to abide by that decision even if she does not agree with it.

Love, respect, companionship do not eliminate the requirement for hardnosed decisions to be made in a marriage- don't mix things up. Sometimes the man may yield to the wife at other times he just maintains his position.

First you say this;

maclatunji:
I agree with virtually everything you have said. However, life is not perfect and we cannot agree all the time. Does the couple then continue debating indefinitely so that everybody can be 'happy'? Of course not, a decision has to taken and it is the man's perogative to decide and the wife's duty to abide by that decision even if she does not agree with it.

Then you say this;

Love, respect, companionship do not eliminate the requirement for hardnosed decisions to be made in a marriage- don't mix things up. Sometimes the man may yield to the wife at other times he just maintains his position.

Don't you think you are contradicting yourself?

fellis: First you say this;


Then you say this;


Don't you think you are contradicting yourself?

No contradiction at all, in times of debate. It is the man's perogative to decide whether he wants to yield to his wife or not. For example does our son go to Harvard or MIT. Child has left it in parent's hands.

Father says MIT, mother says Harvard. It is father's perogative to decide.

maclatunji:

No contradiction at all, in times of debate. It is the man's perogative to decide whether he wants to yield to his wife or not. For example does our son go to Harvard or MIT. Child has left it in parent's hands.

Father says MIT, mother says Harvard. It is father's perogative to decide.

For something like this, they both discuss and outline the benefits and potential failures in both their choices and weigh which of them is better in a rational manner. If the man thinks his idea is better, he should tell his wife the reason why he thinks so and if the wife thinks she has a better idea, she should tell the husband the reason why as well. Whatever decision is taken in the end should be one that the couple have discussed and agreed on to be the best decision possible.
It would be tyrannical for the man to simply tell the wife that his decision should be taken simply because he is the man/husband.

fellis:

For something like this, they both discuss and outline the benefits and potential failures in both their choices and weigh which of them is better in a rational manner. If the man thinks his idea is better, he should tell his wife the reason why he thinks so and if the wife thinks she has a better idea, she should tell the husband the reason why as well. Whatever decision is taken in the end should be one that the couple have discussed and agreed on to be the best decision possible.
It would be tyrannical for the man to simply tell the wife that his decision should be taken simply because he is the man/husband.

I am trying to save your time, you insist on taking the long route. They have analysed and debated and still can't agree. It is the man's perogative to decide.

I believe women who know what they want eventually have their ways.

some Men are like empty vessels, making the largest noise in public only to bend down to madam's wishes at home.

some others are well laid back and even in silence, the wife respects them enough to do what they might like.

I remember my first yr psychology. The different types of parenting were described. the most intriguing is the authoritative versus the authoritarian.

the authoritarian exerts much more pressure and wants to control without being too much of a part of the child's life nor listening to the child's views but an authoritative parent even though firm at it grows into the child some sense of maturity, explaining why a decision has to be made and maybe seeking the child's view on it.

the results are different. The authoritative is more respected by the child, the child has a better sense of security, opens up more to him and still obeys him.

while an authoritative one may be obeyed, the respect is lost, etc..and the over all result is not too good.

these can be applied in marriage. A man can decide what he wants to be. keep commanding and making his home a battle field or give room for everyone to grow in love and peaceful harmony. This choice is what the Qur'an gives a man. Wisdom is added so he can use it wisely.

but God knows, a bush man aint finding his way near me...khalas

maclatunji:
I am trying to save your time, you insist on taking the long route

wow.... You didn't make it clear in your last post that they couldn't come to an agreement that is why I responded like that. Na wa.

They have analysed and debated and still can't agree. It is the man's perogative to decide.

It is very rare for a situation where two adults have a sensible discussion and cannot decide which decision is better and which is worse, to come up. However if it does, either the man's decision can be taken or the woman's decision can be taken.
Marriage is about compromise. Sometimes the man compromises for the woman and sometimes the woman compromises.
If the husband is always having the final say in situations like that, I can assure you that the wife WILL develop resentment towards him.
Besides, the Qur'an charges husbands to live with their wives in kindness. Part of kindness is compromising your choices for her to make her happy.

Fellis, they have tried every trick in the book and still cannot agree. In fact the world has 'never' seen this kind of disagreement before. Whose perogative is it to decide? Man or Woman. Choose one.

I have said it is the man. Do you agree? Just say 'yes' or 'no'.

maclatunji: Fellis, they have tried every trick in the book and still cannot agree. In fact the world has 'never' seen this kind of disagreement before. Whose perogative is it to decide? Man or Woman. Choose one.
I have said it is the man. Do you agree? Just say 'yes' or 'no'.

I am sorry but I cannot simply answer 'yes' or 'no' to your question.
Final decision can be the husband's or wife's. It does not have to be that of only one person every single time such a situation comes up.
Sometimes the man compromises for the wife and vice versa.

fellis:

I am sorry but I cannot simply answer 'yes' or 'no' to your question.
Final decision can be the husband's or wife's. It does not have to be that of only one person every single time such a situation comes up.
Sometimes the man compromises for the wife and vice versa.

Zayhal asked me a question, I answered with a no. Why is it difficult for you women to answer mine? Instead, you are writing epistles and bringing strawman arguments. Fellis, give me a straightforward answer for my question based on my example and your knowledge of Islam. I am going somewhere here- work with me.

maclatunji:

Zayhal asked me a question, I answered with a no. Why is it difficult for you women to answer mine? Instead, you are writing epistles and bringing strawman arguments. Fellis, give me a straightforward answer for my question based on my example and your knowledge of Islam. I am going somewhere here- work with me.

Which strawman argument did I bring in? The answer I had to your question was not a yes or no answer so i didn't answer with a yes or no. How can you ask a person a question and then force them to answer in the way that pleases you?
I have answered you. If you are not happy with my answer then there is nothing I can do about that.
You can leave and go to wherever it was you wanted to go.
Goodbye.

fellis:
Which strawman argument did I bring in? The answer I had to your question was not a yes or no answer so i didn't answer with a yes or no. How can you ask a person a question and then force them to answer in the way that pleases you?
I have answered you. If you are not happy with my answer then there is nothing I can do about that.
You can leave and go to wherever it was you wanted to go.
Goodbye.

I meant I am going somewhere figuratively not literally. This thread has exposed a fundamental problem that is wrecking many marriages. Most of the present crop of young ladies we have at the moment have not understood and accepted what submission to one's husband means.

Submission does not mean you are not smarter, richer or better than your husband at many things or that your husband does not know, understand and accept this fact.

It however means that you have allowed your husband take the lead in your family's affairs thereby complying with Allah's injunctions.

Now, to my example. The wife represented by the responses from women on this thread has refused to allow her husband take a decision on the matter. The implications are that she does not trust and respect her husband. The irony is that he was ultimately going to decide that their son goes to Harvard, his mother's choice because although he was convinced that MIT is better for the child, he realised that his wife would not be happy. Their son's admission into a prestigious university is a thing of joy and he was willing to yield for his wife to share fully in it.

However, due to his wife's total lack of regard and respect for his decision-making ability, he has decided that their son will attend MIT.

Ladies, forget that we are debating, I just broke things down for you at a basic level for you with this post- I hope some people will connect with it.

Maclatunji, I told you before not all questions are polar. Answering a 'yes' or a 'no' may not represent what one intends to say at all. So leave that angle.

Now, a couple who has a good relationship going for them and have always communicated well, I doubt will have the kind of problematic scenario you painted above. MIT or Havard. They'll both take a pncil and paper and list the advantages and disadvantages in the child attending either. The child too should be brought in to have a say. At the end of the day, a suitable choice is most likely to be made based on the pros and cons they've highlighted.

But if husband commander-in-chief has the rigid mindset that whatever happens, it has to be his way or the highway then that marriage has got a big big problem. Wisdom is very important in applying rules and laws.

Stop appearing impossible.