₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
OP comes and says women are disposable (like tissue or styrofoam) and he's being hailed as wise and true.

Most of you guys on this forum have woman issues. I hope y'all find healing.

tobechi74:
Before you get married,visit the brides family.

look at the mother to see what the GF will end up being. That’s true enough, but look at the father as well. If he appears worn down and henpecked then take a good look at your own future .

Yadoctora:
perception
upbringing
education
self-worth
environment

These play roles. These matter when chooaing a spouse and when raiaing Children.

cococandy:
But when it is done in order to attack posters who won't recognize you're the one especially when it is unwarranted (bearing no relevance to the thread under discussion) then it is cowardice.

Well maybe I'll do 'strawberrysmoothie' next

#I'm a foodie

For now and many years to come,I am coconutcandy. anyone who has anything to say to me should man up and say it.

cococandy:
If I wanted an alternate moniker, I'd go for something like hotpeppersoup.

There's nothing I'm too afraid to say with my one and only moniker.
When I wish to change, I will deactivate this one and anyone who used to interact with me before will be sure to find out it is me in my new name because I won't hide it.

#saynotocowardice

Khabuqi:
That quote was not to you na or are you the same as cococandy?

bukatyne:
When does the wife get home? When does the husband get home that he is expecting his food covered on the table? Trying to understand the time difference here

Your subsequent posts say the woman lost the urge after child birth... one of nature's curses Once fortnightly is toolittle for sex but again if the woman is on or either of them have a project at work or sick, then they might get down fewer times. That said, the wife should develop Interesting and the hubby should learn the art of pre-intimacy even from the morning.

@Traditional husband: if he wanted traditional, he should have married a traditional wife. They both should meet in the middle and do things their own way. All the my mom/dad does a, b, c ends before marriage.

@Chores: I am sorry I don't understand a man wanting to be worshipped because he cleans his own home and takes care of his kids. Don't get me wrong; the wife should appreciate him however it is his duty.

I thanked my parents for paying my school fees but If they don't pay it, who will?

The husband might have come across nagging without hitting the nail on the head.

The wife is insensitive to her husband's feelings else she should have picked up Some vibes. She is also not appreciative of his efforts.

Solution:

They need to talk to understand each person's expectations and strive to meet them.

They should also understand each other's love languages... the wife might appreciate the husband paying for a nanny and crossing his legs in the sittingroom watching ball while the man is busy washing plates to make her happy. The husband seems to like verbal accolades etc.

The husband should also understand the kind of wife he has. Some like their men nonsense; being nice to them might make them take him for granted.

If open heart discussion does not yield positive results, let him forget about her and find other interests outside the home and do ssomething like change his wardrobe etc. Getting her to notice him without pointing it out.

If all fails, he has to manage the situation... lack of love is not a reason for divorce.

The husband should forget cheating except If he wants to checkout from the marriage.

warrior01:
It saddens my heart whenever I read some of babyosisi's contributions in the family section. She's so divisive and that must be from the pit of hell. She and her likes will come online to always claim the best in their relationships but will stop at nothing to scatter other budding relationships. Tufiakwa! I pity the gullible ones that can't discern the antics of these agents of darkness.

pretydiva:
D op must b high on dry poo. Y in God's name wil u upload ur pregnant wife's pix on a public forum? E clear say witches frm ya village don dey cross leg 4 ur mata

free2ryhme:
this one is truly infected

chidyhels:
'Happily married'women advising her to go back to her fathers house to start all over
Smh for people that really take advice in this forum

kaboninc:
You came late oh.

That basher's club of girls were just so though on the dude oh.

MuttleyLaff:
cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Ogbologbo! Dont know how you came about "old member with a new moniker" but never mind, "how r u doing" too

I had already done my due diligence on you before posting on the thread you opened up
- like your dossier, your responses and posts
Wouldnt want to be found spending precious time on a time waster

I had Timbuktou and babyosisi etc added as mentions because it was your responses to their posts I repeated
but to curtail repetitions that guzzles up bandwidth didnt mention their equally relevant and important posts

Since it was advice you requested, let's make this clear, dont expect a "Last Chance Saloon" advice to be proffered,
because anyone that says marriage is a bed of roses, has probably forgotten to mention the prickly thorns of roses

It serves right to remember, at the back of the mind, that it is better to give than receive
- we will come back to this full course later

D D oes your friend or you, really know what porn is?
Does your friend or you know why people go into or go for porn?
Let's know why your friend resorts to porn because am still trying to understand the leap to porn
1. What role is porn serving in this case, how did it or how does it come into play here?

Delving a bit in the realms of psychology, not saying am a sex therapist nor doing a psychological analysis,
but is there any reason or history for his wife to be frigid, has she sufferred sexual assault, sexual abuse etc

2. According to you, your friend, he is a traditionalist, isnt that so? Please confirm
Can we safely assume that his wife is not a traditionalist?
Is breaking with convention, an option that CAN be considered for both of them and this current situation?

3. He is intimately attracted to his wife?
Does he find her sexually, physically and inwardly attractive?

4. "She Doesn't Love Him, But He Doesn't Believe In Divorce" you say, but does she respect him?

5. Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, does he LOVE his wife?

6. Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, are they affectionate with each other, hold hands, kiss and cuddle? Do they flirt, horse-play or "ta ge" with each other?

Please give responses to all the questions for the expected advice.

babyosisi:
Please come back and report the findings and mention me
I guarantee you,her stories will shock you
I have counseled men who told me how evil their wives were and how they won't let him touch them but until I heard about their porn addictions and drunkenness and physical abuse and rage.
The story is incomplete,I guarantee you that from experience

MuttleyLaff:
I dont know why you got the hump for me being honest in admitting checking up your profile and posts before posting on the thread
Though I might have fleetingly seen your monicker before, apart from that I dont know you from Jack
so what has malice got to with this
I bear no malice towards anybody, please dont give me bad market

Where have you heard treatment or advice is given without probing questions and then the diagnosis

You think this is time fooling around make more enquiries, when "all the information you gave in the original post" werent adequate enough
I guessed it might come to this, which is why I warned "Please give responses to all the questions for the expected advice".
- all the questions, as in, all my questions for the expected advice

Tobiegal:
This OP should fast and pray for his wishes to be realized.

That he helps out is no big deal... They have no maid... And he also said she returns late at night... So, regardless of what ever he has done... The stress of Traffic is enough to make any one tired.

Since they work in the same office, am wondering why he would leave her there and head home without her sef!

Issues are in every home, that this issue is coming from a dude doesnt make it any special.

Like I started with, please go on your knees and pray and talk to her about your concerns when she's in a good mood.

cococandy:
Exactly.

They have no issues except the sex thing.
That's all I believe they need to work on.

The rest is the usual nonsense typical of spoilt men who want to be worshipped for cleaning his own house.

This couple have been married for three years and have two kids. The man met his wife at his workplace during which time she had just finished nysc. They got to know each other better and soon they became a couple and got married. The man helped her get a job at his place of work but noticed she didn't mention his help to her parents, making it look as if she got the job herself. However he overlooked it thinking it was no big deal.

Recently however he has come to realise that his wife doesn't love him. He feels this way because

1. she never acknowledges his good deeds around the house,

2. is never willing to listen to any advice he has to give but rather takes her friend's advice over his.

3. Most times he asks for sex she says she is tired or in her period or that they should postpone it to the next day And when the next say reaches she pretends to forget. If the man insists it turns into a big fight and they don't talk for days.

The man decided to be helping her around the house [size=14pt]in case housework was overwhelming her[/size] as they don't have a nanny. He washes the clothes, picks the kids from school, cooks food for the kids and feeds them when she comes late from work and he is the one at home. Despite all this it seems he is making no headway as their sex life has not improved. The man decided to stop asking for sex but the wife didn't even notice.


4. She rarely serves him his food properly. He comes from a traditional family where the woman serves the man food as soon as he comes back from work. She says she was not brought up that way and starts cooking the food when the man comes home. He decided to be understanding and accepted to wait. But he finds if he doesn't remind her, she doesn't near the kitchen to cook for him. He had now resorted to serving himself when he gets home, thinking his wife will get the message but she is comfortable with it.

He feels the wife no longer has feelings for him and left for him would have divorced her long ago, but he doesn't believe in divorce. Also he is worried about the kids and how it will affect them if they separate.


Pls advice needed.

pak:
Now that you know I am not bluffing, do you really want me to give you (or your friend) sincere advice on the way forward ??

From the little I have heard, this lady seems to be suffering from a personality/psychological disorder. Her emotional development was stunted in the early stages of her life because of the trauma and abandonement and she is in all probability severely damaged emotionally (in some instance irredeemably)

And for one minute, do not think she doesn't know what she is doing or she is just being confused or spoilt. She in all probability a most manipulative person and the 'marriage' is going along exactly the way she intends it - so communicating with her isn't a solution at all cos she already knows what she's doing and she'll go to denial mode in any communication unless she feels threatened.
Infact, right now, I am also certain she's doing her best to isolate him from other loved ones (it's a usual tactic).

Anyway, do you really want me to give my frank advice ?

MuttleyLaff:
cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Ogbologbo! Dont know how you came about "old member with a new moniker" but never mind, "how r u doing" too

I had already done my due diligence on you before posting on the thread you opened up
- like your dossier, your responses and posts
Wouldnt want to be found spending precious time on a time waster

I had Timbuktou and babyosisi etc added as mentions because it was your responses to their posts I repeated
but to curtail repetitions that guzzles up bandwidth didnt mention their equally relevant and important posts

Since it was advice you requested, let's make this clear, dont expect a "Last Chance Saloon" advice to be proffered,
because anyone that says marriage is a bed of roses, has probably forgotten to mention the prickly thorns of roses

It serves right to remember, at the back of the mind, that it is better to give than receive
- we will come back to this full course later

Does your friend or you, really know what porn is?
Does your friend or you know why people go into or for porn?
Let's know why your friend resorts to porn because am still trying to understand the leap to porn
What role is porn serving in this case, how did it or how does it come into play here?

Delving a bit in the realms of psychology, not saying am a sex therapist nor doing a psychological analysis,
but is there any reason or history for his wife to be frigid, has she sufferred sexual assault, sexual abuse etc

According to you, your friend, he is a traditionalist, isnt that so?
Can we safely assume that his wife is not a traditionalist?
Is breaking with convention an option that be considered for both and the current situation?

He is intimately attracted to his wife?
Does he find her sexually, physically and inwardly attractive?

"She Doesn't Love Him, But He Doesn't Believe In Divorce" you say, but does she respect him?

Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, does he LOVE his wife?

Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, are they affectionate with each other, hold hands, kiss and cuddle? Do they flirt, horse-play or "ta ge" with each other?

Please give responses to all the questions for the expected advice.

MuttleyLaff:
cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Very good and interesting thread

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need

You sure are a friend and a brother indeed, loyal and sticking your neck out opening up this thread here on behalf of this individual in his time of need

OK, that said.
Why doesn't your confidant believe in divorce? What is the basis for this stance?
Is this out of a religious faith, your confidant's non-belief in divorce?

Also the porn angle is not understood. Unable to grasp the reasonableness of him gravitating to porn
Why porn? Why does he need to "satisfy himself with porn".

Noticed you grinning cheerfully at Timbuktou's post and noticed your:
"if it was me I would have thrown her from the window by now, but this guy is a genuine nice guy, well known at the office and at home"

Sorry all for repeating or mentioning those long posts

redsun:
Love and hate goes hand in hand. Ad both could be as passionate as the other.

babyosisi:
Please come back and report the findings and mention me
I guarantee you,her stories will shock you
I have counseled men who told me how evil their wives were and how they won't let him touch them but until I heard about their porn addictions and drunkenness and physical abuse and rage.
The story is incomplete,I guarantee you that from experience

pak:
The problem isn't lack of communication, the woman knows exactly what she's doing, trying to always talk about it, will make the man look more desperate and end up empowering her.

The woman didn't get tired of the marriage either, this was her plan from day one. And yes, the woman is cheating, and it is not due to the man's fault. The woman waged a psychological warfare on the man from day one of the marriage.

One reality we need to face is that the marriage might be irredeemable. The woman might actually not be his true wife.

If we dig deep, I am 100% certain that the wife in question would have suffered trauma, abandonment or abuse as a little child and his acting out in attack as a subconscious protective mechanism against the man.

There is little the man can do about her, her problem and solution lies within her, not externally, so let the man try as best to ignore and live his life. Show her he is not concerned, that will in the short term grab her attention but in the long term, my instinct tells me the man is in for hell

babyosisi:
Do you know what I will advise since you are friends with them
Call the wife aside if you are that close or have a female close to her call her aside and ask what the issue is
You will be shocked at what you will hear

babyosisi:
Nna check yaself
A toad doesn't t run in the afternoon for nothing
If a wife refuses a man for three months there must be done thing he isn't doing right
Check yaself well well