see the kinds of threads tRooe loves.

_Queenisha:

I'm sure you already know I'm not a door mat.
Submission does not mean being brain dead.
My mom says that it takes awhole lot of common sense to stay married.
A marriage will never ever work until the woman realizes that ther's no power tussle going on.
I had to learn that.
The fundamental thing is the kind of man one is married to.
Open your eyes during coursthip and be ready to call it quits at anytime if the man shows any signs of being unreasonable and abusive.
Respect is the key and being  Christian,I sought for a man na atu egwu Chineke (That fears the Lord)
And I have absolutey no problems in submitting to his authority.
A man who loves and respects your opinions is very easy to submit to

You see right there is my BIGGEST PROBLEM. I love to be in control. I know, yal know it, my family knows it, heck the whole world knows it. So when I lose that "control" I feel like I have no say in anything. That I am nothing but a puppet to your every move.

Ruby_Pearl:

Like he stops a helping around the house, he starts smoking to ease stress, things like that.
I mean, imagine marrying a man that you can talk to, call at anytime time (where he can be reached), but then he stops picking up calls, doesn't help, and starts being distant

take him to Mountain of fire let them cast out demons from him
kidding.
If he starts being distant or picks up bad habits,he could be depressed.
and most men get to feel worthless when they're not performing optimally financially and it's worse when the wife nags.

_Queenisha:

take him to Mountain of fire let them cast out demons from him
kidding.
If he starts being distant or picks up bad habits,he could be depressed.
and most men get to feel worthless when they're not performing optimally financially and it's worse when the wife nags.

The nagging part is inevitable.
Other than that, how to I prevent his depression?

lol, too late to start thinking that way.

Men are like babies, I guess, you have to be a little more lenient on them.
Trust me, I'D compromise more often if thats going to make my husband happy.

Right Nwando?

Somehow, I want to read KarmaMod's reply on this topic. Where is she?  

True that. My mom had moi around 20-22, which I think was a bit too early.
What happens if my husband wants me to have babies right off, how do I deny? I mean, how can I persuade him to wait later on?

Communication,communication and all that before marriage.
get to know the man.
One person must have to compromise.

onyinye2:

Seriously. . . . this is what makes me so apprehensive about marriage.
And about kids. . . . . . . . idk
I want to enjoy life before i have to have responsibilities towards my own flesh and blood.

[size=13pt]same here, i guess that's y am getting cold feet[/size]

Ruby_Pearl:

lol, too late to start thinking that way.

Men are like babies, I guess, you have to be a little more lenient on them.
Trust me, I'D compromise more often if thats going to make my husband happy.

Right Nwando?

Somehow, I want to read KarmaMod's reply on this topic. Where is she?

[size=13pt]yea i guess, but there should be a limit in compromising

Yes oh men are babies, wonder how long is going to take them to grow up

[/size]

@ topic
Good thread here

I wish all this small small

girls go come take lessons  

Queenisha: Tell us about married life. What you do to make it work.

a lot of hard work and seflessness realising that I'm in this thing till death do us part.
no plan B

Osisi, how did you get to the part where you give more and take less? Cause knowing me, that is something i truly don't grasp.

@ Professor Queenisha,

I w'anna get married soon.
Can u tell me the advantages of being a married man??        
What do i stand to gain because me thinks marriage is an entrapment for a guy like moi.    

hannibal,you too ROFL
Marriage is not an entrapment at all if you are in love with your wife.
There are many women out there but there are few few that'll be good for you.
I know you specialize in the beauty department but there's more to a good woman than physical beauty.
I'm not saying you should go and marry Missy Elliot .
But if you pick up a pretty girl that wants you to buy her a gucci purse on the first date or orders the most expensive thing on the menu.
That may not be your wife

_Queenisha:


women compromise more than men I guess because men are very different from women.
They have a different need in a relationship than we do

[size=13pt]hmmmmmmm i see
So would you move back to Naija if husband want you
Haba you didn't answer my other question , i go fight you oh[/size]

davidylan:

see the kinds of threads tRooe loves.

[size=13pt]Don't blame me jare, am just trying to learn from other people experiences.

[/size]

Before marriage - the woman is the boss and the man acquiesces.

After marriage - the woman is to submit and the man is to put his feet up on the couch. Chikena. If you dont like it dont marry.

tRoOE:

[size=13pt]hmmmmmmm i see
[color=Black]So would you move back to Naija if husband want youHaba you didn't answer my other question , i go fight you oh[/color][/size]
[size=13pt]Don't blame me jare, am just trying to learn from other people experiences.

[/size]

no family details
I would want us to discuss that and if he insists,I will have no choice but to move back.
That's not a tough decision but he'll have to promise to get me the basic comforts I need like constant light and water.

davidylan:

After marriage - the woman is to submit and the man is to put his feet up on the couch. Chikena. If you don't like it don't marry.

Osisi. . . . i don't think i want to get married.

onyinye2:

Osisi. . . . i don't think i want to get married.

minus one . . . who's chickening out next?

davidylan:

minus one . . . who's chickening out next? 

Sharrup dia, nonsense boy.  Who said I was chickening out?

_Queenisha:

hannibal,you too ROFL
Marriage is not an entrapment at all if you are in love with your wife.
There are many women out there but there are few few that'll be good for you.

Few?? Why?
I have over 21 women on ma list.
Picking the right one is becoming a huge conundrum.

I know you specialize in the beauty department but there's more to a good woman than physical beauty.
I'm not saying you should go and marry Missy Elliot .
But if you pick up a pretty girl that wants you to buy her a gucci purse on the first date or orders the most expensive thing on the menu.
That may not be your wife

On the contrary, there are few gold diggers these days.
Women just wanna settle down cos the competition is so fierce out there.
Gucci purse on the first date?? Not likely.

tRoOE:

[size=13pt]same here, i guess that's y am getting cold feet[/size]

[size=13pt]yea i guess, but there should be a limit in compromising

Yes oh men are babies, wonder how long is going to take them to grow up

[/size]

Omo eko, no one is perfect.
we are just mere humans with our strong and weak attributes.
Not talking about you (don't know the situation) but that's why cohabiting is very bad.
why would a woman move into a house with a man cook ,clean and sleep with him without marriage?
That's why people get their hearts broken all the time because they play wife before they're called one.

onyinye2:

Sharrup dia, nonsense boy. Who said I was chickening out?

yab me from now till tomorrow . . . women bear the brunt of marital responsibilities especially on the home front.   Its not something you can wish away by crying loudly.

hello everyone!

thanks   queenisha for your  lessons. I don't know how im going to do it yet!   it seems like you have to become a total different person,  and i think its going to be hard on me. I am used to having my way most times.  you said you must love your mother in law. what if you try so hard to make her love you but she still finds fault in you, what do you do? what kind of issues should you look over? what if he does something terrible like cheating etc, and some man no dey show face until marriage  how do u deal with a stranger you married then,

I'm going to be one heck of a wife. Submission ko, guidelines ni. I will do what I feel is right for me and him.

_Queenisha:

a lot of hard work and seflessness realising that I'm in this thing till death do us part.
no plan B

You what I'm right there with you.
Marriage is WORK. It can only work when people love each other, have and share the same values, have a GREAT deal of respect for one another and willing to be totally SELFLESS. It isn't going to work if you feel like you always have to control everything or you get upset all the time something doesn't happen they way you would like (trust me I know). You have to be humble and understanding. That man has to see his home as his serene abode. . where he can come and feel safe and happy. You have to resolve your issues but don't believe in that not going to bed angry thing because it doesn't work sometimes BUT always find ways to work it out.

Leaving will cross your mind. Yes it will but you have to know that it is till do you part so you can't just walk away. You can't change a man and having a wedding isn't going to change a thing!! So if there's something he does now that pisses you off better believe that it isn't going to change after you say IDO. Marriage is more of mental  commitment  than physical. You just have to get a legal document to prove it.  How many of us will say " oh if he hits me I'm leaving"? Do you really think it is that easy?? You just have to pray that God gives you a husband that will not resort to physical violence that's why respect is very important.

In the end, Only God keeps a marriage!! Only him!!! Men can be difficult to deal with and understanding them can be hard sometimes but once you find that one person for you, then it makes things a lot easier! Don't settle or else you will frustrate yourself and end up an angry married woman.

onyinye2:

Osisi, how did you get to the part where you give more and take less? Cause knowing me, that is something i truly don't grasp.

My sister for an opinionated person like myself, I still see my strong self rising up every once in a while but I hate the aftermath so I have learnt over the years that some things are just not worth it.
I know deep down in me that my husband loves me and is not out to make me miserable.
When we disagree in issue,I let him know my opinion but I don't push it if it differs wih his.
Men love to be respected even when they are talking rubbish
[b]make your point,calmy and with explanations and leave it there[/b]and I can assure you, he'll pick the better option when he lays down to think it through.
That is my secret weapon.

_Queenisha:

no family details
I would want us to discuss that and if he insists,I will have no choice but to move back.
That's not a tough decision but he'll have to promise to get me the basic comforts I need like constant light and water.

[size=13pt]Don't mind jare i was just pulling your legs
Constant light 4 Naija u wish

[/size]

onyinye2:

I'm going to be one heck of a wife. Submission ko, guidelines ni. I will do what I feel is right for me and him.

May God help Onyinye's hubby.
He might have to carry a gun with him always.

_Queenisha:

My sister for an opinionated person like myself, I still see my strong self rising up every once in a while but I hate the aftermath so I have learnt over the years that some things are just not worth it.
I know deep down in me that my husband loves me and is not out to make me miserable.
When we disagree in issue,I let him know my opinion but I don't push it if it differs wih his.
Men love to be respected even when they are talking rubbish
[b]make your point,calmy and with explanations and leave it there[/b]and I can assure you, he'll pick the better option when he lays down to think it through.
That is my secret weapon.

But why does he have to make the decision? That is what baffles me. We say that we are in the 21st century, yet I feel that we live like does of the Medieval Ages. If he makes all the decisions, what is the point of me then? Just to sit back and accept it?

Gucci_Babe:

hello everyone!

thanks   queenisha for your  lessons. I don't know how im going to do it yet!   it seems like you have to become a total different person,  and i think its going to be hard on me. I am used to having my way most times.  you said you must love your mother in law. what if you try so hard to make her love you but she still finds fault in you, what do you do? what kind of issues should you look over? what if he does something terrible like cheating etc, and some man no dey show face until marriage  how do u deal with a stranger you married then,

I have quite a few divorced friends and we talk.
Let me say this for all the young girls.
There is absolutely nothing your husband will do at marriage that he didn't show signs of when you were dating
If he cheats,he probably cheated or showed signs of that and gave you explanations that made no sense but you accepted it, blinded by love.
If he's a selfish and wicked person,he definitely dispalyed those behavious and we overlooked them.

Every girl has to decide what she can orcannot deal with in marriage and have the courage to call it quits at courtship.
I did it!
I broke an engagement after 2 years of courtship and I'll do it again!

onyinye2:

I'm going to be one heck of a wife. Submission ko, guidelines ni. I will do what I feel is right for me and him.

when Bush talked about someone doing "one heck of a job" we all know what followed.  
Onyinye2, sorry but get set to face painful facts . . . when you get married your desires and wishes become subordinate to that of your husband. Even the most domesticated, gentlest of all men. Such is life . . . the best wives know how to deal with such situations.

chika98:

You what I'm right there with you.
Marriage is WORK. It can only work when people love each other, have and share the same values, have a GREAT deal of respect for one another and willing to be totally SELFLESS. It isn't going to work if you feel like you always have to control everything or you get upset all the time something doesn't happen they way you would like (trust me I know). You have to be humble and understanding. That man has to see his home as his serene abode. . where he can come and feel safe and happy. You have to resolve your issues but don't believe in that not going to bed angry thing because it doesn't work sometimes BUT always find ways to work it out.

Leaving will cross your mind. Yes it will but you have to know that it is till do you part so you can't just walk away. You can't change a man and having a wedding isn't going to change a thing!! So if there's something he does now that pisses you off better believe that it isn't going to change after you say IDO. Marriage is more of mental  commitment  than physical. You just have to get a legal document to prove it.  How many of us will say " oh if he hits me I'm leaving"? Do you really think it is that easy?? You just have to pray that God gives you a husband that will not resort to physical violence that's why respect is very important.

In the end, Only God keeps a marriage!! Only him!!! Men can be difficult to deal with and understanding them can be hard sometimes but once you find that one person for you,  then it makes things a lot easier! Don't settle or else you will frustrate yourself and end up an angry married woman.

so its not even to leave him even when he abuse you?  my Gawd , all you have to do is pack your bags and serve him divorce papers, I mean so you should stay in marriage even though your husband beat you?

Hannibal:

May God help Onyinye's hubby.
He might have to carry a gun with him always.

Sharrup Dia.
May Gawd be with the woman that you marry. She is going to be one heck of a woman. It aint easy being a puppet to someone.

davidylan:

when Bush talked about someone doing "one heck of a job" we all know what followed.  
Onyinye2, sorry but get set to face painful facts . . . when you get married your desires and wishes become subordinate to that of your husband. Even the most domesticated, gentlest of all men. Such is life . . . the best wives know how to deal with such situations.

So what of her husband? Does his wishes and so called desires become subordinate to that of his wife?

onyinye2:

So what of her husband? Does his wishes and so called desires become subordinate to that of his wife?

Sorry, no.

_Queenisha:

I have quite a few divorced friends and we talk.
Let me say this for all the young girls.
There is absolutely nothing your husband will do at marriage that he didn't show signs of when you were dating
If he cheats,he probably cheated or showed signs of that and gave you explanations that made no sense but you accepted it, blinded by love.
If he's a selfish and wicked person,he definitely dispalyed those behavious and we overlooked them.

Every girl has to decide what she can orcannot deal with in marriage and have the courage to call it quits at courtship.
I did it!
I broke an engagement after 2 years of courtship and I'll do it again!

Good one! so you have to watch every step as soon as you know that person you want to be with.  what if a guy proposes unexpectedly and you said yes. and you really never watched him like that  i dunno how to put it, but this is a tough one,