₦airaland Forum

thorpido:
I think it depends (more) on the type of work the wife is doing.If she is self-employed, she arranges her work schedule around her kids.
She drops them in school,goes to her work,picks them up after school,they go to her place of work together,she closes and takes them home.

This only caters to dropping them off.

How does she really care for the kids?

I am talking about a full working wife.

Good evening house,

The Topic already explains itself.

In Lagos of today, how do a working couple with kids survive without a maid?

Practical examples pls.

delugajackson:
She doesn't look like a 6year old in those pictures. x+10=? I guess we'll never know her real age.

She should be 19 this year.

ashacot:
The same Charlie boy that couldnt wed his wife for 40years is now criticizing president buhari for just 3-4years.

Did he criticize Buhari?

Just simple prayers based on his works.

Liliyann:
I can never settle with a man that doesn't put my happiness above his!!
She should Berra accept the scholarship, if the man refuse, she should dump his ass, there are many fishes in a river!!
Always place your happiness above everything including marriage!!
Ladies should learn not to sacrifice their happiness all in the name of marriage coz it doesn't worth it these days!!

So one week after your wedding, your husband comes home with a job transfer for five years and you will happily let him go?

Priscy01:
As received by IgbereTv.

Lady in a serious dilemma needs your advise. Read the full story below;


What advice would you give her?

http://igberetvnews.com/524502/did-my-traditional-marriage-last-week-got-scholarship-to-us-this-week-lady-in-dilemma-cries-out-for-help/

I was going to ask if the scholarship fell from heaven that it wasn't factored earlier till I saw the Ex registered it.

Hmmmmmm.

Can the lady defer the scholarship for a year while she & her husband decide the best course of action.

FYI: the traditional marriage is the most important one.

Valerie47:
When you marry someone, you become a part and parcel of them, in marriages, its men that move not women, a woman got a job offer in abuja, she declined it cause she is in the East with her hubby.

It is only men that move?

Nne, you need to move out of your circle.

ogawisdom:
Stop quoting me up and down

I don't engage satanic femnists like u biko

Of course, I am satanic because I exposed your demonic teachings.

Leave the Bible out and have the type of marriage you want.

As long as you drag the Bible in on this thread, get ready.

Dduchess:
I want to say a big thank you to all for your advice am sure everybody meant well. But let me make some clarification to the house, firstly am a working class lady that earns almost as much as he does so financially am stable as I support him in all we do at the Home front even upto the building of our property in Lagos.

Secondly he has attacked me twice in this marriage because those two occassions i lunged at him by trying to hit him because of some terrible words or act he did and both times i paid dearly for it. So i actually take the blame for getting physically abused as he has never raised his hands on me without me provoking him physically. But that being said we have lived through the 11 years because 90% of our quarrels I always end up apologising or breaking the ice for peace to reign.

To burst all bubbles I have gone to him despite my pain to ask him way forward and show him that I had to barb my hair like a boy because of what he did to me and he said clearly that I brought it upon myself and got what I deserved. I asked him way forward and he said any desicion taken by me he would support 100%. I also asked him what would he do if someone did this to his sister's he told me to go ahead and tell my brothers to come and beat him he is waiting for them all. He also said there had been peace in the house while I moved to the guest room and should please remain there.

I gently walked away and realised I was never going to get the apology. This is the sad story of my life, but thanks all as for now I have decided to take each day as it comes, and take life decisions as I think it best for me and my kids

God help me!!!!!

My initial question still stands.

Thanks for giving us more perspective.

Now, you claim that the twice he beat you, you provoked it. It follows that you know what to do if you do not want a third beating.

There are still issues in your marriage.

Your husband is unremorseful and doesn't care about your marriage. How do I know?

1. He said you deserved the hair uprooting (not sorry/ concerned/ empathetic)
2. He is unconcerned about resolving the issue
3. He practically said he is waiting for your brothers to beat him up. (no regard for your family)
4. He said there was peace while you were in the guest room and should remain there ( doesn't want you around him)

My inference?

It is either there are some things he had constantly told you to stop/change/start which you stubbornly haven't

OR

He is fed up of the marriage.

Your duty is to find out which.

ogawisdom:
once a woman submits to his husband the husband will love her dearly. submission is what a man calls love , men don't need the love of a woman he needs the submission of a woman which is a divine injunction.

christian marriage makes a man the master in the marriage that is why he is the provider and the wife helper. submission comes before the woman is loved more.

satanic feminist who doesn't believe in the Bible should not quote me, the Bible is my standard reference point for marriage

Submission comes before love?

You accepted Christ as saviour before He loved you and died for you?

Please stick to Opele type of marriages.

You can be lord and master all you want.

yettymuse:
A narcissist can decide to show his traits after 11 years! After 20 years or even after 30 years!!

Until women understand that marriage doesn't complete you, marriage doesn't make you, marriage is only a chapter in your sojourn on earth! Abuse would continue to be transferred from generations to generations.

You are enough!

Inbetween... Dear Op, I would love to GIFT you a braided wig. Click the link and let me know which you would love. I'm sending you peace, love and light!

http://www.instagram.com/wigmaniac_international/

You own the wigmanic account?

ogawisdom:
In Christian marriage as ordained by God they are not equal partners one is the superior. a woman must submit to the husband that is the basis of Christian marriage. Husband literally means master or oga m. accepting to marry a man means accepting to submit to him forever.

The Bible is the word of God nothing like archaic

I wouldn't have quoted you save the mention of Bible.

You can be whatever you want to your wife however, leave the Bible out of it.

I guess you conveniently forgot where a husband is to have sacrificial love for his wife?

OR is a Christian husband supposed to hurt his wife or maltreatment her in any way?

Should a Christian husband cheat or beat his wife? Even if she offends him, is he not supposed to forgive her 70 * 7 times a day?

Is he setting godly example for her and the family?

Oga, don't go there.

Use traditional model of marriage or something else to support your stance.

Dduchess:
I have been married for 11 years with 3 kids, we have had our ups and down over the years but our first major fight was 3 years ago where I was physically beaten due to me accusing him of infidelity. Now I have been physically abused again with my hair ripped of my scalp. I cried my eyes out but he never said a word to me. I moved out of the bedroom to the guest room and till date he has refused to say a word to me and comes and goes as he pleases. Keeping malice is his hubby as I see him do that to family friends and loved ones over the years so am not surprised. I usually end the malice but for this one I believe he should be the adult and apologise to me as he is my head and protection but yet he scarred and battered me. I am hurting and cannot continue like this as malice is not my style please advice me on what to do? As he has refused to say sorry for reaping my hair of my scalp while arguing and I think I deserve better and shouldn't be the one to go to him. I am depressed

Is your issue the fact that he ripped your hair from the scalp or the fact he beats you, keeps malice and unrepentant /unapologetic ?

Adakintroy:
Marriage is the ultimate test of tolerance, persiverance, forgiveness, hope and faith. Both of ourselves and others. But modern marriages are done with a lot if social consciousness. It's almost like they are getting married for others than thenselves. Hence when the real text starts they are unprepared and choose to bale out.

I wonder what they think. For better for worst means. Any small thing they run to social media. Nothing g irritates me than seeing adult women run to social media to report private issues.

O please, just shut it.

Since to you, for better for worse means a cheating husband; May your wife cheat on you and give you someone's kids to father.

Then we can discuss how prepared you are to pass the test.

I wonder how wicked people comfortably justify evil.

Goldenventures:
If you must cheat, please have respect for your wife and family. I hope she is not dead. May she find peace of mind.

Feel free to check my signature to compare and book flights and hotels worldwide, totally free. You can save up to 75%.

How do you cheat while having respect for your family?

The very act of cheating is disrespectful.

PeacenLove2:
I hope you sought therapy for what happened to you.
You seem very damaged with your way of thinking. Praying for you.

And why the cheeky grin

Is a man falsely accused less weighty than a woman who was raped or minor slept with?

Very insightful write up.

BillGoldberg:
Every useless nonentity is now trying to familiarize! Fvck you at Don Jazzy. One day, your own go come out. E fit be small boys you dey chop self. Animals.

But the truth of the matter is that there are probably powerful forces within the music circle that wants to take rkelly down!

Rkelly is a top musician and of course will attract girls and women a lot. I saw a thread of one foolish girl like that who said that she was 16 in South Africa when rkelly asked her name.... Mtcheeew! Duh. Like she never knew that was 16 and was still getting wet for rkelly?

Brothers lets face the truth! All these foolish women got what they wanted. They were fully aware of the implications but still went ahead to involve!

Rkelly is a triple super superstar. Most people especially ladies will want to live on the fast lame with him. They literally throw themselves at Rkelly Feet.

I can authoritatively tell you that there are many Musicians in this Lagos who are worse. Some of them run homosexual cults. I kid you not. You see both Young men and girls throwing themselves at them. What do you expect? Believe me.

Most of these stuupid young guys and girls only see these musicians from face and surface level. They dont know what these guys suffered to get to the top. Its not easy. When they get to the top, they take advantage of whatever comes there way be it human, animal or alien. They simply use and dump you because you are never part of there plans. You were never there when they were struggling to get to the top!

As am typing this, go to Davido, WizKid, Olamide, KizzDaniel and Phyno inbox!

You will shudder! You will see underage, married, single and even about to wed asking them out. Some about to wed wants Wizkid as there last fling!

Was it not on Nairaland we saw a thread of a very stuppid young girl asking for the diick of bRed as a birthday gift? bRed wey neva blow oo? Imagine what is happening to Davido! Tomorrow now, this same animal will come out to say bRed abused her.... Nonsense and ingredients.

So brothers, all these things is geared towards one thing! Pull Rkelly down and I will never be a part of it. Rkelly is a good man and people who experienced these things prolly got what they wanted. Rkelly this and that will never solve a thing!

Women are very complex and very vindictive. Probably One has wanted Rkelly to marry her and he refused. They now ganged up to mess him up. They blame men for sexualizing women but have they ever blamed women for sexualizing themselves? Doubt me at your own peril.

In Nigeria here, the average Nigerian woman is a harlot and hoe who rides dicxk to put food on the table. Forget all these there forming and blowing phonetics. They form for you because you may be broke. When you are rich, famous and handsome like rkelly, they will off there pants with jeans for you! Yes! Women especially Nigerian ones are that terrible. Nonsense and ingredients.

Rkelly, fucck them on Jare. They got what they wanted. Animals and hoes.

Are we to assume that you have no moral codes to live by hence you are game to anyone who jumps on you?

That's a sad way to live.

uncleinans:
Yes he did marry her when she was 15. now look at America very well and you will find out that most American women give birth to their first child at the 15,16,17,18 like that. Lol Wayne gave birth to his first child at 18, obviously he was older than the childs mother.

He married her with everyone's approval, with Aliyah's approval, the state disapproved of it and the marriage ended. Women of that age Bleep alot, even if all that happened, my brother I will tell you it was based on mutual consent and not rape.

How old was R Kelly when Aaliyah was 15?

Time!

I haven't followed the recent accusations however rumours that R. Kelly was/is a pedophile isn't new.

Can people investigate why his wife & kids really left? That would give starting pointers to his person.

Can his accusers also bring evidence as regards the allegations?

His daughter also sounds matured.

At males ranting about the daughter's post: don't live a good life/ treat your family well and expect support from them.

You can't sow the wind and not expect to reap the whirlwind.

Wallade:
What do you expect from a daughter raised by a scorned mother. This Buku Abi indicated that she and her siblings have not spoken to R Kelly for years hence, she is not a credible judge or analyst of his character.

She had the guts to call him a monster, that tells a lot about her manners and training she received from her mother and disrespectful society.

Really?

Same daughter that said:

'remember this monster is my father'

It is well o.

jasper83:
The way this generation handles the subject of marriage calls for great concern. I seldomly comment on nairaland but i had to pour my mind on this issue. I dont know how old you are but i would advise you to calm down for the sake of your overall happiness in old age. You are not smarter, more intelligent than women of old who applied wisdom in their home affairs of which you and I were products of such. Why do we love to chicken out of our problems rather than facing it squarely and win. So after toiling hard with your husband for years, the moment he cheats on you the best thing to do is to walk away? I'm not holding brief for my gender but I believe with this mentality of " he cheats, i cheat back or he cheats i'l walk away " makes the marital future of this generation so bleak.

There is an adage in Yoruba that says" this issue is your issue and you say I'm going to the farm I have no time for nonsense" my people say come back from that your farm in 100 years that your issue you avoided then, is waiting for you in the cooler. So why not address it and win. Don't allow anyone fool you to believe if you walk away there is one innocent gentle man who will not look over your shoulder, it's a rare gift to be contented with a single lady truth be told. As a middle age myself i have brought up this issue within my male folks and it will shock you the reason why some don't cheat.

1. A man that is broke need not cheat because he's setting himself up for embarrassment because it take few cash to indulge in adultery. Sometimes it even expensive depending on your status, she ain't your wife so sex is not FREE.

2. When the size of manhood is funny and its not working optimally .So why show your John Thomas to the world and become a laffing stock because if your carry 5 ladies they will all see your unclothedness , so it's safe to stick with one's wife because she can't be so daft to make my case a subject of ridicule among her friend.

3. Natural low libido.

4. Grace of God.

Two days or so the social media was agoged even up till now the divorce saga of Jeff Bezos the world wealthiest. As polished, exposed and socially upright in the eyes of the world he still engages in illicit affairs. Sister leave it or take it the two genders ain't wired the same way. The earlier you get this the better for you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not justifying cheating but this issue has refused to go way for ages so what's the matter, why kill yourself over it.

Today's women always threatening to walk away, no problem but today's guys too will be wiser by not marrying your gender legally in the long run, so many children will be raised singlehandedly by women while the males continue with there wayward lifestyles. So eventually that depression you ran way from will be staring you in the eyes while raising your kids yourself. You can't fight him since he's performing his fatherly role. As he grows old being a single cassanova he retires fully or partially womanising and woman who knows how to manage him sticks around obviously for companionship. You that left many years back, will be struggling with nature not disappoint yourself or your kids by not flirting around, why go through all that torture. Even when you decide to settle down what number are you going to be in that marriage. Please think, when the natural pressure is much you may discover you are sharing someone's husband with the rightful owner, and remember you were once a rightful owner.

My dear ladies please be calm and try to apply wisdom, it's key. There is a trend in town now of your fiance female bestie being the best man, I have two examples now of the husband sleeping with the besties after marriage. Anything that can expose your man to danger should be fought, guard your homes, don't claim to be socially correct so that society won't tag you an insecure woman. Make that marriage work, it's your home don't go for an invader, the battle must be won.

@Op please pray for husband and call up that shameless woman if need be, threaten her to reveal to her husband and colleagues the amorous affairs she is having with your man, and be ready to do it. She will fear you and adjust. God bless and protect your home.

Gracias.

See the justification you put up for a cheating husband when the solution is not cheat at all.

I don't know about the different wiring of the sexes; all I know is that more and more women are supposedly cheating on their spouses.

A lot of men cheat because they know that there is no repercussion.

And funny how people cite that our mothers stayed. Same mothers trained the daughters who think they deserve better today.

ValCon888:
That was how she was always telling me 'baby I'm tired' until i saw the chat where she was booking overnight match with one sharp guy.

I confronted her and she cried and begged for me not to break up with her. I took my heart back but i didn't leave her body.

I just kept on ruthlessly collecting my share. It took her more than a year to realize i was only using her to cure konji and she was nothing more than a farm tool in my eyes.

I no fit shout. Never look a gift pus.sy in the mouth.

I am trying to understand how continued having sex with her was supposed to be a punishment.

She didn't like it?

Notice how about 70 people liked the idea of punishing a cheating girlfriend yet would encourage women to stick to a cheating boyfriend/husband.

uckennety:
Am twisted

Thanks your straight!

Look marriage is not by force

But look every actions have consequences

If you can raise your kids alone n secure good future for them then divorce
from your reply am sure your a kid and have not seen anything

P.s- divorce a man cuz of cheating is like avoiding a town cuz of rain!

NNE it rains everywhere and anytime

Pray your not caught unaware


You can continue with your insults

This is my 2cents

@zeb04 is very correct even though I would not be that explicit to you.

Somewhere at the back of your mind, you will think cheating is OK because your mother stayed and the cycle would continue.

Which is why I honestly wonder when we advise a lady to leave a cheating fiance. She might have learnt from home.

It is well.

elmagnifico411:
Nicely written piece. Plenty sense and sensibility. The part that caught me most is u travelling all the way down to the northern part of naija(not by air) to shag a lady. This thing called sex is really really powerful. Little wonder the good books advises on to get married before getting involved.

Make I also add; if u find any man thats not cheating, or has never cheated, no be him power oh. Na the grace of God.

From experience, marriage seems not to even work anymore.

If marriage was to ensure people do not cheat and they cheat right, left and center with us justifying for men, isn't marriage useless in this case?

Maybe people who wish to/know they can't be faithful should just have kids and ditch the vows.

HarunaWest:
you that was so frustrated you were searching for a single matured guy as at this time last year...STFU b1tch.......Man shouldn't flex again because his married... nonsense.

If he wants to flex, shouldn't he have stayed single?

That way, no one is pressuring him to commit.

uckennety:
You can't fix a broken mirror thats why you can't trust him!

But be matured! Let your home and children be your number 1 priority!

If you cheat on him and your caught you will be sent out! No matter the excuse you give!


If your rudeness starts to get out of hand! It may affect your relationship with your husband which will one day drive you out of the house voluntary or involuntary!

Besides what character will you be teaching your children! Your daughters will be rude to their husbands and expect their husband tolerates it like their father!

The actions we take have ripple effects in our lives!

P.s to be sincere with you

My father cheats on my mum
She knows ,we even complain to her and report some events to her but she doesn't care cuz she loves her children!

What will she gain if the girl outside comes inside in take full control!


Secure your position 1st!

Look for a job or start a business

So you will not dependent on him


The bible says a good wife builds the home

It didn't say a good wife maketh sure the husband doesnt cheat


just ignore

See your marriage as a full time responsibility you have accepted to take!


I know you will say what about LOVE

Love is like a fairy tale told to young kids!

There is only one time in our life we may experience love and that's when we are old! About 70years still married! Children now parents n you see your grandma children

Then you both hold hands smile n laff about your mistakes,your failures and your successes together!


Marriage is not easy!

Hmmmmmm

And the cycle continues.

carammel:
I actually thought men love women that can pay bills, women that they can be sure would take care of things whether they are present or absent.

Everything a man says is contradictory, " I want an independent woman, a woman who can also be a provider , give one to him, he begins to feel threatened and just assumes every of her actions are because she also provides for the home, if she says one thing, he would term it to mean that she is disrespectful simply because she is a provider. She will always be too careful so that she won't be termed "disrespectful.

Give the same man a woman who just wants be a homemaker, all she is interested in is to do domestic chores, take care of the kids while the man gets to be the sole provider, he begins to see her as a liability, a lazy and dumb woman who cannot even handle anything finance behind his back. The same woman dares not talk much, all we will hear is, I spend my hard earned money on you, you had better lick my feet.

Hmmmmmm

yettymuse:
No! But a man be a man! Allow him.. There's a reason he is called A MAN! Let him do his responsibility which is PROVIDING! Support if need be. A lot of women have misplaced the priority so as to stay WOKE!

They do the bill splitting and 50/50 even before the conjugal vows.. They are the first to bring out debit cards to pay for dates and movies. The moment they tie the knots, reality sets in and they are faced with real responsibilities, they begin to scream 'blue murder'.

Hmmmmmm

Am I slow or am I the only one who doesn't understand when divorcing couples write beautiful nonsense?

Why are they divorcing or did a have a contract marriage and decided not to renew?

cococandy:
Apt

Surprisingly the doofuses commenting on here did not seem to notice that part about small girls around him. To them it’s normal

Happy new year dearie

I blame the wife in that.

We have a proverb: what I can not take as a rich man, I will start rejecting while I am poor.