₦airaland Forum

guru03:
Am in such a situation........ Nice questions

You pay me.

My account details loading.....

Reelmii:
even after all this discussion before marriage, change is constant. u are having the discussion with a lady that tge only thing on her mind is marriage and u think she won't agree to all this just to get the ring on

Hahahaha

AfroBlue:
teamwork, for the guys, less football and beer parlouring and more helping out around the castle.
for the ladies, rest the cellphone and prepare a couple of meals in advance. ditto for the male chefs.

now who wants some fish and plantain?

Na wa for you!

See fish and plantain

Teamwork makes sense.

Yankee101:
Reputable Daycares with extended hours

Close, extended family members

Daycare?

I think I prefer nannies who close after work.

chloride6:
You need to leverage on technology and bring in the third parent... your first kid.

You need to make life as easy as possible and support each other as much as possible..

This plan won't work if both of you work high demanding jobs like finance..

Thanks.

NoToPile:
Myself and hubby have flexible jobs

I presently work from morning till about 12 noon within my vicinity hubby works mostly from home (99percent of the time) late into the night so he wakes late, technically I am out before he wakes up so I have to sort the mornings myself all collabo is till the afternoon.

I do the cooking, I cook in a mini-bulk format because of NEPA issues, God bless whoever invented the washing machine too

He babysits when I am busy, feeds the baby sometimes, he does the deep cleaning and dusting on some sundays.

Since my husband is majorly home ,likes food and hardly eats out:

Sometimes I cook the morning meal the night before,
sometimes when I come back by 12 thats when we ll sort out breakfast and it becomes brunch.
sometimes hubby will eat bread and butter or warm some food already cooked.
sometimes he ll just sort himself out mostly when I have to go to the Main office.

Now my baby has started creche, I take him in the mornings it just around where I work, I can decide to pick him as I am coming back or go home relax and go back for him.


Its working out and just today we talked about how we ll cope if and when I would have to report to the office everyday, thats a different ballgame entirely. Merely thinking about it is giving me headache



I just cant imagine how couples both working 8-5 with toddlers cope in this Lagos.

What kind of job do you do that affords you that flexibility?

Details not necessarily.

LewsTherin:
Sad I didn't see this thread early enough. Bukatyne you didn't tag me as you usualy do. Even if I don't comment on some of your threads, I read and follow them. So stand up, hands up and close your eyes fir the next 10 minutes

It's nice to see that there are a good number of couples who split duties happily. Different from the doom and gloom storries that pervade Nairaland.

Yes, planning, cooperation and shared responsibilities. That's how it's done. And I'll include a few more points that my Lady and I have learnt over the last 8 years.

Get technological help where you can. Washine machine, micro wave, inverter, dish washer, stuff like that. Now I know finance is a big thing in Nigeria and not everyone can afford these things. What we did was to browse various stores for when they had promos running on these items. Also use the "pay small small" option to pay in instalments. Buying second hand from others also helps.

Get outsourced help. We have a lady come in to clean the house once a week. She does the thorough cleaning so we don't have to do much during the week to keep the house neat. Can also get someone to do the ironing after the washing mashine does the washing.

Bulk cooking. My Lady cooks enough stews, soups and poriages to last quite a while. Freeze it in small servings and microwave for meals. It means preparing a meal only takes as long as the rice or yam needs to boil or plantains or potatoes need to fry.

Smart cooking. Those hard days of broke-ness taught me that 200 bucks worth of carrots, green beans and peppers can produce fried rice eniugh for my family and a guest. Boiled eggs add the protein. Stir frying can help make exquisite meals in a very short time. Now we try to keep fried pieces of fish or chicken in the freezer at all times to accomodate this. The aboki in the estate is already used to me getting veggies or tomatoes in 100 to 200 naira quantities.

Daycare/ creche can save lives you know. My girl started at 4 months. No time. But one has to investigate these places well and form a habit of dropping in unannounced and unexpected.

Get some breathing space, some Daddy Mummy time alone to remember those days of being single by "dumping" the kids off every now and then with some family or friends. It helps to recharge.

I made sure my Lady and I discussed all these things well before we got married. She had things a little different in mind than I did and I was more spartan than she could be. We compromised as well as we can. You won't get everything you want but you'll get a lot more than you believed possible.

True we run our own business, but sometimes, running your own business can put more pressure on your time than being employed by someone else. I run 2 other businesses in addition and if all goes well, I'll have the farm up and running halfway through this year so that is even more pressure on my time but I always say - my wife first, my kids next then what I need to finance my wife and kids. Any one and anything comes in order of urgency. That's my list of priorities.

My LewsTherin, I am so sorry

As usual, on point.

I am also liking the offsite help to clean and extreme outsourcing

So sorry, I would have missed this.

KanwuliaExtra:
Maids are only needed when the children are under 10 years old.

Impossible not to have a maid in places like Nigeria where life is tough and rough.

No electricity, no water, no school buses, no reliable after school programs and PEDO-FILES by the billions in all corners.

Running a family and working full time is challenging, especially for single parents.

It takes planning. . . WITH 2 PARENTS.

If only one parent is involved, it is difficult but doable.

With the present state of situation with househelps in Nigeria, only LUCK can prevail.

Outside Nigeria or Africa, it is really easy with planning and use of security cameras.

Thanks to Zmodo and Arlo. I don’t need househelps for children over AGE 10.
Teach your children to take care of your home and themselves. They are the househelps!

I only work weekends. . . I have peace.

Hahahahahaha

I so agree that kids must be taught to be hands on early.

I am exploring all options.

Maids the last.

Allansmith:
This is quite educative and am here to learn a whole and see how to run mine when we get to that bridge...

Kudos to you OP...You rock!!!

Thanks a lot

thorpido:
I thought you said full working wife not full time housewife?
It's the flexibility that they take advantage of.
Her day can't start until she bathes,feeds and get the kids ready for school.She drops them off and goes about her business.
The kids don't finish from school until about 4:30pm because they do lessons too.
Weekends,her husband is around so they can both take care of the children.

OK, thanks

alBHAGDADI:
Maid and Maiden are two different words.

A maid is a house help or servant who helps at home and is s female. A maiden is young womanwho is unmarried and not a servant or house help.

The Bible never said the virtuous woman had house helps.

@last paragraph, really?

Aduku022:
��

@Royalroy,

Happy new year.

Please help me hide this post.

jakandeola:
it bad dear a matured man acting as a baby

It is not bad, the man is sick.

Bad means something you can talk someone out of e. g. drinking or smoking.

These people are mentally deranged.

5thElement:
Why not? Age doesn't show maturity.

If she's matured and the guy too is matured I'll allow the man make a honest woman out of her instead of giving them both an excuse to fornicate.

What does the term 'make an honest woman of her mean'?

Many sick sick people abound.

vicoloni:
This fellow is deep. His thoughts and songs are poetic.

As in.

YomzzyDBlogger:
Popular Nigerian blogger, Linda Ikeji shows off her different designer bags in her Closet.

It’s no doubt that the proud mum of one has got alot of bags.

Gists via: https://www.yomzzyblog.com/2019/01/linda-ikeji-shows-off-her-designer-bags.html

What kinds of consumerism would make a person have so much bags at a time?

She needs help as worldly possessions cannot cover up the void she feels.

ImaIma1:
No she isn't.

Wow!

Why doesn't she get a maid?

alBHAGDADI:
What is the husband unable to provide? Even if the husband is a CEO, such women will still want to work and earn their own money.

You speak of Sarah?

Did you read why she sent her maid packing? The maid was trying to steal her husband.

You are a drama king.

Haggai wanted to 'steal' Abraham or she was insubordinate to Sarah because she had a child for Abraham?

Besides, for a professing Christian, I find the fact you think husbands can be stolen hilarious.

This shifts the responsibility from a husband who took his vows and leads a family to a maid/ another woman.

That surely sounds like what a worldly man would say.

AFONAMARO:
Yea. All hands must be on deck.

We already know our routine and it works fine.
Wifey has the kitchen every morning (Monday - Friday) and weekends. While I have the kitchen every evening (Monday - Friday) after work. But baby seating is entirely mine since the kids always prefer to shout and call daddy for attention, bathing, homework, play etc.

Not been easy I tell you. But the joy the bonding gives me is out of this world, coupled with the fact that I married the world best wife

Very nice.

All HANDS on deck and everyone acting their routine.

Not I am tired, I am just helping you, it's your job etc.

I really wanna phase out live in help and have the kids start nursery school straight. I have seen my friends' kids turn out well and converse like adults not robots when they are home till three.

Their thought processes is on point.

thorpido:
People who have their own businesses are 'full working wives' too or do you mean women who work with organisations alone?
My neighbour is a caterer.She does the school runs for the children.Takes them to school and goes out to sort her own business.
She picks them from school and they come back together late evening,so she works her schedule around the children.

I guess your topic addresses people who work in paid employment more.It's almost impossible without a help,grandma or aunt.

How can a business woman be a full time housewife except you are talking selling groundnuts in front of the house?

People who grow their businesses kind of have less time than their employed counterparts; they only have a less rigid schedule.

As per your neighbor, she is out of the house all day with the kids so how does she handle child care/chores?

alBHAGDADI:
Those maids in Isaac's house ended up becoming his wives. Do you want your maid to become your husband's wife?

YOu speak of relatives? Today's women don't even want to see their husband's mother around not to talk of relatives. This is depriving them of a lot.

Quit being dramatic.

We were clearly told that the wives have the maids to their husband for more kids.

Every maid who slept with Oga had the express permission of the wife so that was probably their culture.

Must the relative be the husband's?

If you need help as a wife, the first point is obviously your relatives who are more inclined to help and empathsize with you.

What's the story.

The babe said a man she knew forced herself on her.

I like to know the story.

redsocks:
Op you have enough answers already.
Love
Understanding
Co- operation : balancing, compromise from both spouse.
Planning

Whatever the peculiar circumstance, there is a MIDDLE GROUND. With the above mentioned in place, FIND IT!

Thank you.

alBHAGDADI:
A woman's place is in the home just as a fish's place is in the water, but una no go hear.

Every woman wants to work and earn her money without knowing the much damage such is doing to her family especially the kids. You leave your kids at the mercy of a maid who might be possessed or simply wicked just because you want to be civilized and make your own money. That's why kids of today lack home training and are becoming horrible creatures. Look at all the young girls becoming twerkers on Instagram and running after Yahoo boys which the young boys have become.

A working wife doesn't only create problems for their kids but also for themselves. That's why many wives of today are looking ugly and old due to the stress at work. You wake up as early as 5am to beat traffic which you still meet. You stay cramped up in a dirty bus sweating with different people with germs only to get to work and still be ordered around by your boss in ways your husband can't even try. By the time you are 35, you are already looking like a 50 year old and unattractive. This can make the husband to start cheatin with campus girls. All of these for the love of money which never brings happiness.

Yes, I quite understand that some families need the woman to be working so as to support the husband, but it is wise to get a job close by and very conducive. And when you get that job, don't go chasing career or you will hurt your loved ones. Aspiring to be the MD or the GMD will only make you neglect your wife duties. A Husband is suppose to eat his wife's food, not a maid's. Same maid gets maltreated by these frustrated wives who are living a confused life. That job makes you neglect yourself, your kids, your Husband and God.

The sad part is that most of these ladies were raised by mothers who devoted time for them and sacrificed ambitions that would have made them selfish.

Since you've gotten the job, whatever it gives you be it positive or negative, just face it till you realize that career chasing and ambitions that make your family suffer is not worth it.


1 Timothy 6:9-11 (KJV)
9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

Interesting twist.

For starters, I have not seen anywhere in the Bible where women are expected to be housewives (I have nothing against them) nor I have seen a woman having ambitions to be unchristianly.

Rebekah was given a maid to Issac's house on her wedding day: Rachel and Leah had dedicated servants ditto Sarah.

Even the virtuous woman we should aspire to had servants, and worked long hours from the home.

That said, anyone working long hours would naturally be stressed/tense and I would advise we try to make it shorter.

Except you are trying to be funny, you will agree that people especially women look younger today especially when they have the funds.

That women also stayed at home is funny at best; I know mothers farmed and sold in the market. The only tribe I know wives sat at home is the Igbos; Yorubas never encouraged such.

Also until recently, we had an extended family system which meant women never the only ones who handled the chores/childcare because they always had relatives with them.

If you say wives should be at home for the first two/three years of a child's life, we might have a discussion.

ImaIma1:
I for one work very close to my house and my baby's creche is beside my office. So it is convenient and hubby has a flexible schedule at the moment which could change anytime now.

Still I feel stressed with chores and all even with help from him. He has already said we are getting a maid ASAP so that I can relax a bit.

My sis on the other hand works in a bank, closes late and doesn't get home till 11pm a lot of times. He husband works on a ship and is away for up to 4months at a go. How does such a woman cope without help.

The factors are different for different people. When I see people that have maids, I don't judge or blame them. If you can afford it, it's fine

Very true that different strokes for different folks.

I need all snearios.

Don't want a live in maid if I can help it.

AFONAMARO:
Planning, understanding and sacrifice.

I and my better half are engaged in a 7am - 5pm job. Kids (twins) are 2 years and 3 months at the moment, and are in Prenursery.

I leave the house 6am daily so as to beat traffic and drop them in school before settling down for my day's job. I pick them up by 5pm daily.

Practically, since my position at my place of work can permit me to close at exactly 5pm or so, I pick them, bath them when we get home, dress them, feed them play/baby seat them till they are ready for bed and turk them in to sleep.

Here is the division of labour. Wifey cooks during weekends, prepare their breakfast/launch daily, while I take them to school to and fro daily, feeds them dinner, bath them, baby seat them and make them sleep daily. I do the dishes daily after work to enable wifey rest a while after work since I return before her.

Note: We all wake by 4am daily and everybody knows their duties. Hence my ascertain about PLANNING, UNDERSTANDING & SACRIFICE

Great, considering you are even the daddy.

imnotconfused:
I don't know if this counts as I don't live in Naija but I don't have househelps.

What makes the difference is shared burden/ shared work.If it lies on one person, there will be burn out.

DH and I work full time ,Monday to Friday and some weekends.

5:30 or max 6am alarm goes off.

DH does his brushing and co while I shower

I finish showering and do minimal dressing up and he enters to bathe.

I wake the kids and hand tooth brush over to them.

After that quick bath for one,DH comes over and bathes the second one.

We split the kids,I ensure one is dressed up,DH does the other then takes them downstairs to have breakfast while I finish my make up and co.

I go down and take over when I'm done then DH dresses up properly.

After breakfast,final dress up and shouting and we pile out.Dh drops us off- me at train station,kids in school and nursery.

I rush from work for school run ( they stay in after school club till 5:00),get home prep dinner for the kids,do some homework then shower for the night.I do this Monday to Wednesdays,DH school run Thursday and Friday.

19:00 Read to them,DH usually is back at this time.He comes up to do the goodnight and once they're tucked in we prep.our dinner,i heat the food while he does any dishes.

We chat about the day,eat and go to bed and then repeat same cycle.

We usually have a food plan for the week or at least an idea of what we will eat and put in fridge to defrost while at work.


Weekends if not working:

If no food,we cook.DH cooks some meals,I cook some eg he may cook stew while I cook porridge.We just subconsciously split who cooks what.

DH does laundry,I do ironing and planning outfits for the week for the kids.

I scrub bathrooms,he vaccums the rooms.

Sunday is eat out day.I can't be bothered to have extra stress.

It's not easy at all..very stressful but bearable with a partner who is hands on

Married 8 years plus

Wow! The synergy is amazing.

Thanks

TheClulssHomakr:
Two words, Routine and cooperation.
It's only in Nigeria that we see maids as per for the course. Try that abroad and quench from the bills nah.

It's not easy but it is doable once the couple is willing to tackle things as a team. Not just one person carrying the whole house. E.g hubby can iron clothes while mum sweeps.

Establish a routine of sorts.
Specific shopping days for groceries. There are even IG shoppers that can deliver meat and stuff to the house.
Certain days for major cleaning.

Bulk cooking, none of that fresh soup every night palaver

Use appliances. Microwave, washing machine etc.

OK, how do they handle/ keep the kids while @ work?

ImaIma1:
Everyone needs help whether from domestic staff or family. I met someone who said she wakes up by 3.30am latest to prepare her kids for school and cook before going to work.

How will someone like that get enough sleep and not break down. Help is necessary

Is she a single mum?

Rosarie:
I just see you breaking down

�