₦airaland Forum

Olu1000:
That's a dumb advice.The babe has a child for this dude.They have been together for 6 whole years.At this level ,their understanding should be top notch.They have even done traditional wedding.He should get 100% respect and loyalty from the supposed "wife" .He shouldn't even question whether she is loyal to him or not.Its totally senseless and demeaning that he is even considering where he stands in the relationship.The babe has no single love or respect for him anymore.The relationship is practically over.

did you read the latter part of my statement?

Jombom:
God is my witness one sense you no get I swear.

[s][/s] No let that girl give you foolish advice na dem birds of same feather flocking together. They enjoy doing foolish things in relationships, leaving you on the fringes to keep guessing if they are cheating n all. When you complain about the foolishness of their behaviour they tell you that complain is the reason why they must break up.

I sincerely wish every guy is like me. I no de date who pass me, once my love is not reciprocated abeg me self no go love you, child or no child. There are too many good hearted women abound to be fooling with semi or undercover olosho.

bros, I know you think you have sense but you should have proven you had sense by giving the OP your advise and opinion without quoting or insulting me like everyone else did.
If you had comprehended what I wrote you will see where I said the Op should forget about the lady and look for a way to take care of his daughter if she doesn't reconcile.
We dont all think the same way, we view situations from different angle, I gave two different viewpoints
By the way, the OP only told one side of the story and talked about him making mistakes in the past. You don't know the lady's side of the story or how grievous the Op mistake might be.

Emotions can be very funny, especially when you loved someone wholeheartedly, it might be difficult to unlove them.
But babe you need to cut off all ties and communication with you ex, you already have soft spot for him,the more you talk to him, feeling for him resurface, and you will find it very difficult to move on or love again.
Your ex doesn't love you anymore, don't let a good man go because of emotions, because even if you marry your ex by the time he starts maltreating you in the marriage your eyes will clear and feeling you have for him would have disappeared, by then you will be full of regrets because you would have lost a good man.

Oh boy, see people's perception about nairaland. Yes I agree, some people and post are harsh and senseless. But there are lots of sensible and intelligent people on this platform. I have learnt a lot from people on this platform.
In fact, my friends ask me why do I like nairaland so much, I tell them it's because of the comment section. I usually prefer to read news here so as to read comments and people's opinion. They are sometimes very funny
I have friends who are members who will not dare post or comment on naira land, they will tell me " I no get mind to post for nairaland oo.
But seriously my people, tribalism and bashing should stop on this platform.
We can all air our opinions politely without insulting each other, gender or tribe.
Seun, Lalasticlala, mynd44, we are currently trending on twitter oo

Op, if I got your story right, your wife's dressing and attitude changed due to the influence of her friends and you often report her to her parents. And the last incident really got her angry to the extent of her keeping mute and she said shes no longer interested in the marriage.And a guy came to visit her
There are two things involved:
1) she might not really mean she's no longer interested in the marriage but she is acting that way because she is still very angry at you and is doing yanga because of your costant involvement of her parents in her case and wants you to come back to your sense.
Women are very emotional, sometimes their no means yes.
You guys should be able to settle matter amicably without involving parents and family members. If both of cant do this then i guess you arent ready for marriage.
2) she's truly no longer interested in you and really wants to explore or try out something new. 6 years is a long time. She has seen all of you both your strength and weakness. Already has a child for you. She might be distracted by another guy.
There's is only way to find out, show her unusual love, care and attention just for few weeks. Show her that you still want her and wants the marriage to work out and be sober for your actions. A normal sensible woman will come to her senses and reconcile seeing your commitment.
But prepare for the worst, have a backup plan, if she doesn't reconcile just forget about her and start planing on how to take care of your daughter.
Please, I only gave the op my opinion, you can give yours without quoting or insulting me, nobody should quote me without properly comprehending what I have written. We all have different view point
By the way the OP only told one side of the story, he didn't talk about his past mistakes too.

Davash222:
A man in love with a woman can ‘hardly’ divorce her because she’s out of shape, or she’s not beautiful again, or she gat no big bum bum or breast again, or sonorous voice but a Woman ‘madly’ in love with a man can ‘easily’ divorce him when he’s out of job, or when he’s broke, or when he’s ‘carless’(means no more front seat for her again).

smiling, some men have divorced their wife for these reasons or used it an excuse to indulge in cheating or adultery

Davash222:
A man in love with a woman can ‘hardly’ divorce her because she’s out of shape, or she’s not beautiful again, or she gat no big bum bum or breast again, or sonorous voice but a Woman ‘madly’ in love with a man can ‘easily’ divorce him when he’s out of job, or when he’s broke, or when he’s ‘carless’(means no more front seat for her again).

smiling, some men have divorced their wife for these reasons or used it an excuse to indulge in cheating.

Davash222:
Believe a woman’s love at your own risk.
I might have done some silly things in life, but one thing i find it difficult to do is to believe a Woman’s love aside my Mom. Women love conditionally. Something must be attached before an average woman can boldly say she’s in love.
Unlike men. Men love unconditionally. A man can love a woman with no reason.
A man will love a woman and be sending her cash almost every week, no one will hear or know about it... but, A woman will love a man and send him ‘huge amount’ of 2,000 Naira, the next thing she will go update her Facebook “We rise by lifting Others” smh

fjjc:
Reality of life

I agree with some part of your statement but completely disagree with you say "men love unconditionally"
Both men and women love conditionally in most cases, it's just that our conditions are different.
A woman's conditions might be money, cars, height, job security, maturity etc. While that of a man might be beauty, good character, fine shape, big breast or bumbum, color of the skin, sonorous voice.
If any of these conditions is altered most people fall out of love. It takes maturity
and commitment for couples to stick together even after these conditions have been altered.
Imagine your beautiful girlfriend suddenly becomes ugly or loses her fine shape Or start exhibiting bad character. Will you still love her?

Vincent88:
Thank you ,, I didn't confess to my wife or my brother about my niece . My brother was stabbed in the nightclub where he went to drink with friends. I have seen some people here reminding me of my past which it is painful , hopeful that my wife has not read it yet or else it will make things worse. I just want her to be home with us, myself and the kids are missing her every day. The house feel so empty without her

Nobody is perfect, everyone has made a mistake at one point or the other.
Even if you hid your mistakes from your wife for now, what of if she finds out in the future, it will cause greater damage to the kid, your wife, your marriage and yourself.
If your wife truely love, she might forgive you.
Your misfortunes might be because you are covering and hiding your mistakes.

The first thing is to accept who you are. Accept that you are introvert and there is nothing you can do about it, you can only try to improve on your weaknesses.
The fact is that both introverts and extroverts have their strengths and weaknesses.
Stop comparing your weaknesses as an introvert such as being timid, shy, quiet etc with an extrovert strength such being outspoken and bold, because you will always undermine and underestimate yourself. You will consider yourself to be a failure and have low esteem
If you work on your weaknesses, you will discover that you can be better at your job than those extrovert, you are comparing yourself with.
Though I understand the economic situation of the country and the high rate of unemployment but not all jobs are well suited for you, that's why you are struggling with it.
I think you should consider looking for a job that requires your intellectual skills not so much of interpersonal relationship skills because we as interverts are not as good as extroverts in this particular area, it's their strengthen, but our weakness.
But in the main time, you can try talking to people or making friends with people beneath you ( in term of age, maturity, academics) this might boost your level of confidence or social interactions before you meet people in your level or above you.
Please don't do drugs, you will only damage yourself the more

Honestly, I'm short of words. Only God knows the truth.
I pray the truth prevails and justice is gotten for either the dakolos or pastor Fatoyinbo.

Ahhhhh
I honestly thought this was about speaking out, getting justice after so many years, giving hope to victims of rape, and protecting the sheep.
The dakolos are just using the empathy of benevolent Nigerian to get their way.
This is bad.
I pray the truth prevails at the end, and justice gotten for either pastor fatoyinbo or the dakolos

Aurielfinizu:
God bless u bro...
And married is very overrated..

See the so called colorful wedding wasted..

Showing off on marriage goes array easily..

Quiet marriage that two build together last forever cos they know how painful they started it.. and they can't let it waste..

May God help me wey de find wife in Lagos..

I totally agree with you. I'm a lady

Reasons for increase in divorce nowadays
People rush into marriage without enough preparation
Some people enter into marriage on the basis of emotional feeling or falling in love and when the feelings disappear they also pack out
Some people marry because of material things such as money and beauty, once it's gone they also quit
Youths nowadays are longer willing to endure in their marriage or tolerate their partners. Any little issue they quit
Adultery is now a norm
A good marriage is a reward of labour and investment of both parties. It doesn't come by chance or luck

K

It always baffles me when people come up with different stories about Nigerian ladies here on nairaland. They make a lot of general and ambiguous statements and comments.
Just because some ladies are like this doesn't mean we are all like that. It just like saying because very few Nigerians are into fraud and crime, so most Nigerians are fraudster.
It is so disheartening
Even if you are not interested in marry Nigerian ladies, don't spoil us for those that will be intersted nor disrespect all of us.
I have never dated more than a guy in my entire life. No besties, no big heads, no sugar daddies

superlanny:
i really get irritated when i hear women say, act or behave like sex with ur bf or lover is a privilege, let me educate you, sex is enjoyed by both parties, agreed by both, it is not a commodity to be given, as long as you were not forced or raped. Any sexual activity btw lovers is mutually beneficial to both parties. Have a nice day.

I don't understand why you quoted me because I did not mention anything about sex in my post. Have a nice day

Lalasticlala, help your fellow brother out na

Remind her of how unhappy she felt when her parent or anybody promised her something and eventually didn't do it.
Or
Show her a practical example: promise to buy her favorite biscuit or candy, and then don't buy it. When she is sad you didn't fulfill your promise, tell her, her heart has been broken.

I can't help but smile at your post.
It is normal o. I guess she just a little bit jealous. Maybe you have not been admiring her enough recently.
Oya tell me, when last did you admire your wife or told her " I admire you"?

Did you close your eyes when you asked her out and didn't notice she was slender or that you love big ass?
I think what you have for this new lady is purely lust, her shape is driving you crazy so you are confused. It's normally since you are already living couples life with your current girlfriend, so there is nothing new interesting about her because you have seen it all. You want something new and the other lady is exciting to you.
There are two things involved:
It is either you kill your feelings for the other lady, and stay with this lady that has been faithful to you. because believe me, faithful ladies are very rare to come by, you don't know the value of what you have until you lose it. Getting a good wife is beyond big ass or small, shape or color.
Or
Do what will make you happy instantly, go after this new girl. You might be lucky, things might workout for the two of you or otherwise
let go of your current girlfriend for the man who will appreciate her size and shape, who will also marry her.please don't marry her out of pity, I'm begging you. Because you will make her life very miserable and yourself unhappy, she doesn't deserve it.
The choice is left to you
My fellow ladies, this is what you get when you give a boyfriend the privileges of a husband.

No, but it gives you a better chance of knowing your partner or what you are getting into.
However, you cannot know everything about your partner.
Even if you do, people change circumstances, money, power, stress or new friends can change your partner.
There a lot of things involved in making marriage successful.

komodapson:
Sorry...did u send me an email?

yes I did

G1STMORE:
I always wanted to be a pastor.

I did not save a dime because of my lifestyle; I slept in hotel with women almost on a daily basis. I sold the Toyota Highlander SUV for N600k, Formatic Benz-N900k; Toyota Camry car , N300k; Toyota Camry( big daddy) car N500k; Lexus SUV 350; N600k; Toyota Muzzle N600k; Toyota Corolla N400k,“ he said.

See more here; http://gistmore.com/women-didnt-allow-me-save-ive-always-wanted-to-be-a-pastor-robber-laments

everyone has big dreams but our circumstances, choices and decision sometimes determines our destination
Anyway, it is no too late for him to be a pastor.

lincsnuel:
Ok then...

But hope yours is not like most girls: Tall, Dark, Handsome, God fearing??

I don't know why they always put "God fearing" like say dem go gree all this fellowship brothers!

smiling

pansophist:
Dont lump all female in the same category. From my experience, a woman's dream man is largely determined by her age, or to bluntly put, if she is still at the age of male abundance (16-29), or age of male decline (35 upwards).

The former will see such trait the poster describe as weakness, as she most likely is still attracted to the proverbial bad boys, she is super picky and egoistic, while the latter will appreciate it more, due to being mature and have passed through the abundance phase, and can differentiate with accurate precision that homely men is not weakness, especially when he is reasonably well-established.

sir, you are totally correct