@ poster you dont know what you want ?you want to eat your cake and have it and moreover you are not yet ready for marriage.if you are ready for marriage,you should know what you want.  

@Konfused

If you marry this guy for sex, what will you do when his Dick ain't catching fire no more? Abi you no know say most man's dick is like odometer. The more you ride it, the more the the bones and cartilage bend ! If you think i'm lieing, try it next time you ride a man and see what happens when he's done !

Hi Kconfused,
i see you are caught in the trap a lot of ladies find themselves in, from the way i see it, i believe you are confusing passion and infatuation with love, which are two distinct and seperate things. Though everybody wants the wow factor, but you must realise that there is more to married life than romance as a lot of people discover too late!, love is rarely spontaneous, it takes time to develop, but lust on the other hand is spontaneous, and wants everything all at once. From what i can see, you have a good thing going for you, but you want the kind of romance that is only real on the pages of mills & boons, sex is always in a hurry, but lovemaking requires time to develop, concentrate on getting to know this person and you will find out that when you eventually do make love, you will find out you lost nothing by getting to know the guy. Sex with someone you met yesterday is usually meaningless after a while, take your time and you will get the pick of the pack.

ifyalways:

@ poster you don't know what you want ?you want to eat your cake and have it and moreover you are not yet ready for marriage.if you are ready for marriage,you should know what you want.  

Thank you oh!  Thank you.  In this day and age when a man looking for a committment is so difficult to find, our dear poster is rejecting a meal that she has not even been offered. Did the man even say he wants to marry her?  Women do this all the time.  Pick a man you are not attracted to to mend your bruised low self esteem while re-bounding from other failed relationships.

The guy will soon hand the poster wedding invitations to marry another babe, while he keeps her as a spare tire!

Sweet T:

@Konfused

If you marry this guy for sex, what will you do when his Dick ain't catching fire no more? Abi you no know say most man's privates is like odometer. The more you ride it, the more the the bones and cartilage bend ! If you think i'm lieing, try it next time you ride a man and see what happens when he's done !

What the heck are you talking about! Who says she wants to marry the guy for sex?

@Almondjoy

She just changed the topic. The topic said for sex now she changed it to love !

@poster
for you not to lose your man cos of his apperance,
tell us what you need,is it extrem makeover or reconstruction total.
is it just to bring down the pot-belly?
do you need the brad or alnold type of physique?
do you need facial correction?

a team of experts waiting.

She did not change the topic. Stop talking about what you don't know.

cybersleek

almondjoy - please pay attention to my post - I said that he wants to get married - he brings up marriage to me all the time. As far as a low self esteem that's a no no. I didn't post to be insulted almondjoy, but you know what you are correct he might just fine someone and then I would have realized how great he really is. I'm sure there are a few of you out there who has met the perfect person but for some selfish reason you won't commit.

@Seun

well if she did not change it, someone apparently did. Or maybe you did. Because if you look at the front page of your site it say "SHOULD I MARRY FOR SEX OR STABILITY" . yOU GET IT ? EINSTEIN !

Just to make it clear I did not change the topic of my post. I noticed that it was changed but didn't know why. It's not about sex! I'm just afraid of marrying someone that I have no physical attraction to. Maybe I am confusing love and lust or maybe it just takes time. If you love your partner shouldn't you just look at him and want to go at it? The men in the past I've all been attracted but turns out that they weren't ready or they were jerks so physical isn't everything. Why can't I have it all

Trust me kconfused, ive dated beautiful women and not so beautiful women, but i have come to realise that its not what someone looks like that matters, granted it helps the attraction, but all that quickly fails and you get bored with it, i know because i made collecting beautiful women a hobby, but then i realise that i get bored becos they dont stimulate me the way i want because all i was interested in was the physical. Spend time with your man, look beyond what he looks like, and try to find out the real him, then you might feel differently, but if you dont, you just have to tell him and move on, instead of stringing him along when you know you dont feel the groove for him.

Hey Almondjoy! are you in Ibiza?¿

Hi Kconfused,
What exactly is keeping you from being attracted to this man?I do not believe you should ignore that and simply keep seeing him to keep up appearances.I also don't think you should sleep with him to see if you would get attracted to him.
I'd also like to know if he specifically told you he would like to marry you and have kids with you.That he brings it up when you are together does not mean it's you he wants to marry.Some men have the habit of bringing the marriage issue up just to test waters and not because they want you in particular.
If you have been going out with this man for sometime now and still don't feel anything for him,you may want to just walk.It is not by force.There may be a man somewhere out there that you are attracted to and that can offer you stability.Marriage is not something to be entered into with unresolved issues.

guess wat?

when u sleep with him u would discover ur world is complete with him

sex has a way of making girls stick to guys

initially u may not be sure about it(him) but once u have done it, u would understand INDEED u have always luved him

kconfused:


I just don't how much longer he'll accept the hugs and soft kisses versus the passion and sex

Sounds as if you're leading him on. . .you're not really attracted to him and hence are not inclined to marry him, yet you keep having dates and outings together, while giving him hugs and soft kisses to keep him interested?

Women sha!

If you are as 'un-attracted' to him as you say, then leave the man alone. He wants to get married and is looking for such, and you on the other hand are not ready. You like his manners and stability, but you still yearn for your heart breaker tall-dark and handsome goo-for-nothings in your past.

For once I agree with Millie. . .you are incomplete. You need to deal with the past issues and sort yourself out and find out what you really want. If you don't do that you'll hurt this poor man and it will be yet another messed up relationship.

Leave him. Sort out your life and what you want, then start looking. stop 'hooking up' for the sake of sex.

deposky - I'm not "hooking up" If I was I would have already slept with him. I am in a situation where I have a good man and I want to work through issues I know I have.  As far as people commenting on having my cake and eating it too- I am not seeing anyone else so what cake and eating what too??. There is no hidden agenda here just facts. Everyone assumes that I have issues because I am not attracted to someone but loves the person he is inside, What wrong with that?? What about spending time and growing to love the person??

Hey konfused dot com,

Journey with me into the minds of the tarriot readings
I knows why u aint attracted to this Dude, krystal balls tell me he is an[b] UGLY MUTHA, shut your mouth![/b]
but ugly guys value u more, are caring, nicer and mostly rich, check out seal,Taribo West, Sir Wilka
But then again is the case of their products, atutupoyoyos aint a funny matter o!!
The guy would be good to u, just let things grow and u'll love him, relationships are better when not based on sex

kconfused the problem with love is that it is fraught with different meaning
3 people can define love as follows
1st person -a mystical concept
2nd person- a generally good feeling
3rd person - sex
the 3rd person defined love as sex becos that it is own idea (it is subconscious)
the 3rd peson defined love as the union of 2 epidermises(skin to skin)

so who is wrong
noone ,because love is very nebulous i.e difficult to define

k confused .u dont fall in love .It is a mistake many people think
rather love grows within the individual.

i can ask u several questions and based on ur statement i.e answer,i will tell uif it is advisable to carry on.
BRB

hi kconfused,
am not going to confuse you further, the simple truth is you are not attracted to this guy because he tends to be too nice, TRUTH: most women are not attracted to guys that are nice, you always want to be with him because he has your time, he spends and cares for you, but you cant imagine being with him because in my opinion you control him, you sure need a guy that you can see as a man, probably he is not man enough for you, you cant change it no more. it depends on you.

which kain advice u want from us - is this not a typical woman speaking?

You dont like jumping into bed with him - but you like being around him - and maybe - u like spending his money? just asking>

But honestly speaking - what advice do you think we can give you to help you? We should tell you to dump him, or go with him? Only you knows how u feel with or for him, so how can we help you in that sense?

But if you ask me very well, you never know the taste of the pudding until you eat it o - so - give him just one chance - only one o - I beg, and then check him out with all different styles, that will determine if he is good for you or not - do doggy style, do front, do side, do back, him on top, u on top, all styles, and if he is not good - then just dump him quick.

@poster,

i quite understand what you are talking about as i am in a similar situation but even worse, people will tell you different things, some will condemn even you , but the thing is, you actually know what u want and understand what your problem is very well but fate is playing on you and at the moment you can't help it hence the confusion.

for me, I'll advice you apply wisdom, talk to God more, whisper your thoughts to him always but dear i can confess to you that this is a very difficult situation, i wear that shoe and certainly know how and wear it hurts.

U confuse people when u specify sex but i know it's not really about the sex only, it about what you feel deep inside of you for him that your not just comfortable with, yeah he is good, caring, God fearing, morals and more, every woman's dream you appreciate all that but what about laughter, affection from your side to him, romance, intimacy i can go on and on. every marriage needs those from both parties.

tell me did i enter your thots?

cybersleek your are a very reasonable person

when you said you are not physical attracted to him, what do you mean by that?

chick quit playing games. trip, fall, land on his d, k and have a taste of it. physical appearance are most times deceptive and u might come to fall in love with him, sex wise. who knows

@poster
Is he really ugly oris there something else?

kilasos:

@poster
Is he really ugly oris there something else?

please tell us what attracts you physically to a man and how he fails to meet up.

IMHO, I can see that the plain truth of this issue lies in you but you don't want to trust your personal judgement.

-What guarantees an assurance that he will continue to shower all those affections after the marriage day?
-What gives an assurance he is not sparing the time to care for you now simply to woo you  and and get you in as his wife, and then a phase II will start   contrary to phase 1?

In the actual sense , you have confessed that you are not attracted to him physically, do you think he is not aware of this?
My own philosophy indicates that a good relationship  grows from the physical into the mind where it will thrust it's roots. This is contra-phenomena to your case as I am strongly trying to see how you developed an inward affection for his inner man and not the external.
You getting layed by him surely is not the solution as you may even end up getting dissapointed by what he may have to offer.

Seach yourself and don't be kconfused as far as your mind is questionable in this relationship.Take a toll to decide whether to go on or not.
In this situation, I can assure you that as far as you still don't get attracted to his physical man, you are still playing poker, don't force yourself on what you don't believe. Age counts though, but this sun high up may still dry your wet clothes.

@Richylaw

that was a good advice, i think i need it more than the poster.

@poster

sorry I'm not stealing your post, i just told you my case is worse and believe me its true.

Hi Girl,

This type of confusion always sterns from indecision. I have a similar situation when i was in school. There was this guy that liked me back in school, i also liked him as a friend but i didnt want to go further with him because i had issues with myself. I was brought up in a strict catholic home and these things were seen as immoral. I liked him and always looking forward to our meeting but i wasnt attracted in that aspect. I could not give him a chance. Fours yrs later, he came back in a different light when i was more mature to handle these type of things and i couldnt help but see how compartible we were. I could not but fall helplessly in love with him. Do u know the funny part? I dont care if he loves me back, I just want to love him and enjoy it while it lasts.
So girl, give this guy a chance and the rest is history.

if Mr. Lover has potential , marry him,

If I will advice you, It is better you follow your love. If you do not Love him and you marry Him, the marriage will not last.
It is love that make marriage to last forever because when thereis misunderstanding which is inevitable love will overlook the hurts.

if you go for Love stability will surely come but stability does not bring genuine Love.

@cybersleek
true talk

@ poster
the physical attraction is not all that matters u know.what happens if u eventually fall for a BLOC(hansome guy) and he was involved in an accident,with all body parts been deformed one way or the other what will u do? TAKE A HIKE ? because u are no more attracted to him? galfriend open your eyes and smell the coffee,because from your post, seems lik u kind of  miss him when he is not around you,which means that u feel something for him but because he's not on the handsome side u feel he's not worth it.My advice is that you take your time to know him beta and you will find out that you will develop love for him as time goes on. BESIDES HANDSOME DUDES DNT TREAT LADIES RIGHT. All the best on your decision.