See to-ro-bu-lu!

Oti ooooooooooooooo!  This is serious. 

Nne nwando, thanks for your timely intervention.  It took me a while to figure out what the heck was going on. I became worse than Kconfused "itself"!



Things are so bad now that davidylan the tiger of Rochester could not even recognize himself. 

OMG--this thread has turned to something else!

I am dying of laughter or what?



@Kconfused

Please never see things from a male perspective if you are a female.  Look after your own interest and if you are unhappy in the end--at least like Frank Sinatra's song goes, you will be singing ----"I Did it My way"!!!!  Look for your own happiness and never from the eyes of "a guy"!

The only person you should be listening to here is Uyai---who is was in the same position as yourself. But boy, has she overcome all that or what?.  Infact, she has mastered her own feelings and is now able to "negotiate" better.  So please listen to her.  She is 100% right in the way she has handled "the business" well.

uyai:

@ almondjoy

It's me oh ooo, just trying to help a sister out by being as honest as possible. I have two satisfied and happilly married girlfriends who were IN THE SAME POSTION as me. They are the ones who talked sense into me.

Kudos to you Uyai!  Job well done.  Like I said, I wish you well in this your relationship because you started off well and without pretense.  You communicate well and you also have a partner in this guy who "knows his job" of hitting you in all the right spots!  Hmm Hmm Hmm!  You can't beat that!

I say fire on.  I think you are a more credible witness than my very humble self.  Please work on Kconfused so she can see the light too.  I will be here as referee!

davidylan:

lol the real David can be easily identified by the post count. The fakes will need to stay here posting every minute for the next few weeks to make over 8000 posts.

To your question . . . yes twice. TBH if i don't feel sexually attracted to you i can't date you. Everyone thot we were dating because we were so close . . . we knew each other so well that she just assumed it was only a matter of time and we would become a couple but i just didnt feel it sexually. I liked her as a friend and that was it.
That is why i don't understand how you hope to commit your future with someone you're not sexually attracted to . . . Sex to me is not very important but at the same time i wouldnt want to be stuck with someone i can't see myself holding in my arms.

Anybody in his/he right senses will never attempt to keep up with you on NairaLand - we all know you have nothing better to do than come on NairaLand and abuse people as if you are the king of the earth.

Hmmmmmmmmm!

Alimondjoy,

Oops, I would soon get mine. . . In fact, I want to stop being a Monk and experiment. But I would have to meditate for 2 years before I can act.

Meanwhile, I don't want to be an "Ikemba" or "OBJ" I am creating my own identity. I won't go for the MBGN that would marry me at 70 nor the Beautiful lady that would put her life in danger by subjecting herself to Doctors' blade every month. I would rather get a natural beauty among the Rev. Mothers or "Elehas" (women in purdah). Better still, an ugly woman with heart of gold who, can take me to cloud 9 when the journey commenced.

David,

you are really having a good time clearing your name from the mess of another man. Hope you are enjoying it?

Debosky,

I am learning. I got points from that piece.

Seriously, it is an illusion for anyone to say sex can guaranttee marriage stability. Maybe in the beginning, it works but on the long run, the reality would set in. Sex can only guaranttee stability just as salt guaranttee healthy soup. Little wonder why heartbreaks and cheatings are gaining prominent in such home.

It seems u r still a girl n not ready for marriage.if this guy was ur first love u would have fallen in love with him but since u ve had sex w many men who dont love u,all u get is ur mind unconciously comparing him with d other guys n rejecting him.u r still in love with the bad guys n thats a sign u r not yet matured 4 marriage. if u marry this guy somethin in u ll still push u to have fun outside ur home.Even if u find the "perfect guy" he might not love u a bit cos u dont come across as a wife material- all u may get is exploitation.i think u r d problem.

olanajim:

Alimondjoy,

Oops, I would soon get mine. . . In fact, I want to stop being a Monk and experiment. But I would have to meditate for[b] 2 years [/b] before I can act.

Meanwhile, I don't want to be an "Ikemba" or "OBJ" I am creating my own identity. I won't go for the MBGN that would marry me at 70 nor the Beautiful lady that would put her life in danger by subjecting herself to Doctors' blade every month. I would rather get a natural beauty among the Rev. Mothers or "Elehas" (women in purdah). Better still, an ugly woman with heart of gold who, can take me to cloud 9 when the journey commenced.
David,

you are really having a good time clearing your name from the mess of another man. Hope you are enjoying it?

Debosky,

I am learning. I got points from that piece.

Seriously, it is an illusion for anyone to say sex can guaranttee marriage stability. Maybe in the beginning, it works but on the long run, the reality would set in. Sex can only guaranttee stability just as salt guaranttee healthy soup. Little wonder why heartbreaks and cheatings are gaining prominent in such home.

Thanks Olanajim for the clarification. Keep meditating.   I think Yoga is a good thing.  Well nothing more to add here till the star of the parade "kconfused" comes along. 

In the meantime--please check your e-mail.  Not sure if you have a space in between or if it is just the way you have it in your profile.  If my messages did not get to you, then please clarify.

N-joy:

Anybody in his/he right senses will never attempt to keep up with you on NairaLand - we all know you have nothing better to do than come on NairaLand and abuse people as if you are the king of the earth.

another troll on the lose. . . seems the only time i see u post is when it is bash David time eh. Enjoy. Sorry if i sound like the king of the earth, too bad you have such a low valuation of urself. Aint my fault kiddy. Now shove and let responsible pple discuss issues.

olanajim:

David,

you are really having a good time clearing your name from the mess of another man. Hope you are enjoying it?

but for the few people who earn my respect here i wouldnt have bothered. children will always be children.

olanajim:

Debosky,

I am learning. I got points from that piece.

Seriously, it is an illusion for anyone to say sex can guaranttee marriage stability. Maybe in the beginning, it works but on the long run, the reality would set in. Sex can only guaranttee stability just as salt guaranttee healthy soup. Little wonder why heartbreaks and cheatings are gaining prominent in such home.

If sex were the sole criteria for marital stability the divorce rate would be 0.0005% today!

Behind bobo:

It seems you're still a girl n not ready for marriage.if this guy was your first love u would have fallen in love with him but since u ve had sex w many men who don't love u,all u get is your mind unconsciously comparing him with d other guys n rejecting him.you're still in love with the bad guys n thats a sign you're not yet matured 4 marriage. if u marry this guy somethin in u ll still push u to have fun outside your home.Even if u find the "perfect guy" he might not love u a bit because u don't come across as a wife material- all u may get is exploitation.i think you're d problem.

@Behind bobo- WHO TOLD YOU THAT I HAD SEX WITH MANY MEN HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING THE THREAD? IF YOU HAVE YOU WOULD NOT BE RESPONDING WITH NONSENSE LIKE THIS. PLEASE START FROM THE BEGINNING AND THEN LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS

Alimondjoy,

the arrow didn't get home. Maybe you should resend. The correct is oracle_nj@yahoo.com make sure you shoot at the right target this time.

Awaiting your response.

kconfused:

@Behind bobo- WHO TOLD YOU THAT I HAD SEX WITH MANY MEN HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING THE THREAD? IF YOU HAVE YOU WOULD NOT BE RESPONDING WITH NONSENSE LIKE THIS. PLEASE START FROM THE BEGINNING AND THEN LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS

Is that why you are yelling?  Please, I am waiting for update ooooooooooooh!

olanajim:

Alimondjoy,

the arrow didn't get home. Maybe you should resend. The correct is oracle_nj@yahoo.com make sure you shoot at the right target this time.

Awaiting your response.

Will try again.  Thanks.

Oh--I see now. You know I am a novice at YIMMINGS--- , now go check again.

ok so today he started talking about getting married again. He wants to move away from where we live to a more reserved and afluent part of town. I am having dinner with his family this week and he is having dinner at my house as well. This man is moving very quickly and I think that he will ask me to marry him by the beginning of the new year. He keeps asking me about my relationship with my daughter's father who happens to still be my husband.

If you dont want to marry this man let me dash him my cousin o jare!
He sounds like a serious fellow with a responsible head on his shoulders. I would have loved to say you shld marry him because u'd be hard pressed to meet another responsible man willing to settle down with a single mom with baggage.
Another part of me is wondering . . . why dont u just let this man go to find a deserving woman if u're still confused about him?

kconfused:

ok so today he started talking about getting married again. He wants to move away from where we live to a more reserved and afluent part of town. I am having dinner with his family this week and he is having dinner at my house as well. This man is moving very quickly and I think that he will ask me to marry him by the beginning of the new year. He keeps asking me about my relationship with my daughter's father who happens to still be my husband.

Please stop keeping us in suspense. I was about to go to bed for you are the best topic on Nairaland currently.

Oh, you are still married eh?

Anyway. Please let us know how the dinner went. I think by all standards the man is moving at the pace of a "tortoise"! Are you sure he is a Nigerian guy?

You think he will ask you to marry him? Well goodluck sha!

kconfused!
what an apt name

@ Poster, you asked for a miracle; when the miracle came you are asking yourself if you are qualified for the miracle; instead you start preying into miracle to find faults. To find a man with such qualities as you have started, takes nothing but a miracle; and no matter he´s turtleness he should surely have women running after him, than for him to put up with all the stunts you are pulling.
The only other thing maybe that the guy feels inferior due to he´s turtleness that is why he is willing to take your crap and settle for a not divorced but single mother. Is he nigerian and Is he for Real? Does he have friends or Family- u need to check he might just be a ghost.
Am surprise that the females in this forum are not giving you a blasting; well it is not usual we only get those when a nigerian man has supposedly treats a sister bad

this is a tough one,

the books have always said, MARRY 4 LOVE, even our old folks didnt really marry 4 love n most of them have/had steadier marriages than what obtains 2daay,

speaking as aguy, sex ususally isnt on the hot burner when am reaaly in love with a gal, its only when i dont really love the gal, thats when sex will be top of my agenda,

@poster if sex/sexual prworess is a prerequisite 4 marriage, u cud as well go n marry a IndecentStar, !!!

dont get me wrong, sex is really important in a marriage relationship, but ur prob seems 2 fold,
1. u are not attracted 2 him
2.u dont think u wud like to have sex with him?

based on 1, what the heck are u doing with a guy that u arent attracted to?, ,,,or u feel u wud develop attraction 4 him with time?, naaaaaaaaaaaaah, attraction is usually an off/on thing, its there or it itsnt, there is a possibility that u cud develop affection 4 him as time goes on,

how long have u two been dating?, if its more than a yr or 2 n u still dont feel any attraction 2 him, then i bet u ,,u cud wait till hell freezes over, u aint gonna be attracted to him,

ALWAYS ALWAYS MARRY SOME1 U ARE ATTRACTED TO, [its the golden rule ], marriage is tough on its on n its only attraction n love that gives us a fighting chance

btayo1:

@ Poster, you asked for a miracle; when the miracle came you are asking yourself if you are qualified for the miracle; instead you start preying into miracle to find faults. To find a man with such qualities as you have started, takes nothing but a miracle; and no matter he´s turtleness he should surely have women running after him, than for him to put up with all the stunts you are pulling. The only other thing maybe that the guy feels inferior due to he´s turtleness that is why he is willing to take your crap and settle for a not divorced but single mother. Is he nigerian and Is he for Real? Does he have friends or Family- u need to check he might just be a ghost.
Am surprise that the females in this forum are not giving you a blasting; well it is not usual we only get those when a nigerian man has supposedly treats a sister bad

First and foremost I am not pulling any stunts. You say I'm pulling a stunt by not having sex with him? Yes I am a non divorced mother and my child is very well taken care of by both parents. Please explain what crap he's taking. Should he rush me into having sex? Should I jump into bed with him because he treats me well? Explain yourself! Does sex automatically mean that this relationship will work out? Of course you will feel that way because you are a man. I appreciate your comments and I agreed with what you said about praying for a miracle but once you started reprimanding me about things that some of you men do all of the time that's where I draw the line

@ earthrealm 

Yea dont marry for money, marry for love. But if you feel that one day u will fall in love with this dude, then go for it. Take ur time and dont rush into marriage. Marriage is like a TV station that u stick to watching every minute and every day. You get bored of it easily so u will have to take you time and make up your mind so that you would enjoy the rest of it. Hope it comes out wella for u.

Only a stupid man will be seen around town in company of a woman who is not divorced from her husband.   Anyway what am I yapping about.  Them full for Naija and Nairaland borku borku!

Chineke meeeeeeeeee'e!  Laughing myself to tears!

This is getting sicker and sicker by the minute.  And he want's to propose to you--Kconfused?  Hmmmmmmmmmmm! This na real "super story".  You must be one special lady!  Na real tortoise this man be---MBEKU!.  You are having strings of failed relationships while you are still "sharing another man's name"?   You are an amazing woman.  What's the secret?  Please, I want to learn! Or are you legally separated?

I am still following ooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Ladie and Gentlemen as you can see she is confused as well about the whole thing besides her I.D is tagged KCONFUSED!!!! so i can really blame her but i have an advice for if you rush in you will rush out i can assure dat!

Take care nand be your self!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kconfused:

Please explain what crap he's taking. Should he rush me into having sex? Yes He should; after awaiting for almost a year; that would not count as rushing you into sex by anyone ones standard.
Should I jump into bed with him because he treats me well?
Yes you should ; As you have admittedly jumped in bed with other less responsible men who had treated you badly; Explain yourself!
Does sex automatically mean that this relationship will work out? No: With or Without Sex; No relationship is guaranteed as you know it; even your mr right (God forbid) could turn bad later; there are no guarantees. People get married and after 40 years divorce.

Has it crossed your mind that him not pushing sex with you could be as a result of him getting it elsewhere (no strings attached) whilst waiting for you to open up.
Also if you are to findout that he´s is been doing that what would you say or do?

@Poster: He treats you like a Queen and You compare (Treat) him like a turtle is that is not crap; sister what is. You should treat him like a king, and deny him nothing.
Am not in anyway attempting to disrepect you- It just that i dislike people giving out what they wont accept: He is a brother and he´s invested heavily (emotionally;timewise etc) because to treat a woman like a queen is not an easily task

@btayo1- point well taken. I do not treat him like a turtle whatever that means. I treat him really well. Everything that he does for me I do for him. The only connection we have yet to have is physical.

So yesterday we had a large dinner with family and friends. The first was at my family's house and the other was at my best friends house. At my best friends house there were people I had not seen in a long time so it was nice to catch up with them. Throughout the night I was looking at him and realized that it would never work. There is just NO attraction. I had an opportunity to talk and laugh with some other people there and realized that "my man" is not what I want. To be quite honest on top of not be attracted to him all he does is try to accommodate me and it's just not sexy. He basically sat there and looked around while everyone was laughing and talking.I couldn't wait for him to leave . Once he left I relaxed and had a drink was able to be myself. I think there has to be a balance. You can be sensitive but you also have have to be manly. He is sensitive and sweet but not tough enough. Last night I was surrounded by all of these tough men who said what they wanted and appeared confident I was completely attracted to this. I don't want to hurt him but I cannot deny myself just for the sake of stability. I should be able to have both. If I stay with him I would not be faithful

Please go on. We are reading! Please what do you plan to do next? Try one of the "sexy confident" men you met at one of the dinners?

Sometimes, a person is not attracted to another becuz they do not feel worthy of the other. Maybe she feels that she really is not worthy of a good man who would treat her well and cherish her since her history is quick, throw away relationships. I might also add - that sometimes - it's the "nice" guys that do not inspire immediate sexual attraction, that are the very, very best at lovemaking! Cuz they r making love, not sex. also, it takes a lot more to truly love and be loved, than to feel that immediate sexual lust that comes and goes. Give me love & reality every time, is sooooo much better than the fantasy! Just my 2 cents worth!

@ kconfused finally you have seen the light.
The poor guy can now go on and have a life with someone else who doesnt see his back covered with turtle shells

@davidylan- you are quick to tell me to throw in the towel. Have you been hurt before by someone who has referred to you as a turtle perhaps? Just checking, 

kconfused:

@davidylan- you are quick to tell me to throw in the towel. Have you been hurt before by someone who has referred to you as a turtle perhaps? Just checking,

not at all to be called a turtle is a mortal insult from which a man's ego is never likely to recover.
you've already thrown in the water, soap + towel from the tone of your previous post.

Do you think hypnosis would work?

Go 4 it girl

You'll love him with time,trust me

kconfused:

Do you think hypnosis would work?

Yes, but only temporarily.  What happens when you snap out of it? I am sure you have watched enough Nigerian movies to know that these babalawo things only last for a short while and are not permanent.