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Nairaland Forum / 0luwatope's Profile / 0luwatope's Posts
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Romance / Re: Help,my Friend Keep Talking About My Man Handsomeness. by 0luwatope(m): 9:29am On Aug 21, 2015 |
Get ready to join the single ladies association of nigeria... When your friend snatch your boo from you and you come here to post a breakup thread, i'll never let intorvert or ladyf get FTC, and i'll make sure i call lalasticlala to move your breakup thread to FP 1 Like |
Webmasters / Re: Pls professional webmasters i need your help here by 0luwatope(m): 11:30pm On Aug 20, 2015 |
Sometimes its maybe cache pages or something like that... After 30mins or more, it will change to what you want.... It has happened to mie |
Webmasters / Re: Domain Name Suggestionz by 0luwatope(m): 10:31am On Aug 19, 2015 |
Dealwap, u dey here? Misstrendy .com, ilookgood .com, fashionicon .com, missnigeria .com e.t.c |
Webmasters / Re: Is This Strong Enough To Prevent SQL Injection? by 0luwatope(m): 10:18am On Aug 19, 2015 |
Am a novice and i use cleanvalues... Am i safe? |
Webmasters / Re: Stop Wasting That Huge Traffic... I Can Help You Monetize Your Site by 0luwatope(m): 10:16am On Aug 19, 2015 |
Person whey get huge traffic no go sabi how him go monetize abi? |
Webmasters / Re: My New Blogger Blog As A Novive.. by 0luwatope(m): 10:11am On Aug 19, 2015 |
yahayya1a:Page front?? Lwkmdead, you should even be happy your advert thread has nt been deleted |
Webmasters / Re: Please Help Me With A Good Site To Register My Domain Name by 0luwatope(m): 10:40pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
brainboxmedia: What!! Where on earth are you going to see 150gb monthly bandwidth for 4.5k ?? 50gb space?? Ur company ceo must be high on something or probably uptime is 50% or probably they dont offer apps, no mysql database, no crontabs, no subdomain, ssh not supported, jeez.... Iddonbelivit |
Nairaland / General / The Crazy Events Of My Last Birthday by 0luwatope(m): 10:12pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
Intro: Me(gentle 18 year old boy) and my mom(stubborn woman) living in an estate in Ondo state. 2:20am: I checked my inbox hoping to see a birthday greeting(sms) but i was disapointed on seeing two messages from 33350 that says "Answer this question to win 10million naira. Nigeria has how many states? Sms cost 100naira" while the other was from 33110 that says "Do you know the current president of Nigeria is Muhammad Buhari". 2:30am: I called my girlfriend who always thinks i am double dating but wasn't reacheable so i called one of my nigga(the funny one). 4:05am: My girlfriend called me 8 different times which i didn't noticed until the time was 4:33am and i didn't bothered myself about it 4:40am: my girlfriend called me and said, " i called you almost 20 times and you ignored me", my reply was "ahhn ahhn, you called me 8 times now". Girls can lie.... 5:30am: I received a text from my girlfriend thinking it was a birthday sms, on opening it reads, "you were even counting the no. of times i called? I hate you, i hate cheaters". I was like what!! On my birthday... I slept off few minutes later 7:30am: My mum woke me up and told me my food is already on fire and i should watch over it. She was going somewhere so i wen't to the sitting room, felt dizzy and relaxed on the sofa. 9:20: I perceived the aroma of a roasted yam. I jumped off the sofa and went straight to the kitchen to discover that the pot has turned to hell fire. All i could do is dispose the pot and its contents. 10:02am: I wen't out to buy some food to eat. After the meal, i was stoped by neigbours and i was bathed with sachet water, la Casera, youghurt and the likes all in the name of celebrating birthday(broke niggas celebration). 2:10pm: My mom was back so she sent me on an errand to get her some materials. I can drive so i took her car. On my way, i met the nigerian policemen and they stopped me, i was guilty of almost 7 offences which two of them was that we bought a fake fire extinguisher and the pointer is blinking too slow. My mom's car was seized during the process. 3:15pm: I went home with fear in my heart. When i got home, my mom had already went out. All i could do is to start an emergency prayer session 6:30pm: My mom came back and i told her what happened, during that process, my girlfriend called me. I dare not pick it. Like seriously, I dare not 7:58pm: We bailed out our car with a huge sum of money, i was just speechless. Even when my mom farted inside the car, i didn't move an inch, not even looking sideways or rolling down the side window. I gently perceived all the odour because i just don't want abuses from my mom. 9:00pm: After dinner, i felt i just had the worst birthday ever. I was about to sleep when my girlfriend called me, i picked it up and wanted to narrate all what happened but she interrupted me with, "shut up, do you know you are an idiot? I have been..." i just hanged up, hissed, swiched off the phone, hissed again, threw the phone under my bed and wen't to sleep. Niggaz, my birthday is on 26th of august oo. Wish me well. |
Webmasters / Re: Wapka Gurus Needed In Point by 0luwatope(m): 5:37pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
Picvote:what is wapka? A scripting language? I don't know everything about php but the little i know is enough to create a wapsite better than yours... My point is if u use cutlass and i use stick just to kill a snake, we will archieve the same thing as to get the snake dead |
Jobs/Vacancies / My Hillarious Job Hunting Story by 0luwatope(m): 5:28pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
Few days after I received a call from one lady while I was having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named 3 star hotel immediately or lose the ‘big opportunity’ for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me to the hotel’s garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All of them wore a yellow t-shirt and they were fiddling with a laptop. Oh, so I’m going to be registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought. The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate. “Yes” I quickly responded. “Great! I’m actually a HR officer. My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I’m recommending the right person..” “I am the right person ma” I affirmed. “Are you born again??” She asked. That question knocked me off my feet. Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church. “Yes..I’m born again ma.” I replied trying not to mince words. “Beautiful!!” She exclaimed. “Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on Saturday…its a new plaza in town. I don’t need to go into the details of the job but I’m positive you’re going to love it. Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along and pleases do something about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know.” she added. End of first interview. I heaved a sigh of relief and left the hotel. Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with cold and catarrh. I contemplated between using the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to buy drugs and LIVE. “Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a pharmacy.” The devil commanded. If I pass the interview, the sickness might disappear out of excitement, I thought. The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not helping matters. To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken. I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates (except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper. My temper at that point was capable of boiling yam for a family of 3. If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza on the HR forehead. Smh My potential employer had not arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf. A couple of Joyce Meyer books, books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books. By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process commenced. She fired me a number of JAMB questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for Aso Rock. As God would have it, I impressed her. Then she began her speech… “This plastic chair you are sitting on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 5pm.” Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then? She cut me and continued her cool story. “You are the customer care representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place.” Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what? She went on… “You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts. Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should enable you network.” Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time. She was not done with me… As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that’s why.” My head harddrive had crashed upon hearing that. Are you kidding me? Woman, I don’t even read sign board these days! I didn’t want to hear more. “How much is my salary?” I deadpanned She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell. “Salary is N10,000!” The last time I checked, Nigeria abolished slavery. I broke into laughter. A laughter of misery and frustration. To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words “I better accept the offer. People will kill to have this job.” Even if I were silly enough to take the shitty job, my transportation to and fro the bookshop was roughly N6000 a month. Tithe is 1k. Basically, I’ll go home with 3K every month at my age, stage and relationship status? Waste of Ghana braids! I just wanted to loosen my braids there in her office and force her to swallow the attachment. “Thank you madam for your offer!” I muttered. If I had spent an extra minute in there, I would have probably be tumbling down the book shelves. I packed what was left of my dignity and sicknesses and hurried out of her book kiosk. Credits: www.naijaloaded.ng Dedicated to: naijasinglegirl 14 Likes 4 Shares |
Romance / Re: What Is Really Wrong With Me? I Need Help... by 0luwatope(m): 4:53pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
All you need is to bleep some set of girls to cool your nerves... After that find a girl who you can go a week without bleeping, only kisses and hugs, then after that, watch series of love korean films together.... Best advice |
Webmasters / Re: Please Help Me With A Good Site To Register My Domain Name by 0luwatope(m): 4:49pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
This dude is a noob and you are telling him to buy from an international company... Bro try gigalayer, whogohost or domainking... Google any of these 3 names, u pay in naira and get online within 24hours 1 Like |
Webmasters / Re: Wapka Gurus Needed In Point by 0luwatope(m): 4:44pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
I hate wapka... If its php, you would have used wordwrap function |
Crime / Re: Man Arrested For Attempting To Sell Wife And Baby by 0luwatope(m): 4:24pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
This space is not for sale!! |
Romance / Re: Test Post (First) by 0luwatope(m): 4:21pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
This guy is so stupid to and extent an 18 yr old boy(me) can prove it. 1. You had plans to Bleep even when you are holding a position in church 2. You played unsafe sex, i bet you don't know the power of nairaland, if any hiv/aids control agency see this.... 3. You cheated(immaturity) 4. You opened a useless thread to prove how stupid you are 5. You are so stupid to an extent of calling all ladies filthy rags with an exception of your wife. What about your mom, grand mom, daughter nko, are they also filthy rags? |
Webmasters / Re: Confused: How Do Bloggers Receive Money From Ads? by 0luwatope(m): 1:30pm On Aug 18, 2015 |
ifywise:this just cracked my ribs... Hahaha, please girl reply my mail or let me know your mail address |
Art, Graphics & Video / Re: Rate This Photorealistic Biro Drawing Of Eva Alodiah by Oscar UKONU (photos) by 0luwatope(m): 12:40am On Aug 14, 2015 |
Food / Re: Eight Foods For Weight-loss by 0luwatope(m): 11:24pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
what of food for ugly loss ? |
Family / Re: What Age Did You Stop Bed Wetting? by 0luwatope(m): 11:17pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
what is bedwetting ? My mum told me i never bedwet and she has never bought pampers b4.... Own an official profile page, read intresting broadcast message, send free daily sms only @ www.ttprofile.com 1 Like |
Family / Re: If He Were Your Kid what would you do? by 0luwatope(m): 11:12pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
i'll be happy ive seen a future leader... He'll become a successful politician one day with his lying abilities 2 Likes |
Romance / Re: 7 Things That Doesn’t Change When You Lose Your Virginity by 0luwatope(m): 11:10pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
Politics / Re: An Open Letter To FASHOLA On Website Scandal - Inglishteechar by 0luwatope(m): 10:45pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
while you keep fighting for ftc... Lemme relax and enjoy the comments |
Education / Re: Have U Bathing Or Had Ur bathe .which Is Correct? by 0luwatope(m): 10:43pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
have you baffed? |
Car Talk / Re: Check Out These 1 Lamborghini And 2 Ferrari In The Same Compound by 0luwatope(m): 10:37pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
omg.... I just underestimated this thread... Anyway, do you know you can get an official page, post short image or story for other users, send free sms daily on www.ttprofile.com ? |
Family / Re: 20 Hilarious Ways To Know Your Mum Is A Nigerian. by 0luwatope(m): 10:32pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
lady f... Abegi 13 Likes |
Nairaland / General / Re: Here Are 7 Ways To Tell That You Will Become Rich One Day. by 0luwatope(m): 10:31pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
if u are a blogger, u'll become rich.... Only in your dreams send free sms daily, post short articles or images, own an official profile page only on www.ttprofile.com |
Music/Radio / Re: Upcoming Artistes: 5 Ways To Step-up Your Game by 0luwatope(m): 10:18pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
what is special in ftc? |
Family / Re: How To Identify A Typical Naija Mum (just For Laffs) by 0luwatope(m): 10:09pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
lolz |
Travel / Re: Top 10 Lagos Slangs You Must Know As A Resident by 0luwatope(m): 10:01pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
Romance / Re: 7 Tips For Guys Coping With Long Distance Relationships by 0luwatope(m): 9:58pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
i smell fp... Intorvert ba3 don die sha |
Phones / How To Send Free Sms Daily by 0luwatope(m): 2:37pm On Aug 13, 2015 |
The internet has made everything easy and with the internet, you can chat, read blogs, read funny nairaland comments, google search, buy and sell online, check emails e.t.c. You can even send sms(bulk sms) which is a paid service but for those who just need to send little sms, i found a platform that gives limited free sms daily and ive been using it for like 3 days. It does not only comes with free sms, you can also create an official profile page, read user's broadcast message or broadcast yours, receive private message in sms format and so on. Just log on to www.ttprofile.com to get started, remember its free and less i forget, mobile & user friendly |
Webmasters / Re: Mysql Deprecated Problems by 0luwatope(m): 6:46am On Aug 13, 2015 |
Am on a php 5.4 and am still using mysql and am going to rewrite my sql connections sooner or later but today, i wrote a particular pdo query for one cron job like that, i'll recommend you to use PDO, its not that easy to understand but its highly recommended than mysqli |
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