₦airaland Forum

The 2nd one is actually nice.

Poverty is not the fault of the people born in it however, little decisions can make their next generation slightly better which creates a ripple effect in generations enabling them climb out of poverty.

Education, financial intelligence, common sense, no of kids, right carriage etc. would make a difference.

Well it's unrealistic for a cabbie to shut up & drive all day just how you wouldn't shut up and work in your office all day.

A cabbie is a human with need for interaction and unfortunately /fortunately, it is his human passagers he will interact with.

Same with conductors and drivers.

If he/she is going too personal, you can politely stir the conversation to neutral grounds.

I personally find the jaw jawing interesting and when I wouldn't talk, I keep quiet.

And I agree that we also have to be security conscious; the cabbie front might be a facade for something sinister.

MurderX:
Can you guys be honorable enough to buy the book? It is criminal to share someone's hard earned work that is copyright protected.

D'banj has paid for us

George22016:
Una no go marry.This one una day read book. At the end of the day its still you same low self esteemed poor leeches that will cheat

George,

Happy new year.

We do not want uncouth people on this thread.

Goodbye.

lynnfeb:
I just finished reading it yesterday. I found it interesting, I felt for her a lot of times while reading, I even cried where she lost her parents. I love d fact that she was humble enough to accept her mistakes and apologize.

She is indeed a strong lady

I also found it interesting and her willingness to critically look at herself.

NairalandDSS:
Many modern women are not in a hurry to get into marriage. They realised that there are so many interesting things to do in life apart from starting a family.In a survey, some women expressed their opinions on marriage and explained why they would like to postpone it until they are totally okay to get into such a relationship.Here are some reasons why some women never want to marry.

Reasons why some women never want to marry are:

1.Most of the married couples aren’t happy. And this made some of us perceive marriage as a suffocated relationship which causes pain for the rest of the life. On the top of it, getting out of such a pain needs legal sanction.

2.Marriage is just a legal paper which tells the world that you want to live with someone. When you are sure about your relationship and have no insecurities, do you need the permission or the sanction of someone else to live together?


3.Being someone’s wife is a concept that puts off some women. Also, changing the surname and all other formalities seem more ritualistic than pleasure.

4.Going to the man’s house and living amidst strangers for the rest of the life is something which horrifies some women.

5.The pressure to marry that family members and the society give when a woman is ageing upsets some women and makes them hate it altogether.

6.The people around us and the media have made marriage look like a sacrifice that has to be made by a woman. That very concept puts some women off.

These are the reasons why some women never want to marry.

http://www.jeloser.info/2017/01/reasons-why-some-women-never-want-to.html

1 & 6: Your marriage is what you and your husband make it to be

2: The ceremony is doing the right thing culturally... with the institution comes several ways to make the beginning of a new family.

3: Some women never change their names

4: Except the wife is moving the husband's family house, most married couples move into the husband's/their private home and if it is a modern relationship, the wife is already familiar with the environment

5: I find a woman not marrying because of the pressure from family and friends strange.

Toks2008:
Pastors preach everyday but does that stop fornication and adultery?

Sometimes it's better we say it as it is...

BTW I also have threads that centered on how to live a decent life but haters will be haters...people will see what they want to see...the bottom line is that reality is better than fiction and I will rather be a realist rather than be an optimist or persimist..

Ok o.

elitejosef:
#copied#

I AM A WOMAN!!! -

So what?

Nothing

elitejosef:
I get into an argument with a man, he slaps me, I feel the pain, yet they tell me I provoked him. I should have been quiet, I should have been patient. I should apologize to him.

I get into an argument with a man, I slap him, they tell me I have no respect, no home training. I should have been quiet, I should have been patient. I should apologize to him.

Depends on the people around you. Some people would want to know what happened and not just demand you apologize because you are a woman

elitejosef:
Because I am a woman, I don't have a right to be angry. So, the degree of my innocence is directly proportional to the degree of my silence in the face of oppression and brutality.....

Same as above... depends on the environment.

elitejosef:
Because I am a woman, my husband cheats on me, I am told to tolerate it to save my marriage. The barbaric and stupid excuse is that ''it is in their nature to cheat, I should slim down, dress better, cook better, pray harder and be more pleasant to him"

I cheat, and I am called a LovePeddler, I have committed an abomination, I have no right to look elsewhere for the love and emotional support I lack at home, I am an irresponsible mother.
So I am sent packing, from the home we both built, with all my earthly possessions stuffed into a tiny box on my head. I am henceforth forbidden from seeing my two older children, I'm lucky to be allowed to go with my little one still suckling on my left breast. Three years later, the little one is tagged a bastard. Now, my new name is "after-three", because I am a woman.

The sole decision to remain in a cheating marriage is yours....

People are nicknamed according to their circumstances.... it's yours to accept or reject. As for the home, you can fight legally if you have prove you both built the home.

elitejosef:
He is 28 and runs a company. He's tagged wonderful, hardworking, focused, career oriented, successful at a very young age

I am 28 and I run a company " Hmmmm, she is not even married, unserious, can not order her priorities right, a hustler, loves money, let her go and get a husband oh"
And I wonder if being successful has anything to do with a person's gender.

We now have young women doing well for themselves... Kunbi had April before marriage, etc. Also, people of marriageable age esp. when successful are pressured to get married.

Also, it is believed a husband should be richer/better than the wife so when a woman is going very very well at a certain age, her family might be worried about her marriage prospects. (This also depends on her social status); DJ Cuppy at 30 might not lack suitors; a rich Titi in the village might.

Now a woman who has means should be able to position herself to get desired suitors if she is so inclined.

elitejosef:
Because I am a woman,
I am not allowed to have wits or be a prodigy, I cannot be financially buoyant, professionally successful or be treated with respect without a man beside me.

Then I am tagged a generous leg opener, "a runs girl". They never see the possibility that I actually had to go through ups and downs to get to where I am.
Because I am a woman.

Forget all the 'go and marry' people whine here... Queen Elizabeth wasn't married; Genevieve, Rita Dominic, etc are very respected and have influences men with 7 children can never dream of. Oprah Winfrey is another woman with a lot of influence.

If you carry yourself well and with respect, your martial status will no longer matter; If you are 'single' and fucki.ng around, please get married

elitejosef:
A man looses his wife to death and remarries a year after, he did the right thing, he's being praised and congratulated for moving on, afterall life is for the living.

A woman looses her husband to death and remarries after 4yrs, "ahhh! so early? Are u sure she wasn't sleeping with that man even when her husband was alive? That was why she killed her husband. She's a witch! " Because she's a woman.

Who stops a woman from re-marrying? Perhaps the man's will and some of the women have men who warm their beds.

elitejosef:
Because I am a woman, this post will be considered controversial, and everyone will try to correct me.
But don't forget, that I am a woman and it does not make me less human!!! Happy new year.

My thoughts:

The 'inequality' we women experience are more of mental which can be overcome if you are married to the right husband. All the a woman can't be president; a woman can't do XYZ is largely dependent on who born you and who you marry

Again, if a woman is willing to look beyond what the phantom society says, live her life as she deems fit & willing to bear the consequences (no society will bear the consequences with you even if you what they say) she will be better for it.

And I interestingly don't think American women have it any better. Don't get me wrong, they have all the right 'laws' in theory like we do (if we dig deep in our constitution) however, people believing or doing them is something else.

JuneOctober:
One thing I know is that respect has to come from both sides to make things work out. Some ladies don't have respect and the crave for respect. Also the men as well. Who go give you respect wey you no get?
Everyone deserves to be respected, Even kids gan sef.

A married couple once came to iron out their differences in our home sometimes back. My mom decided to settle their dispute after the man complained his wife was about sending him to his grave with her attitude. We all knew the man to be over gentle. They sat outside to talk. Not less than five mins later, the lady had started raising her voice. It got to a time that she started shouting "shut up! Keep shut! I will beat you". I could hear them from our parlour. The next time I heard was GBOOAA. It was as if a couple of bricks fell in our compound. Alas, it was the woman that slapped her husband. The man even fell from his seat.

And this are the kind of people looking for respect up and down. I even wished the man had given her a thunderous deafening aka nti (slap) but he didn't. Such disrespect! That's why when men see women shouting for gender equality, they will be like ' STFU' because some men know what their wives and gfs can do.

The men are not free oo. Some disrespect their wives and other women around them and still be daydreaming about earning respect like one kabiyesi. If I start to type stories, my hand go break. Imagine one, beating his wife and his wife's sister like kindergarten kids at the slightest mistake. I can't respect such individuals. Some men melt out unfair treatment to females cos they are 'WOMEN' and what can they do?

Bottom line, Everyone wants respect but how many of them have the respect they want from others?!
If you want so much respect, have so much respect. Don't be fantasizing about one man that will be kneeling down for you when you don't give him respect, don't be fantasizing about a woman that will be kissing your feet if you don't have respect.

Beautiful!

Toks2008:
You got it twisted once again...I remember reiterating that I give realistic opinion so YES they are MY realistic opinion which should never be juxtaposed to my persona.

For instance I have never cheated on my ex of many years but does that mean guys don't cheat or should that make me start deceiving ladies guys are faithful?

Let me state emphatically that I am a thorough breed in terms of sexual decency,respect for women and believe it or not, im the type of man ladies will fast and pray to have but when it comes to writing stuffs...I will rather stick to reality rather than fictions.

@Hmmm....

Interesting!

Don't you think if you post reflecting your 'real' self, some people might learn from them.

@Wonukwuru:

What made you marry her? What was/is her unique selling point?

What are her current strenghts?

crackhaus:
But shouldn't you be seen as supporting your husband in public before anything regardless?
One with your husband before any other person including your father and mother, right?


My dream scenario? Did I create the thread?

Go hubby go hubby when he and my dad are having a go at one other?

I honestly give up.

crackhaus:
Yea I saw it, that's the feminist response which you were getting worked up over na.

I'm NOT surprised you haven't preached your usual sermon of "a man shall leave his parents and become one with his wife."
Husband and wife first before any other person, abi nor be so una talk?

Getting worked up ke

That is my sermon and will always be my sermon . A man leaves his parents and becomes one with his wife

You can glean my response from my second post...

I wouldn't be obeying either of them; I will work towards settling them before raising dust privately with whom is at fault.

And the probability of your dream scenario happening? 1%

Goodnews this 2017.

HarveySpecter1:
Of course , you would agree with him 100%. Why wouldn't you ? Expectedly, you have a problem with a woman contributing substantially to the home. Taking care of the home shouldn't be a woman's only contribution, for f0rks sake. If she is educated, she should have a career( not nail polishing,makeup shlt) and contribute to the family.

I have lots of friends who earn much but have wives who contribute little or nothing financially, they wine endlessly. It isn't easy to have just the man do all that. If women do not want to contribute to the home, why waste those thousands of dollars spent on their school fees? To sit at home, watch African magic and get fat?

Harvey,

Happy new year.

You obviously missed the last line of my post and you know absolutely nothing.

If your rich friends still whine that their wives don't contribute financially, why can't they discuss with their wives? Could it be they have different expectations?

So in addition to taking care of the home, the wife should also contribute?

Rich.

TheArchangel:
Both are not worth listening to if they on a shouting match on each other. My husband ordering me to enter the car as if i am a dog must be mad and then my Dad arguing with his guest must also be mad too. I have to be "madder" than them by ignoring them and walking away.

CC: crackhaus

crackhaus:
If your MIL and yourself had a misunderstanding and your husband intervenes, who would you prefer he sides/obeys?

So you expect the husband to intervene if the MIL & Wife is having a shouting match while you are asking a wife who she will obey when hubby & FIL is having a fracas

RS!

I don't know why we can't stick to one side...

On one end, the average Nairaland guy believes a woman's forte is caring for the home/family and foam in the mouth whenever someone suggests otherwise.

On another end, same guy believes a woman should contribute financially to the household and starts asking what a woman wants to contribute if she doesn't want to drop money at home.

Jokers...

@OP:

I 100% agree with him

The idea of waiting till eternity before marriage doesn't appeal to me. I rather we build together and look for ways to develop ourselves and family.

crackhaus:
I figure you now know why I mentioned YOU specifically to answer the question.
I kinda suspected the Bukatyne persona on NL will have a crisis choosing whom to obey, because your true response might contradict your antecedent opinions on this forum. You were not the only one on my list though, but it's you I plan to mind-fvck on this topic.

You still ended up not giving an answer.
You don't know whom to obey between your daddy and your husband?

Sorry to disappoint you, I don't have a different 'persona' here

And not everybody's marriage dynamic is same; some people are one with their spouses and will present a single front to their parents.

Seriously receive sense.

Shout out to all the good fathers out there!

Happy new year.

crackhaus:
I'd like to see who Bukatyne will obey?

Receive sense....

This is 2017.

Happy new year

Seriously... nollywood with all their ghost changing clothes story will reject this script.

What is the feminist choice for?

You mean a husband & a FIL is arguing and the wife is listening on whom to obey? She is not begging/threatening them to stop fighting; she is not looking for people to separate them; she is not siding the party she feels is right; she's listening to whom to obey as a non/anti-feminist?

She is high on crack.

swtdrms:
You seem to be intelligent going by some of your posts, if thats how u actually are, it means all hope is not lost for our generation as majority of our ladies who later become our wives are empty headed.

Keep it up please!

Lol @ 'if that's how you actually are'...

Thank you

lilmax:
its fake, he just needs pity

Poor doubly married man with two fake rings...

The guy Don turn 'Lord of the Rings' fa!

jerry0123:
thanks, appreciate your contribution

You are welcome

Wish her cleansing & healing of the soul.

.

That goal was epic.

Befitting start for a new year.

Mayflowa:
I was going to say "honest". That was error. This thread was created in May. It seems you have time on your hand today to be able to read through. That is so cool.

Well you see random threads linked to others and check na.

I stopped reading half way.

The 'she deserves it' resonating through the thread is mind boggling.

Hopefully, the monsters on this thread stay here and don't seep to the real world.

@Brite02:

Thanks and God bless

Have a wonderful 2017

@OP:

Got this online:

Women Aid Collective is in partnership with Enugu Govt. to help rape victims.

http://wacolnigeria.org/wacol/

Mayflowa:
You enjoyed the scope? I wasn't just being honest and try to persuade her there are few still good men like. Of corse like me

You were not being honest?

You have proven her right afterall

abeeceebee:
See How My Sister Was Bartered By Her Husband


A man did this to his wife all because she disallowed him to have intercourse with her. I don't usually post on nairaland but I enjoy reading the contents of nairaland forum, and that is why I felt it is the right place to bring this.

I know this is a year late

However, you/your sis is not saying the full story. It is any of the following:

1. Her hubby is into S & M things which botched;

2. He is a warped religious man who thinks it is ok to beat his wife but not cheat on her;

3. Your sister gave you an edited version of what really happened.

No normal Nigerian husband beats his wife because she refused him sex and still sleeps with her immediately when there are many willing babes outside.

The husband also doesn't seem like the beating sort else you would have mentioned it.