₦airaland Forum

I never knew we had a self-servicer in the house.
And chicks full this forum.
Guy wetin you dey use ? Cos the last time i checked, Lux don finish for ona bathroom.
Abi u don switch to HARPIC or MORNING FRESH ?

EVENTS PLANNER:

Let me quickly use this opportunity to inform nairalanders that i arrange events.
I deal mostly with burials, funerals, wake-keepings, including mutuary services.
But i think i have what it takes to organise a naming ceremony.
The koko is that you will have to pay complete upfront.
call me : +234-803-ORGANISER.

^{Pastor B£N enters the scene clutching a bottle of holy water and begins to bind all evil spirit released by Biggerboy.}
Wipes beads of perspiration from forehead after cleansing the whole nairaland. wheeeeeeew.
Brethren abeg offering time !!!

I never knew biggerboy was a juju man,
^{scratches head}, Tessy your own don finish, this na for better by Force

For your ^{left auricle padded} mind

Hey Whats going on here ?
Does this place in anyway look like mumuwood nollywood ?

Sorry Ladies but as we all know, sometimes the truth hurts.
_{cuddles clemcykul, bimbliss n brownsilk .}

_{Ben enters with a stethoscope around the neck,}
Checks the temperature of ITUEN and TESSYBABY, _{and confirms}
I think this is acute Malaria + +.
Drug Prescription:
2 dirty slaps morning and nite.
If symptoms persist then u both need to visit yaba psychiatrist hospital

@Migines I bow to u ooo guy.
If i no trip for babe na you i go trip for?
Unlike you man, i am not in anyway related to ELTON JOHN.

@Monicamony I am so flattered.
All this lyrics just for me ?
Abeg who get ID KABASA number for here ?
We need to make the beats for this song.
The flow is also open for the title of the Album.

@Monicamony Wheeeeew ^{wipes sweat after reading}
All this long story, just to make a joke?
The last time i checked, i wasn't a student of literature or History either.

BEN goes to church for God's Intervention:

Our father who @ in Heaven,
I know i have sinned,
Since [b]adult[/b]ery is for adults.
If not for anything Lord, pity my present condition. ^{*father my present pic is attached for your confirmation*}
This babe don open office for my head,
and Monicamony here is planning to do the same to your humble son.
Father make her have nightmares.
since she wan chop me still despite say i don dry like this.
All this i ask in JESUS NAME.

@Monicamony I think you just told your life story here.
From your name everyone knows you like opening office on every guy you meet.
Your brain been dey trek? , wey u no recognise ona house boy again when im bring money come give u for school ?
No wonder u called asking for recharge card.
How u wan take pay ur fees now wey i no get money to borrow u?
Ur beans don burn.
Serves you right.

A baby boy was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing - I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little guy in front of his worried parents. He just kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers to check if his hand was all right, and guess what he found?



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The birth control pill.

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching
the television when the news came on. It showed a guy
on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you 1000 naira he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you 1000 naira he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and
threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands
the first guy the money.

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you.
The same story was on the four o'clock news." "No, no. Take it,"
said the second guy. "I saw the four o'clock news too. I just
didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to
see if he can find the perfect present, again!

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answers you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. Shopping is not sport.

7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

8. You have enough clothes.

9. You have too many shoes.

10.Crying is blackmail (pure nollywood). Use it if you must, but don't expect us
to like it.

11.Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

12.Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from pointblank
range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

13.Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think
we'dbe any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?

14.Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

15.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

16.Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.

17.Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know
how pretty you are?

18.Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

19.You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want
it done- not both.

20.Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right
to complain about having their boobs stared at.

21.The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
two months we were going out.

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.



After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"



"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man," the priest said.



"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.



The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"



"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does," the man said.

Yawns , was that a joke or is there something wrong with my sense of humour ?

@Monica You are really keen @ my matters.
The concept was to liven the room up,
Now u call me desperate. *hisses*
[s]No make me tell d whole forum hw u begged me to b ur guy[/s].

Monicamony:
No pinching i didn't mean to be jumpy but u started it by putting the wrong foot first. The first impression? Wasn't so good. I guess i am used to it now. Anyway, I don't think there is any harm in having a good laugh because, i love that very much.

@Ninjabyte Guy try understand, she is just nervous because she is being chyked by a fine boy.
@Monica Swthrt i know how u feel, its natural ok.

Monicamony:
Ben will always be Ben

@Monica Na waoo since you don already dey like me,
Lets take this romance to anoda level
Or what do you think ?

@Monica You go like quarell pass fight ooo.
So what are u trying to insinuate? that i steal jokes
_{u no know me, i dey vex quick ooo}

@Monica You could have told me you were a boxer so i come better prepared
*enters room*

@Monica Why are you putting me on hold?
Abi u dey work with MTN?
There is still room for hook up.

I thought as much
_{calms down}

@Monica Since we are now having fun,
whats up with my proposal?

@ Ninjabyte U mean that Black Uniform you great grandfather dash u after retiring from collecting twenty naira for hold up ?
Try white Uniform broda maybe them fit dey roga you 50naira.

@Monica Lewinsky I think say na joke we dey ?
@Ninjabyte guy this babe no dey go church oo she as she dey provoke

@Monicamony I hope i wasn't the person u were dissing ?
_{cracks knuckles}

@money4you I shud be telling you to zipup
From your name, one can conclude you get paid for sex.
_{money4you Local gigolo}

@Ninjabyte Are you sure its not Monica Lewinsky ?
_{*scratches head, abi my head dey on delay?*}

@Monicamony I needed the Break-up tips for my present girl.
Anyway since u don begin dey like me,
There is room here for hookup.
_{hw e go be naaa ?}