₦airaland Forum

moca:
Good of u to open up.
Thanks.

I'm a bit busy now.
Will give u tips on how to get a babe who will love u as per whom u are not ur pocket.
Believe me,such babes r everywhere.

Hha. OK o am waiting.
Obowunmi come and hear o.
This might be interesting.

How the HELL did this thread turn into 'you' re flaunting your wealth thread? ' . Abeg make una go siddon jo.
You guys act as if you are not living in the real world. So he should wear rags and go and visit his girlfriend and beg for money cos he is trying to for humble. Personal experience : IT DOES NOT WORK. A woman wants to know you can take care of her needs. The longer you keep your wealth away from her the bigger your chances of being friendzoned at best or completely ignored at worst. And when you r friendzoned even when you expose your wealth they never see you as serious boyfriend again.

. The thing tire person jo.

Lol@op
I see why you replied the way you did on the other thread.



Pls eh, what actually does your moniker mean?

moca:
Okay o.

But @op, u prefer arranged marriage?

Let me open up a little bit here.
I've been in several relationships where I thought I was in love with the person and she loved me as well. But I usually end up discovering they are after me for the financial security they will get. Not love. They are usually in it for what I can do for them, what I can provide. And the moment I withdraw such favours their eyes start to wander.
I'm not interested in all the pretence.
I'd rather have a woman I'm readily compatible with, someone from a good family who knows what it is to be and act like a lady. Someone who won't fall instantly in love with me cos I came to pick her in a jeep. All those things are fleeting and won't last. I'd rather have a woman who respects me for me and has all the features I want in terms of a good wife and mother. I don't need to be madly in love with her, just know that she has all the good features I need.
The 'head over heels in love' thing can come after.

obowunmi:

Just be with a human being who forgives. If you marry someone that doesn't forgive you are done for .

Words of wisdom.

pickabeau1:
I agree love is mostly overrated
But i m not sure arranged marriage is the solution

The issue is the lack of understanding about how to keep a marriage n the collapse of mediating traditional institutions

We are saying almost the same thing.
. People treat marriage like it's a magical Union. Boy meets girl, both 'fall in love' and magically live happily ever after. No one talks about the obstacles they might come across or the misunderstandings or the disappointments. If you ask too much they will tell you 'love conquers all'. Nonsense.

Marriage should not be based on love but on mutual agreement and understanding. The love and respect will develop naturally afterwards.

obowunmi:
When it comes to marriage, put God first. So many devils parading as human beings.

What people don't realize is that marriage is and has always been a SPIRITUAL INSTITUTION. You cannot use a flimsy feeling like youthful love to bind two couples together. A marriage without a spiritual foundation is bound to fall like a stack of cards once the moment anu little physical obstacle comes it's way.

Vickybee:
You forgot to type that our grandfather didn't claim it's a "man world" like the chauvinistic men of these days do.
A married man caught cheating would be disgraced likewise a married woman. No gender is spared...

It's high time what is sauce for the goose becomes sauce for the gander.

My piece!

The phrase 'it's a man' s world' came from the white people and is alien to our culture. You are quite right when you say both sexes were equally(or almost equally) punished those days.

YourCoffin:
Marriage is dying....

...Rather than buy a nice coffin and bury her in it, people chose to keep on applying unnecessary CPR on the bitch...

...the bitch kept on dying and dying and dying...

Please allow her to die na. She has aged gracefully. Allow her to die in peace and let us live in peace too...

Stop the effing resuscitations and write her a moving epitaph instead...

I want to believe that you are a product of marriage. Your parents might never have had the bravery to bring you into this world is not for the assurance of this sacred institution(marriage). Have a little respect.

lilmax:
Back then when love exist

Modern couples don't know the meaning of true love. Love suffers ALL things, endures ALL things etc. What couples have nowadays is a very selfish feeling of entitlement. Real love does not exist in such cases.

afolag:
suffering in silence, they don't publicise there problem. Wife or husband run back home to complain but the parents tell him/her to live with it.

Not true pls. This is an abnormality. The usual thing is for the parents to hold a family meeting and call the offending party to order.

edwife:
Yea maybe favorable for men but not for women...

Women had no say when or how they will get married,they didn't even see their suppose spouses until wedding day

And now that you have a say are things better?

wakacome:
6.Forcing their children into marriage...

'Arranged' marriages were better than modern marriages
https://www.nairaland.com/2236966/arranged-marriages-better-than-modern#32343579

OK let's face it. Modern marriages seem to be breaking down left right and center. All this "marrying the love of your life" etc seems to have been over-rated. a few days ago i might have been ready to stick my neck out in defense of modern marriages but right now I am having a rethink.

We all know that our parents and grandparents marriages lasted much longer than what we see nowadays. we try to attribute it to lack of 'open-eye' by the women or unavailability of statistics but I don't believe any of that. I firmly believe our grandparents marriages lasted longer because they knew what marriage was about and had many advisers in the form of extended, older and well experienced family members to go to for help in any grey area.

The white man is good at giving a dog a bad name to hang it. They show statistics and stories and movies of how arranged marriages were so wrong and how people ended up miserable not marrying 'their one true love', they show pictures of arranged marriages looking like two unwilling people that were forced together. I don't believe all that propaganda either. Arranged marriages were better than what we have now and i'll tell you why.

1. Your parents made sure you were mature enough to get married. its not like nowadays when we see kids marrying and breaking up for the littlest of things. in those days parents and in fact the community assessed the husband-to-be to be sure he had matured physically and more especially mentally before picking a wife for him. The same went for the woman.
(****please note this post does not include/condone child marriages that take place in the north and in certain religions. those guys are on their own)

2. Your parents made sure you were ready financially for the marriage. In my place, the man would be given a piece of land to till and also a small hut to take care of his future family before considering marriage. So there was shelter and sustenance prepared already for you and your new wife.

3. Your parents did a thorough interview and investigating of the proposed in-laws before even considering approaching them. this included the type of family, whether they were hot-tempered, whether the girl could cook, whether they were known for fighting their spouses, whether the men beat their women, whether there was mental illness, convulsions, barrenness, courtesy, industriousness, etc. by the time they were through most times the family going to pick a bride or accept a groom knew what they were going in for.

4. Both marriage partners had clearly defined rules of what their duties were in the house. There was no crossing of boundaries and each of the partners knew what they were expected to do t make the marriage work, if they failed in their responsibilities for any reason, they could easily be reported to the immediate or extended family.

5. Last but not the least, they were usually not blinded by love not to see each others bad sides. Falling in love is sweet and all, but it really makes you not to see the fault in your partner until it is too late. IN arranged marriages the love came afterwards. and it was a more matured and tolerant kind of love and not the mushroom love we see nowadays that can barely stand the pressures of everyday misunderstandings.

I think it is high time we revived the practice of Arranged marriages in our society.

izzyboy10:
Cause of the environment empowers females very well than here.

Is empowerment equivalent to marriage break-up/divorce?

I just got off the phone with a cousin. This guy currently lives abroad. About 7 years ago he met and proposed marriage to 'the love of his life', a young promising graduate. despite the fact that his parents vehemently refused his marriage to this girl on the basis that they really didnt know her or her family he went ahead and did a secret court marriage so he and his 'true love' could be together. Two months later she was pregnant and the parents had no choice but to agree to a traditional marriage. He then went ahead to take her abroad and provide her with a foreign degree and a decent job.
All of a sudden she changed. She started asking him why she should contribute to the upkeep of the house, why she shouldn't be allowed to stay out late, what right did he have to stop her from wearing the kind of clothes she wanted amongst other things. He found himself picking his words carefully whenever he talked to her so as to be misconstrued as being rude. To cut a long story short they broke up a few weeks ago and the kids have been sent back to naija to live with the grandparents while both have gone their separate ways.

What baffles me is that i interacted with this lady while she was in the country and honestly she didn't seem like the troublemaker type at all. very friendly and polite, generous up to a fault. Between the time they dated and the time they got married before going abroad they were together for four years and during that time we never heard a single complaint. even my cousin attests to the fact that there was no trouble until they left the country.

the painful thing now is that his parents are laughing at him. like they warned him about knowing the girl and her family first but he was forming 'modern man'.

i have found this trait to occur a lot among some other marriages. Why do some ladies behave like this?

@op
truly you are a classy lady!
[img]http://media./media/10xZU9b7JBx14s/giphy.gif[/img]

Rainess:
I am not African -_-

Cool chic.
Lovely eyes.

Some monikers visibly absent in this thread

germainediva:
With d way thins are going Nigerian marriage may never regain its dignity

How are things going? Don't use nairaland complaint center a.k.a family section as your yardstick, a lot of marriages are doing very well as a matter of fact.

........as I write ds I weep in my heart 4 marriages of these days...

why? did you hear a sad story? was someone you know affected? please share.

.and somehow I blame it on our soceity.....nobody cautions an adultreous man......

Awwww, come on, just this morning I was reading a thread where everyone was joyously bashing the male for kissing another woman. They would have thrown a tire round his neck and burnt him alive if they had the chance! Everyday someone goes beyond 'cautioning' and downright e-murders the adulterous male...

what happened t d vows dey took b4 god to remain faithful until death...

The wedding day is filled with such promise and purpose. Celebrations abound and you can almost pluck the joy from the air (for the female anyway, most times the male is sweating from thinking of the amount of money he has spent and how he will recover...but that is another story)
But then the wedding day is over. Husband and wife don see each other finish. Then the real reasons why they married each other will come out. woe betide the partner who actually married for love; he/she will be the worst hit. I make bold to say most times it is the male that marries for love. the female marries most times for security and comfort. Hence you hardly see a lady marrying someone lower than her.
Now all the marketing is over. the man has been caught, the deed has been done. now the lady shows her true colours. She starts to display her feminist views. Small arguments of who washes the dishes or clothes or who greets who and how in the morning start to crop up. these are things that didn't bring arguments during the courtship/advertisment stage.
Men are like children. They can be very loyal as long as they feel they are not being cheated. but the moment they are cheated on they rebel. by cheating i mean:
1. Not as much sex as before. the number one marriage killer.
2. Quiet and submissive girlfriend metamorphs to talkative, nagging and feminist wife. number two marriage killer.
3. The disappearance of makeup and sexy outfits from his wife. Now she lets her chin hair grow and farts in his presence. He wonders where the beautiful woman he married went. Some ladies cut their hair short on the first year of marriage. What's that about? Did someone die? Which man wants to live with carl lewis?
4. Ignoring the man as soon as she gives birth to her first child. she tells him to 'think of the child first and be a man!".

NOw it may seem like I am putting all the responsibility on the woman, honestly I'm trying to balance both sides here. Remember most men really marry you for your looks, forget the blah blah of 'she must be intelligent, etc'. Its your looks that attracted him and your looks that will keep him the longest. Ignore this simple fact and later come and cry about how he found another less deserving woman outside. "what does she have that i didnt give him?" you whimper. MOst men are pulled out from the confines of thier homes because of the lust of the eyes. You don't hear a man saying he went after another woman 'because of her intelligence'(except in Uche Jumbo movies)

So anyway, a woman that loves her husband will consider his feelings first and kindly ask him before doing anything like cutting her hair bololo. If he complains of the reduced frequency of sex a loving woman will apologize for making him suffer and lovingly seek for a compromise, not make light of the matter and insist that her body is her right and she can do with it anything she damn well pleases and yell at him that he is a beast and sex is not food.
This goes for the other examples as well. The man who is shown love will most times respond in a loving manner. but the one who is made to feel like he needs a lawyer before he can ask for sex or food will retaliate.

So the man feels cheated and so he retaliates. if he is not getting the joy from home he starts to seek it elsewhere. if he is the workaholic he goes to work more. if he is the womanizer he finds his joy with other women outside, if he is neither and doesn't know where to channel his energy he strikes out at his wife and becomes a wife-beater. If he is the persevering type he sits there and takes it without complaint but becomes cold, distant and unfeeling towards his wife.

ALL THESE ARE PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES AND ARE EASIER SEEN AND JUDGED BY THE OUTSIDE WORLD THAN THE INVISIBLE BUT ERRONEOUS ACTIVITIES OF THE STILL FAITHFUL WIFE. Because you see, a faithful wife is not necessarily a good wife.

So he breaks his vows and it hits the newsstands. And the bashing begins. 'All men are beasts', 'A real man will have self control,' 'Once a cheat, always a cheat'.

Who did he cheat with and why?

"It doesnt matter, he would have cheated anyway, once a cheat always a cheat.:"
"Our men are killing our marriages"

Of course this tale can go the other way round in which a perfectly sane woman goes ahead to marry an irresponsible drunkard either cos she is desperate to answer Mrs or she feels her biological clock is ticking away. In that case neither of them married for love. You can imagine the aftermath.

its so pathetic and becos d society closed its eyes to it

No it didnt.

women v follow suit(tho not rite)

it only looks that way cos of social media and increased information. Women have always followed suit. who do those cheating men cheat with? young boys?
However, I will agree that in recent times, more married women have entered the cheating game. I blame it partly on the social media and increased male-female interactions with people you hardly know. a woman is easily moved by words and all she has to do is feel this guy chatting her up secretly on bb is better than her hubby and she is ready to take the bait. bb boy sets up a clandestine arrangement which is also made easier with whatsapping, pinging, 2going, facebooking etc, cheating on your spouse has never been so easy. All you need to do is collect her digits

but how do I blame a woman who's husband does not satisfy in bed yet have d strength t chase oda women,a man who hardly drops feeding money yet v enof t pay 4 hotel rooms etc,a man who constantly kips late nite leaving d wife lonely and vulnerable while he's in d company of anoda,a man who constanly abuse his wife both emotionally and physically but know how to pet oda women,I can go on and on.....

Why would the same man treat both women so differently? Why be a tyson to one and a romeo to the other?

what r our religious leaders teaching dem every friday and sunday.....

most of the time? how to get rich quick. Okay, that may not be fair on our pastorfolk, lord forgive me.

what is happening....its scary t me.........where r we headed to.....

End Time Things . Seriously

...a lot of women now cheat, it is pitiable(very shameful)

I'm glad you feel this way There is still some morals in you.

and I blame it on d men(tho dere r exceptional cases...some r just born t cheat)

I agree. Men are in charge of the human race, so if anything goes wrong they should be blamed. Men are the ones that have allowed this go as far as it has gone and men are the ones that should and will make it right again.

most of these women were driven into d arm of anoda.......men pls wake up..you can't eat ur cake n have it.we even now joke wt d word "side chick" as if its a normal way of life.......god is watching us

"side chick" is just a new term for an old pastime. The position of "mistress" has been in the history of mankind since the beginning of time. The truth is, as long as there is a demand for such a woman, they will continue to exist.

Take heart, all is not lost. Learn from what you have read online and seen in real life, but don't become paranoid. Don't become a man-hater. Because you tend to attract what you think about the most. If you view every man as a 'beast' there is every tendency you will see the beast in him , no matter how hard he tries to control it.

pickabeau1:
MizMyColi.. counselor - tries to see the best in everyone

Tallesty1 - Barrister: God help you if he has case against you

crackhaus: doctor: very cool and calm under 'harridanic' pressure

Timbuktou- Spartan: slaying errorfull posters

5minsmadness: Rev Father: experienced counselor

I don't know many romancelanders

But I dont understand
why does this revered father thing follow me everywhere
with all my naughtiness on nairaland?
Its not fair

omexy4real:
There are certain characters shown by some men that depicts irresponsibility. these acts or rather attitudes has left many homes,friendship shattered because its aftermath effects are usually disasterous. this article will be pick-pointing some signs that shows irresponsibility in men. these points are not to judge but to expose the wrongs which makes a man irresponsible. these things are better talked about than overlooked
.
1. Discussing Family issues in Public:

This is a bad habit. An argument is easier solved when it is still within the confines of the family unit.

2. Arguing or Nagging When a Responsibility Arises:

Some men display this act when their wives or children talk to them about a need in the home. the truth is whether you have the capacity to do it or not, just listen and never argue because it will mean you do not desire to take up any responsibility that pertains the home.showing care is paramount.

It can be very irritating when you are being called upon all the time to provide every little thing. It takes a lot of discipline not to nag. It's still a bad habit though and should be discouraged.

3. Starving The Home Of Your Time:

The greatest gift one can ever give his loved ones is time. when you share the time you have with your family, trust and love will grow but the absence of time sharing gives room for suspicion and hate which will lead to fightS and quarrels most times.

Pls we are not oyibo, the greatest gift you can give your family is financial security. If it takes your time don't worry. Your family will forgive you when you send them to dubai for shopping.

4. Having More Love For The Outside Than The Home:

When you cherish your friends ,work or outside events than your home, you'll gradually shift your love for the home to the outside world. this singular act alone demolishes the foundation of your home.
Watch out for the things that steals your heart away from your beloved home.

Some men have been in the party circle for so long it becomes a habit to break even when they get married.

However...

Some women can make the house so unbearable that the man's only source of comfort is outside the home.

5. Transferring Aggression On Your Family Member:

Sometimes you may be annoyed or offended at work or something. these events are normal but what becomes abnormal or wrong is when you get home and shift the aggression on your innocent loved ones. this will give room for more anger which may give birth to hatred and resentments.

True. You should not bring your temper home with you. Leave it outside or better yet give it to the person who provoked it and leave it there. Bringing your hot temper home to the family doesn't only make your family miserable, it sends out the message that you are not emotionally capable of containing yourself. This in itself is a huge sign of immaturity.

The above signs are better taken note of than ignored. some men are guilty of the above acts but that doesn't mean they are bad cause sometimes they may not know that it is that serious in terms of its effects on their homes. all men can be loving and caring if they put their heart to it.

good point.

Yomieluv:
[s]Loving friends more than the family broke my brother's marriage..

He would be at home,yet be chatting with his numerous babes outside,he keeps late niteout,he drinks alcohol like a drowning fish.

He does opposite of a married man,the marriage only lasted 3years,the rest is history[/s]..

I can't just allow my marriage to crash,I pray God gives me a very good wife,who understands,and values the essence of marriage..

[s]Op,nice point.

More reason I love Nairaland[/s].

Amen.

SirDorianGray:
Good points..we guys basically lack self control and respect for women...Sad

Speak for yourself bro.

Everything has already been said I guess.
Being first-born means you are the first person everybody within and outside the family looks upon when things are going haywire. In my case I was lucky to avoid all the hassles of lookin after my younger siblings in a financial capacity as my parents made sure we were well taken care of right up to university level. My burden has come more from social pressures, keeping up the family image, protecting my younger ones from violent people in school and the like. Making sure they have good accommodation after school and stuff like that.
Also Everyone of my dad's friends look up to me cos they expect me to follow the footsteps of my dad (he was a doctor) but I have struggled to follow a different path and I am not regretting it.
Truth is the man was a mean dungeon master and most of us are far off from him but now he is in his old years he is looking for how to come close to us, the rest of my siblings made sure they settled far from him but being the senior son and knowing one day I'll be called by the elders to give account of my dad, I decided to settle close by. I have to take care of him cos he's my dad though he messed up so much in different areas. The elders be like 'we can pardon your younger ones if they abandon this man but we can't pardon you cos you are the first-born.' Then they start bringing up all this traditional bullsh1t and I want to tell them to go to hell.

But whatever he's done he's my dad and I have to take care of him. The others are allowed to go scott free but I have to take care of the dungeon-master. I guess my burden is more emotional/social than financial, at least for now.

benuejosh:
Has never been so with me, my Dad wanted me to be a doctor made all efforts of me accepting the course i refused and i did Economics. he said Oya do ICAN, for where that one ma i no gree. for my younger ones he pays for their school fees and do things he should do as a father, the only time i come in is when my younger ones come to me that they need LITTLE money as per elder bro na. and our last born each time i go out with her i dare not pass near or go with her to a supermarket. well maybe for now as my both parents are still living they are taken care of the family issue till when they are no more then i can take charge. am living my own dreams for now.

Stubborn child

Lateralmaths:
like seriously

Na this answer you dey find

greenhope:
My ex is into beauty and cosmetics she has been friendly with I and my wife to be.

Is it ok for her to be make up artist on wedding day?

Go ahead if you don't mind your wife-to-be looking like this on her special day

Beamborla:
Eleyi gidi gan

Pls, calm him down first..
Beating or shouting wouldn't make her realize her mistake.
She needs a very sound and matured talking to

Seriously?
This one don pass "sound and mature talking to"
She needs serious beating.
The" sound and mature talking to" can come after.

fem29:
Because she is not washing his clothes does not mean he is washing her pant and bra , for Gods sake, you are being facetious. Early in any relationship, you will not find me washing ANY man clothes, I did take my hubby's (then boyfriends) Whites home to wash once but that was because he had bad water where he lived in lekki. The only way a woman should be washing your clothes by hand is if you are paying all her expenses then she is kinda like your slave.

I have no probs with washing my hubby's clothes with a washing machine, as it's just as well adding his to mine when I'm doing a load, as long as he has put it in the laundry basket. If it's by hand, yes if Im a full time housewife( God forbid)

I can assure you, it wasn't my intention to be frivolous. I was simply trying to elucidate on the spectrum of mannerisms he could exhibit vis a vis his proclivity to the subject matter.

[size=18pt]K. O!
[/size][size=15pt]GAME OVER![/size]

fem29:
Because she is not washing his clothes does not mean he is washing her pant and bra , for Gods sake, you are being facetious. Early in any relationship, you will not find me washing ANY man clothes, I did take my hubby's (then boyfriends) Whites home to wash once but that was because he had bad water where he lived in lekki. The only way a woman should be washing your clothes by hand is if you are paying all her expenses then she is kinda like your slave.

I have no probs with washing my hubby's clothes with a washing machine, as it's just as well adding his to mine when I'm doing a load, as long as he has put it in the laundry basket. If it's by hand, yes if Im a full time housewife( God forbid)

[size=17pt]Ooooooooohhhhhhh!
Who dey quote me this election tyme?? ORUBEBE DEY WORRI YOU? [/size]