chika98:

Compromise isn't a one sided thing. Men do compromise as well

Example please.

StephenP:

*sigh* Onyinye, I got the prefect boyfriend for you https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-171263.0.html

Gini? Are you implying i have a nasty attitude?

_Queenisha:

david leave Onyinye alone.
Wait till she finds her Okonkwo, her type will be kneeling and serving him his foo foo

Yeah. . . . right. The day im kneeling for another fellow mortal. . . . I must be at gun point.

_Queenisha:

ROFL.
Genevieve has nothing on me LOL
It's not acting because you know it's for the benefit of everyone.
It's being selfless
and he has to do same too because he knows that when Queenisha is unhappy
Everyone is unhappy.

Ya hubby is lucky o.

davidylan:

I feel for you . . . next time come as a man.  

But seriously, men do compromise a lot too. If you find a man who loves you with all his heart, you can get him to worship the very ground you walk on if you are intelligent enough.

Explain please

onyinye2:

Yeah. . . . right. The day im kneeling for another fellow mortal. . . . I must be at gun point.

my mother said the same thing before she got married. She learnt how to kneel down pretty fast, my dad and his family are yoruba so there's no how you're going to greet his parents standing . . .

chika98:

Explain please

Men are simple creatures to deal with. The most important thing to cater to in a man is his ego . . . once you have that covered he'll eat from your hands.

Gucci_Babe:

i feel you on that one, but i guess thats the way it is,  this thread is such an eye opener,  ***sigh****

I mean seriously it baffles me how much a woman endures in a marriage. It utter surprises me. I mean this marriage thing just puts me back. Cause I don't want to be second hand to anyone. I like being in control. That is just me.

davidylan:

I feel for you . . . next time come as a man.  

But seriously, men do compromise a lot too. If you find a man who loves you with all his heart, you can get him to worship the very ground you walk on if you are intelligent enough.

You claim men compromise, but you have yet to give atleast one example.

chika98:

Compromise isn't a one sided thing. Men do compromise as well

Exactly!
He has given up a lot of his own personal comforts for our sake too.
That's the only a marriage can survive.
Anyone not willing to give up things should stay single.
Marriage is not compulsory.

u are so lucky

@tope2000 Luck has nothing to do with it. a good marraige is a blessing from the Lord. i know this is hard to take now but it is true. if she was one of those sleeping with everything that moves in trousers God would never have given her one of His best.

most people want to have their proverbial cakes and eat it. we would all love that but sadly life is real. [b]marraige is not meant for everyone. or as my ma inlaw says everyone cannot be happily married.[/b]

listen to counsel and work out how you can get to know you, [b][b]yes know your very lovely self better[/b][/b] before you even begin to let others into your life. someone said life is a theatre. invite your audience carefully.

marraige is an honourable institution. it can make you or mar you. be prepared to invest more than you get out of it. i think that is where the selfish i, me and myself generation fails. everyone like the wedding and the ceremony which is just one day. marraige is the hard work.

queenisha

 you mastered the plan!

Hannibal:


Ya hubby is lucky o.

pls no flirting we are learning o

davidylan:

I feel for you . . . next time come as a man.  

tell us o
But seriously, men do compromise a lot too. If you find a man who loves you with all his heart, you can get him to worship the very ground you walk on if you are intelligent enough.

_Queenisha:

Exactly!
He has given up a lot of his own personal comforts for our sake too.
That's the only a marriage can survive.
Anyone not willing to give up things should stay single.
Marriage is not compulsory.

Na lie. Gini has he given up? Nothing.

davidylan:

my mother said the same thing before she got married. She learnt how to kneel down pretty fast, my dad and his family are yoruba so there's no how you're going to greet his parents standing . . .  

Men are simple creatures to deal with. The most important thing to cater to in a man is his ego . . . once you have that covered he'll eat from your hands.

Problem solved.

onyinye2:

Na lie. Gini has he given up? Nothing.

This chic. . Odika imaro na men LOVE their space!! Just think about this little bit

chika98:

This chic. . Odika imaro na men LOVE their space!! Just think about this little bit

Oh yeah mayne, you have just proven me wrong. That is so much of a compromise for a man. I mean giving up his space for his wife, is utterly breath taking. He deserves all the world. Nonsense. Like women don't like their space.

Gucci_Babe:

please no flirting we are learning o

flirting ke? I'm learning too . . .

onyinye2:

I mean seriously it baffles me how much a woman endures in a marriage. It utter surprises me. I mean this marriage thing just puts me back. Cause I don't want to be second hand to anyone. I like being in control. That is just me.
You claim men compromise, but you have yet to give atleast one example.

My dear . . . i've never been married but i know how many silly things i had to put up with in my gf that i wouldnt tolerate in a girl. So many times you have to give up your last kobo just to make sure she has everything she needs, the times you incovenience yourself because she wants you by her side . . . marriage isnt a one-way street. It just looks like that because we now live in a period where women now want to be husbands.

onyinye2:

Oh yeah mayne, you have just proven me wrong. That is so much of a compromise for a man. I mean giving up his space for his wife, is utterly breath taking. He deserves all the world. Nonsense. Like women don't like their space.

Sarcasm

onyinye2:

I mean seriously it baffles me how much a woman endures in a marriage. It utter surprises me. I mean this marriage thing just puts me back. Cause I don't want to be second hand to anyone. I like being in control. That is just me.
You claim men compromise, but you have yet to give atleast one example.

  Understanble.  Us Nigerians know how stressfull it is when you are being pressured by your parents to get married, and it looks like  somethig you "Have to do" no matter what,[quote

author=onyinye2 link=topic=173975.msg2834422#msg2834422 date=1222040850]
I mean seriously it baffles me how much a woman endures in a marriage. It utter surprises me. I mean this marriage thing just puts me back. Cause I don't want to be second hand to anyone. I like being in control. That is just me.
You claim men compromise, but you have yet to give atleast one example.
[quote][/quote]

i feel  you,  its so hard to know that there is no more you.  adapting to who you are not is a lot of work!  mehn!!! what about the family, the feelings, sex and all those thing that has to be put in place. its so  

see as women dey cry because of marriage o. Its good to be a man abeg.

onyinye2:
Na lie. Gini has he given up? Nothing.

i think one major problem this generation has is many are coming from broken homes or homes with step this step that relationships that takes ages to explain. if you come from a home where you saw love and all this non rocket science respect and give and take here and there all this queenisha is saying here will not sound allien.

we all need God and His love to help us prefer our partners more than ourselves. our natural flesh and mr and mrs flesh always only love itself and no other.

davidylan:

see as women dey cry because of marriage o. Its good to be a man abeg.

haba! i don't think men have it that easy too.

onyinye2:

Na lie. Gini has he given up? Nothing.

Going to sports bars no I
he's a die hard sports fan.

secondly there has been business ventures he wanted to go it but I didn't feel good about them and advised him and he went with my opinion and later thanked me for the advice.
If he were a singl eman he wouldn't need anyone's opinion on that.

thirdly he recently went out and test drove and brought home a brand new car which they let him keep for 2 days to make up his mind,I talked him out of it and he returned it.
He calls me an intelligent woman and I know God has blessed me with that gift.
My earlier mistake when we were newly married was to say my opinions as a matter of fact and insist that was the way things would go and he refused them not because they were not sound opinions but because of the way they came out.
Why?
because he's a man
that's the way they are
they are wired differently and we can't do anything about it.
That's the way God made them.
They are go getters and don't care much about details like women do.
They are not emotional beings like us
It took me years to get this.
It takes a smart woman to know how to pass on the message without hurting their ego
Trust me
If your man acted like a woman, you wouldn't like it.

joshjosh:

i think one major problem this generation has is many are coming from broken homes or homes with step this step that relationships that takes ages to explain.  if you come from a home where you saw love and all this non rocket science respect and give and take here and there all this queenisha is saying here will not sound allien.

we all need God and His love to help us prefer our partners more than ourselves.  our natural flesh and mr and mrs flesh always only love itself and no other.  

WTF!!! Like seriously. First off. . . . i don't come from a broken family, thank you very much. And second off, i am subjecting to my own beliefs and just because it doesn't abide by what you were taught to believe doesn't mean you go and tell me I have step this and step that.

Gucci_Babe:

  Understanble.  Us Nigerians know how stressfull it is when you are being pressured by your parents to get married, and it looks like  somethig you "Have to do" no matter what,
i feel  you,   its so hard to know that there is no more you.  adapting to who you are not is a lot of work!  mehn!!! what about the family, the feelings, sex and all those thing that has to be put in place. its so  

Even though i have time before i think of marriage. . . . . i seriously don't think im cut out for it.

Lol this thread should be called Q&A with Osisi   [size=4pt]dont tell me she's the only one on NL with a happy marriage hehe[/size]

why would a woman move into a house with a man cook ,clean and sleep with him without marriage?

While I definitely agree with you osisi, are you saying during courtship with either your ex fiance and current husband, you never did any of this?
would you tell a girl not to cook for her bf or whatever he is or help him with his place, yada yada?

Gucci_Babe:

haba! i don't think men have it that easy too.

There are men who have given up smoking for the sake of their wives.
There are men who have cut off some friendships for the sake of the family.
That is compromise

Gucci_Babe:

haba! i don't think men have it that easy too.

true. But you dont see us calling a pity party to bemoan our fate. We just take it like a man and get on with the arduous task of making a marriage work.

joshjosh:

i think one major problem this generation has is many are coming from broken homes or homes with step this step that relationships that takes ages to explain.  if you come from a home where you saw love and all this non rocket science respect and give and take here and there all this queenisha is saying here will not sound allien.

we all need God and His love to help us prefer our partners more than ourselves.  our natural flesh and mr and mrs flesh always only love itself and no other.  

 its not about broken home,  my parents are very much together.  This is modern days, the type of love they show eachother is  different from our new generations. In the past women depend on their husband, most of them are stay at home mums  ( which there is nothing wrong with that) but this day and age things are totally different. women is as independent as the man in their lives. so its from a totally different point of view

it doesn't hurt that you have a good brain sitting on your shoulders. you, adebo and AJ and some few others are a breath of fresh air on nairaland. if some old women know what you just said they would not be moving from place to place looking for husbands. it is easy to control a man if you are calm and non confrontational. you dont have to win every argument

i always remember you for good

_Queenisha:

Going to sports bars no I
he's a die hard sports fan.

secondly there has been business ventures he wanted to go it but I didn't feel good about them and advised him and he went with my opinion and later thanked me for the advice.
If he were a singl eman he wouldn't need anyone's opinion on that.

thirdly he recently went out and test drove and brought home a brand new car which they let him keep for 2 days to make up his mind,I talked him out of it and he returned it.
He calls me an intelligent woman and I know God has blessed me with that gift.
My earlier mistake when we were newly married was to say my opinions as a matter of fact and insist that was the way things would go and he refused them not because they were not sound opinions but because of the way they came out.
Why?
[b][b]because he's a man
that's the way they are
they are wired differently and we can't do anything about it.
That's the way God made them.
They are go getters and don't care much about details like women do.
They are not emotional beings like us
It took me years to get this.
It takes a smart woman to know how to pass on the message without hurting their ego
Trust me
If your man acted like a woman, you wouldn't like it.
[/b][/b]

Gucci_Babe:

its not about broken home, my parents are very much together. This is modern days, the type of love they show eachother is different from our new generations. In the past women depend on their husband, most of them are stay at home mums ( which there is nothing wrong with that) but this day and age things are totally different. women is as independent as the man in their lives. so its from a totally different point of view

its not different at all. My mom was as independent as you can get and i still saw love, devotion and respect. I dont expect any less from a girl i'll consider as wife because to be honest . . . she cant be more independent than my mom is so there's no excuse.

KarmaMod:

Lol this thread should be called Q&A with Osisi   [size=4pt]don't tell me she's the only one on NL with a happy marriage hehe[/size]


While I definitely agree with you osisi, are you saying during courtship with either your ex fiance and current husband, you never did any of this?
would you tell a girl not to cook for her boyfriend or whatever he is or help him with his place, yada yada?

I no go lie I did with my husband
but I didn't move in.
there are those who even live with the man without a marriage proposal.
Those are the ones I'm talking about
It's not right.

_Queenisha:

Going to sports bars no I
he's a die hard sports fan.

secondly there has been business ventures he wanted to go it but I didn't feel good about them and advised him and he went with my opinion and later thanked me for the advice.
If he were a singl eman he wouldn't need anyone's opinion on that.

thirdly he recently went out and test drove and brought home a brand new car which they let him keep for 2 days to make up his mind,I talked him out of it and he returned it.
He calls me an intelligent woman and I know God has blessed me with that gift.
My earlier mistake when we were newly married was to say my opinions as a matter of fact and insist that was the way things would go and he refused them not because they were not sound opinions but because of the way they came out.
Why?
because he's a man
that's the way they are
they are wired differently and we can't do anything about it.
That's the way God made them.
They are go getters and don't care much about details like women do.
They are not emotional beings like us
It took me years to get this.
It takes a smart woman to know how to pass on the message without hurting their ego
Trust me
If your man acted like a woman, you wouldn't like it.

I guess you have a point about all this. Like seriously. . . . i don't think im cut out for marriage. Im just too headstrong and what have you for it. I like being control and I don't want to be second hand.

Queenisha pls make a clone of yourself . . . it will be much easier to marry your clone than find other women.

joshjosh:

it doesn't hurt that you have a good brain sitting on your shoulders. you, adebo and AJ and some few others are a breath of fresh air on nairaland. if some old women know what you just said they would not be moving from place to place looking for husbands. it is easy to control a man if you are calm and non confrontational. you don't have to win every argument

i always remember you for good

Thanks
I never appreciated Almond joy this  much until she left nairaland.
all that gragra was all talk.
That girl is one happily married woman
she is so respectful of her husband.
I had great admiration when she told me she left Nairaland as a birthday present for her husband.
That is a woman who knows what marriage is all about.
Compromising to keep the marriage happy.

onyinye2:

I guess you have a point about all this. Like seriously. . . . i don't think im cut out for marriage. I'm just too headstrong and what have you for it. I like being control and I don't want to be second hand.

you will want day get married.  I see many ladies desperate of finding a husband. I think when love take over your heart, you may not have a choice

davidylan:

its not different at all. My mom was as independent as you can get and i still saw love, devotion and respect. I don't expect any less from a girl i'll consider as wife because to be honest . . . she can't be more independent than my mom is so there's no excuse.

see what im saying about men ;   How long would it take you to find a woman like your mum, the problems start when you start comparing., the you realized how unsatisfied you are with your partner!

_Queenisha:

I no go lie I did with my husband
but I didn't move in.
there are those who even live with the man without a marriage proposal.
Those are the ones I'm talking about
It's not right.

Are u considering the credit crunch?
Couples are pulling resources together now so they can save more.
I don't see nuthing wrong with a live-in lover.