₦airaland Forum

zolajpower:
Men too show attitude . I know a cousin of mine who's husband was the house hold name , loved by everyone . He would take my nieces out on every festive period ,buy them things at the popular shopping mall on lekki .
But the day he got married to my cousin he became a lion and would tell her , did not want the see any of her family members anymore .
So ladies re not the only one with such attitude.

I guess humans in general will do anything possible to get what they want, if it involves pretending to be what they are not.

Walkee:
there's no race on earth that wasn't enslaved. Roman empire, Greece, Babylon, Persia, Chinese empire were all built by slaves, not black slaves but white, Asian and Middle Eastern slaves. Blacks don't just want to grow up and politicians and media are taking advantage of their stupidity and making money /winning elections with their 400 years old grievance.

You made a very good point

Macphenson:
Shouldn't the same punishment for rape be the same punishment for paternerl fraud?

Why are all the feminist silent on this?

I agree, it is just like forcing a man to take responsibility for another man's child without their consent

My dream wedding. Simple but classy with very fine pictures

Really! See the irony of life.
And I'm surrounded with good ladies looking for good men to marry. Unfortunately, there are few good men there. Most just want sex

What about the outstanding salaries aregbesola is owing who will pay for it?

Biofil84:
my friend there is nothing like mummy's boy here, the wife lack respect and I for one will not take it from her. This is me and my woman knows already, the first position of any woman in my life is my mother, my wife takes the 2nd position when my mum passes away at old age my wife takes that position ..I mean what I said.

You see when I was starked broke ladies avoided me like a plague but mum was there for me never left me once, consoled me and always assured me that things will be fine.

God forbid things go sour your wife can just wake up and run away, but mama will never run away, she is always there irrespective of situation..

Your wife can divorce you over a simple matter but mama can never leave she is mama till death.

You can get another wife but you can never get another mama.

Check it even armed robbers who are facing firing squad mama will still be there crying her eyes out but it will take the grace of God for wifey to be on ground.

My Mama remains my number one anyday anytime ...it doesnt diminish the love I have for my woman.

Well said
I have a simple question for you, how will you feel if this case is reversed and you wife tells you all this about her father. That until her father died you can never be first position in her life?
A lot of you guys dish out what you can never take from a woman
Though I'm not support the disrespectful daughter in law

Those of you guys breaking the heart of good ladies, all in the name of I'm helping her to have a better life or I'm not ready for marriage, just because you don't have your dream job, car house or account balance yet. When you are ready It is your type that eventually end up with bad ladies who don't love but are just after your money and you will come and tell us marriage is a scam. By then, you won't be able to complain because deep down you'll know you blew up your chance at having a good woman in your life. You will have no choice than to manage and endure.

Charles009
You married an extrovert most likely a sanguine. They enjoy talking. They relieve themselves from worries and stress by talking about themselves or other people. Introverts think before they talk, extrovert say whatever comes to their mind, then later think about.
That simply who she is and there's nothing can do about it. You can only help focus her energy on a different and purposeful direction. If you don't listen to her and stop her from talking to others that listen to her, you will get yourself a bitter and an angry woman.
You can encourage her to pursue career that involves her talking such as teaching, lecturering, journalism or radio or tv presenter, public speaking. They make excellent motivational speakers
Encourage her to join productive group that go about talking to other people like NGOs
Then take time to listen to her and correct her when she's saying the wrong things, if you do this she would take less time gossiping with other people and discussing the wrong things.
How would you feel if you come home one day and you meet your wife encouraging other people, other teach them to be better women, better wives, better mothers. I'm very sure you will be proud of her
The issue is not about gossiping or talking, it is saying the right things or the wrong things.

For those asking questions on how did bill gate get to know.
The simple answer is that these people study hard, they read wide, they don't limit their knowledge to their field alone that's why they are always ahead.
For example I'm a microbiologist by profession but I can tell you the latest trends in the I.T world and in other unrelated field because I read wide.
For those that are planning to quote or argue with me. I'm sorry I don't argue on internet so I would not respond

Now, I can see the reason why extremely intelligent and brilliant students get bullied and suffer from the the hands of the dumb ones.
Instead of getting access to available information and studying.
You see them spreading rumours and saying things like " he cheated" " he's doing Juju to make him pass" " she sleeping with the teacher", the teacher deliberately passed him and failed us because he is the teacher's favorite.
No wonder intelligent prefer to keep to themselves and have few friends.
For Mr Bill gates, this is one of those things. "This too shall pass".

COdeGenesis:
Wrong. Marriage is about understanding and communication. I get pissed off when people talk like this. If your marriage is having a flat tire, fix it. You cant abandon the car. Same man that is bad to you can be good to another woman

Ok, I'm trying to understand you oo. So you mean whether a man is good or bad is determined by the woman in question? You mean a man's attitude is dependent on a woman's behavior?

bukatyne:
When we say look before you leap in, they act like rabid dogs on several threads.

A woman chooses a man: study him, study him, study him.

There are markers and strains of behavior: look well.

That's why I like Ubunjaa's threads and think every young lady should read them well. That way, when you see his apostles, you jump and pass.

These young men that are bad news were mostly trained by their mothers. This now begs the question: if they thought their men bad, why didn't they train their sons to the standard of the ideal man?

No, they train their sons same way so that the next set of wives would complain and repeat the same cycle.

The men that are gentle would also be mocked for been gentle and exploited.

The Nigerian marriage landscape is an enigma.

lolz, you are totally on point jare

Mizwisdom:
95% of Nigerian marriages are going through similar turmoil. Nigerian men are not raised to be good husbands, even you will still raise your son to punish his wife and cling to your Apron. That's what it is here so whatever you see in your marriage, take it like that

My sister I agree with your point. They see abnormality as a what makes them the man of the house.
Some of them justify their ego, selfishness and inconsideration by saying " our mothers suffered worse from their husband and yet they endured it". But the question is that "did their mother like or enjoy their father's attitude",was their endurance not because of what the society would say and just to provide for their kids.
Some of these men are just badly raised but their ego would not them see their wrongdoing or agree with you if you are pointing it out. They just believe they are always right and a wife has nothing good to offer them expect to demand from them and spend their money

Stories like this makes the issue of marriage very scary for people like me

rattlesnake:
I listen to him...his message doesn't have real life applications...just that youths are running after..tell me one application of his messages asides his good English
NB
I respect him o but that's my observation

I have also made similar observation.
I listened to him for the first time in 2010, then I was just a year old in the serious Christian race. I was so blessed, motivated and challenged by his messages. I think I have listened to all his messages up to 2016.
In recent times, I have lost interest in listening to a lot of Nigerian preacher because a lot of their messages lack practicality and applications, the present the word of God to be an abstract and so complex but the word of God is so simple and can be applied to everyday life.
All these portals, mantles, encounter, burden, fire, vision, revelation, prophecy anointing, dimensions, angelic visitation is for who? Can every believer come into it? How can i apply it in my day to day life, in business, workplace, relationship etc
Don't get me wrong I honor and celebrate the grace and anointing of God on the life of these men. I also respect oo.
I think a lot of people don't study their bible personally, they only depend on what these men of God teaches them. So every little thing amazes them. Especially the youth.
Every believer need to grow up

How can I meet the counsellor?

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.
!

I salute your wisdom, plenty oil dey your head. Please educate your fellow men oo especially the ones here, a lot of them believe being a mancho, ordering, commanding or roaring like a Lion is the best way to get a woman to do anything they want.

Haywhysat:
you dey mind that one, talking as if he knows my state or my land(ife) more dan anyone

I couldn't help but laugh when I saw his comment. I wonder where he got his statistics from.
Bros, where is your area in Ife o?

I'm very interested

Temmytayor90:
Bro, I understand you, but what if after leaving your wife for Angela, you realise you being compatible with her was just for friendship and not marriage, I know two best friends who have been friends for 13-15 years but when they married, their marriage lasted not longer than 3 years, do you know why? because marriage and friendship are two different scenarios entirely...... my question to you,how will you feel if your wife told you she wants a divorce because she found someone more compatible to her than you? compatibility can be established between your wife and yourself, just work on it, the reason why am emphasising on you sticking to your wife is because "Angela" CAN also become INCOMPATIBLE to you. any moment......... SPICE UP your relationship with your wife more, and moreover THINK of your children...... All the best bro

I'm interested in knowing the story about those best friends you mentioned, what happened between them? Why didn't their marriage work? Because I have been told the best kind of marriages happen between best friends

juiicii:
re:generationz well,they said it is my duty as a man to ensure peace in my home by practicing the virtue of tolerance,empathy,forgiveness,endurance, etc. they said that marriage is not bread and butter.well sha i suppose they must have advised my wife later behind me but i was the one being rebuked openly.lol.then on fighting,no we have never but we have heated arguments,d point be say d girl no get single fear for me,she ready for fight sef,lol,lwkm,but i have a reputation to protect,i don't want to be among 'wife beaters',lol

I didn't plan commenting initially, but I had to login to ask you this question.
Do you want her to fear you or respect you? Which one do you want?
Getting a choleric Lady to fear you will be difficult, because they are the most fearless among ladies. Neither can you control them or force things on them, they usually become more rebellious because they love to be independent.
But getting her to respect you, is more achievable.
Let her see reasons to respect you by the way you act or behave as the man of the house.
When presenting issue or matter to her, don't make it look like you are enforcing things on her or controlling her.
And when she insist on doing things her own way, once it doesn't affect you, just leave her oo, let her learn from her own mistakes, that's how most of them learn, they rarely listen to advice because they believe they know it all.
This is one of the ways, I believe you get her to respect you. When you say "shebi I told you so". It will seriously humble her.

joeferrari:
Dear friend one is here, am also a minister in training

email me or give me your email address or Whatsapp number

The world is filled with so many beautiful and wonderful people, I'm interested in meeting people with like-minds outside my location and I thought Nairaland might be an interesting place to make new friends.
I'm interested in born again male or female friends, who believes in the finished works of Christ, that we are saved by grace through faith alone and not by works.
Someone who is passionate about fulfilling God's plans and purpose for his or her life.
Someone who is interested and actively involved in what God is doing in our generation.
You can chat me up with akinade28@gmail.com

I have heard of a similar story in which the husband (an American born Nigerian) decided to pick up his wife's Igbo surname and add it to his own because the wife came from a family of seven girl, there's no one to carry on with his father in law's surname and he loves his father-in-law so much. So instead of insisting his wife changes her surname completely, they both adopted a combination of both his surname and his father in laws name. Likewise their children.
A typical Nigerian man can never do this. They will say it is vegetable at work

alBHAGDADI:
Apostle is different from a pastor. While an Apostle can be a pastor e.g Peter, a Pastor can't be called an Apostle.

Paul was an Apostle but didn't pastor a church. It is the church that supplies the needs of a pastor. Since Paul didn't pastor any Church, he had to sort out his own needs. Even at that, he still had the power to be catered for by believers, but he chose not to.

where is all these in the bible. Brother, you need to study your bible very well oo. You are just lumping things together.

alBHAGDADI:
Don't add your own input. Paul never said he didn't write for such to be done. He only said he didn't wrote for them to be done unto him. In other words, he did t condemn it being done to others. It was his choice not to accept such.

my brother it is you that didn't want to say the whole truth.

alBHAGDADI:
Paul was never a pastor of any church. He was an evangelist who moved about.

No, he was still an apostle, a minister of the gospel and his Job was tent making.

alBHAGDADI:
Are you a blind bat? I'm I the one encouraging what I said or it is Paul and Apostle of Jesus Christ that said so? Paul said pastors are to live of the gospel. You are here saying otherwise.

1 Corinthians 9:13-14 (KJV)
13 Do ye not know that they which minister about holy things live of the things of the temple? and they which wait at the altar are partakers with the altar?
14 Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel.


How did Aaron take care of his family? He did with what he got from what was offered in the temple. That's exactly how Peter and the Apostles were able to care for their family.

Mind you, there was a gathering called Church because the first time Peter preached, they were about a hundred. After he finished preaching, 3000 souls got added to the fold.

I think I have to stop entertaining your arrogant ignorance.

brother you also didn't mention verse 15 of the scripture you quoted.
1 Corinthians 9:13-16 King James Version (KJV)

13 Do ye not know that they which minister about holy things live of the things of the temple? and they which wait at the altar are partakers with the altar?

14 Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel.

15 But I have used none of these things: neither have I written these things, that it should be so done unto me: for it were better for me to die, than that any man should make my glorying void.
Paul said he didn't use any of his right nor did he make demands that they should be done.
Let's learn to say the whole truth

alBHAGDADI:
Are you a blind bat? I'm I the one encouraging what I said or it is Paul and Apostle of Jesus Christ that said so? Paul said pastors are to live of the gospel. You are here saying otherwise.

1 Corinthians 9:13-14 (KJV)
13 Do ye not know that they which minister about holy things live of the things of the temple? and they which wait at the altar are partakers with the altar?
14 Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel.


How did Aaron take care of his family? He did with what he got from what was offered in the temple. That's exactly how Peter and the Apostles were able to care for their family.

Mind you, there was a gathering called Church because the first time Peter preached, they were about a hundred. After he finished preaching, 3000 souls got added to the fold.

I think I have to stop entertaining your arrogant ignorance.

Paul you quote said this when he leaving a particular church to move to another location.
Acts 20:33-35 New International Version (NIV)

33 I have not coveted anyone’s silver or gold or clothing. 34 You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

This is lovely, the woman is still looking beautiful at her age and the man is looking good too.