₦airaland Forum

Redoil:
Their backwardness stinks so much that buhari body odour is a a child's play

olasco18:
As we all knw that bbnaija is coming to an end today.....bt i always wonder why ist that since the inception of the tv program bbnaija up till date, there is no any house mate frm the north...either north central which comprises of jos,taraba,benue etc..or northeast and north West also..there av nver bn a house mate from hausa....what could b d reason for that.. and those people av never complained of marginalisation........

Tinamoore:
Yes dear, if not for my family, I would have been a complete wreck by now.

Thanks

uboma:
Are you really a female?


I am shocked that this is coming from you.


Again, a man has no right forcing his partner to succumb to his sexual advances no matter the situation.

Mindfulness:
We have been on the same thread a few weeks ago where we were discussing methods of contraception. Even some well-educated folks there were saying things which left me pretty shocked that people in the 21st century could be so misinformed, so no I am not talking about Nigeria prior to independence.



So what? If they refuse to sleep with their husbands, force is not the solution. It will make matters worse, not better and I doubt a man will be satisfied after sleeping with a reluctant and disgusted woman.



It is getting more and more disgusting. And you have just told me that everyone in Nigeria is so well educated in bedmatics, yet you do not know that a dry v.agina could be a medical condition? And you want her penetrated? We get wet for a reason and if we don't, it is our body signaling to us that something is out of whack. It has to be tended to medically and not forcefully penetrated.



And you know that their attitude and mentality are the root cause how? Have you run some background checks?



If your husband suffers from erectile dysfunction and can no longer perform, what will you do? Force him? Or lament his attitude and mentality?




Unfortunately she is not here else I would ask her.



Like I said, I do not believe her. It does not sound plausible at all.



If she thought like you but not everyone does.



They have many more options before thinking of divorce but violence is not one of them.

Tinamoore:
I just want to let out some of my pains and fesrs on this faceless forum .maybe it will give me some sort of relief.

I know that I am not a perfect person but i know that i gave my all to my marriage to make it work but it didn't work out.the whole thing is gradually wrecking me emotinally because of my two innocent children.

When I look back at the " good girl" life I have lived, I begin to wonder if its worth it.most times, I just want to do some "very bad things", so that the pains I passed through in my marriage will make sense to me. Why does bad things happen to good people.

Most times, I am scared if I am/ will make a good mother to my kids.can I successfully fill the vacuum of a father in their lives? Why my children? Why must they be caught in this web of ' single parenthood'.God!!! I am so scared of what the future holds for us.i worry about what will happen if my children dont turn out well.I try to be strong especially for my kids but at times I break down. This was never the plan I had for myself. What happened to my dreams?

For how long will I answer questions like: mummy, I want to speak with my daddy; mummy, why is daddy not living with us anymore; mummy, I miss my daddy.this are questions my children ask even though they haven't spent so much time with their father as he was abroad.In as much as I don't want to paint their father as a bad person, I also don't want to give them the impression that I am deliberately keeping them away from their father.so the questions get hard to answer.

How can a father abandon his own blood? No calls, emotional or financial commitment. I can deal with it, but its not easy for my kids.maybe its about the belief that" my children will eventually look for their father, their root".how about their education? Don't you care if your children are in school knowing fully well I am unemployed. God!! Please answer my prayers.

It's worse because I can't and will never go back to him. For if i do, he may cause me to commit suicide oneday. Twice , his actions made me raise knife to take my life. I loved him so much that he was my obsession. He was my first and only love.do I hate him now? No, I can never hate the one I once loved so much.I gave him time to change but it got worse.I know we all have our faults including me but not when a man makes his wife an " intimate stranger".

Life itself is not fair.so many questions and questions in my head that beg for answers.at times you need someone to just listen to you. At times i t gets too much for me that I just want to scream out loud.you cry so much and still don't feel any better.its worse because no one else truly knows what I am passing through emotionally.God bless my family for me but then my emotional pains is beyond them.

Do I feel any better writing this? honestly I don't know. Just want to write about how I am feeling. At times I want to loose faith/ hope in God but then I know its only him and myself that can help "me".

I am not new on nairaland.my old moniker is saponification but changed it when I lost my former email.

jusRadical:
American and Britain are the worst.

Many folks there are wishing that they could send their kids down here to get sense.

Mindfulness:
Social security has a lot to do with the safety of children and I do not know where you get your information from but child labor is certainly illegal where I live and I do not get to see poor families sending away their children to be abused by some other family. That would land people in jail. As a matter of fact, kids from poor families are being taken care of. They get to eat, they get money for clothes, they go to school, they have free access to healthcare, their books are paid for by the government and even the expanses for school trips are covered. Their parents do not have to beg for it and they do not have to suffer for the decisions their parents have made or not made.

Mindfulness:
And you think a man who respects himself will enjoy sleeping with a wife who reluctantly gives in to his demands after begging, insisting and blackmail to lie down for him like a log of wood not willing to please him?

Have you ever considered that some of these women may have some medical condition they are unaware of? That many women, especially in the Nigerian setting, have not been educated properly about s.ex and their bodies and have nobody to turn to and often feel ashamed and helpless. And you are telling men here to penetrate their dry va.ginas? Fear God Buka, fear God. I am sure Jesus would never give the same advice you have given here. SMH

tobianthony:
Chill it's just a popular saying I have that I always use .

There was the one time I needed money and a girl I was seeing offered ...but said she was horrny. We were in my office and she was being a dick ...like a real asshole . I walked out and left her there . Felt like a prostitute that night .

The worst mistake you will make it your FBs is too get. Money involved just keep it physical ... strictly physical .

Edit ...Hot changes to hot so I spelt it wrong ohh . .@ yettymuse good morning

Mindfulness:
I will answer your question when you tell me what you mean by 'continue to force' her. Care to elaborate?



So? What does your Bible recommend then? Force? Violence?

Jesus wept.

Mindfulness:
Elaborate on 'continue to force' her.

Mindfulness:
Respect! No mentally healthy male would want his partner to sleep with him by force. S.ex is to be enjoyed and not endured. It is not a duty (as our Bible warriors would want us to think) but the physical manifestation of love or at least attraction. Having said that, I do not believe your wife has told you the real reason for why she is no longer interested in the act. I understand you feel offended but I think she did not mean to insult you but rather lied to you in order not to hurt you or it could be that she herself does not know the reason. Maybe! I do not know her and I cannot know what is going on inside her head but the reason she has given is not plausible at all.

There are several reasons why she could experience a decline in her libido:
1. Stress
2. Menopause (some women hit the age very early)
3. Hormonal imbalance (consult a doctor, also check for thyroid dysfunction)
4. Weight gain (she feels unattractive and retreats)
5. No work out (endurance training --> positive effect on blood circulation --> higher supply with blood in the genitals --> increased libido)
6. Circumcision (sex is painful)
7. Atmosphere (women need the right environment to relax and get into the mood)
8. Your personal hygiene (I doubt there is a problem though 'cause you seem to have enjoyed very good home training )
9. Relationship issues (you know best)
10. Medications (Does she take any pills that could lead to a decrease in her libido? Look at the patient information leaflet.)

Discuss the possible reasons with her, in most cases it is a combination of factors. Where there is a problem, there is a solution. Violence is not one of them but you already know that sir! Once again, respect for refusing to follow some nonsensical advice.

uboma:
Wrong advise.

A man has no right forcing his partner to succumb to his sexual advances.

We have only listened to his version, I am sure that his partner's explanation will provide more clarification on the matter.

@ op, don't be deceived thinking that the withdrawal method is effective.....

simiolu1:
1. When I first saw this topic some days ago, I dismissed it with a wave of my hand; another nairalander has come to post an excerpt of a post that would be long enough to get me interested but so short I would have to follow a link (probably to his or her blog) to read the full gist. But yesterday out of boredom, I viewed the topic and I'm so glad I did.

2. Even though I have never heard or read about most of the terminologies here, I can totally relate to them through my life's experiences. Truth is, most societies since time immemorial (Africa inclusive) have taught women to be conservative in regards to their sexuality while allowing the men have a jamboree expressing theirs. Their excuse for this is that it prevents a woman from being a slut as a woman is the "homemaker" that should be submissive and massage the ego of their philandering husbands.

3. What these societies forget is that the day the lioness finally finds her freedom and experiences the satisfaction of expressing and fulfilling her sexual desires, there is no turning back. This experience also opens her eyes to the power of her body; she now begins to see it as the most powerful bargaining chip she can ever have and begins to use it to get what she wants. She wants an alpha male; she hunts him. She wants material possessions; she gets them. And if she happens to be blessed with a body that ages gracefully, she can do this for a very looooooong time.

4. Personally, I have learnt to deal with my relationships on a case by case basis; not judging the person based on my past experiences and hurt. This is quite hard as our experiences greatly shape who we are. However, I am not fooled into thinking that love is only what women see in a guy. A female friend once told me she finds guys who are "clean and neat" very attractive and sexy; this was pure desire and lust. And from a young age, I have learnt never to allow a woman use her body as a bargaining chip on me; or use it to control me even though I learnt this the hard way. The lady that taught me this only gave up the coochie whenever she felt like it and because of my naivety, I was always happy to oblige. After trying to initiate the act a few times with rejection, I realized I was just a pawn in her game. The day she pounced on me and I said no, even when Mr Johnny was already at attention, she was shocked. And yes, my no included not doing anything to quench the burning flames between her legs. I saw disappointment written all over her and was happy deep down; game on! Since then, all the ladies I have dated have always been surprised at my level of self-control. You say no; I stop even when we're both butt nak.ed. I say no too; just to let you know that no gender has the exclusive right to refuse s.ex. The moment I sense you only give up the goods when you want or need something, I'll practically show you pepper.

5. What I have also learnt is allowing a lady unravel herself to me. Every woman can become a lioness in bed; most are already. What makes them hide this part of themselves is the stereotype men have that her body count must be high for her to achieve this expertise! I once met a lady back in the days of africhat. We became quite close and during one of our conversations, she told me she was a virgin. As a rule, I never ask a woman about this; she told me willingly. 1 year later, our relationship moved from just friends to toaster - toastee levels. She now told me she was no longer a virgin. She was not a virgin even at the time she told me she was. I shrugged it off because genuinely, I couldn't care less. After this, our relationship kicked off. One night while in bed, I teased her that her previous boyfriends were rookies who never allowed her take control in the other room. That weekend, she showed me her true colour. Some weeks after that, she told me she had had an abortion for her immediate ex. I remember looking at her while she slept and imagining how much she was yet to tell me. And this is a lady that is the true definition of a "sister" in church. Who would have thought!!!

6. In summary, we should quit being naive that a change in relationship status automatically makes our partner saints who can do no wrong. We should be conscious of the dynamics at work in our relationships and look for ways to either level the playing field or make happen to our advantage. This sounds selfish but deep down aren't we all selfish?

ryut:
It was like a "shock" to me when my partner openly told me that I should henceforth stop making love to her.I was highly upset when she poured out the statement but have to hold myself.For more than two years now I am always the one to First initiate sex, as if I am forcing her to make love with me unlike past years when any of us can do so.
When I later calmed down from the upset of her statement, I asked her why she said so, and she said that for long now that I don't used to cum(ejaculate) inside her but only do so when we want to plan for baby. But this is somebody that I do not only have regular love making with but also without condom and always withdrawal method to avoid unplanned pregnancy or taking of different contraceptive that may have after effect to her.
Please is this really a valid reason for her to say henceforth that she don't want to be making love with me anymore or is it a sign of cheating and to suspect her. I am not happy with such statement and have been thinking over it.
Please I need a mature advice and what should I do.

tobianthony:
9
We are all prostitutes then .

Mindfulness:
Glad you are satisfied, millions of children do not even get to eat regularly are exploited and abused by madam and oga because their parents need them to work to feed the other children but as long as you are safe, it is not a problem, right?

raumdeuter:
For many women beyond the age of youthful fantasies, Sexx is usually in exchange for something whether its in exchange money, exchange for commitment, exchange for affection, etc . Its common to hear phrases like Your husband doesn't have a job to provide, then why should he expect sex? Or in this section a lot of those funny illiterate divorce stories from Igando court will read like My husband is not "taking care of me"(giving me money) so I stopped having sex with him

For men, sex is just sexx for the release. That's why 10 men can queue up in a brothel waiting to fucck just one girl and after that they move on not even wanting to know her name or what she looks like.

So in your number 1 question, There is usually a need from the other guy, maybe better sexx, money, better placed socially or something

For number 2, Since sexx is usually to bargain for something, the moment they don't see anything to gain from it, the incentive wanes unless they start feeling their husband might go out and probably divorce them then they step it up momentarily

You wont know how many married guys have given up on it, and having a sidechic is sometime just very inconvenient. You want to have sexx at 11pm so you have to get up drive to your side chic and drive back

armyofone:
@ raumdeuter
What I don't get is when men think they are stallions forever
If you enjoy sex so much back in the days, I mean she gave it to you so good, why are you still desperate and itchy for it few or many years after ? Why can't companionship be the top goal rather than sex?
Clothes, food, shelter and sex? Really?

WizAkzy:
THE SLAVE'S HAPPINESS


The lemon-coloured MG skids across the road and the woman driver brings it to a somewhat uncertain halt. She gets out and finds her left front tire flat. Without wasting a moment she prepares to fix it: she looks towards the passing cars as if expecting someone. Recognizing this standard international sign of woman in distress ('weak female let down by male technology'), a station wagon draws up. The driver sees what is wrong at a glance and says comfortingly, `Don't worry. We'll fix that in a jiffy' To prove his determination, he asks for her jack. He does not ask if she is capable of changing the tire herself because he knows - she is about thirty, smartly dressed and made-up - that she is not. Since she cannot find a jack, he fetches his own, together with his other tools. Five minutes later the job is done and the punctured tire properly stowed. His hands are covered with grease. She offers him an embroidered handkerchief, which he politely refuses. He has a rag for such occasions in his tool box. The woman thanks him profusely, apologizing for her `typically feminine' helplessness. She might have been there till dusk, she says, had he not stopped. He makes no reply and, as she gets back into the car, gallantly shuts the door for her. Through the wound-down window he advises her to have her tire patched at once and she promises to get her garage man to see to it that very evening. Then she drives off.

As the man collects his tools and goes back to his own car, he wishes he could wash his hands. His shoes - he has been standing in the mud while changing the tire - are not as clean as they should be (he is a salesman). What is more, he will have to hurry to keep his next appointment. As he starts the engine he thinks, `Women! One's more stupid than the next'. He wonders what she would have done if he had not been there to help. He puts his foot on the accelerator and drives off - faster than usual. There is the delay to make up. After a while he starts to hum to himself. In a way, he is happy.

Almost any man would have behaved in the same manner - and so would most women. Without thinking, simply because men are men and women so different from them, a woman will make use of a man whenever there is an opportunity. What else could the woman have done when her car broke down? She has been taught to get a man to help. Thanks to his knowledge he was able to change the tire quickly - and at no cost to herself. True, he ruined his clothes, put his business in jeopardy, and endangered his own life by driving too fast afterwards. Had he found something else wrong with her car, however, he would have repaired that, too. That is what his Knowledge of cars is for. Why should a woman learn to change a flat when the opposite sex (half the world's population) is able and willing to do it for her?

Women let men work for them, think for them and take on their responsibilities - in fact, they exploit them. Yet, since men are strong, intelligent and imaginative, while women are weak, unimaginative, and stupid, why isn't it men who exploit women?
Could it be that strength, intelligence, and imagination are not prerequisites for power but merely qualifications for slavery? Could it be that the world is not being ruled by experts but by beings who are not fit for anything else - by women? And if this is so, how do women manage it so that their victims do not feel themselves cheated and humiliated, but rather believe to be themselves what they are least of all - masters of the universe? How do women manage to instil in men this sense of pride and superiority that inspires them to ever greater achievements?
Why are women never unmasked?


-The Manipulated Man

blank:
If the mother is too soft, the father should be the one to sort him out. I would be ashamed to go out with that boy as my kid. Can't deal.

Modified.

Just seen that the father is always travelling. He has abdicated his responsibility. There is a place for mother's and then there's a place for fathers.

yettymuse:
oh God! Of course not! But y'all are most likely going to seek divorce the minute the sex life begins to wade off.

A friend of mine was married for 10years and he recorded the best 10years of a fulfilling sex life. Along the line, his wife's urge began to recede until it dropped drastically to zero. Coupled with other things we didn't know dude filed for divorce.

But I know that his major reasons was because the sex life was no longer there..

So I ask! Do you men forget the good times?? I mean, can't you patch up with the no sex moments?

You now weigh a woman's 'wife material' to the amount of rides and slides she can give effortless and receive?

Please don't mention me o, It is raining and I am konjified

tobianthony:
It really depends on different factors with respect to heightened libido ( freak level ) between men and women .

One thing I believe is that for the better part women love sex just as much as men .

One of reasons the frequency of sex lowers is transactional nature of marriage as posited by Rollo .

I'm not married and I for one do not believe it's right for me because of my beta mindset which I'm in the process of unplugging from. I won't tell you which of the 5 stages I'm at now . See unplugging TRP for reference .

I was once in a LTR relationship were sex and music was the connection . But things change . And she became religious and started to say that sex was not good for her but however still flirted with other people's partners openly and was very willing to cross boundaries of other people's marriage .

I knew even then in my beta mindset that once I got married to this lady that there would be no sex in our marriage just transactional sex unbeknownst to me at that time of Rollo tomassi .

It was quite a shock to read his blog and see all the mistakes I had made from my teenage years with women till date .

One should read the 7 iron laws of Rollo tomassi . If someone had thought me this as a boy ...it would have spared me a great deal of trouble .

I almost got married once but things fell apart ...during the ceremonies till this day I have yet to attend a wedding . Don't laugh or call me hurt .

I'm doing very fine because I appreciate the pros and cons of marriage doesn't mean I'm heartbroken .
So here's a funny story ...

Years ago as a teenager myself and pal let's call him O ( he was the bad boy of the class ) were outside a female classmates house . He brought a condom as it was his intention to have sex with the girl . I being the good boy back then told I couldn't have sex with any girl I didn't love . Yes I was a virgin for many years to come after then .

Many years later in my 30s I almost got married to my " dream girl " , who promptly told me no sex till marriage . To which my beta mind agreed . Even kissing her was based on transaction .i.e. a reward for having done something good . Which was few and far between as time and no private space was an issue .

When things fell apart no doubt to hypergamy and my inexperience I withdrew from society for a time .

Close to two years later I was at a bar with my old pal O the bad boy who was married now but still an alpha none the less .

He asked me what went wrong and I told him although we had discussed this before but I didn't go into details . At that point other present company K my pal too asked for this lady's name to which I told them .

At the mention of her name O and K opened their mouths in surprise and asked for pictures to confirm their suspicions to which I obliged . Upon seeing her picture they shouted .

Apparently sometime after she left me and before Os wedding ,same year mine crashed , he was seeing her and they were bleeping . The lady who wouldn't so much as let me kiss her was paying for hotels so she could shag O . Who promptly wasted no time in giving us details of how he made her squirt ...flipped her indifferent positions but jilted her at the end of the day to marry his wife .

What did this teach me ?

It made me think what I was doing wrong . Why this beta mindset was a disease a virus that had plagued me from birth . Viciously written into my programming , damningly wired to repeat this every time I was in love .

Well ...your guess is as good mine .

yettymuse:
It's safe to say an average man goes into marriage primarily because of sex!?!?!

raumdeuter:
I think biologically mens libido is higher than females. A man just need any visual or thought to arouse him and within 2mins he is ready to go. Most women want the right environment, the right mood. Thats why when a woman is saying we need to light candles, have romantic dinners, warm shower before sexx, the man will just be looking like are you serious? 4hrs preparation for a 30mins act in the next 30mins sef, the mans mind might be away from the sexx

Most women try to keep up with this pace while dating to snag the guy they want and after they have him secured, they drop to their level, its like you doing your best to keep up with a seasoned marathoner after a while you will drop back to your normal level

In most marriage, the sex reduces so much that the guy just forget about it or look outside for it.

TheUpsetGirl1:
seems you're interested in being a sidechick

Outfinity:
She insisted and begged my family members (particularly mumsy) that she wanted to be the one to donate blood for me when I was sick even though my brother was going to do that. She was crying (in fact WAILING) until she was allowed. The thing weak everybody. If you come think am, na distance no allow us work. Osas was sweet, lovely and homely!

Jamie90:
Yea, we all love to be spoilt by boo, however, there are somethings they do that we consider outrightly ridiculous.

Lemme start by sharing mine.

During my teenage days, I once had this pretty girlfriend whom loved me(to a fault if I may add). We met on 2go and we exchanged numbers, and the rest they say Is history.

After talking for a month or there about, we finally decided to meet at the Christ the king cathedral Aba.
On that day, she got there before me cos of traffic jam. I told her to wait for 5 mins; she did wait, but 5 mins turned 10,15 etc.

When I finally got to ckc, there was pandemonium. I saw her standing few meters away from 2nd gate and I rushed to met her. I apologized to her; i asked her what's going on and she explained to me that armed robbers robbed a shop and started shooting sporadically.

I was shocked. I asked where she hid and she said she didn't move an inch cos she didn't want me to have a hard time finding her.

I was flabbergasted. I asked her what if she got hit by a stray bullet, and she said that she didn't mind, as long as she met with me.


Guys, over to you

Divay22:
Smile with him in the day and go to bed crying at night, when you're fully aware he's with his family.

You're on a long thing