₦airaland Forum

All i see here are characteristics of a weak man. I swear if anyguy does all these, he is going too boring and wants to be dumped for no reason

Get ready to join the single ladies association of nigeria... When your friend snatch your boo from you and you come here to post a breakup thread, i'll never let intorvert or ladyf get FTC, and i'll make sure i call lalasticlala to move your breakup thread to FP

Sometimes its maybe cache pages or something like that... After 30mins or more, it will change to what you want.... It has happened to mie

Dealwap, u dey here? Misstrendy .com, ilookgood .com, fashionicon .com, missnigeria .com e.t.c

Am a novice and i use cleanvalues... Am i safe?

Person whey get huge traffic no go sabi how him go monetize abi?

yahayya1a:
Lalasticlala help me get this to PF pls.

Page front?? Lwkmdead, you should even be happy your advert thread has nt been deleted

brainboxmedia:
Host ur websites for as low as #4500 with free domain name, 50Gb space and 150GB monthly bandwidth. Visit http://gr8impacthost.com for more details.

What!! Where on earth are you going to see 150gb monthly bandwidth for 4.5k ?? 50gb space?? Ur company ceo must be high on something or probably uptime is 50% or probably they dont offer apps, no mysql database, no crontabs, no subdomain, ssh not supported, jeez.... Iddonbelivit

Intro: Me(gentle 18 year old boy) and my mom(stubborn woman) living in an estate in Ondo state.

2:20am: I checked my inbox hoping to see a birthday greeting(sms) but i was disapointed on seeing two messages from 33350 that says "Answer this question to win 10million naira. Nigeria has how many states? Sms cost 100naira" while the other was from 33110 that says "Do you know the current president of Nigeria is Muhammad Buhari".

2:30am: I called my girlfriend who always thinks i am double dating but wasn't reacheable so i called one of my nigga(the funny one).

4:05am: My girlfriend called me 8 different times which i didn't noticed until the time was 4:33am and i didn't bothered myself about it

4:40am: my girlfriend called me and said, " i called you almost 20 times and you ignored me", my reply was "ahhn ahhn, you called me 8 times now". Girls can lie....

5:30am: I received a text from my girlfriend thinking it was a birthday sms, on opening it reads, "you were even counting the no. of times i called? I hate you, i hate cheaters". I was like what!! On my birthday... I slept off few minutes later

7:30am: My mum woke me up and told me my food is already on fire and i should watch over it. She was going somewhere so i wen't to the sitting room, felt dizzy and relaxed on the sofa.

9:20: I perceived the aroma of a roasted yam. I jumped off the sofa and went straight to the kitchen to discover that the pot has turned to hell fire. All i could do is dispose the pot and its contents.

10:02am: I wen't out to buy some food to eat. After the meal, i was stoped by neigbours and i was bathed with sachet water, la Casera, youghurt and the likes all in the name of celebrating birthday(broke niggas celebration).

2:10pm: My mom was back so she sent me on an errand to get her some materials. I can drive so i took her car. On my way, i met the nigerian policemen and they stopped me, i was guilty of almost 7 offences which two of them was that we bought a fake fire extinguisher and the pointer is blinking too slow. My mom's car was seized during the process.

3:15pm: I went home with fear in my heart. When i got home, my mom had already went out. All i could do is to start an emergency prayer session

6:30pm: My mom came back and i told her what happened, during that process, my girlfriend called me. I dare not pick it. Like seriously, I dare not

7:58pm: We bailed out our car with a huge sum of money, i was just speechless. Even when my mom farted inside the car, i didn't move an inch, not even looking sideways or rolling down the side window. I gently perceived all the odour because i just don't want abuses from my mom.

9:00pm: After dinner, i felt i just had the worst birthday ever. I was about to sleep when my girlfriend called me, i picked it up and wanted to narrate all what happened but she interrupted me with, "shut up, do you know you are an idiot? I have been..." i just hanged up, hissed, swiched off the phone, hissed again, threw the phone under my bed and wen't to sleep.

Niggaz, my birthday is on 26th of august oo.
Wish me well.

Picvote:
Thanks you Mr PHP... don't forget life is all about knowing one thing about everything and not about knowing every thing only on One thing

what is wapka? A scripting language? I don't know everything about php but the little i know is enough to create a wapsite better than yours... My point is if u use cutlass and i use stick just to kill a snake, we will archieve the same thing as to get the snake dead

Few days after I received a call from one lady while I was
having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend
spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named
3 star hotel immediately or lose
the ‘big opportunity’ for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me
to the hotel’s garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All
of them wore a yellow t-shirt
and they were fiddling with a laptop.
Oh, so I’m going to be
registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought.
The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate. “Yes” I quickly responded. “Great! I’m actually a HR officer.
My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I’m
recommending the right person..”
“I am the right person ma” I
affirmed. “Are you born again??” She
asked.
That question knocked me off my feet.
Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church.
“Yes..I’m born again ma.” I replied trying not to mince words.
“Beautiful!!” She exclaimed. “Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on
Saturday…its a new plaza in town. I don’t need to go into the
details of the job but I’m positive you’re going to love it.
Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along and pleases do something
about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know.” she added. End of first interview. I heaved a
sigh of relief and left the hotel. Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with
cold and catarrh. I contemplated between using
the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to
buy drugs and LIVE.
“Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a
pharmacy.” The devil
commanded. If I pass the interview, the
sickness might disappear out of
excitement, I thought.
The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the
most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not
helping matters. To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken.
I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates
(except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small
ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper. My temper at that point was
capable of boiling yam for a family of 3.
If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza
on the HR forehead. Smh My potential employer had not
arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf. A couple of Joyce Meyer books,
books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men
success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books.
By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process
commenced. She fired me a number of JAMB
questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for
Aso Rock. As God would have it, I
impressed her.
Then she began her speech… “This plastic chair you are sitting
on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday
to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 5pm.”
Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story. “You are the customer care
representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place.” Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check
whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what? She went on… “You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts.
Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of
the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These
are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should
enable you network.”
Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I
would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time. She was not done with me…
As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books
in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that’s why.” My head harddrive had crashed
upon hearing that. Are you kidding me? Woman, I don’t even read sign board
these days! I didn’t want to hear more.
“How much is my salary?” I deadpanned
She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell.
“Salary is N10,000!”
The last time I checked, Nigeria
abolished slavery.
I broke into laughter. A laughter
of misery and frustration. To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words “I better accept the offer. People
will kill to have this job.” Even if I were silly enough to
take the shitty job, my
transportation to and fro the bookshop was roughly N6000 a
month. Tithe is 1k. Basically, I’ll go home with 3K every month
at my age, stage and
relationship status? Waste of Ghana braids! I just wanted to loosen my braids there in her office and
force her to swallow the attachment.
“Thank you madam for your offer!” I muttered. If I had spent an extra minute in there, I would have probably be tumbling down the book shelves. I packed what was left of my dignity and sicknesses and hurried out of her book kiosk.
Credits: www.naijaloaded.ng
Dedicated to: naijasinglegirl

All you need is to bleep some set of girls to cool your nerves... After that find a girl who you can go a week without bleeping, only kisses and hugs, then after that, watch series of love korean films together.... Best advice

This dude is a noob and you are telling him to buy from an international company... Bro try gigalayer, whogohost or domainking... Google any of these 3 names, u pay in naira and get online within 24hours

I hate wapka... If its php, you would have used wordwrap function

This space is not for sale!!

This guy is so stupid to and extent an 18 yr old boy(me) can prove it.
1. You had plans to Bleep even when you are holding a position in church
2. You played unsafe sex, i bet you don't know the power of nairaland, if any hiv/aids control agency see this....
3. You cheated(immaturity)
4. You opened a useless thread to prove how stupid you are
5. You are so stupid to an extent of calling all ladies filthy rags with an exception of your wife. What about your mom, grand mom, daughter nko, are they also filthy rags?

ifywise:
Ok. Another pressing issue is web hosting. Must I host my blog in a web hosting site.
What if I don't host my blog at all? what will happen to it?

this just cracked my ribs... Hahaha, please girl reply my mail or let me know your mail address

what of food for ugly loss ?

what is bedwetting ? My mum told me i never bedwet and she has never bought pampers b4....
Own an official profile page, read intresting broadcast message, send free daily sms only @ www.ttprofile.com

i'll be happy ive seen a future leader... He'll become a successful politician one day with his lying abilities

while you keep fighting for ftc... Lemme relax and enjoy the comments

have you baffed?

omg.... I just underestimated this thread... Anyway, do you know you can get an official page, post short image or story for other users, send free sms daily on www.ttprofile.com ?

lady f... Abegi

if u are a blogger, u'll become rich.... Only in your dreams
send free sms daily, post short articles or images, own an official profile page only on www.ttprofile.com

what is special in ftc?

lolz

i smell fp... Intorvert ba3 don die sha

The internet has made everything easy and with the internet, you can chat, read blogs, read funny nairaland comments, google search, buy and sell online, check emails e.t.c. You can even send sms(bulk sms) which is a paid service but for those who just need to send little sms, i found a platform that gives limited free sms daily and ive been using it for like 3 days. It does not only comes with free sms, you can also create an official profile page, read user's broadcast message or broadcast yours, receive private message in sms format and so on. Just log on to www.ttprofile.com to get started, remember its free and less i forget, mobile & user friendly