₦airaland Forum

Excellent news.

This way, people cannot be sanctioned for not catering to them.

Pipedreams:
We in the same shoes. I am seperated fro 3months. No one has called each other, No kid. I was grossly emotional abused by her and her family, lied against and mentally fcked. If she cares about me or the marriage she would have contacted me and begged with her family. But they forming island posh. Make dem go marry there pikin, make another woman run my race. Fia fia

Why don't you re-engage for the last time with your Ts & Cs?

JONNYSPUTE:
.....Nice one

Thanks.

A woman should not dress like a man and vice versa.

Why did Weird MC pop in my mind?

Hopefully, she will realize what she really wants when it is not too late to have it.

MissRaine69:
Some marriages are works of fiction.

Comedy central!

MMotimo:
@ bukatyne

Thank you very much, such kind words, so seasoned with upliftment, may you always have cause to be of good cheer. I am flattered and I am happy my ramblings make sense to someone.

.


I have retired from detailed responses on threads like this, that is why I did a one liner. I didn't know where to start from, it would mean epistle upon epistle First, why would anyone marry a man without a moral compass? Why would you do that to yourself? What happened to self love? The genesis of the marriage is already flawed in that scenario and susceptible to all manner of wahala which I agree could make a wife adopt these "defence tactics" That makes me question what people call "marriage," what it means to them, another heavy topic entirely.

Let me stop here, take care

Amen and you are most welcome

@2nd paragraph: I totally agree with you.

Please I am going to mention you on some threads. It is one of your areas of expertise just written from the male's view.

Thanks

Rock01:
Ok ma'am. I understand the scepticism.
The the questions in your post provoke deep thoughts, although these issues are considered with great flippancy by majority (that's gives me some slight concern).
I want to listen to you. Why should we interpret marriage from biblical perspective?

@last paragraph: I am a Christian.

I was/am still expecting answers especially from Christian POV.

I recently stumbled on a blog: Bibilical Gender Roles and I must say that while the owner based his views on the Bible, I don't agree with his fundamentals.

Again, maybe culture is also strongly at play here.

Need people to contribute.

Thanks

LewsTherin, what do you think?

Hi LewsTherin, I spied you on another thread. What do you think?

Cc: MMotimo

wink2015:
TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY.

Via bluetooth?

And what has the innocent fetus done in this matter?

twixx:
My sister is the one going through this.. Her husband hasn't been home for a week

So we should flip the script?

Ok.

Anyways, your sister has four choices:

1. Stay in the marriage and endure his shit;
2. Stay in the marriage and demand he treats her like a human being;
3. Seperate from him till all issues are resolved
4. Move on.

@Mindfulness:

From a woman's perspective, what do you think a man can do to maintain his desirability status to his wife?
Cc: MMotimo

@5thElement:

From a man's perspective, what can a woman do to maintain her desirability status to her husband?

Please go through the OP

Cc: crackhaus
LewsTherin

Mindfulness:
My pleasure.



Now it all makes sense. Women rarely use the term alpha, mostly insecure men who in no way fall into the category do.



True.



Have you considered that we have unrealistic expectations? This is why so many rush into marriage thinking of happily living after, not knowing that there will be challenges that life will throw on their trail. I spoke to a pastor a few weeks ago who belongs to my close circle of friends and has counseled many married folks so far. He said that the reality is that in long lasting marriages, bedmatics do not play a major, and often not even a minor role. The passion dies quickly and there is nothing you can do about it.



Look for what exactly? Admiration? Respect? It can't be bought though it can be faked if you are solvent.

The passion might die between the couple doesn't mean one or both of them are not playing the field.

Reminds me of a joke

Wife: we have not had sex for 2 weeks;
Husband: speak for yourself.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The thing is that passion ought not to die in marriages as it is one of the major threads holding the fabric of marriage together.

Your last paragraph brings me to another thread I created: dynamics of desire. Will mention you there.

5thElement:
First lemme say I love this post.
I totally and absolutely agree with the other points especially the bolded.


It's great for the woman to want to look good and take care of her health and hygiene for herself. But if she does this for her man too, it sends a strong signal to the man that his wife values him and his opinion of her.

During courtship, girls tend to dress up and make up to impress that guy. Then they get married and forget to keep doing the same thing that attracted the man in the first place.

It's true, a man will do well to choose his wife because of character, but let's tell ourselves the truth, a man is attracted by what he sees.


If he was attracted to your slim/chubby shape, well at least make an effort to remain so.

The effort a woman puts into making herself look good is never lost on the husband. The new hairdo, the sexy lingerie, the new perfume, flossing, nice shape, great skin care, all these speak volumes to the man more than words can ever do.


Apart from the obvious advantage that you feel good about yourself, your man starts to put in an extra effort, consciously or otherwise to also take care of himself. He doesn't want to look shabby beside his wife and he's suddenly noticed the looks men are giving his confident wife. So he ups his game.


Now, the respect you have for your spouse male/female is a example of the circular nature of life.


A man whose mom raised with a high standard will treat his woman like the royalty she is because he was raised by a queen himself and his daughter will become a queen who also raises other gentlemen like her father.



A girl whose dad is a scumbag will probably see men as scumbags, hence the phrase, "a girl with daddy issues...", marry some scumbag who will teach his sons through his actions to be scumbags and his daughters to raise other scumbags in future. Most of the time anyway.



Funny enough, the way a man treats his wife is exactly the way his son will treat the women in his life and the way a woman treats her husband will rub off on the daughters.


Let me take a detour here and conclude.


Sex initiated by the wife is unbelievably satisfying and makes a man feel wanted.


You see, if the man keeps initiating sex ALL the time, and the woman lies there, there'll come a time when the man will wonder if he's doing things right, I.e if he loves the wife.



So a woman jumping on her husband and initiating sex some of the time reassures the man that he's still attractive to his woman.



It boosts his ego(men's Achilles heels ) and makes him feel good about himself.



Such men have the tendency of going our of their way to please their women, buying small gifts when coming back from work, etc.



But of course, this doesn't apply to ALL men. Some are broken and damaged beyond repair. You have to be careful with those ones. Nothing you do will please them o. Lol.

Very excellent points which was why I created the thread. I might not agree with a lot of things from the author, I however agree with this part of his thoughts/ideals.

Women need to show their husbands that they desire them just because and not when he has done something for them/want to curry a favour.

Samotobor1:
Final year polo and not uniforms.... Double congrats to them..hml

Very observant of you. I had to check again.

Was the exams just moved to today?

Cc: Innovestor, menxer, plainol, Rilokiley

Cc: Innovestor, menxer, plainol

Obinoscopy:
Option 3: Seek for a divorce.

It's unfortunate she's unemployed. If she was employed and well to do, I'd have made this Option 3 to be Option 1.

Actually my option 2 was divorce aka moving on.

lobell:
She doesn't want love but she can sit on his laps okwa ya?

She had the both of best worlds....

A lover without the responsibility of catering for him.

I doubt she would want to let go.

The choice is yours:

1. Forgive and continue the marriage with a second wife;
2. Forgive and move on.

Make no mistake, the woman is not going anywhere....

If you have not had a child, then your marriage is automatically over. In this situation, your kids is your leverage so she would want to settle for a second wife.

You also do not have the right to tell her to abort/keep the baby.... it's not in your place to do so.

If you are going with option one, you can also tell your husband you wouldn't live with a co-wife/ babymama and you guys move out of the compound. He can come and see his child & 2nd wife at his own time.

This is really a tough one.

Goodluck.

P.S.: This is one of the reasons married ladies are told to shun single ladies especially older ones.

twixx:
This is a real issue happening right now and currently my brother is confused.

Okay so my brother married his university sweetheart after dating for over 6 years, they finally got married five years ago but different issues has been coming up. 1st my brother was involved in a fire incident he still has fire burns on his body today, its been five years and they don't have a child.

Once his wife was drunk and beat him up, all family members found out about it and eventually they move on, she works late everyday even on Sundays and even when she comes home sometimes she won't even talk to him.
My brother has his own business so he is at home most times. Her family members clearly don't like him the brothers always have one issue or the other with him and even once they sent my brother a text message saying the battle line has been drawn.


So last week they went for my brother's wife's Sister's wedding and during the event she took all the money from his brief case without his knowledge and sprayed her sister. After the event When he confronted her she got angry and left the house sent him a text saying she doesn't want to have anything to do with him its been a week now and she has not come back home doesn't pick his calls or replies his texts.

We have told him to leave her but he said he is confused. Please advice him cause me I am not understanding..

MODIFIED

Even during public holidays she is at work.. On Valentine's day they don't celebrate as a couple should, most times on those days she sleeps outside the house..

THE TRUTH

The truth is this story is actually about my SISTER and not my Brother... I've just seen Nairalanders are Biased when it comes to women and I just wanted people to be honest about what SHE should do

You are confusing me.

Who is your sister? The runaway wife? Or your sister's husband is the runaway husband i.e. she has the burns, the husband works late etc?

doreto:
Answers to your questions:
We've not communicated since the incidents,I do not know her state of mind in terms of reconciling.I guess I want to discover that as well if I finally implement your ideas.No kids yet,so no need for family support.

I had taken the decision,on my part,not to contact her all this while.Apparently,that feeling was mutual.The separation was a confusing scenario to me and I hoped to understand it better if given time and patience.I believe there were third party movers for it,based on lies against me on her part.

I also advised some who wanted to make peace initially to shelve the ideas while I get the bearing on the issues emotionally.I am there now.

I am thinking - this is really difficult,it's been a painful period for me - that contacting and communicating with her will be the test of whether those ingredients as you mentioned are now present.I haven't talked to any counsellors about the issues or my thoughts yet.

What caused the seperation initially?

Nkan be labe orun.

no1madman:
D style or. . .

The style, pose... everything. It looks very vulgar.

Hmmmmmmmm

no1madman:
Hmmm[img][/img]

Looks horrible

Congratulations, one of the actors that can love.....

His wife sha..... She nor dey smile?

Doesn't look like an excited bride.

Mindfulness:
Virtually most humans want to be admired and respected and this relationship advice is so nonsensical that I do not even know where to begin. It is funny that it is begins with the description of escorts who create illusions that could never stand the test of every day realities where you have to deal with children, dying relatives, sickness, unemployment, financial problems etc at times.

Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him. A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion. They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated. It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man! Omg I want you! Now!!!”

Just this morning I was talking to my brother who said that he loved his wife so much because she has her own opinion and if needed disagrees with him, which he finds enriching and helpful because it gives him a different perspective at times. He added that she does so respectfully and in a calm manner but it is a trait he values. Everyone is different and there is no one size fits all men advice. That's why some men like chubby girls and others do not.

I have never seen my grandmothers or mother look at their husbands like puppies in fascination and their marriages lasted till death parted them. This concept of romance in a marriage we have today is void of any pragmatism from which the idea of marriage actually stem and we should not need such advice to understand that respect, attention and good listening skills are essential in maintaining healthy relationships, be it with our spouses, parents, children, colleagues or friends.

Hi Mindfulness,

Thanks for contributing.

The article is from a 'Red Piller' so romance was not his intent. Remember that this article is to men.

The guy is coming from the attitude and not necessarily the actions... Like they say, 'it is the thought that counts.'

Our grandparents did not marry for love and had their own dynamics which most peeps do not want to follow today. Again, the men had several wives + concubines from whom they could get these stuffs without stressing a particular woman/wife.

If we look at it, a number of men even today seek these things in their side chicks and mistresses.

@Bold: Agreed.

PierreDeFermath:
this is one intelligent girl

Thanks

thorpido:
I tire o.He's making it all about the money.
I hope he isn't deficient in other areas.

Such men usually are deficient in some areas or they think the girl is above his class.

Something is fishy here. Someone or the grandmother herself is abusing that girl for her to result to running away.

Thank they found her sha.

Otherwise, it is frying pan to fire.

Why is the guy buying her with money?

This is a wrong foundation to start a marriage.

Giving gifts is not bad, it should just be done at the right time.