₦airaland Forum

5thElement:
I can see that you don't understand what I wrote up there.

I wrote exactly the opposite of what you just typed.

I read behind the lines.

Making an honest woman of her means the man is doing something wrong to the woman.

They are not committing the sin together.

Hotzone:
I have a serious relationship ongoing with my senior coworker but my side chick got pregnant and claims she don't want abortion and I am trying so hard to ensure it doesn't affect my relationship with my fiancé but she is constantly calling and texting at odd times which is becoming suspicious and I don't know if I should tell my fiancé.

No your type dey make wife build ten story building behind your back.

fastseo:
I hope you are married? Hiding things from your husband like house and other investment is not wise at all. You have to let him know he is your husband and not an enemy or village people.
The man too have to let his wife knows before getting any property or going into investment for two heads is better than one.
A man should allow his wife know how his will should look like when he dies. Even self who is the man struggling for if not the wife and children? Or will the man will his property to his brothers and family members.

We all have to chill in this feminist thing, this is the reason we are having broken homes here and there, during the days of our father nothing like broken homes but today after 3 or 4 years marriage has broken why because women are now trying to be the head of the family which naturally its not so.

Your last paragraph is funny.

No broken homes in days of old?

OK o.

obembet:
Is there anything wrong with a wife buying a property in her name?

To me, I think many of we ladies and married women misbehaves whenever we are privilege to have some properties. So I think it's better to let our husband aware of any steps we want to take.. Some men will even approved and support it.

Guys let's hear your opinion, let others learn from your views.

I do not know the ladies you are referencing.

However, it is wrong for either couple (husband/wife) to acquire assets without the knowledge of the other in a sane marriage.

I do not even see the need for acquiring separate assets in the first place.

Note I said 'in a sane marriage.'

I realise that many 'insane' marriages abound.

debbycreamy:
My husband senior those girls na, yet she was insulting my husband, so i should have kept quiet?

What is the age difference between you and them?

Are your sisters married?

Joromi12:
seems u dont know nigerian men of old abi

Same thing OP is saying.

It is an anomaly to acquire properties behind your husband/wife.

I do not fault your mom here. (she is a wise woman)

babyhrt:
I want to make this as short as possible.

There is a topic at the front page about whether or not it is okay for a woman to acquire property in her name.

https://www.nairaland.com/4970457/there-anything-wrong-wife-buying


I feel strongly to respond especially as I feel alot of the responses failed to address what I consider as the core of such a scenario.

PS: my views are heavily guided by my beliefs as a Christian.

This word "Two shall become one" says it all

To start with, when a couple starts acquiring properties in their sole names or in secrecy, then something is fundamentally wrong with the UNION... Something that is not sudden but has always been there with them either as individuals or something about the marriage.


That marriage is defaulted right from the beginning

Such couples have no business being married from day one...they should sit together and sort out whatever it is that is the issue or see a counselor.

Why are we married if you have your own properties and I have mine...means we should not even live under the same roof, or we sleep in different rooms, I don't tell you what I earn or how I earn it and you don't get to know what goes on in my life.

While the idea of having properties in your individual names may sit well with the proponents, I dare say such its only permissible in a TOXIC marriage...but in ideal situation where you got it right from day one.... Couple should NOT acquire properties in their individual names

It breeds division, suspicion and disaffection.



In a family..the man and wife are supposed to plan together, do things together, grow together, face their fears together while helping each other to become better each day.... marriage is not a competition

That is the kind of marriage that I know.

The fact that you are in a TOXIC marriage does not change the standard.

Happy Sunday

MOD... kindly move this to the front page

I very much agree with you.

I have never seen the need to own a private property/buy a car/make a locate investment ditto my husband.

As much as possible, I try to understand opposing views due to their experiences.

Joromi12:
Let me tell u a real life story. My father was a rich man who believed in helping people. Sponsored many of my mums siblings abroad, his driver built a house in ogun before my father built his own in the early 1990s after much persuasion. My father carried church matter for head and all that. Bot the land the chuch used for the building. GIVERS NEVER LACK WAS HIS WATCH word. The apprentice who used to repair our lister gen then my dad encouraged him to go back to school even spons him at some point. Invest invest my mother screamed the man no hear. From her business frozen food my mama built 2 flats. All hell was let louse at home . My father felt insulted. 5 years later my mama don add 2 more flats and 2 mini flats for back. Then my father got duped and business began to crumble. The bus that used to carry us to school was sold. 4 cars became one. From first to pay school fees we became those that paid during exam. It only got worse. The same house my papa kicked against was what we used to survive. 80k rent per flat around 2002 . Bros am angry. Lemme stop there. Ladies if the money dey abeg build house. All the pple my papa waste money on no even send am again hahahah

I am sorry to sound disrespectful however your parents' marriage is an example of the OP's.

If your parents were one, they would plan for eventualities together and have joint backup plans.

Your mom built the houses because of her distrust of your dad's decisions.

toyetade:
From experience that marriage is heading for a rock. Eventually the woman head will become swollen and any small challenge in the family, the wife will be looking for a way out. It is a bad omen. One of my friend is dealing with this now. If you notice your wife doing this especially secretly you need to be weary

Or you mean the wife has choices so can't be pushed around?

I will bet that the 'small challenge' is the husband cheating or abusing her.

Instead of you to plan on treating your women right, you are already trying to figure out loop holes that will favour her.

What kind of tacky handover is this?

Nobody like an anchor/co-ordinator to formally notify us and add a small handover ceremony to the events?

Or did John Momoh resign on the spot?

Or did the new guy force him to resign?

Sounds like a coup to me.

MrAJQ:
Asking PMB to join the debate is like asking a host nation of world cup to play qualifying match

APC is the host nation while PDP and others are to play qualifying matches and since PDP did not appear on the debate they should be worked over

Atiku Abubakar claimed he opted for the debate because of the absence of PMB

Please ask Atiku Abubakar if debate is war?

Did Atiku Abubakar intend to update Nigerians on his capabilities and agendas to rule Nigeria or to attack PMB?

APC 2019

Does the above make same to you?

At what price e were you bought that you cannot even reason straight again?

The people who thought it wise to expose a family's private fight did not seem it fit to give us what really happened.

NoToPile:
Too high, way too high.

See you o!

The day men understand that they are not any better than the oloshos they sleep with, the better for everyone.

[quote author=Ishilove post=74895765][/quote]From youtube by awe oluwaseun:

Ondo Language: Uyo meyo leun osan okan mio e

Yoruba Translation: Ayo ni moyo lori ohun to dara, ode ti wa kan mi

English Translation: I celebrate what is good, not just for me but for others, but now is my turn to celebrate

I would translate to: Because I rejoiced with others, now good things are mine.

lonelydora:
She bath the kids and i help in dressing them up. She leaves the house for work latest 6:30am each day.

Ok. When does she sleep?

lonelydora:
My wife wakes 4am each day to prepare the kids for school and also cook that early morning. We do not eat leftover foods. She's a super woman i must confess. Whenever i go out late i help in sweeping and arranging the house. She told right from our wedding she does not want a maid.


Planning is the key

So she does it all alone?

What are her work hours?

NoToPile:

To small?

I can up the ante

5thElement:
Marry her instead of sneaking into her panties like a thief in the night.

Put a ring on it and make it all legal.

Interesting.

You believe it's OK for the man to sleep around.

NoToPile:
I oversee some set of people who work from daybreak till 12 and send reports electronically ,they close I close.

See big madam.

Should I join your team?

N600k/month.

yvelchstores:
I don't intend to. Age gap is what we plan to use to our advantage. I do hope that by my next child, the older can keep the younger company at after school care till time to pick them up. Even now, I am more at peace leaving my 3yo at after school care not exceeding 5pm,hopefully.

It is well.

Thanks.

pocohantas:
They are really lucky. The ones in my office are always zapped out. Tell them to get a maid and they shout "No". They won't stop complaining, they won't fix it... Makes we feel they enjoy the emotional blackmail.

I guess some women do.

The fact they can complain about their husbands elevate them to the glamoured suffering wives association.

Others are very scared of maids/their husbands.

gohamburg:
You are one understanding husband! Your lady is lucky! I do all the housework alone, raise the kids alone, go to work over the weekends, go for lectures during the weekdays, attend the kids appointment, take to church, take them for their friends birthday parties, do everything alone! I am always driving around the whole city like one crazy girl. It's so annoying . The husband is always forming busy. Being married to a Nigerian man requires special training o...Good thing is, God has blessed me with wonderful kids. They are my helpers, always asking if I need help and my oldest is just 12years. Sometimes, I wonder how I have survived 13 years of living abroad without help....Marriage sef! Overrated bullshit!

Have you voiced your concerns to your husband?

Valerie47:
Well its up to you, as for me, I'm getting myself a maid. I cannor come and die young or stress my fresh body, then gradually start looking older than my husband.

OK.

Whatever rocks your boat.

yvelchstores:
I have sacrificed 3 years of my career just because I can't bear to see my daughter hurt in any way. I know I will go back to a career eventually and if I could turn back the hands of time, I WILL NOT DO IT DIFFERENTLY.
Growing up, my mum was a busy business woman and I know all my childhood scars from house helps and what not. Money isn't everything, tho it gives happiness.
I will take my time to instill in this one, all the values I uphold so she will help me set the right pace for the ones that will follow her.
I guess what I am saying is, follow D beats of your own drums, don't dance to someone else's. If it doesn't give u peace, it's not worth it.
They won't be children forever. I have only one chance at doing it right.

I was going to ask if you intend to stay at home for all your kids.

If yes, how long?

okonyia:
It's not easy. I and my wife work in mainland and Island. But we don't have any house help. My Baby attend Day Care. We pay 20k. So whoever that come first will go pick her up. I choose not to have house help now, this is because of the experience three of my friends have had. House help nearly distroy these families. I will have to wait till My Baby grow to tell me or the mother what happen at house if we are not around. This because if I bring House help, my Baby can not tell when she is been maltreated or hut.

Hmmmmm

I've heard people voice same concerns.

Daeylar:
This part in bold needs to be framed, for everyone who wants to have kids.

True.

All hands must be on deck.

Valerie47:
As a working class lady with kids and without a maid, be ready to break down and gradually die of stress or better still you will age quickly cause of the same stress, stress can also make you ugly and out of shape, get a maid today.

Well, peeps are doing it well and not dying.

pocohantas:
Every woman husband helps...
And every man here helps his wife.

Where are the Nigerian men that do notbhelp their wives?

Consider the fact the thread said cope without help.

The de facto for wives of non-helping husbands are maids or inimaginable stress.

KanwuliaExtra:
Oh yes o.
There is a limit to the aggravation from househelps I can tolerate.
They can LIE and STEAL?
The mind games nko?
They always think they can outsmart you with all their spiritual illiteracy and infinite dumbness!

Push come to shove, push all ‘em kids to boarding school!

Shikena!

Boarding school a life saver.

I am really skeptical about live in help. The stories are not funny.

UknwownGuy:
It all comes down to effective planning and team work. Parents, not constrained to just the man or woman should get jobs that give flexible hours, so they can have time for children. One should know that parenting isn't about just dressing them up, feeding, dropping them off etc. Many times you need to spend time with these kids and know what's going in their lives and I wouldn't really suggest just any house maid, cos I've heard a lot and witnessed amongst many people I've come across. If at all you want to get someone, make sure it's someone you trust and observed. You don't just say because you are pursuing a career, you bring a strange person to your home.

Thanks

GboyegaD:
Use day home/care services.

Thanks