₦airaland Forum

It is getting out of hand and I think the Ministry of Women Affairs and Empowered Feminist Groups need to step in. The irony is getting out of order. On one hand, you have them screaming equality and women's rights and within seconds objectifying themselves and selling their privates and worn out vaginas for less than $10.00. I truly feel sad for young men and if I was young I don't think I would marry or probably I would marry from an Hausa family with strong conservative views and family ties.

For men placing value on women, you need to rethink - they all have a PRICE. It is either you can afford it or not. Stop wasting your limited scarce resources chasing women. Build yourself so you can have a huge plethora of women and markets (States, Regions, and Countries) to choose from. Don't allow your economic or financial condition hoodwink you in marrying a prostitute. It will be the beginning of your downfall.

Topeonline24:
The guy we all hope she will marry waste her time for good 7yrs. Dont be too hasty to judge

I asked questions not judgement. I understand there is more to the story. However, if someone comes with a marriage proposal and then a delay, it is an indication of unseriousness. A marriage proposal is actually followed by a marriage and the time difference is typically months and not years.

Wayneju:
The standards held by women for men has really not changed. It has been slightly modified as we evolved as a species, but it is still tied to financial capability, which can be translated to either ability to provide or financial security. The other standards such as height, weight, fitness level, and appearance are actually standards held by men for women which have now been replicated as women's standards. Regardless, this is not the top priority for women. Once, the man passes the financial capability test, other standard metrics can be use. Also, the financial capability test strongly compensates for other standards if the man doesn't meet those requirements. A clear example to this, is the vast number of women around wealthy men. These men, typically older, out of shape, average looking or even worse, not even above 6ft, all have one thing in common - MONEY.
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This should be written in GOLD and hung somewhere everyone could see.DAMM

I appreciate you understand the context. This was written because young men don't have standards anymore and don't understand the social dynamics between men and women

Foreverdope:
A dramatic scene played out at a mall when a lady proposed marriage to her boyfriend but he turned her down.

In a video which surfaced online, the woman went on her knee to propose in public and the young man was taken aback as he felt greatly embarrassed.

He politely asked his girlfriend to get up amidst pleas from her and onlookers who were telling him to say yes.

When all persuasions failed, and the man refused to accept her proposal, the lady handed him a dirty slap for the rejection considering the fact their relationship had no direction after six years of dating.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ds59dAdBxE


Seun
Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Dominique

A woman cannot and should not initiate a marriage proposal to a man.

Topeonline24:
Hhmmn thats a long story, but to answer your question. At 23, a guy came with his family couples with kolanuts to show interest in marrying her,at 29 when we finally arrange for their marriage, guy impregnate someone and ran off

At 23 she had a marriage proposal. What happened? Why was the proposal declined.

Now that she is 30 and her eggs are old. Why would a reasonable man avoid younger women to marry an older one. What is so special about her than compensates her youth and the youth of alternative choices for men.

nkemdi89:
What thing you are not getting my happiness and fulfillment should come first before other things , you want me to go into a marriage when I am not ready based on those reasons. I should live for me first.

What Readiness do you need? You keep thinking and acting like a man. Unfortunately, you are a woman. A woman is ready for marriage immediately she comes of age. What you are actually saying is that you are not woman enough to be a wife. What part don't you understand.

What stops you from getting married and then getting a job. Except your plan is to get an average man and by average I mean a man who is not a good earner. If you have the eyes and head to pick a good earner why should you be bother about the financial concerns - that's a man's job.

You are going to remain single for a long time because you are yet to understand a woman's role in a marriage. If you truly do - you would be able to spot a potential provider male and get married. You are either looking for an average man to control.

I am speaking based on my life long experience on earth and the social dynamics that exist between men and women. I wonder why women are now concerned about the affairs of men. Feminism has truly destroyed women.

Tboymessiah:
Boss, God bless you for this advice, this happened to out of passion I hit a lady with a stone, just bcus she cheat on me, I thank God the relationship don't work out many bad things would have happened by now.

This is quite unfortunate. You have misplaced your priorities and placing so much emphasis on the wrong things.

nkemdi89:
Na so ! So a man should die early because he has to provide for his family, I don't belong to that school of thought, I believe in sharing responsibilities for happiness and wellbeing of all, that doesn't mean I will disrespect or disregard my man , two of us will put our head together to build our family . Don't blame me , my growing up contributes a lot to me having that sense of financial independence, I have never demand money from any of my boyfriend, neither do I believe in " make I chop man money " . It gives me joy when I assist or render assistance to people, I don't want to be redundant in my relationship.

Not demanding money from your boyfriend is the normal thing to do. He is not your husband and should not take up your financial responsibilities. You are still misplacing priorities. That is why you are still single.

Your husband's job not boyfriend - is to provide for his family. When you are married, this is the demand you should make. If he is not capable of providing, he should work towards this rather than get married and bring financial difficulties to his wife and children.

Your priority should be focusing on the many marriage proposals you claim are coming your way and screen the offers on the premise of financial capability.

Thisisa:
My experience with ladies hasn't been all nice. Though I hadn't been a SIMP.

Latest experience is a girl I met DEC 2019. We were good friends. One of the mistake I made was that I didn't shoot my shot early.

We continued to be friend. I noticed she's very nice girl. She given me a lot bought nice cloth for me on my bday. And all.

So about 6month after I met her. That was last I asked that we should be in a relationship. She said no.

And later on started moving even more closer to me.

I lost my job August last year.

I felt we began to be distant. So I left it that way. Till fdbuary March this year. When she called and questioned why I have not been chatting, calling etc.

Ever since, she calls me etc, and even assist me in terms of job search. she had even giving money when I was seriously down financially even with asking.

She tells me misses me and all sort.

I was non committal because I really do not know what she wants friendship or relationship.



So the beginning of last month I spoke to her again about been in a relationship, she said she would pray about. Ever since no communication from her.

Will it be a good advise for me to chat her. And what can I say?

Go and get a job before thinking of a relationship. Stop misplacing your priorities. Even if you lose her, she is not the only woman in the world. These are the issues I have with young men.

nkemdi89:
I never turn down a proposal for a job , I wasnt unemployed I have been in the same job for years , but I wanted to reach a level in the job where my financial status would have increased to take care of myself and my family, irrespective of if my husband has or not . The quality of life i want to my kids is important to me , I am a salary earner and not a business person.

Taking care of a family is a MAN's job. That is why I said you are acting as a man. Your job is to nest what the man has provided. I am not saying getting a job is a bad thing, but I am saying putting off marriage proposals for a job is not the ideal thing a woman should be doing. You are not going to be the leader of the family or is that your intention - to be the leader and breadwinner of your home. If this is the case, then you are not a wife and I will strongly advise men to avoid you.

You have prioritise a job above marriage yet wondering why you are single.

Topeonline24:
30yrs

She is old for marriage. What was she doing in her 20s?

helinues:
It's vice versa.

Ladies nowadays are more interested in the money part not the love part

Women have always been interested in the money part. The thing called love in relationship started in the 16th Century. Even dating is a modern thing. Usually, the introduction is made and then courtship proceeds and afterwards, the marriage rituals. There was nothing as dating for 5 years prior to marriage. That is like eating the cow before paying for it.

No father at that time would allow this. In fact, pregnancy out of wedlock or pre-marital sex was strongly frowned at. Hence, you have the confirmation of virginity after the wedding.

advanceDNA:
Assumptions.?? you are the one saying men are doing the shopping and men are the consumers of women....I only told you both are consumers in this modern world...

And by the way: In the past....Lots of fathers give their daughters off without the daughter’s say in the name of marriage.....it still happens today in some parts of Nigeria....so what’s the assumption here??

...

Yes - men do the shopping (seeking out women of their choice and approaching women). Men are making the active move and as such the consumer. I agree you do not like the consumer analogy. Regardless, it is a term we can relate to when we want better products. You would not accept an expired product or a product that is already opened would you? I doubt that.

However, we have women who have been disvirgined roaming the streets and still considering themselves as rare quality products because the men, the consumers, accept the defected products the way it is. If men begin to wake away from non-virgins or go to markets with the highest virgins, guess what that would translated - the abandoned market will begin to shift towards producing more pious virgins to attract the consumers back.

Men MUST and should have standards.

PS: To strongly collaborate my consumer theory in marriage. Men pay brideprice, if that consideration given (i.e. dowry) for the act of marriage isn't consumerism, then I don't know what it is. You can either accept the theory or reject it, but it is still there.

BigBellyBurst:
More to this,

As the men's standards of women they want keep falling, the women's standards keep rising.

If a man decides to apply stringent standards like the females do, some people would start shifting uncomfortably (women). Have you ever noticed that when a man is talking about the kind of woman he would love to date or marry, he gets attacked 9 out of 10 times by a female?

I wonder why they get so intimidated by such men who has high standards. You hear them try to demoralize him by saying things like, "if you continue to think like this, you will remain single for a long time".

Meanwhile, they are running around dreaming of dating a guy that lives in the clouds every moment unattacked.

Women cannot decide if a man would be single. This choice is not theirs to make. Hence, the phrase "I'm single by choice" is a fallacy made by women to accommodate their insecurities. Like I have previously said, men marry women i.e. initiate the marriage proposal, and woman accept this proposal or reject the proposal.

The standards held by women for men has really not changed. It has been slightly modified as we evolved as a species, but it is still tied to financial capability, which can be translated to either ability to provide or financial security. The other standards such as height, weight, fitness level, and appearance are actually standards held by men for women which have now been replicated as women's standards. Regardless, this is not the top priority for women. Once, the man passes the financial capability test, other standard metrics can be use. Also, the financial capability test strongly compensates for other standards if the man doesn't meet those requirements. A clear example to this, is the vast number of women around wealthy men. These men, typically older, out of shape, average looking or even worse, not even above 6ft, all have one thing in common - MONEY.

To answer your question, it is men's standards that has declined. Women's standards have practically remained the same. Men have dropped the ball and they need to get their acts together.

advanceDNA:
There’s no how you want to put it....it is degrading to refer to women as products in the market...

It’s the 21st century... both parties have standards... we not in the Stone Age where women are given to men like shoes, clothes, or property....

Altogether....I never said you shouldn’t have standards...it’s a free world.. I’m also an advocate of good morals and sexual discipline

. but we all contributed to the corruption of the women sample size....

So whether you have standards or not doesn’t change the fact that you will find a higher percentage of women that men have use and dumped... And that my friend is why you might wait till eternity to get the standards you want...

I would advised you discontinue with assumptions. I am married with kids. What I wrote is based on standpoint comparison between what was expected and what is now the norm.

Also, women were not given to men. These men approach the fathers of the women to seek their hands in marriage. In the past, marriage men were properly vetted and if not suitable, the marriage proposal is declined. Please know your history properly.

nkemdi89:
You are not getting it, not that they are not coming , I am ready to settle down, unfortunately I am having issues with choice .

You keep shifting the goal post. Initially, you were turning down proposal to get a good job. You have the job now. What is stopping you if the proposals are still coming?

I think you are lying. These proposals are not marriage proposals. If you do want to get married, accept one of the proposals.

advanceDNA:
There’s no eating your cake and keeping it..

.
Everyone is having sex... even if you are not among those that disvirgin these girls you shaa some how contributed to the statistics of girls with with high body count on the street...

Meaning...When you are ready to marry, the chances you will find a Virgin will become really slim....it’s a vicious cycle

Let all of us make the right decision for once..
Both men and women should stop sexual immorality before marriage....

Automatically we we all Mary ourselves as virgins....

And by the way: both men and women are the consumers in this context ... the analogy of women are products while men are the consumers is just degrading..

Apparently, this is what is obtainable at the moment.

My analogy is not degrading. Men initiate marriage and women accept. If men don't initiate marriage, there will be no acceptance. In this respect, men are actually the consumers of women. Hence, it is ought to men to decide the kind of women they want. You can put my theory to test. Hold a higher standard for women and watch the quality of women around you go high. At the other hand, approach the dating market with no standard and the low valued women will occupy your space.

nkemdi89:
I don't think so , I was planning my life the way it will suit me in order not to inconvenience anyone or take some actions I may regret executing.

You don't think so? Where is your husband?

I will advise you read to comprehend rather than read to respond. You played yourself means you are not getting your desired outcomes because of certain decisions made. You decided to turned marriage proposal for a high paying job. That was a choice based on your decision and now you are finding it difficult to land a husband.

Men's relationship standards has shown a tremendous decline. According to history, piety and virginity were huge requirements for marriage. A marriage proposal was hinged on these two pre-conditions before the proposal is issued. However, it appears young men are more willingly to marry anything that identifies as a woman and the standards are now basically having defining physical features to confirm being a woman. Some men even go below the standard scale to elope with women who already have kids.

In the Dating/Marriage market, the consumers are Men and the products, Women. Logically, if consumer preference and taste declines, it will impact on the product. This same logical is also applicable to higher consumer preference and taste. Hence, it is not surprising to see the decay and rottenness acceptable by men today. What is ironic is men criticising and condemning young women for the complete rejection of valuable standards. In my opinion, the men encourages the indecencies and debauchery. In fact, men promotes these behaviours in women.

If men want better women, then they must have and demand better standards and hold these standards without compromise. After all, the consumer determines the actual product quality and if this is not possible, it is expected for the consumer to move to another market. Rather than criticise women for behaviours they, themselves encourage, men should promote and uphold better standards for women to adapt into.

fluffybaby:
Exactly. Same thing I tell women these days too. Serial daters, serial romantic tourers and Bleep boys are plenty in naija so I advise ladies to date as many men as possible Incase one mad man just decides to move on she won't have heart break.dating doesn't have to do with having sex.

Not having sex in dating is not possible. It's like advising someone to enter hell without getting burnt. I will advise ladies to date with intention. Keep your virginity for your husband. Don't give it away too easy. It is one of the highest honour, including kids, a woman can give a man.

Dpundict:
It is well bro. I have met worse here in ajah.

You're looking for a wife in Lagos and worse still in Ajah/Lekki? What are you smoking and drinking again?

Shalommy:
You're looking for a perfect woman when you ain't perfect. You go old. Chaii..

He didn't say a perfect woman. He said a wife. A wife is not a perfect woman, but a woman who understands the value of marriage, a woman who has been raised to be a wife by her family and knows the importance of men. A wife is someone who is feminine, willingly to cooperate and respect her man.

These women are not perfect, they also come with their flaws but they know and understand what it is to be a wife.

@OP, exclude finding a wife in big cities in the South (e.g Lagos, Port Harcourt, Calabar, Ibadan) and Abuja. There are cities girls who are there to experience the city life. Extend your search to include conservative states. Completely avoid the South-East except you are tribe conscious and if you exclusively want an Igbo girl, utilise friends and family network.

The South-South (excluding Rivers) tend to have more conservative christian ladies and if you don't mind ethnic group and religion, head straight to the Middle Belt and North, there you will find the most conservative Nigerian ladies in the country who are trained to be wives.

Finally, vet thoroughly the ladies you are considering as wives - I wrote a thread on how to pick a wife. Read that up. Don't forget to review her social media pages too.

nkemdi89:
Same thing I am passing through as a woman , I was turning down proposals because I wasn't financially ready to settle down and I was aiming for a particular level at work , now I am ready but the choice of men I am seeing it's not what I was expecting.

You are acting like a man. Guess you played yourself.

urgentsale:
Us embassy also recognise local govt certificate. My friend travelled to USA with Surulere marriage registry certificate

Fortunately your friend has the right marriage certificate. I don't think embassies will completely reject couples who registered at Ikoyi because what they want is proof of marriage and such proof exist in wedding photos, church marriage certificate, traditional rites and photos. Showing all these including the Ikoyi Registry, as well as change of name in National dailies shows proof of marriage.

Odidigboigbo:
Not really, in Nigeria, what matter most is the bride price (traditional marriage) any other thing is secondary.

I think customary marriages are recognized so they are fine.

WHITELIGHTER:
Does this apply to every other federal registry, like the one in GRA Benin city?!

Yes every federal Registry in Nigeria. They do not have the right to conduct marriages

wirinet:
As a non lawyer, I find it difficult to grasp also. First he only made reference to the 1999 constitution. So what happens to marriages held before 1999?
Then what is the current status of millions marriages held since 1999 till date?
What is status of inheritance and family judgements made as a consequence of marriages conducted in ikoyi? Are the judgements null and void?
What of those that recieved citizenships of other countries because of marriages conducted at Ikoyi Registry (ironically Ikoyi Registry is the only Marriage Registry recognised by US embassy), do their citizenship become null and void?

Everything is null and void. The judge referred to the constitution that clearly says the function of Local Governments. Such powers were not conferred to Ikoyi Registry and the Registry has been carrying out an illegal act for a very long time.

I really pity some young men playing daddy role instead of having a relationship. A girl who is really into you won't bill you because she doesn't want to lose you. Even the ones in the streets will behave themselves.

I thought zoom was free

Opeyemiextra:
We know that traditionally, women are saddled with the responsibility of running and taking care of the home hence the title home makers while their male counterparts provide what is needed to run the home, hence the title, providers. These roles are taken seriously and failures by either party would be termed as irresponsibility.

But in recent times, we have seen an unprecedented shift and fluidity in these roles and how they are played. Women are now providers and sometimes even breadwinners while men have also been involved in running the home especially with child care. This has generated debates with some still holding on to the traditional role division.

To the reason for this post:
So, most men, at least on this platform, complain of women only wanting them because of what they can bring to the table. If the tables are turned, as a man, would you be a househusband while your wife provides?

When you use words you don't understand - "unprecedented". What is the percentage of these house-husbands compared to provider. Don't use words you cannot defend

Prison didn't change this woman after spreading lies

This culture is not good. We are going to see increase rate of bastards and single mothers. The family structure is under threat. This is the same culture killing the black community in America.