₦airaland Forum

Ujujoan: She did/said a lot of things at that point out of anger, which she regrets already! But before then, she never said the MIL should leave. She only complined about her attitude towards her . .

So tell me, have you NEVER lost your cool before in your entire life

I remember when I was younger and my parents tried to discipline my sister, she wanted to leave the house but they locked her up in their room! She went temporarily mad and broke every breakable she could find. From mirrors to louvers to bottles of wine. She lost her cool and they understood it as just that . .

If they were her in-laws, I wonder what they would have said! Probably that she wanted to kill them. SMH!

Yes I have but not until I know that when I do, I am on my right. I dont really care about the OP throwing the food away. Where I have a problem is the guts she said those words by saying her MIL will leave her son's house.

@ the bold text, That's because your parents gave her that hand! The way I grew up is VERY different... and one thing about me, I cant stand people with hurt temper and I dont intend to marry a woman with such traits because even though I am really gentle, or even gentle to a fault sometimes, there are 100% chances that she would not be able to stand my rage when I start mine. That is one bad thing with people like me.

That is why I believe so much in COMMUNICATION. I am no animal that wouldnt listen if my wife speak to me and I will surely weigh the odds. That is just me.

I believe that a child's behaviour is a product of what the parents tolerate. It is as simple as ABC.

My mother is no more and if she were, the best way a woman can respect me is how she would have treated my own mother. I repeat, I dont know about anyone's mother here, but no woman or wife knows what my mother has been through for my sake. That's why what the OP did so much touched me. I cant imagine what my mother went through when at over 9months( I dont want state the exact time frame cos people wouldnt believe), I was not out.

I am sorry if I come across as being too clinging to my mum, it is just because of the roles she played in my life. That is it and therefore, I wouldnt want anyone abusing her just because she is a wife.

Op, you are doing a great job. But could you make it really appealing to read by putting spaces where they belong?

Tiana155: Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

@Uju, do you see the bold text? Even a 10 year old kid know the underlying meaning of that.

Ujujoan: Na wa oh . . . Are you so scared of the man you claim to love so much that you can't even air your greiviances to him

Thank God I married a man who I can still complain to about things that are not right to me, without standing the risk of being kicked out.

How you colcluded that this post is about gra gra is beyond me!

The woman has been tolerating crap from the MIL for soo long. When a bull is pushed to the wall, you know what happenes!

All I'm saying if if MIL has behaved herself, or her hubby had intervened when he should have, things would not have gotten to this stage!

I hope to br married forever, and forevere is a looooong time to spend kissing up to someone who is making me unhappy in my own home. DILs who take crap from their MILs are mostly on their knees every night praying for the poor woman to die so they can have peace of mind.

I prefer we all live in peace than one party making the other uncomfortable, don't you think

While I agree with the notion of airing your views about things that you are uncomfortable with to your husband, IT STILL does not give any woman, any woman at all the right to tell my own mother to leave my house. That where I have a problem with the OP.

I dont know about anyone's mother here, but in this world and time, my mother, without my father's help raised me up. My mother is worth more that a gold or what riches can buy. There somethings I cant say here but each time I come on here it's her I see in the OP's description as being the recipient of that unmerited abuse. Therefore, I cant take such.

babyosisi: Any woman who is married with a living MIL has been where you are or close to it
If they say otherwise,their MIL has never visited them then.
We all make mistakes,refusing to learn from our mistakes is where the problem lies
Allow me to speak to you as a married woman with an MIL,who has been where you are at some point.
I totally understand your frustration,I have been there

First of all any married woman that thinks she can have peace in her husbands house while hating or badmouthing her MIL is in for a rude shock.It will never happen
Next to God,a man's other most revered being is his mother,you cannot change it,that is just the way It is
To an MIL no woman can ever be good enough for her son no matter how you try
It is also perfectly normal for a DIL to clash with her MIL at the first extended meeting ,there cannot be two captains in a ship
With this mindset a wife should prepare herself and act wisely
You cannot claim to love your husband and disrespect a woman who means the world to him
She could be a witch but to her son,she is all in all,you had better respect her ,you don't have to like her but you should respect her
Hopefully she won't be there permanently
Seeing how miserable her visit has made you,I hope your husband does the right thing which is to give you a break and let his mom go somewhere else for the time being.

Now,what is done is done
Your MIL has seen that you are assertive and can hold your own,she will begin to curb her limits but first of all go to her and apologize for any rudeness towards her,she may not accept your apology,she may rain abuses on you but go prepared for anything and leave it there .
You have to " kill her with love"
It is not easy but it can be done
You have to somehow convince your husband to send her home or have her to visit another of her children while you regroup
Men respond Better when you are not confrontational
Some MILs are tough,I am not saying this will be easy but confronting her will only make your husband insist she stays
Your are more likely to convince him to let her go when there is no conflict
Overlook her facial expressions
Some will even sing to you sef,ignore it
Just like when you ignore some silly posters here ,they eventually crawl away,get things to occupy you
Women's group
Old girls association
Alumni group
Do stuff with the kids
She will eventually calm down or want to leave when you stop paying her evil for evil
It works.
After this visit and you apply wisdom,I guarantee you the next time she comes things will be different
Anyone advising you to show your MIL pepper is a fo.ol and wants your marriage to break up,it will never work

God bless you ma'am... I was almost in tears I don't know where you touched in my heart but you have spoken out of undiluted wisdom.

I can't analyze all you have written in connection with what I have to say since I'm currently on phone and not my laptop.

Like I said earlier..."The Kind" of mother is what matter here.

Another thing is that the OP will DEFINITELY do the same for her own son. It's normal.

But telling my own mother to leave my house, is unacceptable. Ha... I just don't know but after what I saw my own elder brother turn into in hands of his wife, I have made it a point of focus that there is NO guarantee that a woman and I will remain under one roof other than her manners not even if children were involved. God help me.

To all the women that have spoken well, may unmerited favour meet you at your point of need. You will live long enough to enjoy your children.

It's a mother we are talking about here. Not a brother or sister or uncle. A woman like the OP who breast fed her son, went through thick and thin with him. Fought toot and nail to see him become a full grown man.

Ideally, mothers are jealous of the fact that, by law of nature, all her labour over the years has been 'stollen' in a space of a year or two. She hopes that a wife would be able to take care of her son as she has done. And I think what the OP should have done was to assure her MIL that "mama, don't worry, your son is in safe hands"

As long as this world is concern, I don't think any woman can sacrifice as much as my mother has done for me. Therefore, I cant tolerate and watch a woman whom I have only spent a few years with rubbish my mother who has been there for me in the last 30+ years in my presence. The OP is really lucky that the husband was cool with her.

God help me because a woman's manner is the MOST VALUABLE asset in my book, not beauty or s3x.

Sapele_Don: @jidegirl please ohh don't reconsider the option of not wanting a boy.

Everyday we learn and as a father of of four beautiful daughters,the oldest being Ten, this thread has just opened my eyes to what a daughter if not well guided by parents will turn out to be.

Its more bothersome since my kids were born and still live in a western world,and with the words of wisdom supposedly coming out from some Westernized Nigerian females here,will need to have a talk with my wife on how to start inculcating those core African cultures and values on my kids before they become fully Americanized.

You can tell a lot about how a person was brought up with the utterances from their mouth and from the uncouth,thuggish and unladylike ways most females here have been replying to this narrative, will tell you the kind of family they come from or how they were raised.

Took time out to look at the the profile of one of the supporters of THE POSTER DID the right thing who was claiming to be married and also a mother.

In 2009 she was single as her posts were those looking for a man to date. So she is still new in the union called marriage(if she is really married) and my advice for her is to continue having this mindset and soon she will find herself without a husband.

Some women can be a blessing not just to husbands but his family too and some can be a curse.

Praying to God to guide my daughters to have the patience,love and tolerance to deal with their future inlaws.

@jidegirl I am still continueing with my plans for the boys lol,and as soon as I come back from this job assignment in the Middle East,we getting it done.

So have you started yours?or is the THING I don't want mention still frozen?

Thank you sir...may God bless your marriage even more.

caseless: 2sexy, nice thread!

Thanks bro... I no fit come romance section again oo. Na him make me sofli dey hia. This month will make it 4 years since she left this world.

Ujujoan: I understand that it is unhealthy, but people are who they are. It takes encouragement for people to come out of their shells to be able to be open about their feeling . . . Most people don’t get such encouragement.

I can’t talk back at my MIL because I wasn’t brought up to confront elders, especially people as old as my parents. But I can talk to my husband. I can tell him to handle his business and save me the trouble of reacting in the same unhealthy way the poster did!

cool... in her comment, I never read where she said she ever talked about it to her husband, did you?

surveyProf: Dont mind him, he is demanding 5k to be paid into his account in his "thread", b4 he can even release a website information for importing used BB phones, I pity those who will be calling him for assistance!!!

if I tell you what that guy did to me, you will marvel. I wonder why people like to act smart. I would have typed it here but my fingers are paining me. Maybe tomorrow I will do that.

chemashie: I will still need your domain biz one of this days. keep it up1

Bros..if you want it, no wahala. BUt it is not a consistent thing but with hard work, you can get there. What I just love about it is the profit margin, something even the stock market can never give.

If not that the one I am about to sell to someone who is SOOOOOO OLD school, I would have cashed the money by now. The man matter don tire me sef, but you know, the money is good. I bought the name $2.17 and even if i sold at $100 sef you can imagine the profit made. But I know it will definitely be higher than when we finalize the whole thing.

Just waiting for their reply. Such a pain in the a55. I have been pursuing the OLD baba since 9th of november... we will get there. I am just praying that he does not ruing my xmas import program. Else, I wont be able to tap into this opportunity because during a period like this, people stop buying domains.

Idowuogbo: *pukes* ewwww....

Yuck! bros, Abeg I no want mucus ooo.

Ujujoan: I'm just going to assume you are NOT married!

But when you do get married, I hope you won't sit back and let your mother dish out rubbish to your wife in her own house.

I don't think the mum cooking for her son is the main issue her. If you read her post very well, you'll understand!

Yes... I did. I am not married and knowing the kind of woman my mother was while still alive, she is very protective of her children and not after what a woman did to her first son. Mba..

My pain is the fact that she had the guts to ask her mother-in-law to leave her son's house. I am not married and even if I were, I wont take that from any woman. You know why? I dont think my wife can sacrifice as much as my mother has ever done for me... Till date, the thought of her not living longer enough to to eat the fruit of her labour still gives me sleepless night sometimes.

What I am trying to say is this, it depends on 'what kind' of mother is involved in this scenarios because I dont know about your own mother. BUT if it is MY KIND of mother, the woman that raised me from childhood, fought death so that I may live, starve so that I may eat, refused to buy clothes so that I dont go hungry at school even when her friends where buying then, I wont take such from any woman. NA slap be the first thing.

Another thing which I am very sure of is that I respect my elders, no matter what and I know I will not ever tell a mother to leave my house.

Ha... that is that is the height of disrespect I can not tolerate.

ESULAALU: SHET UP FOR DIA!

bros.. i no wan derail again abeg

amygreat24: Babe dis guy is in Serious pain oooooo!! I pray God hears him fast!!!

remind God... has given every damn thing I need not pained one bit...

But she too dey run her hand dey type derogatory remarks about one person looks.

Menh... I got all I want in one body.

Idowuogbo: exremely serious o... he wants to tell me he is broke ba? hahahahahahaha! nne, tell am to remind God na

Idowu... lol. But me know say you know fine as you claim to be... I know that one for sure.

Idowuogbo: noted...but! ur epistle shows u are pained sha!

Nope... But seriously, me na fine boy in my own world... dont need you to do that for me.

No mind me....na game things. ATTENTION seek.. paradise

Idowuogbo: hahahahahahahahahha! awwww.. he is pained o!

pain me? no nah... I just let you know say I fit even buy you with money. Na your type open OBO because he see millions for my friend account... Not kidding. Nothing woman no go do because of money . She be staff of one the top naija bank and see the PAYEE as Total. Her head wan tear. Make I no even go into details not to derail jare.

freecocoa: -For her unconditional love.
-Her great sense of humor, you must find hilarity in whatever she does\say, I know how hard we fought not to laugh while she was scolding us, she was just too funny.
-Her exceptional culinary skill.
And not forgetting her legendary left back hand slap, I'm sure my two older siblings will never forget this even if their memories get formatted .

lol . Your mum na table tennis player?

fapcrook: Her love and generosity to neighbours

same as my mum! but she is no more!

kokoye: She will be remembered for being what every child would ask for.

yeah...same as my mum...

One person whom I would like to meet is IdowuOGBO.

Not because I there is anything special about her.., NO, co there is non.

I would want to make her and her cohort know that she isn't pretty.

And that the 2sexy she often talk about as if she is any better than him can get a much more cleaner and classy chick which would send shivers down her spines because at that point she would realize she isnt pretty or beautiful but just like the everyday wannabe chick I see everyday.

I would want her and her cohort to know that 2sexy has what it take to be really sex if he was SO crazy about BEING sexy. If he wanted a 6 pack abs, he has got the perfect body structure to build what will make girls go crazy( not hyping) and would even pass for a model if he was so mad about being sexy because he got the height.


But 2sexy knows that in this world and life, there is more to life than being sexy and he does not live his life to impress anyone...

k2039: For her unconditional love, for always believing in me.

yes o.

sheweezy: I think before it got to this stage, she must have had a lot to put up with. Some mil can behave like monsters and act as if the wife is just a baby mama, loyal to their son and sometimes the grandchildren alone making the wife feel unwelcomed and all. I think its the husband who didn't do the right thing, he should have kept everybody in their place. The mil cooking for the house shouldn't be a big deal bt it should be when she cooks for only the son or when she keeps saying negative things when the wife cooks. Most men don't know how to balance mother and wife. Your mother cannot perform the role of your wife bt your wife can perform the role of your mother. Let your dad love his wife and you also love your wife and respect her. If you place your wife well before your mother, a sane woman will respect her mil and welcome her anytime as long as she's no TROUBLE

agreed at the bolded... but I don't see where she mentioned ever discussing this with the husband. Did you see it? May be my eyes are deceiving me. so, it is her fault!


Hmmm eh ehe... I just dey laugh.

Ujujoan: I'm sorry for all the SAINTS on this thread oh . . . so nobody has ever done anything rash out of anger. At least she has enough sense to know what she did was wrong and I think all she needs to do is apologize.

The MIL herself is being unfair, condemning how a woman runs her own house. Not advising with soncern, but complaining and condemning. She should also apologize and behave herself if she wants to keep staying.

I don't think OP will be this upset about her MIL's presence if the woman behaved with consideration for her DIL.

I agree with you... but seriously, I am speaking based on my kind of person. The two greatest women in my life are my mother and my elder sister. I love this women with every breath in me. I am sorry. I cant take such from my wife reasons being that I CANT do same to her own mother and I dont expect her to do same to mine. I CANT do such to my own mother and dont expect her to do same.

Another thing is that women are just too wickedly jealous of themselves. WHY? Yes it is her son. The fact that I am married to my wife does not stop me from eating her meals.

I have also noticed that if a lady is standing and another walked passed her, there is always this gaze they give the other person. They will look at the other lady walking by from head to toe. WHY? I still dont know.

She is a woman and will DEFINITELY do the same when it gets to her turn. That one na sure.

But for me, what I DONT do to my own mother or elder sister, I wont expect my wife to do, no matter what. That is just me.

Sapele_Don: Wow.

Honestly, woke up my wife to come read this article.

Thought I had read everything that
Could be read here but this takes the prize.

@op God has given you a good husband,as a lot of women after throwing this tantrum,in total belittling and insults to not just the mother inlaw and husband would not only be husbandless in a jiffy but might not even sleep in that house that night or maybe forever.

Sad to say but there is an Urhobo proverb(Ashawo wey go husband house na holiday she dey because sooner or later she go continue)so goes this character you just displayed,as something tells me even when it is settled there is a probabibility of you not just doing it to his mother again, but other members of his family.

We are talking of his MOTHER here.

Not his step mom but his biological mother,this is indeed very sad.

Mothers especially in the African context have been known to overstay their visits,and if you as the wife becomes uncomfortable with her,then have a private discussion with your husband.

Marriage is tolerance. Marriage is patience.Marriage is endurance, Marriage is about compromises, but most importantly marriage is about sacrifices.

Let's assume you came back from work stressed up, does it justify your letting go of your pent up anger at her?telling her to LEAVE YOUR HOME in the night?YOUR HOME?thought you and a husband lived there together?

If you have worked long enough in this life then you should REALIZE you don't bring your work,or its accompanying stress with you home.

A home is a place of rest.

Whatever happens at your work place should have remained there.

Let's say if all the Policemen who engage Armed robbers in a shootout everyday,and stare death straight in the eyes decides to bring their STRESS homes,what do you think will happen to their families?but they still maintain a semblance of sanity.

Your job is not as stressful as theirs.

Bad news here is that no amount of apology can change the way things are now.

Son and mom might pay a LIP SERVICE that they have accepted your apology but trying to kick your mother inlaw out confrontational,is an insult that will run deep in any respectable family.

What would you do if you hear that your brothers wife insulted your mother this way?

Every man deserves a wife befitting him and I wish your husband luck.

One of the very rare moments I am actually upset about reading anything online,so will just go back to bed.

God bless you! I got angered after reading it and immediately, my own mother came into the picture.

Ah no no... I cherish my mother so much and if I had been in that state, as you have said she probably wont sleep in that house that night. But knowing the kind of mother I had while she was alive, I can see her pleading on the behalf of the same daughter In Law after a few days. Yup, my mother can do that without the daughter in laws intervention.

I repeat, I wont take such from any woman... NOT even if she had 10 children for me.

Tiana155: Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

OP, I know I am not married yet o o o. But seriously, you were tooooo forward. Now if they were to judge, what will you hold against you MIL? Would you confidently tell the elders that it was her look that offended you?

You women are just filled jealousy for each other and I am yet to understand why, honestly. The poor woman loves her son and you do the same when it gets to your turn.

CAUTION! No woman, not even my wife dare talk to my mother any how... I cant imagine my wife telling a woman that means the world to me to leave my house...Na it aint gonna happen. She will regret ever saying such. It is best she knows how to deal with issues and the best way for me is communication.

Honestly lady, I wont take what you did here from my wife because my mama suffer for me no be small. Even though she is no more, the next person whom I would want my wife to give that same respect is my elder sister.... I cant even imagine my wife yelling at my own mother, something I have never done.

No it wont happen... Not in this world. I wont joke with such issue. If I dont yell at my mother or my own elder sister who also sacrifice a lot to see me go through school, I dont expect my wife to raise her eye brows.

This does not me I wont love her, I just cant take it.

Hello Family

This is my first post here...

What will you remember your mother for?

I will remember her for sending me pot soup and stew all the way from Benin City to Effurun Delta State.

For her undying love for her children... back then even at age 20+ she still wants to buy me cloths lol.

Nah that woman pampered me o.

I would remember her for her delicious meals... Wifey, no vex oo, my mamma never cooked potty so you just got to learn how to do cooking to my taste.

I would remember her for her valour,courage. she was an Amazon. She started the construction of Teslim Balogun Stadium as the major supplier of building materials with Transproject( The company that won the contract at that time, late 80s to ealry 90s). She was hardly at home at that time. No mind Nigerian government and abandoned projects.

I will remember her for her sacrifices... she sold her cloths for my sake and even refused to buy any for herself so that he children could have something, fought death so I could live...

This are just some that I can remember...



Our mothers are unsong heroines, Amazons. Many battles they fought for our sake,some they won and some they lost, many of which they never told us. They should be remembered for something.

What will you remember your mama for? let's hear it!

wisemanj: el met
nice speech

yup he is great!

dwizy: Hi there @De matteo,
You ɑ̤̥̈̊я̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ welcome back. Honestly you ɑ̤̥̈̊я̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ a good guy. Bur dav8id is hijacking [/b]this whole thing from you, mayb bcus U̶̲̥̅̊ ɑ̤̥̈̊я̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ not always around hia. Didn't this guy check wat's been happening in the trend before he came in? I think this is not the best trend for him to sell.

TOGETHER LETS PUSH HIM OUT back to the multiple trends he is operating on this mini import biz already. This guy is gat like 4 trends already, why does he want this?

[b]"Dav8id, Ūя̲̅ days ɑ̤̥̈̊я̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ numbered in here"

Bros, point of correction... it is thread and not trend. You are right about the Dav8id... He has got some stuff under his sleeve.

My only advise to him is, be careful and respect yourself before you drag that name to the mud. I still remember you told me you sold a domain name whereas you NEVER did( I iinvestigated it, bro). I laughed when I got your email bro, Stop trying to be smart and you claim to have someone who wants to buy my doamin name , who probably NEVER existed. Your pranks was really childish. Trying to be smart is a typical traits of most Naija guys but they never last in Business. I am selling another domain name soon. and come 2013, every money made from domaining will be channeled into importation.

I want to say a [size=30pt]BIG THANK YOU[/size] to el Matteo...

Bro, great work. Your aproblem isn't a big one, marketing and advertising and maybe location.

So, go out there and market ur business to the environs. Let them know you exist. Even the world greatest product will fail if no one knows about it. Don't assume that they will know and automatically find you. I think that is what you are doing.

It's normal for a non entrepreneur though. The most important trait in all your story is COURAGE! That's what separates u from d lot. That fearless spirit.