₦airaland Forum

viexcey:
Marrying from a poor/rich family isn't the koko. Marry from a good home with good name, marry a lady that can stick and respect with you no matter what. Marry a lady that wouldn't want her family interference in her marriage.
Some rich homes occasionally needs your support and you much drop it fat to impress. You see, it isn't about family financial status... Its all about the lady involved.
Nothing is permanent. Rich can be poor and poor can be rich. Use yourself as an example. Some rich families are living off their parent money, when their parents are gone... Money goes gradually while some humble families have graduates or bright people, things might be great tomorrow for them.
BTW, don't you have a gf while you were hustling? If you have, go marry her.

I am sorry, I disagree. Only a wicked lady would ignore her family problems because she is married. You are certainly right that a rich man may get poor and a poor one may become rich. However, a rich man who gets poor never remains poor except he is a stupid kind like the one who married a poor girl, instead of strengthen allies and connections through marriage. Have you ever wondered why political position and contracts circulate within a certain class or group of people! Think again.

When it comes to marriage - Women are smarter than men. I think it’s high time men got smarter about it. A woman would marry you if she thinks that your future earning potential is sufficient for her and secure. However, when there is financial challenge, she would dump you or when a richer man comes around.

Gets please get your money up and don’t be a Captain save a Hoe. If you are from a poor background, fine marry within your class if you think it’s right. If you want to move up and you are not married yet, NEVER, I repeat NEVER marry a girl from a poor background.

zaragal:
Thats your opinion bro...i believe i am entitled to mine.

Btw the guys who married ladies from humbled background and who didnt have his finances wreck. Maybe u can go n help him wreck it for him okay??

Abi na ny force .

Look! How u have it all figured out like u live in everybodys life.

Goodbye jor

Marriage itself comes with challenges because two strangers with different backgrounds and upbringing and sometimes different cultures and religion are coming together to start a family. Definitely, there will be challenges. Now, the risk mitigating factor is to reduce the challenges in the future, not avoid them. Hence, people tend to marry within the same tribe/race, class, religion etc.

Being from a poor or rich background does not guarantee a successful marriage. Neither does all the other factors highlighted. However, it is better to minimize marital issues.

People keep believing in the fallacy of LOVE. Love is a minimal factor for marriage. If you doubt me ask those that practice arranged marriage. In fact arranged marriage has a higher success rate than stumbled/love marriage.

I tend to agree that men should consider the family and work/professional background of their intended wives. Women do it to and not just Nigerian women. Most women. I will strongly advise men to NEVER marry a girl from a poor family regardless of how pious she might be. In fact even if the girl is the MD of her company - don’t marry.

If you ever get confused on how to marry - just remember this - Marry for success, upliftment, connection.

I wish I could explain more. Maybe when I find the time

zaragal:
Whether u marry a rich girl or "humbled background" lady, u will still have to extend ur hand to the extended family because by marriage her family becomes urs....

Just marry a Good girl, who loves and fear the lord. Some rich or well to do background chick comes with a price. Because u might end up being the wife and she the husband, after all....Her father has money.

In life u explore all options and by the way, you compromise at each point in time, if its not for the wrong thing.

You could marry a girl from an humble background and u wont carry as much responsiblity as u think, or God could provide more for you, you both could have a savings for the extended family....joint funds to send home 50/50 or so.... The wife in question will have a job.

You could also marry a rich girl and her family demands alot from u as inlaw.... Or the wife might want to live extravagant when u are trying to meticulous in your spending and save for tomorrow. She came from a rich home and lived extravagantly. That wouldnt change in her husband house.

So my dear, be open...the most important thing to consider is ....The lady, is she a christian??... A good girl and is the family a christian as well....

He be like say u never see inlaw with money, wey go frustrate u with their money join na?? . Just slap their daughter and u will build a house in prison....*That was on a little note*

All what you’re saying are hypothetical. There is nothing as a good girl. What’s the meaning of a good girl or even a good man? Please don’t say someone who has the fear of God, coz that’s BS.

Are you saying a Christian family would be considerate not to heap financial responsibilities on their in-law?

Trust me and I say this with FACT, if you marry from a poor home, regardless of your income status, you are digging your financial grave

kimbraa:
He's as delusional as you initially suggested. My apologies in advance if you find that abusive. What's the ratio of ladies from well to do families worldwide going down their social strata to marry a man from a poor family? Very insignificant figure if compared to men from the rich homes who would marry from any class. I think it's ok to dream. He may wake up one day in one rich man's house, married to his daughter and being controlled like a puppet. That's how it mostly ends.

This must be a personal issue for you. Are you from a poor family? Just asking sincerely.

MarianaTrench:
OP, I think your fears are in order .

Don't marry a girl from a hungry family otherwise she will overload you with financial responsibilities!

Not overload. She will kill you with financial responsibilities

lastclaire4:
You are very funny. How will you get to find out her salary? You think a lady will tell you what she earns. I have friends who divide their salary by 4 or 5 when you want to pry into what shouldn't be your business at that stage. At best you get to know later that they don't earn that low.

Based on her industry and grade level, you would be able to ascertain the salary average.

franchasng:
Story story! As if that's how you ladies marry too

Nigerian ladies are very cunning and wicked to Nigerian guys.

When a Nigerian lady from a rich home wants to date or marry, she considers the financial capability of the guy first before considering his handsomeness.

A broke guy dare not say hello to her because to her it's a taboo.

What about a Nigerian Lady that is working and earning good salary like 250k and above, she will never date or marry a guy earning below 300k monthly, that will be a big taboo for her. She considers men only based on how much money they have and not how handsome they look.

Go to US, UK. Canada, etc, Nigerian guys living there will abandon all the sweet looking chicks there and go back to Nigeria to find a broke, poor girl to marry and spend on her to become slay queen and then take her to abroad to become a modern chick, but Nigerian ladies living abroad will rather remain single till death than come back to Nigeria to look for a guy to marry and when they eventually try to come to Nigeria to find husband, they only target rich guys and guys from rich family to date and possibly marry.

They dare not date or accept to date or marry a Nigerian guy living in Nigeria and struggling to stand financially, it is a taboo.

Also a Nigerian guy earning over 500k monthly will just meet one fine broke girl from poor family and start to date her and shower her with love and gifts, and even assist her family and the next thing, he marries her and turn her life around for good without considering that she was a poor girl, but our ladies will never do same if they are the ones that have the money, so Nigerian guys must wake up.

What is good for Paul is good for Peter.

Guys marry your class only!

Stop stooping too low to marry broke girls when you have made it financially. Apply Nigerian ladies wisdom of going after rich and successful ladies of your class too, guys wake up

Me I have made it a priority now never to date or marry below my class.

I cannot date any broke girl, never!

I cannot marry any lady that earns less than 250,000naira monthly.

Marry like Royal families; they marry to keep their royal dynasty stronger and richer not just for love based on physical beauty.

Before u marry her, please check her real financial value and worth. Will she help u grow financially or help u diminish The world is becoming more and more capitalist by the day, so to survive and to build a good future for your kids, think like a capitalist; consider financial worth of your would be wife or fiancé first before u say I do

Guys go for your class, we need to learn from our ladies to avoid regrets

Your advice is classic. Though harsh, but it’s the truth. Your advice should be the go to standard for choosing a spouse. What you explained is called Female Hypergamy. Women tend to marry up, but many men don’t care and then begin to face difficulties. Only sensible men apply this logic.

So sad how Nigerians have been reduced to money mongers

ojlifa:
Until we hear from the man,you words are simply what it is at best aligations.what I know from experience is that all this women na devil.them think say men na there slave. Plus they have laws in there country which is in there advantage. Then to top it up you dey forgien land were Nigerians na there target.even me I go soon land nijia take wife

Hahahahaha- my guy chop knocku

SweetBuns:
Stupid animals who call themselves Nigerian men.
Spits.
Most nigerian men are bloody he goats who need castration.
Idiots

Too quick to curse out the man, but did you noticed when she said “struggling to keep a family that never had a chance”.

The marriage was gone. She observed the signs so why is she wailing on Facebook.

I can’t comment on this because it’s a private matter brought to light by one party. However, it is not a crime for the man to marry someone else. Polygamy is acceptable in Nigeria

In all honesty, this is the only man that would enter into Aso Rock and all the old politicians will run away with the next available flight.

MaziOmenuko:
I had similar experience in one of my previous place of work. Mine was that aside being selfish and canny, my boss was very overbearing. He was employed newly to head the department, prior to that, I was acting as dept head when my previous boss resigned. Upon resumption, I practically taught him everything in the department. Then he became very paranoid of me. He always felt I was a threat to his job.

I never disagreed with him openly except on one occasion in the presence of the MD when he made one silly suggestion which I challenged and after presenting our points, the MD took my side. After that, matters degenerated so much that he told me openly that I was eyeing his job.

I have read that 48 laws of power and is familiar with the phrase 'Never outshine your master', but unfortunately, I am not of that same school of taught. I don't have to swallow a popular phrase because it is a General believe. I made myself visible to the point that during mgt meetings, the MD always sends for me alongside him because he knows what I am capable of.

Long story short, during one of our yearly performance review and appraisal, he strongly recommended that I be sacked as I was incompetent on the job and not a team player. He ended up getting sacked for falling short of some basic management requirement.

What saved my job was not obeying one law in the 48 commandements; I was retained for having a good track record of outstanding performance visible for all to see.

Oga, make yourself visible. Next time you see an innovation that will move your company forward, prepare a very nice slide with PowerPoint and send to your MD. Tell him you need 5mins of his time to make the presentation.

Your boss did not hire you, don't let him decide when you will be sacked.

***I must add that my experience above is relative. It depends on your boss. I had a boss that gave me a project, a big one. When I was through, he forwarded my report to the MD and mentioned specifically that I was the one that did the job. He blind copied me in the mail he sent to the MD. I was overwhelmed. So it all boils down to the kind of boss you have. For such a boss, I would gladly obey the law of not bordering myself to outshine him.

Your situation is different Chief

- You had been managing the department in the absence of your previous Boss. That they didn’t recommend you to take over maybe a different story.
- Your new Boss flattered in the presence of the MD. That’s depicts incompetence or knowledge gap.
- Your Boss was new to the internal workings of your organization and possibly didn’t know how the politics is being played.
- Your Boss had the privilege to display his competence in the presence of Exco and made a terrible mess out of it.
- You have the backing of other supervisors who recognize how important you are.

The young man’s case is quite different. He started with his Boss at the same time. His Boss seem to understand power dynamics and keeps him out of management view.

SlimBrawnie:
Okay o... I wrote based on experience with an International and well structured organization that knows the value of those staff that prove their worth. Not everyone can tolerate bullsh.it from a superior but I think you are right cos in Nigerian firms, they start threatening you with a sack letter and eventually sack you.

I don’t mean harm. You wrote based on your experience which may not be suitable for the OP. According to the OP, it seems the department is new and just replaced their predecessors. I think the Boss is trying to consolidate power within the organization structure. In any ways, if the OP feels he is under appreciated, he can take a walk. However, going by what you suggested will only serve as a catalyst to see him out of the company.

YOU CANNOT FIGHT YOUR BOSS AND WIN. The reason why is your Supervisor’s Boss is actually watching you. Nobody wants a talented arrogant subordinate.

SlimBrawnie:
The guy seems to know/read the kind of person you are that's why he's trying this shit with you.

Always make sure you copy a superior in all your mails.. Nothing like he doesn't want that, he didn't hire you and you have the right to put whoever you want in the company in copy.

Make sure you include you name/signature on whatever you do and insist that the original copy must be the one in circulation.

You should have an HR in the company, put him or her in copy and report the matter to the HR if this guy tries to intimidate you with his position.

You've gotten too familiar with him and I think you are trying to avoid having any issues with him, reason why you've not taken any action yet... Avoid such relationships in a work place
Express yourself boldly but make sure you don't have prolonged issues with him.

Try your best possible to always make yourself relevant wherever you find yourself.

Don’t listen to this advice. You will be replace. Your Boss appraises you. Even if there is no formal appraisals, top management will get feedback about you from him. That’s how it’s being done.

Your Boss is new and still trying to consolidate his position with his own Bosses. I don’t think he is threatened by you, but he is threaten by the impression his Bosses have about him. Continue to make him shine and as you do, Top management will realized that the made the right decision in hiring the right staff. Don’t forget you are actually occupying some people’s space who were sacked. Your focus is ensuring your job/dept is safe by continuing working and allowing your Boss strengthen relationship. If you go the route you are thinking, Top management will sack you and leave your Boss. Team work is actually an important skill.

coolcharm:
Hey OP,

I have a feeling that you are in your late 20's or early 30's.. I might be wrong, but I strongly sense so because you exuade so much energy and ambition with your write up.

While it is not a bad thing, you need to simmer down.

In corporate settings, there are always structured reporting lines, and you are his direct report!, Except you want to become his competition, which is what him 'stealing your shine' implies.

No matter how intelligent or smart you think you are on the job, never make the mistake of outsining your master (in this case, your boss).

That is the first law in Robert Greene's '48 Laws of Power'.

I leave you with excerpts from that book;

Law 1: Never Outshine the Master - Keys to Power
Robert Greene

Everyone has insecurities. When you show yourself in the world and display your talents, you naturally stir up all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity. This is to be expected. You cannot spend your life worrying about the petty feelings of others.

With those above you, however, you must take a different approach: when it comes to power, outshining the master is perhaps the worst mistake of all.

Do not fool yourself into thinking that life has changed much since the days of Louis XIV and the Medicis.

Those who attain high standing in life are like kings and queens: they want to feel secure in their positions, and superior to those around them in intelligence, wit, and charm.

It is a deadly but common misperception to believe that by displaying and vaunting your gifts and talents, you are winning the master's affection.

He may feign appreciation, but at his first opportunity he will replace you with someone less intelligent, less attractive, less threatening, just as Louis XIV replaced the sparkling Fouquet with the bland Colbert. And as with Louis, he will not admit the truth, but will find an excuse to rid himself of your presence.

------------------------------ End of quote --------------------------------



My final advice to you is to find a balance your ambition with patience and wisdom.

Listen to this man. Every advice you need is intact here. Your day will come

I think his death should be investigated - this is strange. If it was suicide, how did he get the object/tool to commit the suicide. However, if it was someone else. How did is happened?

donbachi:
We need people like this..may God richly bless her.

Nah - she is doing this for relevance. Timaya’s interview with Daddy’s freeze got to her real big. Timaya said she is irrelevant and has gone downward since their breakup. Apparently, he said the truth. Instead of her relevance to be displayed via movie roles, she is getting involved in charity works and photo shoots.

Guys - you need to understand yeyebrities. Attention is their lifeblood, without it they are nothing.

Thief - why your father no buy for you

Abfinest007:
mourihno is a special troublemaker.guadiolla has made d special one to keep quiet

Nope Manchester United made him quiet

krissy123:
The man is useless. Looking for flimsy excuses to get a divorce. After 16 good years na now im know sey the woman senior am.

I doubt the age is the ONLY reason. However, it’s his explainable reason to leave his wife. It’s possible that the wife may have been stressing him and acting like the Boss since she is aware that she is older

Aftermath of not having your father around

SMH - he needs drugs for his attention deficiency syndrome

I think it’s time for the head of the Nigerian army to go and join their folks and fight this war. I think they are being too lousy in the barracks enjoying themselves

NwaAmaikpe:



What is wrong with EFCC.
Are they not the ones that just gave back Obanikoro's son and wife their houses and money.

Why can't they let Diezani go?
She is Nigeria's best ever minister of Petroleum after Rilwanu Lukman.

I always ask that this lady is forgiven because she is going through a lot and most of the things we have against her are mere accusations.

If not for anything, at least for her elder statesman husband Rear Admiral Allison Amaechina Madueke who between 1984 to 1985 made 042 part of what it is today.

Sentiments like this are reason why Nigerian resources are looted without any conscience

These marriage counselors think marriage is what they see on Hollywood movies or soap opera. They imagine these fantasies would come to past and that’s the one major reason marriages fail.

Marriage is about having less expectations and fulfilling your responsibilities. There is never a happy marriage - that’s BS. It’s hardwork and patience.

This man must be drinking OMO

Ambidextrause:
Same with UK visa? Is it as straightforward as that of US, based on someone's PR status?

If not for the travel cost from Canada to the UK, I would have applied as well.
I got the US Visa with 10 years validity as you correctly mentioned.

Yes - I actually applied when I was in Nigeria with my COPR. My application without COPR was sufficient enough for UK visa refusal. However, I got 6 months.

Are they not all lifting lyrics from each other due to the lack of creativity exhibited by them.

We knew this already and I think Buhari also admitted this and gave credit to Jonathan

czaratwork:
Hi all,

I got a call from someone that agents in Nigeria said Canada has opened its doors to Nigerians regardless of your qualifications and he wants to find out from me before paying the agent.

Has anyone heard such recently? He said i should enquire and get back to him and i don't even know who to enquire from so that i dont sound stupid.

Your responses will be appreciated. Ok bye.

Canada did not only open its doors, it also opened its windows to immigrants. However, this is dependent on the route/program you choose. If you choose the Economic skill program and you are qualified, there is a huge guarantee. If you choose the refugee program, there is a huge probability of returning back to Muritala Mohammed Airport.

There are immigration lawyers and agents. Their job is to make money from you and not to assure you of approval.

eclectic139:
Is this irrespective of the duration you specifically applied for? Did this start recently?

You apply for specific Visa type.

Trizadove:
please what if the applicant is a masters student in Canada and not a PR?
what are his chances? please im asking with respect to US and UK visas. will the person be given 10years too?

If it’s your first time - 2 years. Subsequent renewal would be dependent on your frequent travels to the United States.

As a student, there are likelihood you may be denied if no strong ties can be established. Notwithstanding, studying in a University indicate strong ties that the student would return to continue his/her education, but you would not enjoy the concessions/waivers PR gets because the visa approval would be dependent on the Visa Officer