₦airaland Forum

I don’t see why not.

Her simple response to him should be "absolutely not".
Sure doesn't need to explain herself to him afterwards.

Ogalanyaidi:
Hello Nairalanders.

Seriously I feel I've been used and will need your advice. I need to be told the truth.

I am a Nigerian living and studying in Canada. I've been here for 2years. I was introduced to this black American lady, we exchanged calls, texts and emails for about 4 months before I arranged for her to meet me in canada. She relocated from US and we've been living together for 10 months now. Before her arrival, I helped her secure a job while she was still offshore, I got her a car, got a befitting apartment. Yes I paid her flight ticket to Canada paid for her visa fee, international passport because until that time, she was a first time traveler. An action I regret so bad. No doubt she cooks for me, does all domestic chores by herself above all, she is someone of same faith (Christianity)

My thought was that her coming was gonna make things easier for me as we'll both work to build our life's together. I also thought that she being an American might provide me the opportunity of having my American dreams but the reverse is the case. For 8months I paid the rent and bills myself as she was very reluctant to work but could sit for hours playing play station 4. I always reminded her of the need to work so as to help me but she would counter me saying ' I don't need help' because she feels that I make alot from my job. I had bad grade in school last semester because I was skipping classes cus I needed to work twice harder. This has created a breach in my visa condition because I'm only entitled to work 20hours a week during academic sessions.

To gain employment here we need certifications or reasonable years of experience. This has pushed few of us to embellish our resume as we claim years of experience we never had in the industry just to get the job. My fiancee insisted that she will not embellish her resume to land a job as it contravenes her morals. My parents, friends and associates waded in but she stood her ground and this has rendered her financially incapacitated and has pushed the responsibilities on me. Many times we ended up fighting, quarrelling and trust me when I say she hit me so hard and few times she had inflicted injuries on me. Her visa doesn't have job limitations because she's allowed to work unlimited unlike me who is a student. She's been here for 10 months and can't boast of having $1000 while many female students pay their tuition, rent, bills themselves and even send money to their parents back in naija. Each time I talk to her about these ladies she is quick to shut me up. She said they have no choice cus we are from a poor country and would do anything to stay.

Fast-forward to July, her one year working visa would end in October and she needs atleast $3500 to pay for her health insurance and visa application. She is helpless as she can't pay this fee. I have politely asked her to return back to her country but she isn't buying the idea because she claims to love me so much but in reality, she's homeless cus she has been squatting with friends and relatives. Her recent excuse is that she found out that my ex was still calling me and this made her depress.

My understanding is that she is a very lazy lady full of excuses because she wasn't used to hardwork even in her country. She wants comfort and luxury but doesn't want to pay the price. She is now pleading with me to support her so she could pay. During our quarrels, she nags me and insults me that I lied on my resume to secure a job. My fiancee has been feeding and living on the same job she said I lied about my experience.

I'm from a very humble background. For the past 2 months, my parents moved to our yet to be completed building with no toilet. I explained this situation to my fiancee and her mother but the mother adviced that my parents can use plastic buckets.(what an advice). I asked her mother if she uses bucket to poo over there in America.

Now I've asked her to get the money for her visa fee and health insurance herself because I will not contribute anything as i think its unfair for her to keep spending from an income she is opposed to but she tells me that God had forgiven me.

How could I've known that this babe I thought was coming to help me wil become a thorn on my flesh. She wants luxury she doesn't travel via train she would prefer driving the car to the toilet and kitchen if permitted. As at today, she has about 4 driving fines unpaid.

OP lemme guess You go bring one big yansh akata from atlanta go Canada shey?
She kon show you pepper. Issalrite. You have dulled, but hopefully you have finished dulling.

Raskasal:
This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.

I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.

But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.

A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.

I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.

I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.

Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all

You are messing up.
Don't be an enabler of disrespect.

How you deal with women is that you make it clear that as much as you love her and all that, there are some things you just won't tolerate otherwise she would be using her own hand to end the relationship.
She must have that boundary in her mind concerning you and your matters always, both in the good and the bad times.

As a man, you configure the life you want, and tolerate only what you want to.
It is good to be understanding, but If your girlfriend is behaving disrespectfully without logic, it will be because you enabled, and quite possibly, encouraged it to be so.

She is obviously the type that has never had a man train her before. You do so as you would a child...by positive re-inforcement.
Also be prepared at any time for a woman to leave while you are training her to your spec. Simply reach out and get yourself another

Examples of setting boundaries:

- "<Her Name> We can talk to each other, but the moment you feel the need to yell at me, that conversation is over until further notice!" AND STICK TO IT.

- If she is the type that jokingly tells you to shut up, you tell her "Hey babe, I know you thought you were joking there, but don't ever tell me to shut up. I don't use those words when speaking with you and I expect the same courtesy"

- "<Her name>, I've noticed whenever I talk to you about something, you start avoiding me." to which she would likely respond with something weak and pathetic like "I'm not avoiding you". To which you follow with "Cut the shit! Listen to me, I don't do passive aggressive. And if that is how you choose to be, just leave. there's no space for that element in my house." AND LET WHAT HAPPENS HAPPEN. Stop all that begging nonsense.

From experience, when you are tough on girls in the midst of their misbehavior, they generally are the ones to come back later to apologize after having had a long hiatus to think about their behavior and life plans....or not, who cares. The girl that returns back is often mentally re-adjusted for the better, and thats all that matters.

oloyede252:
are you intelligent at all.. he said that during an argument So the man never kicked out the woman from the house...

You should be answering this your question for yourself.
Go and read the opening post again and stop making a complete fool of yourself.

A Primary school dropout can read better than you sadly...

tunize:
Seriously i really want to understand something. The house in question was it a collective effort from the both of you or from you alone?. In any case i'll advice you change the name to Mr and Mrs whatever cos if you ever change it to solely his name trust me u might be shocked.

Why are we still using the word "might" in this case?

HEseesall:
You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

No sensible person will kick his KIDS out of his so called house because he wants to punish his wife.
You tolerate too much.

The way you are doing it's like your conscience is cutting you. Are those his kids?

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

WTF is wrong with you?

Why are dudes in Naija foolish like this?
When you think of women as subhuman, why will they not deal with you when they come to obodo oyinbo?

#3

#2 is too innocent. I like a naughty girl

Bluffly:
Can you see your level of understanding. When you trail discussions with emotions you spill trash. When I say he is poor simply means he can't handle his situation without wanting to prove he is rich. If he makes the wife appears crispy then the truth is he does that in his dealings as well which makes him poor.
E.g difference IBB and Dino Melaye. These two have money irrespective of their gap, stolen or made but the truth remains that IBB never flaunted up and down but Dino flaunts which makes him poor.

If a man wants his wife to be heavily dressed always, he is actually making efforts to prove to the world how well he is spending on his wife or to prove is worth through his wife and this makes him poor irrespective of his bank balance. You don't have to prove what you have because it is a smoke and people will notice i without undue efforts..

So please you fix your brain, literally

Aight sorry. I read that differently i.e the man you should be meeting is poor.

Bluffly:
Your husband to be is actually poor

Oh please fix your brain, literally.
What does being simple have to be with bring poor?

This is why when black people get small money, they will not let anybody hear word again.

Ignore what all these kids are saying.
Any relationship that requires a change in lifestyle from you that YOU DON'T WANT is not a relationship you should be in, no matter "how lucky you should feel to be in it".

People CAN change in a relationship, but it has to be a change that is in alignment with where you want to be. E.g you are not fit but dating a person into fitness, you probably have an interest in being healthy so would easily follow them to change your lifestyle. But in this case, you have no interest in slaying.
Maybe you should be with a more simple guy?


Since "body arts" isn't your thing, you might find it too hard and not worth it trying to compete with all the slay queens who all these things come easy to and who are no doubt eyeing your rich extroverted boyfriend right now. If he likes to go to parties a lot, all it takes after a few drinks is for that girl who meets his visual spec to be giving him dutty wine and he will last like a couple of weeks. Prepare to be cheated on to stupor if you already "don't know if you can cope" and yet choose to continue.

Awon Nkechi tin wo bobo e

If it was any other thing, I would talk about compromise and yada yada, but when it comes to a man's visual taste, that is something we can't even play with EVEN IF WE TRIED. I'm sure you've heard it said several times that men are visual.

Sure He sees something in you that he isn't seeing in these physical girls (loyalty, homeliness, etc), but the fact he is always trying to change your look shows that he too is making a mistake. Sooner or later, one person will have to grow up.

Freak4achild:
You seem really hurt bruh... But you are not in the relationship with me... Therapy indeed

Neither do I want to. All the best

Freak4achild:
Absolute trash. I do all of these and I am not a mf cheat...
As for my phone, I just don't like people invading my privacy. It is my phone.
As for the strong opposition, I get pissed easily and take things too far sometimes. Thank God he understands
And as for those calls, I can answer calls anywhere but whenever I wanna talk to my mom, I love to be alone.... How about that?
People who cheat are just weak and lack discipline and contentment..

At the boldened, you need therapy.
You're actually quite mad.
Nigerians look down on mental health hence why so many mad people walk around the streets in naija.

No proper man will understand that disrespectful nonsense for long. He might be patient now, but every human being has a limit to their patience.
Fix your shiiit and stop being comfortable in the smell or you would have only yourself to blame in the future.

faithy314:
may God 4give u.

Amen! But in this case May God forgive YOU!
You have created a habit of stealing and you think you are not a thief.

Pay for movies and stop stealing them!

faithy314:
Link for movie download pls

Go and fawking pay to watch it and stop looking for free movies to watch.
Thief.

I created a thread about this (my last created thread).

Also I'm just going to leave this here:
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/beauty-hair/beauty-trends/news/a40093/link-between-tattoos-and-self-esteem/

OP I don't think you comprehend.

She is saying she doesn't care if some slave sucks cokc to pay for her bag, that he should do it to pamper her.

She's basically just appealing to the submissive gene in some truly pathetic men who have no value for themselves.
Rest assured, there are [white/asian] guys who will do everything in their power to please a woman if she talks to them like this.
I'm sure one of her "pay-pigs" have already given her the money sef as "tribute".

I know a girl who pays her bills by doing all this dom stuff. The shiiit she does to these submissive guys is crazy.

MissRaine69:
Dating is supposed to be empowering. It’s supposed to make you feel good. It should be about two people, enthusiastically wanting to get to know each other and spend time together.

It’s supposed to make you feel good, add joy and fun to your life.
Am I wrong in thinking talking to/dealing with/dating/getting to know a person is what dating is all about but it seems making an effort that is now a waste of time. It’s all about jumping into the pool with no knowledge or sitting on it ...with the consequences coming later .

Yeah Ain't it fun?

Balyz:
I will vote for Buhari over and over again. You wailing pigs can all rot for all I care

See what your man said:
https://www.nairaland.com/4598505/ffk-reacts-femi-adesina-giving

Ah. Eleyi gidi gan O.

I'm not that grown sorry. Maybe your brother is already pushing 50 and sees this as the best option for him.
Small boys cannot advise elders on what is good for them, so abeg lemme just fem my mouth.

But if he is a young man under 40, what is actually wrong with him?
I think he suffers from low self-esteem issues or from some hidden disability that makes him feel that a woman at that point in her life is a good and equal yoke in terms of trading pros and cons.

Does he feel impotent in some way? If so, there are meds for that.

Read the title. Thanks.

One more year shebi?

The devil knows his time is near

From what I see in this story, the guy is too emotional.
As soon as he got proof of the girl murdering his dad, he had ALL he needed to finish her the proper way.

ezeagu:
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OAkJ63-vlYA/maxresdefault.jpg

This one na Attack on Titan

Skyfornia:
Very possible bro...no doubt about that. But that will stop when we are married

If a girl needs marriage to be faithful, then she won't be after marriage.

agbonkamen:
mumu my pussy does not smell but i hate pussy sucking no reasonable and responsible guy will suck pussy.......ah egbami

Sharrap!
Man never GREE chop your toto before na why you dey talk all that one.

MissRaine69:
The ladies I met will never be bale to be mothers that was more pertinent to them

Well, no luv, they can still be mothers because femsec is really about mutilating the clit so the woman has very little sexual pleasure.
The womb itself is still very functional.

If femsec is a "cultural" thing, They never would have made it about mutilating the womb as all things cultural for women usually boils down to childbirth at the end of all primitive thinking.

This sucks because it means she'll never really be able to have the best orgasms

Bonus reason) You cannot donate blood to family members

As it seems, the list keeps growing.
You cannot be there for your family in this way if it is required of you. Are you willing to be ruled out from being able to donate blood to your loved ones in the case of a situation...over some bloody ink?