chamboy: most of em don't even marry for love it's mostly based on society or family pressure, Financial Gain,

Empress2014: I was in 400 level when my dad started asking who my fiancee was, I politely ignore his question, after that I told my dad I wanna go for my Master's after Nysc, his reply was "ile oko e lo ti ma se masters". Situations like this won't make some ladies think straight at all, pressure from our parents is somehow frustration, some parents needs to be enlightened

jpphilips:

You can only speak for yourself and family right?

Let me ask you? why cant your wife build a career in your house? what is wrong in that? we ask the women to drop the already made men mentality while in marriage, struggling men want already made women, did i hear you echo double standard?
if your wife as a graduate cannot work for you, or your friends or herself, why does she need to work for someone else?
oh! sorry, i forgot you married her already a supervisor

safarigirl: If you're one who has stayed within the female hostel of any Nigerian University, you'll find that most of it's occupants share similar hopes and dreams- and no, it's not to excel in their chosen career paths.

One of the lecturers in my school aptly described women as 'a waste of education'...no, it wasn't an insult, it was just stating the obvious. You find a woman who has hustled through primary, secondary and University education. One who looked set to be a force to reckon with in the world of business or law or medicine, I mean a female with straight A's and you think Nigerian women may be getting things right, only to follow her back to her hostel and hear these heart-breaking words:

"Omo, after school na to find husband marry remain."

In the real sense of the word this is translated to:

"After school, I'll fling my degee inside one iron box in my dad's storeroom, find a perfect mugu that will put a ring on my finger, buy me a car, set up a boutique/beauty saloon for me and all I have to do to get this is spread my legs for him and push out little people with his DNA"

Nigerian women view marriage the same way hustling Nigerian men view the US Green Card- an avenue to escape life's troubles. So in the same way you find 23 year old Nigerian men marrying 56 year old American women, you find young, promising women relegated to some man's priority list.

I don't think most Nigerian women realise that nobody wants to get attached to a leech. If you allow some Nigerian women, they would even want their husbands to carry the babies and birth them as well. And when you ask why they don't want to build wealth with a man, you hear:

"I've already suffered in my father's house. I don't want to continue suffering in my husband's house"

Now unless you're getting married to a no-good leech like yourself, there is no reason why building wealth with a man should be termed 'suffering'

Even on Sun Newspaper's 'Beauty Of The Week' it's the same thing.

Future Ambition: Getting Married And Having Kids

If you think God put you on this earth to make a liability of yourself, you need to think again. There is more to life than being someone's baby mama. There is a purpose for getting an education that lies beyond being able to speak good english whenever you and your man attend social functions

Nigerian women need to sit down and re-evaluate their lives. God sent you to assist a man, not to add to his problems. Men appreciate women who can think for themselves, who want to contribute to the family (and I don't mean churning out kids). There is nothing more endearing than a smart woman who views men as companions rather than money bags.


Don't waste the education your parents worked so hard to provide for you. Break the stereotype, Nigerian women should be more than gold-digging leeches. If the likes of Oby Ezekwesili, Joke Silva, NOI can be successful career women as well as wives and mothers, then we all need to dust up our certificates and CVs and have proper future ambitions.


God Bless You...and don't take this the wrong way

CoCoLav: Well...no matter how career oriented I am, I know that raising a family will always come first. A career can come after my family. My father has always told me that a time will come when you have all you want and money will mean nothing to you. Only your family will remain and you will be blessed to have them.

I know women who chased their careers and are now very rich but still sow seeds for marriage in church on Sundays. There's no time limit to making money but there's a time limit for having kids. There's no joy in coming home to an empty house.

You can be successful even after marriage and let's face it, at the end of the day who are you working for? its your kids. You work to provide for them and make them have a better life not really for yourself. Right now all i keep thinking of is an effective way to balance the both. Everything comes with a price and at the end of the day you choose that which is more pleasing to you so don't go castigating those who have made raising kids their ambition.

If everyone thought the same way or had the same ambition, the world will be a boring place indeed.

majekdom2: I dont know your family or background . the fact tht he asked fo your fiancee doesnt mean he wanted you to get married the next minute. it is just a bad omen for women not to have suitors especially in the yoruba culture. he may have said the ile oko thing because you ignored him .@ least he neevr said you shouldnt go for your masters . the thing is he might need the support of your hubby too... getting married doesnt stop you from your dreams and aspirations. its about what you want to bring to the table in your marriage.

lepasharon: Preach sister ! I'm far from what you listed. Infact ,I am not even sure I want to marry and have kids.

Why must my life be so predictable?

touchmeder: I don't know how some of us are interpreting what op has stated. I don't think she is saying marriage versus a successful independent woman. So let's not go picking one or the other. It is possible to have both (if you so desire). Let's not be tempted to make husband's house and kids our only goal with your numerous qualifications and business ideas sitting pretty n gathering dust. Don't get too comfortable n 4get ur dreams n aspirations u once had. Get up and do something, add value, make urself useful, make ur husband proud while you remain loyal and humble.

marriedvirgin:

your sense too short,try again

Mondisweets: aren't you the same men who keep treating them like they belong in the kitchen only

sheniqua:

Thank you!
The very examples of Dora Akunyili,NOI and Diezani she gave are all married women with children ( RIP Dora)
Name almost every successful nigerian woman we hear of,most are married with children
Omotola that has graced nairaland pages countless times is an entrepreneur,an actress and a married woman with children
NOI is in her 50s and a grandmother which tell me she married in her early 20s
The Richest Nigerian woman folorunso Alakija is married with children and she didn't get married as a millionaire
When threads of Rita Dominic and Genny come out,it is these same boys hailing this poster that will will tell them to go and marry.

Looks like some people just wake up and start typing without thinking

xp17: hats off for you sire.
I had an uncle, till death he never ate any stale food. he doesn't do either microwaved or cooler foods. when he gets home, his wife knows what to do, she goes straight to the kitchen to serve him food directly from the pot "as it dey hot so".

wealthy men want liability, that is so true. only an average Joe talks about gender equality.

shymexx:

Lmao...I just dropped a little neutron bomb in there - you've the button to the nukes.

That's why I honestly don't take women seriously when they play the blame game. You can't expect someone who sees you as a mere appendage to respect, especially when you have absolutely nothing to offer - and he's your claim to fame. To deserve respect, you've to earn it, and that comes with the territory and what you bring to the table. Hence I always remind most women that I know that it's a woman's world, but most women are too emotional and illogical, to understand the game. The society puts a lot of responsibilities on men - but if women can think like men, be driven and start aiming higher, that will tilt the balance of power. And men would have no choice but to respect you. However, when you sit your fat ars.es there - fighting men and demanding respect when you are non-achievers - then that's problematic. Nobody respects a pest and a mere appendage.

Safarigirl is like one in a million. And I think that's because she reads a lot, tries to understand what she reads and applies it to real life situations, and she's tom-boyish (she thinks like a guy). Definitely a different breed from the norm.

Bruv, I just vet them - and with my cognitive skills, I see through people easily. And once I see you have nothing to offer, apart from making noise everywhere, ya ti.ts, batty, and pum - I just throw the heffa in a garbage can. No time for time wasters. Too hot to be around cold mofos.

2sExy1: She is a tomboy and I can't blame her entirely. She has a point though.

I would say that my academic inkling was born when I frequented a friend's house. His mother would say : "hey 2sexy, no time for play, junior wants to do his homework, he is reading etc" I had to start emulating him and learnt to read and write because of that. Of course Junior was way ahead of me academically at that time and he often outdo do us during quiz. Thanks to his mother, who was housewife and a tailor.

tanidabi: I did not completely read this piece but I think I have a fair share of what the op is trying to say,unfortunately I completely disagree with you as this thinking rarely exists anymore,y do u think some babes will even sleep with a man to get a job if they can as well marry a rich man,yes when we were all in school we fantasised about getting married one day and having kids but the reality is the economy we leave in now makes the woman financially independent too and any woman who is still fantazing about marrying her night in shinning armour should please have a job cos woman your finances matter in the scheme of things o,infact the kind of men out there now no wan marry jobless babes o,so while you are out there dreaming plan your life,no man wants to marry a full time house wife anymore,can't even believe some people still think this way

CoCoLav: Well...no matter how career oriented I am, I know that raising a family will always come first. A career can come after my family. My father has always told me that a time will come when you have all you want and money will mean nothing to you. Only your family will remain and you will be blessed to have them.

I know women who chased their careers and are now very rich but still sow seeds for marriage in church on Sundays. There's no time limit to making money but there's a time limit for having kids. There's no joy in coming home to an empty house.

You can be successful even after marriage and let's face it, at the end of the day who are you working for? its your kids. You work to provide for them and make them have a better life not really for yourself. Right now all i keep thinking of is an effective way to balance the both. Everything comes with a price and at the end of the day you choose that which is more pleasing to you so don't go castigating those who have made raising kids their ambition.

If everyone thought the same way or had the same ambition, the world will be a boring place indeed.

bukatyne:

The OP has not said anything against marriage

She said women should build a life for themselves apart from marriage.

If she was against marriage, would she use Dora, NOI and co?

She is saying the same thing these women would have said

sheniqua:

For Dora and NOI to be grandmothers in their fifties tells you they married right out of school. someone says NOI actually got married while in the university so what again is her point?

bukatyne:

The problem is not marrying out of school or marrying young; we have Omotola a very typical example close to us (she married at 18)

The problem is forsaking your dreams (if you have) because of marriage or seeing marriage as a means to an end. She is saying you can be a mother, wife, grandma sef and still shake your world or do something fulfilling.

I think people miss it because they equate career & dreams into becoming a bank manager

Our dear Seun is an entrepreneur and I doubt he has a corporate office. He doesnot have to wear a suit daily to the office either.

we have people doing well in fashion, cobbling, dress making, production of stuffs, doing well in their various occupations etc.


@ Grandma in fifties, I doubt the marry in school part

My mum will be a grandma in her early fifties and she married out of school (But again, we both married early)

sheniqua:

Sometimes your dream may have to take a back burner when you marry
It happens
Marriage and kids and sometimes slow a woman's career progress
It is the sacrifice we make for family
And someone has to make that sacrifice
I would rather it be me than my husband
I dreamed of being a surgeon but I moved to the USA with hubby and there are no 24 hour house girls here
I had to settle for a path that will accommodate the family life I chose.
I don't regret that sacrifice one bit.
Hubby on the other hand went on to acquire more degrees,he works more and makes more and that is OK.i am the more available parent in terms of time.
Wen a woman chooses family,there are certainly sacrifices to be made
Everyone is talking about NOI
While she was in Nigeria serving her country!wasn't her doctor husband in Maryland USA palpating and auscultating the nurses ?
We read that in the papers.who knows,it may not have been so if she were home,just maybe

bukatyne:

At one point or the other, we all have to make sacrifices..

I know men & women who slowed down at one point or the other to accommodate family needs.

I doubt the OP is taking about making sacrifices here...

There is a difference between I have to defer my professional exams for 2yrs because of child birth/kids/hubby will be away etc. and I am no longer doing my professional exams because I am married.

@NOI: Her hubby would have cheated even if she was sleeping on him daily. It is better she achieved what she wanted to achieve not minding the bad marriage than letting her husband's antics get to her.

It would be disastrous if she looked at him, forgone her dreams and the man still cheated.

A woman can still achieve all she wants to with her family and a supportive husband. Infact, her supportive husband will spur her to achieve more maybe at a slower pace but definitely more fulfilling.

sheniqua:

I know other women that got married and were blessed with disabled or sickly children in one shape or another
Guess who had to quit their job or cut down to accommodate that situation?
We can't sit and pain anyone with a brush .

I speak from my experiences,I know without a doubt that my career which seems to be taking off on a coaster now,would have surpassed where I am now by many miles had I been single without kids.
I know what I went through trying to get through training and jobs and finding child care etc.
Calling in sick at work because your child has a fever and everyone mad at you because patients had to be cancelled.
But if I were to do it again,I will still choose marriage and children

bukatyne:

This thread is not about marriage over career

Infact, your story will be a good one for the OP; with your family, you are still able to get ahead in your chosen career.

Funny enough, you might not have really moved further than where you are now if you were single without kids