₦airaland Forum

Catalin:
I don't know if its just me but I find it boring reading about people's private life in a novel. Maybe because I'm always occupied doing better things.

It's pretty engaging

Maybe because it's from the first person perspective.

NotOfThis:
Thanks for the excellent review, Bukatyne. These are very good lessons. Seems like one can learn a lot from the book.

Thanks

sisisioge:
Pls babes, of you are in the spirit of sharing hit me up at sisisioge1@yahoo.com. Thanks.

madamGift:
Can you send me a copy, please? giftogb1@gmail.com thanks.

Latty88:
Please can you send it to me?
bitsy208042@gmail.com

Thanks in advance

Will do as soon as I can

Sanchez01:
Not true. The Jambalaya rice is what a typical Nigerian would call concoction but in a more advanced manner. It is a blend of vegetables and meats, plus shrimps mixed in rice. It is even far more expensive than the hallowed Jollof Rice and they're not all that similar. Jambalaya is not even common in Africa. If you try to compare and contrast on recipes for both, one would discover that Jambalaya is more of meats, vegetables, shrimps and what have you than rice in itself.

Is this Jambalaya rice?

ifemola:
My husband doesn't care about me or love me,he told me and shows it through his actions. Chat with different girls at will,cheated before but am not sure if he's still cheating as I stopped checking his phones. He has always being like this while we were courting but not really this obvious. Am confused as I don't know how to continue in a loveless marriage. I have two kids already and I don't have a job,its not being easy getting a job. We sleep in separate rooms also. I don't know what to do stay in a loveless marriage, don't know if leaving the marriage ll help either. He doesn't simply care at all

@OP:

I honestly don't know what changed that is fueling this thread.

Like byvan said, get a source if income & everything will fall into place.

Chasing this man to love you will only bring more misery if he doesn't reciprocate.

May I ask why you married him? I am guessing you wedded him at about 23?

byvan03:
Don't sit around and wait for paid employment, whatever your hand finds, do it. Learn how to make hair, take your CV to schools, think of something you can sell. Don't just do nothing and please try not to be chummy before you contact HIV and other STDs. You can never make a man that never loved you, love you. You are just 26 , don't wait till 46 to realise that you wasted your life with a man that is worth nothing as a husband.

My sister, when will they learn the bolded?

Signs

How are you and yours this Christmas?

ogaprime:
you all got it wrong. with all your comments, that means we should punish a child for doing wrong. it doesnt have to be by beating the child, there can be other ways...now in marriage, a partner can offend the other partner. i am sorry for using the word "punishment" and for pointing at the wives. but truth be told, measures must be put in place for occasions after lots of corrections and appeals for improvement.

do you all want to tell me you don't err in your marriages

Are you comparing a wife to a child?

You are just messing up your thread more.

If I get you, you want to know how husband's should react when their wives offend them...

Well wait till you are 'offended' or give us a scenario to work with.

E.g. if your wife uses Jnr's schoolfees (N250k) to buy her friend's sister's aso ebi, what will you do?

If your husband uses your joint two years saving to do MMM (which crashed), what will you do etc.

thelish:
bukky, thanks for ur response. Anything dad suggest irritates her. Pastors have made her believe we are witches n wizards. Dad inclusive.
For sometime now, I have been on foodstuffs, soups n stews for her. But she will always complain of not having #1 of her own. And when she is not having any money on her, she becomes aggressive. Little things provoke her.
Complements of d season to u. Thank u

Why does anything from your dad irritate her?

This too shall pass *hugs*

@thelish:

Anything you want to do, do in kind:

Buy her raw foodstuffs, fill her gas, buy her Ankara or office wears, fuel her car etc.

Don't give her cash.

If she would give the food stuffs and Co to the pastors, change it to prepared i.e. cook the food, sew the materials etc.

As a poster said, over religiosity is a symptom of a deeper issue and what"s your dad's view on the issue?

Or did she have a difficult marriage with your dad and turned to the hands of the church for solace? If yes, you will need to apprepricate the pastors because they did their bit and you honestly do not know the succor they provided.

Visit the paators, apologies and give them little gifts this Christmas. .. a bottle of wine, N1k recharge card to call their members, a hamper of fruits etc.

It is well.

Not all pastors are fake and members have been led since 1700 to give all to their spiritual leaders.

Compliments of the season.

NotOfThis:
I haven't read it yet. Since you have, maybe you could share what you've learned.

Welcome and congrats on FTC

Summary:

She had low self esteem/ inability to form relationships because she lost her parents in a fire when she was 8.

She clung to her ex desperately despite all because she didn't want to go through the motions of loss again.

Her husband is a cheating romantic gentleman who was always sweet talking her back due to.....(fill in the gap)

His family warned her against him however, she obviously didn't listen

She knew about Anita all along and looking back, her ex seemed more into Anita... why he didn't/ hasn't married her, I don't know. She also used to sponsor Anita 's trips sometimes


Anita was/is fine with side main chick status and Maje doesn't /didn't want kids with Toke

In retrospect, Toke was not healthy enough to have a relationship. She also said she didn't care for him like cooking et al.

God prepared her for the 'fire' before news of Anita's pregnancy broke.

She & Maje were seeing a therapist after their separation towards reconciliation however, efforts proved abortive and she went ahead with the divorce.

She is working towards 'becoming'.

I must admit it's not 'Tokelike'

Someone else help me out....

@Mindfulness and Timbuktou:

I appreciate your efforts on building this thread ad providing content. You both (especially) and others made the thread front page.

Thank you.

I just finished reading an e-copy.

Who has read it?

What are your thoughts?

What did you learn?

I strangely found it interesting... it doesn't have the whole signature Toke on it; It has depth especially the chapter she is talking about accepting her own wrongs and apologizing.

5minsmadness:
Rolls eyes, exasperated
Telemundo

God forbid Telemundo...

Why do people think a love triangle et al is romantic

5minsmadness:
You have said nothing

Bellong codes and even helped me edit

You see, when a husband genuinely loves his wife, he doesn't need to be told to be faithful, loyal, caring and whatever else catches your fancy.

Even God gave us only two commandments...

1. Love Him
2. Love your neighbor.

My husband's genuine love is all I ever wanted and gotten so I am the richest woman in the world.

bellong:
Fixed

Thank you joor...

I was trying to flow with the thread on what we want

What I want from MINE husband

1. Genuine love
2. Genuine love
3. Genuine love
4. Genuine love
5. Genuine love

ferhyntorlah:
Remember the topic of the thread is Why is it difficult for ladies to look 100% natural?

She's looking 101% natural.

But the girl is not natural na....

I can still see powder, lip gloss/stain/stick and eye liner.

Hmmmmmm.......

This life!

freecocoa:
Children of nowadays sha.

You gave him BJ and you are here talking rubbish, just how did he force you into it? Did he put a knife or gun to your head? Did he threaten to kill you?

So you don't know how to ignore someone if you really aren't interested? I can boldly tell you that as a teenager, I was even more strong willed in matters like this than as an adult now, so no one should tell me about naivety on the part of the OP.

If you weren't interested, you had no business chatting with, becoming close to and kissing said guy, you better tell yourself the truth, nonsense.

Anyways, it's about time you told your parents and let your no be no, ain't nothing like being willingly forced into giving BJ.

I still wonder why ladies will chat up, pick calls, meet up etc. guys they are 'not' interested in.

@ChemicalReaction:

Ignore him (as long as he is not physically abusive) and see it as the 'consequences' of your indiscretion.

AND

DON'T EVER TRY TO MEET/SLEEP/FORCEFULLY OR WILLINGLY BJ WITH HIM...

Not adding up

Goodluck OP

It is not easy running parallel families today.

You are supder duper lucky that both wives have similar qualities. You could be a model polygamist tomorrow.

All these DIL/ MIL threads sef!

As a man, if you are not ready to 'leave' your parents and 'cleave' to your wife, don't bother getting married.

If you are not ready to put your wife first and leave your mother to face your father, don't marry.

As a wife, if you are not ready to treat your MIL as you would your mum (or better), don't bother marrying

As a MIL, if you are not willing to live a good life wih your husband so that you can live your son in peace, marry him yourself.

The thing with Polygamy is that a man must have committed adultery before polygamy takes place even if he never slept with the wife before marrying her.

The process of wooing a second wife is adultery.

CC: Acidosis

KingEbukasBlog:
That's not true . At least science does not back this up .

As a woman , her testosterone levels are at their peak since she says she is still young and as she gets older it steadily declines like in every other woman . Her sexual drive tapers as she gets older . Don't expect her to bother about sex when she is in her late 30s or 40s or much later .

You might want to check this thread : https://www.nairaland.com/3494482/frustrations-older-nigerian-women-sex-starved

5minsmadness:
I am unaware of this "popular" opinion. As far as i know, everyone knows a woman's sexuality peaks as she ages while the man's own wanes. Its common knowledge or so I thought.


True.
There is a variety of reasons for this.
1.Sexual libido peaks as the woman ages. It is the opposite for males(Already stated above). Also at the age of 50+, the man has grown "used to" the woman and may not find her sexually appealing anymore even if his ding-dong is still rearing to go. At this point the man is experiencing 'mature love' for his wife and would much rather cuddle and talk --things the wife was more interested in doing when she was younger. The roles have been reversed, life is a cycle. He respects her too much to carry out the dirty sexual fantasies plaguing his mind. So he opts out for girls he can try crazy stuff with who won't look down on him.

2. A lot of marriages are battlefields. The couple have gone through bitter moments. Some battle scars never heal. Infidelity, Emotional hurt, financial embarrassment, family rifts, a lot of issues may have gone under the bridge, most of them forgivable but unforgettable by the couple. Sexual attraction may no longer be there and the couple may just be enduring one another while waiting for the end. So sexual congresses may occur once in a while but mostly out of need and not want. The women outside are a breath of fresh air and offer sex without all the baggage.

3. Medical issues. By 45yrs on, The health of most couples, usually the man, may not be what it used to be. Stress would have taken its toll (usually more on the male) and the man winds up with hypertension, diabetes, ulcers, backpain etc. Most women escape these debilitating illnesses until much later in life while the men get it earlier. Most of the drugs for these illnesses kill a man's libido and the woman is left high and dry. It is at this point she experiences for the first time the sexual hunger/congee that the man has been battling since he was 15yrs old. At this point "sex is now food" to her. Unfortunately the man may not be able to meet up at this point.



You can see the situation here. If at 60yrs she and her husband are sleeping seperately, you can imagine what has gone under the bridge to warrant such.




Same issue. Years of quarrels and "see finish" have taken its toll.

T
Lol


Lol


Debatable. Young as well as old "high class" women buy these equipment. They are not cheap. The poor can't afford them and the middle class are too busy working hard to think of spendingthat kind of money for dildoes. A lot of guys buy intimacy gadgets too to try with their girlfriends.



Lol


Karma.


Global issue. Women are hard to please sexually/generally.


Story of thr human race. Men want sex, women want comfort. Women will do anything to get the comfort, men will do anything to get the sex.


My dear, ees not possible.


Funny but true in a twisted sort of way.


Karma. A lot of these young ladies, you see them shouting up and dlen that they cant condone cheating, they cant condone cheating, meanwhile during their youth na dem chop married men money pass. Na wa for you o. There is joy in sharing.


A boy-toy at the age of 65? The boy get mind.

Nice and interesting write-up.

One of the major reasons people sell huge age gap in marriages is because women's libido 'wanes' as she gets older.

If Karma makes a woman's husband cheat on her because she slept with another woman's husband, what karma happens to the husband?

Acidosis:
I do not believe an old woman needs to dress provocatively to get her husband's attention. Who wants to see those wrinkled thighs in the public space anyway?
No one, except the pay-per-se.x jobless fck- boys.


Men who abandon their wives at 50, 60 have been doing that secretly for at least 30 years. Men don't just turn cheats overnight. If at 21-25 yrs, your boyfriend cheats on you, save yourself the headache of spending your money at 50 on pedicure, etc. Somebody you couldn't tame with fresh laps at 20, how then do you intend to tame him at 60 with your surgically-supported butts?


If you must enjoy your man at 60, marry right!

Absolutely on point!

And I see a number of 50s......., they are not 'wrinkled'

@Amelian,

You have the gift of story telling.

@OP: I don't know if it's a blessing for her husband or a delay of the inevitable.

If the wife is thinking of running away with her husband's money and her parents are backing her up, I'm afraid it's only a matter of time she disappears unless your advice got to her.

Does she have siblings? If yes, are they happily married? Do her parents intervene?

I want to believe her parents are still together; how is their marriage? Is your friend sure there is not something else at work?

Or have her parents gotten a Dubai husband ready to waste resources on unproductive investments? Was your friend giving them money?

And the husband should have gotten a business savvy girl if he didn't want his wife to 'work under somebody'.

Same sex parents will always be a huge influence on their kids... divorced or not.

Even if the man takes the kids, the mother would still be an influence if she comes in contact with her daughters

Beautiful. The wife is really looking yummier....

More multiples of 20s to you

TV01:
No...the age gap is for two main reasons - which as it where are intertwined;

1. Biological - women typically reach full maturity earlier than men, it's natural.
2. Social - men need the additional time to "establish" themselves". Note how they are rarely ready for marriage as early as women. And women tend to marry up.

So the maturity or lack of, is for two main reasons;

1. Same as above which is natural - if you can become a mother at 13/14, you need to know whats up.
2. Socially as outlined previously - men are being feminised, not being initiated into manhood, and encouraged to prolong their pubescent years.

Many of the issues in the male/female dynamic are due to the ruptions caused by the drive for equality/sameness. Women are repulsed by older (more mature) men, and at the same time turned off by younger (immature) men - there are in a bind then are'nt they


TV

1. Not all women or even men want same thing; I am sure thats no news to you. Take a survey of the number of men married to women to wider age gap here on NL for starters...

2. Older is not equal mature as younger is not equal immature;

3. Most issues are due to home training/innate behaviour/ emphasis on formal education which is largely prolonged over here not 'drive for equality/sameness'; I remember my growing up years... I cannot think of any who would become a chewing gum boy in my church; we were all drilled in the Word and behaviour... infact, we would err in the side of been too mature or in a haste to get on with life quickly than been immature. Ditto my extended family.

4. Honestly, I wonder how many parents (Late 80s/ early 90s) esp. in Nigeria trained their boys in line with equality/sameness with girls to cause such catatrophic 'damage'. We need to bring the real world into our discussion here more often.

TV01:
This is only an issue - where it exists for a number of reasons, inter-alia;

1.Men are no longer being raised with the early stage initiation rites that were designed to accelerate manhood and responsibility.
2. Worse still, boys and girls are being raised in like manner, with the emphasis on femininity, hence adversely affecting boys.
3. Men are being taught to please women by trying to please women, when what pleases women is men being unrepentantly masculine
3. Equality drive making women think they should marry men of similar age, when historically, a decent gap was best (half mans age +7 rule)

This answers all your posts on this thread this morning .


TV

Well you just proved her right.

The age range is just to bridge the immaturity gap then...

And not all the problems in this world is as a result of 'inequality'...

Some women are just repulsed by older men!

We Nigerians and poor packaging.

Thank God some manufacturers are stepping up.