₦airaland Forum

A marriage of 20 years doesn't just crash in one day. It is the accumulation of years upon years of frustrations but my guy there are better ways to do things. Divorce the first one and then move on to the new one rather you have chosen to embarrass not only yourself but your children.....think man, think!

The best thing that can happen to America is for Trump to win the Republican nomination and for Sanders to win the Democratic nomination. This will present a presidential election of the most radical ideas. On one hand a businessman capable of turning the economy around but also capable of causing World War III and a socialist in his 70s wanting to create free education, free healthcare and yet doesn't have a plan to pay for it, a person just like Obama and Buhari who would undoubtedly become overwhelmed when inside the executive government and would have to change some of his outrageous promises. Left for me, I'm voting Trump because out of all the candidates, he's the only non-politician! The only one either stupid or crazy enough to challenge the status quo!

Mindfulness:
How many people experience a happy married life?

Happiness as you know is a subjective term, what happiness means to me might be different from what happiness means to you. The fact remains there are a lot more people happily married in Nigeria than not and this can be evidenced by the number of proud parents who have witnessed their children getting married and so on, it's a cycle, it's not perfect and we are all still learning how to perfect it but at the end of the day when we are close to going back into the ground, it's one of the things many people are thankful for!

Mindfulness:
Ok, every woman who remains unmarried and child-free is unhappy and has regrets.
Every married woman with kids is fulfilled and happy.

No! Anybody can be unhappy either married or not, it's all about perception but when it comes to regrets more people are left without regrets when they experience a happy married life filled with a child or children than those who chose to remain single and childless!

Mindfulness:
I have made my point and I am quite sure you got it. Like it or not, women differ. Not everyone finds happiness and fulfillment in the running of a family.

Sorry you've not made a valid point. Try harder next time!

Mindfulness:
Cameron Diaz: I have an unbelievable life. In some ways I have the life that I have because I don't have children. It's just a different choice."



[size=18pt]"What Happens When An Israeli Woman Admits to Regretting Motherhood?[/size]

The opening paragraph of a recent article on the sociologist Orna Donath includes the phrase “professional iconoclast” in reference to Donath and her work on Israeli men and women who don’t want to be parents (as opposed to “childfree,” which has no direct translation to Hebrew).
Donath, a post-doctoral student at Ben Gurion University, is the author, most recently, of Regretting Motherhood, currently available in German. Her other works include “Making a Choice: Being Childfree in Israel,” published by Miskal – Yedioth Ahronot Books and Migdarim/Hakibutz Hameohad in Hebrew. She spoke with the Sisterhood about regret, limited narratives around mothers and motherhood, finding community, and more.
Talk about your realization that you didn’t want to be a parent and how that inspired the work you do now.
In high school, my friends were talking about being mothers, whether they’d have two children, three children, and I thought to myself, I don’t have this dream, but I never thought it was a problem. I’m always asked if I had a traumatic childhood, and the answer was emphatically no. It seemed logical to me that there were some women who didn’t want to be mothers, but I didn’t see anyone around me who felt and thought the same.
As a sociologist, I was interested in studying this. This was in 2003, so there wasn’t Facebook or anything, and I felt like I was the only one. That was a distortion of reality, of course, but it felt real at the time, since it had never been written about before in Israel. For a long time, there was only place online for people who don’t want to be parents, which became a way for me to study, but now there are Facebook groups, as well as people meetings in the real world.
Women who have openly admitted to regretting becoming mothers (Isabella Dutton, for example) have been brutally attacked in the press for talking about their experiences, even accused of child abuse. What are your thoughts about the narrative around motherhood and regret?
In the case of Isabella Dutton, the backlash was not simply because she exposed her identity, or those of her children. For my book, the women I interviewed were protected - their names and the names of their children weren’t revealed - and they got similar responses. Society sorts things in a binary way: if you regret, you’re a monster mother. There is no space to regret and love your children. We only have one script - “I hate you, I regret you.” Women can love their children and hate being their mothers - they love who their kids are, they hate being in this in relationship to them.
One woman I interviewed for “Regretting Motherhood” told me she’ll talk to her daughter about the difficulties of motherhood and the possibilities that it’s not for everyone, that there are different paths. She said, “What kind of a mother am I if I lie about what motherhood has been for me? I want my daughter to have the best she can in her life.” Mothers are trying to protect their children in their own way. (...)"

Read more: http://forward.com/sisterhood/333596/what-happens-when-an-israeli-woman-admits-to-regretting-motherhood/#ixzz411eb0NmY

The article you provided has no correlation with the requirements I provided. You provided me with an article of mothers regretting motherhood not one that shows a successful woman 40 and above with no husband, no kids and enjoying her life with no regrets. Furthermore, I don't know why you used Cameron Diaz as an example, she's the worst example you could have used because not only is she married and trying hard to conceive but apparently she's trying to adopt a child, do your research my friend, do your research!

http://www.parentherald.com/articles/13554/20151203/cameron-diaz-benji-madden-pregnancy-couple-adopting-baby-gywneth-paltrow.htm

Mindfulness:
It changes nothing! You can be married, have kids and regrets. And[b] you can be unmarried, have no kids and have absolutely no regrets [/b]since you have found the path to happiness and the pathways to happiness are plenty and diverse. This is good news.

Show me proof!

Just one example of a woman that is wealthy over the age of 40, not a religious nun, not married, has no kids, no medical complication preventing her from having children, no diseases and is completely happy with her life with no regrets!

Mindfulness:
As much as a married woman with kids can be unhappy, as much can a 40-year-old unmarried woman without kids be happy.

Go back and read slowly what I wrote, the key phrase here is "happy with no regrets"!

The truth is this, marriage is considered one of the components of having a successful life for women, it is placed very highly on their success pyramid. For men, it is way lower on the pyramid and considered way less important. For men, money is considered the top priority, this is why society blames the man for not being wealthy and blames the woman for not building or keeping her home(family). This leads us to the main question, what happens when we have misplaced priorities? When women start chasing money and career and men start chasing love? We have a disaster, a shift in the continuum of life and an hyperbolic sequence of negative consequences. This is why men who chase love find themselves being hurt by that same love and women who chase money end up regretting later on in life. Ask Oprah Winfrey why she decided she did not want to get married or have any kids? Her answer would be that it was her decision but deep down inside she was afraid of commitment and by the time she realized what was going on, it was too late. I see no reason why a woman can't have it all; success, fame, good home, sexy body, lovely kids and so on. The ultimate decision is deciding whether you are going to see marriage as an obstacle or an opportunity, are you going to see it as a negative or a positive? After all the richest woman in Africa (Alakija) enjoyed the benefits of marriage! So in totality, the Nigerian society is actually doing single successful women a huge favor by being on their case, as I am yet to see a 40 year old woman who can truly say she's happy being single without kids and with no regrets!

nbright:
I never for once believed in his words. I knew that he hasn't the ballz to do half of the things he promised. This government is even worse than poo

I still have more confidence in this government than the last. He has until 2019 to get it right till then there's no use speculating!

nbright:
When buhari said he will turn the economy around, did you ask him how?.

Oh I see you are one of those that believed he could make 1 Naira = 1 Dollar, that he would give the poor 5,000 monthly allowance. You people are so gullible. I voted for Buhari not because of the magnificent promises but because even poo would be better than GEJ led government!

darlingtonIIV:
But sir, when Buhari was promising change. Telling us he'll make 1naira=1dollar, and 1litre of fuel=50naira. No one asked him how he was going to do that 'miraculous claim'. Then suddenly here comes this one and suddenly y'all want him to explain how he intend to do that.

That's the problem with Nigerian youths and in fact most Nigerians. We don't ask questions, we just expect miracles. Don't you think it's high time we start asking questions? Should we repeat the same errors of the past?

kingjeremy1:
buhari explain how him wan take fight corruption before him become prident......

Wetin concern you with that one, he's your president till 2019 if you no like am go hug transformer!

Anthos:
what makes you think he will give you a summary of how he wants to do it? So that another person will implement it leaving him aside, igbos are not fools,will buhari die if he gives him a try? Since he didnt ask for any money,and he also ask the federal government to sieze his property if he cant deliver,what else do you want?

You think the Nigerian economy is like a local vendor or business that you can just try your luck and if it fails you can just cut your loss. If the economy fails millions of lives are at stake so excuse Buhari for not jumping at the offer. I can't help but laugh that you actually believe the government can go after his assets if he fails, no court in the world would approve such an order, it not only ridiculesthe judiciary system but the government as a whole!

Most people hear this and say give him a chance but he's not willing to explain how he plans to go about it. No one is asking for specifics but just a summary. It's easy to shout that you can fix things while looking from the outside but when you get on the inside and realize how terrible things are then it becomes another story. For those shouting that he puts his assets on the line, I say be quiet! Those words are not binding in the court of law and if the economy tanks further we won't blame Uba but the government that allowed him to interfere with its policy. So Mr. Uba I put it to you in the spirit of transparency give us more detail on your miraculous claim!

If you are part of illuminati and it doesn't reflect in your bank account, societal status and your affluence then you have been scammed! You are not part of illuminati but illuminatus

Each coach has his or her own philosophy. Mourinho is one of the best coach in the world but his tactics demands less creativity and more defending. This has worked well for him in the past and it's only when he's pressurized to attack that the team collapses and he panics. Mikel's natural style of play would suit a Hiddink or a Guardiola because they focus less on defending hence a holding midfielder is given room for creativity. Let's not forget Mikel is one of the best passers and ball holders we've ever seen but talent is nothing when compared to a team's or the mentality of a coach.

I find it hard to believe. These type of things only happens when children are given way too much freedom. From taking them to school and picking them up yourself to ensuring things like homework, reading, limit of 2 hours of TV per day to engaging with their teachers and principals and making sure the children do not communicate with any friends with a wayward background certainly no contact with the opposite sex outside of school. I believe many parents are guilty of neglect due to chasing money that they eventually compromise the future of their children.

E.g. At the age of 8 or 9, most children already know what Facebook, Twitter and Instagram is and they actively participate.

E.g. Most children already know what Valentine's day is and are also there when their parents, siblings or extended family are watching movies or TV programs about love and dating.

Poverty will make a lot of people do the unthinkable! Gone are the days of self respect and dignity in fact some guys can even call their wife's exes chairman or oga For goodness sake, how much is a Range Rover? $40,000 to $80,000, that's 15m to 28m, I guess some guys would gladly sell their wife for such an amount

The Chairman of Ifeanyi Ubah Football Club, however did not say how he was going to bring the Naira down to an exchange rate of 200 per dol­lar, but said the government could seize everything he owns if he failed to do this within one month, if given the mandate.

I admire his confidence and I have no doubt that he can bring the dollar down but in one month, there's just no way!

Phd in law at 26 is not bad,the ultimate question here is can you translate that into an excellent source of income for years to come? I think she might if she decides to practice outside of Nigeria. The other question here is this, with no previous working experience even with her Phd she's still a baby lawyer, how does she plan on translating her theoretical experience into physical one? Will she be joining a law firm or starting her own?

Complain to CBN not Nairaland!


http://abokifx.com/cbn-asks-nigerians-to-report-cases-of-illegal-charges-by-banks-channels-tv/

chimaobinelson:
Paul self wey de lead una song self, d do d main singing neva no de even talk,na u wey de always de fr background d do weti everybdy here can do u call backup de always disturb us..i don knw if dem swear fr uoo,my broda go village go findout n cut dat tree in ur compound

Guy keep shut!

Those saying it does not matter how she got there or that it does not matter she's lucky are the exact reason why Nigeria is in trouble! I've said it once before and I'll say it again, in advanced countries a deep investigation would be carried out to authenticate the story, from interviews with those who knew her from childhood to TY Bello's associates and crew. The girl is getting endorsements from publicly traded company and this automatically makes it a consumer protection issue but what do we know in Nigeria as evidence here by the lame comments, it does not matter if it's fake as long as she's lucky......Clowns!

charles0922:
Is it Efcc that arrested Kanu or DSS?

You're right it's DSS!

MsGlobalwonder:
it's sad. The woman is the one not satisfied with contraceptive? I thought it was already established that contraceptives are not fail-prove and a "double dose" is prescribed. You said the man is being tolerant by agreeing to family planning? . I give up! The man is in charge in Africa, even at the detriment of his partner ?? Sometimes I pinch myself so hard to be sure i'm truly African in Africa because I don't get where all the African belief systems spring out from, especially when it comes to justifying wickedness against women. OMG!! I seriously don't have words. *sigh

Stop being so melodramatic! Most African men don't like family planning but the husband is tolerant enough to understand its importance. Contraceptives are not fail proof, agreed! So why are you against tube tying? Since being pregnant is the problem and she has decided that her 3 kids is enough for her, why are you against tube tying? Let me guess, it's easier to play the victim card Let me open your eyes a little, even the condoms that you are advocating are not fail proof and it's absolutely incomprehensible that a wife would make it compulsory for her husband to wear a condom before love making. Like I said, the man might comply for a year or two but trust me he's going to lose it one day and do the unthinkable. This is not about being in charge or insensitive, it's about common sense! You are not a man and I doubt if you are even married, go and speak with married couples of 5 or more years, ask the husband if he can wear condom for the rest of his marriage just to ease his wife's fear of pregnancy. You would be surprised that most men would say unless she's got some type of disease the answer is no!

MsGlobalwonder:
does a man get pregnant or complication during child birth? Marriage is a union where issues are shared and solved like one. For God's sake, this woman may have had terrible pregnancies and her life may be on the line if she dares get pregnant again. Nit everyone can stand an abortion. Contraceptive is not 100% and she has gotten one, what is wrong in a man using something as simple as a condom. Condom is a form of contraceptive too and some couple use it. If he can't use a condom, he should do a vasectomy, it is reversible. So, she should use double dose of contraceptive on herself alone or risk her life by getting pregnant because she used just one contraceptive? This woman is not refusing her husband sex, she just wants a little sacrifice and you people are screaming your lungs. It's just pathetic. You guyz are the kind of men women pray against. You know nothing about marriage and sacrifices. *sigh

You're mixing apples and oranges and instead of making your point with facts you've chosen to use sentiments and emotional rhetoric. Perhaps you should go and learn about tube tying, there's nothing life threatening about it! You are still missing the point, the woman is the one not satisfied with the contraceptive methods given to her already, the omen is on her to do whatever it takes to get her confidence back not the man. The man as far as I'm concerned has been tolerant enough by even agreeing to family planning. Your assumption that the woman might have had a terrible experience with her previous pregnancies is nothing but assumptions, we might as well assume that she contracted a disease she doesn't want her husband to know about or she's looking for a way to end her marriage due to a new found love, can you see how silly assumptions are The truth is when it comes to the African context, the man is in charge, a loving man might use condoms for a year or two but trust me after awhile he becomes frustrated, the sex life becomes very bland and this will cause friction in the marriage. The other option for him is a vasectomy which is a lot more dangerous than tube tying. Surgery to reconnect the vas deferens (vasectomy reversal) is available but the reversal procedure is difficult. Sometimes a doctor can remove sperm from the testicle in men who have had a vasectomy or a reversal that didn't work. The sperm can then be used for in vitro fertilization. Both vasectomy reversal and sperm retrieval can be expensive, may not be covered by insurance, and may not always work. So in light of this, I see no easier option than for the woman to go for tube tying, since you are so big on sacrifices why aren't you advocating for this.......Can somebody say double standards?

MsGlobalwonder:
see how you slyly forgot to suggest a VASECTOMY for the man. You try

If the man was the one complaining or afraid of getting his wife pregnant and he's not contented with the various birth control techniques available, I would have suggested a vasectomy for him, the complainer should be the one willing to try anything

Obiagelli:
My problems with devaluing the naira:

Stock Exchange will loose its value by half

Landing cost of petrol will increase

Inflation! Inflation!! Inflation!!!

It will not in anyway improve export

Black market prices will continue to rise.

Excellently constructed. Devaluation is a scam and the CBN governor is the scammer!

Tufanja:
This comment exactly illustrates why I wonder why Nigerian women are crazy about marriage. This is not a marriage but a prison. With as guard an immature man who thinks he can play husband.

If you frustrate a man, he can act like a not grown up child and respond in any possible way without even considering that he might be the cause of the frustration. But if you frustrate a woman...she should just shut up. #losersmentality

Whether you like it or not, the playing field is not equal. Society and Biology sets us apart. This is why in advanced society, women are given the benefit of a doubt and are protected more by the laws because men are seen as stronger and more capable of taking care of themselves, this has led to a society filled with inferior men. In the Nigerian context, it is the complete opposite, men are seen as the provider and if you fail your duties you are regarded as weak and castigated but if you fulfill them then the world is yours but in return the woman must be submissive either partially or totally. The tradition and cultural values remains in tact and women do not play victims! It has worked out so far as majority of Nigerian marriages last longer than those in advanced countries, you can call it suffering and smiling or you can attribute it to a backward society but you can't deny facts!

I see this as a non issue. The best way to put all doubts to rest is for the woman to have her tubes tied. Since she's the one afraid of getting pregnant and she already had 3 children it shouldn't be a big deal. She can even go behind the husband to get this done and there would be no tension. Ultimately Nigerian women must realize if you frustrate your husband over trivial issues, he's going to take those frustration out on something or someone else, more often than not it's going to result in him having extra-marital affairs and by then it's too late to compromise!