₦airaland Forum

Waiting for you to be taken home...

The AC is working perfectly and blows cold.

Your questions will be attended to courteously and honestly.

A neatly used Nissan Pathfinder 2005 is available for sale.......

It has no mechanical condition. Owner is selling to upgrade.

The body is in a very good cosmetic condition as evidenced by the pictures but with normal wear that comes with a used vehicle.

Location: Lagos. The tinted permit is also available.

Price: N 1.55M

Contact: Femi 08033806118

Everybody cannot be a thief like you want them to be.

[quote author=jennykadry][/quote]Explanation partially accepted.

Efe and Jenny will always find a way to bring in kpekus to discussion....

She knows she is under a spell and she is still going to the hotel with him?

Its either you are being deceived to believing a lie or you have no idea how charm works.

She is currently eating her cake and still having it.

jowhyte: It bleeds my heart to see lots of eligible singles still trying to get a soul mate! It's no doubt that some have missed it at a much younger age and are now getting desperate to be taken through the aisles to the alter! I once remember a girl 28 yrs old i proposed to marry so many years ago and she refused by saying i was not the will of God for her. Till tomorrow she is still single. [b]When our aged parents got married many years ago! They were most likely matched make without anything like will of God. And their marriages are supper successful inspite of challenges unlike the divorce of today. [/b]What could be the most challenging rough part to singles yet to mingle when searching for a soulmate?

And who told you that our parents never did any spiritual inquiry?

Have you ever taken time to study marriage practices prior to civilization?

How do they inquire from the gods?

Young lady....

Leave that guy and face your life....


I am not saying he is responsible for your troubles but you are better off without him.....

If age is the only problem you have against him, then you have no problem

[quote author=Adufemi][/quote]OK.... It is well with you.

Prior to temporary separation, if you can find a place with the children for a two week vacation away from home, it will be a good idea.

Test the vacation first, keep your calls to him during the period to the barest minimum and let the kids be opportuned to talk to him.

Adufemi: I am not happy doing this too but to keep my sanctity now till I get a good solution to all this. I spoke to my parents yday, they were so upset wiv me for not sharing all d while but dy were supportive as usual.

They are working on getting me a job in my home state and then ill get an apartment. I dnt want to stay wit ma parents cos of our culture. I cannot divorce or anything cos God hates divorce.

I am so sad that it has gotten to this but as I said earlier the temporary seperation is d last resort. I hope he realises his mistake in time if not ill have to go wit d seperation thing

There is no part in my comments that suggests you divorce your husband.

All I am telling you is to be away from the environment for a time to work on yourself and health. Separation does not necessarily mean it will end in divorce.

God hates divorce, I agree but God didn't create robots who shouldn't take decision when life is being threatened.

ihedinobi2: First I laughed my äss out after reading this. Then I just felt pity. This is why although I do agree with cococandy that a man with potential is not one who is forever talking about what he will do, I think it is necessary to point out that a man headed somewhere talks to those coming along with him and ensures that they understand.

In my last relationship, what hurt me more than anything was how hard it was to communicate with my ex. I could talk till I was blue in the face but nothing appeared to be getting through. How could she believe in me if she wasn't even hearing me? And how could she commit to me if she didn't believe that my "dreams" made any kind of sense? So, the poor lady in your story just didn't get the federal parastatal part either because she wasn't paying attention or because you didn't tell her. I feel sorry for women who go hedging their bets and juggling things for their own maximum benefit. They stand to lose a hell of a lot.

So again I say: commit. Buy into the dream. Give yourself to it. When you realize it with him, you know you're not eating stolen or borrowed food. What is do difficult to understand about that, I wonder?

One can only explain and talk things through to someone willing to listen.

Moreover, it would have been counter productive to let her understand the difference between a federal and state civil service. She was in it for the money, if she wouldn't hold on to a state civil servant, there was no need to go on.

Right mind and focus are very important.

Only you know the type of person.

She may discover very late that she had a friend in town.

Since its still the same city, send her the ticket and do what you would have done if she didn't change her mind.

Then, when there arises a second time, do not go out of your way to do her bidding. Simple.

^^^ This your strategy may be effective in resolving your emotional issues at best but it is laying a very weak and bad foundation for the children.

Children learn more from their parents' actions than from spoken words. What they will be learning is treating your spouse using the ignore button and living together with no mutual respect and love.

You may have a temporary relief but it will never solve your problem. If you had no kids, I wouldn't be bothered with this method.

Please don't teach those children evil.

No be Una dey give them belle?

chaircover: I havent read every single post on this thread, but it seems that some people put a mans current earning power above other important things, when infact they should be looking at the whole package.

The thinking of an average Nigerian girl about a man with potential is strictly "Earning Power". It is not just that he works, where he work also is very very very important. I have had cause to interact with a whole lot to understand their psyche on this issue. Only the desperate ones care less about the money earning power factor.

An example was a lady I met during the days of my searching. She used to live in the same town with a friend of mine. My friend was working in a bank while I was in the public service. She liked my friend due to his earning potential and she believed my civil service salary cannot cater for her "loads".

She changed her mind to my proposal after one week of giving her consent. The state I was at the time pays her civil servants minimum wage of 12k naira, she calculated my worth in her myopic mind. She didn't know I was working with a federal parastatal.

She went after my friend, telling him that it was him she wanted from day one bla bla bla....

Immediately, I signed out of her life without looking back. Today, though not married but she is cohabiting with a man full of potentials and that one handles her his own way.

Welcome back...
. Did you bring bottles of champagne along for celebration

It will be slow and long to heal completely but you will get there.

It is well.

Not difficult

This is not a one size fits all situation.

Everyman determines what he wants from a lady and go for it. Mr A's standard is different from Mr B's.

Know what you want and go for it. However, every lady must have some basic skills and qualities before thinking of marriage.

The qualities include but not limited to homeliness, patience, calmness, humility, temperance, home management skills and industrious.

Are you facing challenges with your wife?

Do you by your actions or inactions cause her emotional grief?

Do you do side chics and booty calls?

Do you cater for her emotional, physical, social, financial and sexual needs?

What are the current problems causing rift in the home?

Without details, advising you may not solve your specific situation.

cococandy: Some Guys can be very loving and smooth when they are broke. Give a man wealth and his true self shows.

Once in a while, the use of some, most, average etc will help not to misunderstand your point.

And No, what you raised is not a gender specific problem but the Adamic nature in all.

alutacontinua: bellong, I don vex so?

Not yet... You are only warming up


Adufemi, if you are scared of the lady taking over, take a two week vacation away from home free from hostility.

Talk to him not to insult or demean you in front of the kids. If he loves them that much, he should understand the implication of his actions. If he can stop misbehaving in their presence, I am good with whatever you decide.

Adufemi: Thanks so much for ur advice I know its wrong for the children, he and my parents do not talk anymore.
I think he is under a spell too spiritually(charms) been praying but recently its so hard to pray am so down.

You can't pray in a hostile and toxic environment except you have no other choice to remain there.

If he wants to bring in his ex, your staying in his house wouldn't stop him.

He may not be hitting you again but he talks down on you in front of the kids every time.

I am not against you staying with him and absorbing all the negativity but I am more concerned about those kids. They shouldn't grow in such environment, they will be potential bomb in the future if care is not taken now.

The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

I have read the concluding part of your story in the other thread.

The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

There is no where in your story to suggest that your husband doesn't love you.

He was in financial crisis that made him behave awkwardly and now he is standing firm on his feet. How is that a problem?