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Family › Re: My Boss Is Threatening My Marriage by bukatyne(f): 10:52am On Mar 03, 2017

madridsta007:
It seems like your husband is a good man. A good man will react the way he reacted. A bad man would have immediately started sleeping around or, what's worse, thrown you outside in anger. A "bad" man operates in anger.

Let's start with some bluntness here. You lost out on winning the trust of your husband when you told him "half-truths". A half-truth is the same as a lie.

Yes, a lie.

Trust is a very unstable compound. When it is gone, it is quite hard to regain it back.
To regain it back, you must do something which will be quite hard too. You missed the easy option earlier, by not revealing the whole secrets/past to him.

It's simple. Apologise to him, assure him that nothing has happened since then and prepare a resignation letter. Yes, show it to your husband and tell him that you have made up your mind to quit your job that day.
And, as the head of the house, you need his consent. Or disapproval.
Go with what ever he says.

If you do this with all sincerity of heart, you will find another job soon (if you quit) and, more importantly, win your husband's trust back and save your young marriage. He will see your move as respect for him. Women feed on affection, men feed on respect.

Anything asides this will be scratching the surface.

Believe me, a happy home is worth more than a job. Much, much, more.
I hope it goes well.

Good one.

Family › Re: My Boss Is Threatening My Marriage by bukatyne(f): 10:51am On Mar 03, 2017

Yorubest:
Good morning family

I can't sleep and cried all night

I've been married for 3yrs with a son

Before getting married I dated my husband for less than a year and everything was fine.

I don't want to bore you with the details but before getting married, my husband and I agreed to be honest and tell each other everything. I told him about my previous affairs and he didn't have problem with it but I couldn't tell him about the one with my present GM because I still work with him.

Somehow, he got to find out through one his friends who knows my boss. It's not as if he was told the details but he came from a meeting last Friday asking so many questions. It was about my boss and I had to confess to him.

Although what I had with my boss was a fling, he felt I was too cheap as he never asked me out but told me meet him in his house when his wife was away and I did and it happened. Just twice.

My husband keeps saying he doesn't trust me anymore. He's stopped touching me and he rarely talks to me and raises his voice now

He has a good job that pays well and his salary dwarfs mine but I love the job and my career.

What can I do to win him back? I'm confused. Help. No insults please

royalroy

Your boss isn't the one ruinning your marriage; you are and trust me, you are doing a good job of it.

You slept with your boss 2x (before marriage) assuming you really stopped and you still work with that boss 3yrs after your marriage? Same boss gave you gifts during your wedding?

Solution:

1. Discuss, seriously apologize to him and ask him to give you his conditions to forgive you;
2. Quit your job as soon as possible (I find it hard to believe your boss stopped after 2x. Your husband right now would have his imagination running wild and assume a lot of stuffs);
3. If you still have waka spirit, genuinely repent;
4. Keep appeasing him.

Family › Re: Nuggets From Ibukun Awosika - Chairman, First Bank Of Nigeria by bukatyne(op): 10:15am On Mar 03, 2017

Nitefury:
I find that third advice (on starting/running) a business really useful.. (Wish I could share with my boss). I'm making this lady my business mentor already.

Well, send to your boss and acknowledge Mrs. Awosika, Stephanie Obi and bukatyne cheesy

Family › Re: Nuggets From Ibukun Awosika - Chairman, First Bank Of Nigeria by bukatyne(op): 10:26pm On Mar 02, 2017

Gaborone:
Noted.

Thank you MA.

Noted to what/who?

And are you thanking me or Mrs. Awosika? tongue

Foreign Affairs › Re: Edelmira Barreira Appointed As Minister For Sex In Spain (photo) by bukatyne(f): 6:47pm On Mar 02, 2017

DirewolfofStark:
Many of the women refusing to have children are married women. The statistics on women who refuse to have children in Spain have consistently shown that the phenomenon of choosing not to have children cuts across the spectrum from married women to single women. So a Minister of Marriage probably wouldn't solve the problem.

Really?

Then a Minister of Children, restricting access to birth control pills to women without kids, making their elderly care package unattractive or making the workplace more friendlier to working mothers or a combination of all four will solve the problem.

I refuse to believe that most of the married women don't want kids.

Foreign Affairs › Re: Edelmira Barreira Appointed As Minister For Sex In Spain (photo) by bukatyne(f): 6:27pm On Mar 02, 2017

DirewolfofStark:
Spain's population has been in steep decline because many women are choosing careers over starting families. I'm a big advocate and supporter of Women's Rights and I will always support the right of the girl child to get as good an education as her male counterpart, but some aggressive feminists have taken things a bit too far in countries like Spain.
Now they have resorted to desperation tactics because their country is on the brink of being taken over by parasites like Arabs and Africans who will outbreed them and eventually take over their country.

If this their problem, then we need minister of marriage and not minister of s.ex. S.ex doesn't mean more babies.... well more babies but not the rate they want it.

A lot of women will be preggers after a while but will they keep the resulting babies if they feel it will infringe on their career?

Family › Re: Nuggets From Ibukun Awosika - Chairman, First Bank Of Nigeria by bukatyne(op): 6:06pm On Mar 02, 2017

So peeps........

I honestly will never discount the place of a female mentor in the life of a female. Never seen the reason for male mentors. We don't have same challenges.

1 Like

Family › Re: Nuggets From Ibukun Awosika - Chairman, First Bank Of Nigeria by bukatyne(op): 6:05pm On Mar 02, 2017

Business Advice

What business do you want to do?
Do you even know the business?
Have you empowered yourself to make the right decisions?
Have you done due diligence…and this is not about asking your friends for their opinion.
After selling your products to family and friends, how can your business idea become commercially viable?
What pricing and evaluation models can work for your business?

As you go along in your business, it is foolish to not understand the numbers.

Invest in yourself.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing, but you have to have the courage to ask someone to teach you.

Go to Business School.

If you can’t afford it, attend business workshops and trainings.

You might think you are smart, but really, what do you know?

We are all smart, but we don’t know everything.

If you think about how many different topics exist, you will realize that you don’t know a lot.

I’m always in school, I spend what people use to buy houses to go to school.

If everybody is deceiving you, do not deceive yourself, nobody knows where you are going but you. You owe it to yourself to invest in yourself.

After you invest in yourself, the knowledge is yours, and you will find yourself in places you don’t feel you are qualified for.

What am I doing on the board of a bank? I am a Carpenter. My first degree was in Chemistry.

It is your responsibility to empower yourself with information that can help you.

Be honest with yourself and identify what your gaps are.

Invest in yourself.

This is what will separate you from the crowd.

Another thing you should note, is that it is important to treat people right.

This is how I have gone so far without bribery. I treat people with kindness, such that they do things for me out of love instead of “a cut”.

Everybody from the gateman, to the house keeper, to the driver, to the secretary to the oga…everybody.

It is the gateman you are nice to, that will open the gate for you and find parking for you when you are late to a meeting.

It is because I have help at home, that is why I can be here today.

I have delegated some responsibilities, and hence I can have time to focus on what I know how to do best.

If I did not delegate these tasks to other people, and if I did not treat the people who were helping me out well, I would have to do everything by myself.

Human beings in your life are very valuable.

By yourself, you are limited.

Everybody doing something in your life is valuable.

You lose when you think that you are the most important person in the room.

The way you make people feel affects the extent to how they can help you achieve your potential.

Love people.

Show care for people

Be kind to people.

If you work with artisans (tailors, carpenters, etc), Be kind but firm.

Be firm, but just.

Don’t become a fool, be firm but nice.

When you are fair, people will fight for you the day you make a hard decision.

I have fired a whole factory before. I was younger than my staff and I was equally pregnant. They decided not to show up at work on one day and we had a deadline.

I found other carpenters to complete the work during the weekend and by the time they showed on Monday, their sack letters were waiting at the gate.

Do not let anyone despise you because of your age and gender.

Keep your word

If you give your word to your customer, keep it.

I have to stop here, there was a lot more. If you have any further questions, feel free to write them down in the comments, and I will do my best to respond.

Please, please, please share this post with your friends. This will help marriages. The ladies at the event were so emotional because Mrs Awosika just saved their marriage and their business.

I know that it can help so many people, and I’m trying to see how we can share the message with as many people as possible.

Like I always say…you cannot come in contact with light and remain the same.

I hope this has a profound effect on you as it has on me.

With Love
Steph

Source: http://www.stephanieobi.com/business-advice/ibukun-awosika/

3 Likes 2 Shares

Family › Re: Nuggets From Ibukun Awosika - Chairman, First Bank Of Nigeria by bukatyne(op): 6:03pm On Mar 02, 2017

Advise for Married Women

At first when you start a business, your husband might seem supportive because he thinks it is just a business to keep you busy.

But as the business becomes successful, he gets scared.

He gets scared because he feels that you might become something else. He has heard so many stories of women who have become rich and are now terrible. He is scared that you might not be able to balance it all.

You have the power to manage this transition.

1. Don’t start what you cannot finish

Breakfast in bed
Cooking fresh food everyday

The day you become busy and you cannot make breakfast in bed, he will say you have changed and will start treating you as if you are a horrible person

2. Make your husband a stakeholder in everything you do

You must have heard people say:

Your husband’s money is your money
Your money is your money

This is bad advice

If your husband has no stake in what you do, what is his benefit? You are making money everyday and you are still asking for housekeeping. After a while, he will begin to despise you.

All this money you are making, you can’t even help out in the house.

One of the wise things you can do is to empower him.

For example, you can say, “Let me take care of the house bills, you can use your money to build us a house”

When he sees how your money is helping him, he begins to get invested in what you do; he wants you to succeed because your success takes some burden off his shoulders.

Please note: This is why you should marry a hardworking man, who will not take advantage of you because you are contributing to the homefront. If you marry a reasonable man, he won’t start spending his money on other women because you are helping out.

Money is a very sensitive topic in a marriage because it can break a home. A lot of ladies take advice from the older generation, forgetting that the generation of our mothers is not the same as our generation.

In that generation, not a lot of women were career focused.

In this generation, it is the norm for women to be career focused, and hence, the dynamics has changed, and we have to deal with that dynamic.

God knows what he was saying when he said, husband and wife are one

The two of you are one and he can bless the one through any of the halves of the one. He can bless the husband or the wife, but it does not change who is in charge.

Your husband is in charge of your home and you should never have illegal leadership because you have money

Money is nothing.
It is just a tool you can use to achieve what God has ordained for you.

Don’t allow money to control your home. If you do, you are in trouble.

When you understand this, you won’t become arrogant because you are making money.

I want you to understand this because we need to raise a critical mass of women who can be successful and use money wisely, so that men can become comfortable with successful women and it can be easier for our children to become successful

You also need to understand that your husband is facing so many things:

Pressure from inlaws
Pressure from friends

They will be telling him things about you, hence you have to be careful.

Don’t keep secrets from him, secrets breed mistrust.

If you want to invest in property, let him know what you are doing.

If you don’t trust your husband, you can keep the asset in your name or in your children’s name.

If you trust your husband, you can buy property and keep the asset in the both of you’s name.

If you have plenty cash, invest in assets immediately. If your husband knows that you are sitting on so much cash, he will ask you for it and if you don’t give it to him…trouble. You become the enemy.

Wisdom my daughters, you need wisdom.

4 Likes 2 Shares

Family › Nuggets From Ibukun Awosika - Chairman, First Bank Of Nigeria by bukatyne(op): 6:02pm On Mar 02, 2017*

I stumbled on Stephanie Obi's blog. She is a Female Entrepreneur blogger who interviewed Mrs. Ibukun Awosika during a 'Time Out with Mrs. Ibukun Awosika' organized by Tara Durotoye whom is mentored by Ibukun Awosika. Tara Durotoye also mentors Stephanie Obi.

Mrs. Awosika's advise is in three parts:

Advise for singles

If you are walking down the road, with the wrong man, you are in trouble. You cannot afford to make a mistake.

Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you are.

You have to take this seriously because your life is on assignment. You are accountable to God for your life.

Your life has three parts:

1. Who you are
2. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a wife. This does not replace who you are. Your role as a wife is to help a man be the best of himself, not to diminish yourself
3. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a mother

One part does not remove the other, and it is your responsibility to work out how the three will combine together.

When you know who you are, you will know what to look out for when you are looking for a partner.

You won’t be carried away by “Rich, Tall and Handsome”, Instead you will be looking for someone who can help you to achieve what you are born to achieve.

If you marry the wrong person, and there is a mismatch, there will be a great conflict.

You owe it to yourself not to settle.

Don’t ever settle until you are comfortable that this person you want to marry has your back and will allow you to fly.

If you don’t know who you are, you can start by knowing what you don’t want, and be honest with yourself.

Don’t get carried away with the butterflies in your tummy.

When you are deciding on a man to marry:

Pick a man who is responsible and who is working hard. He may not have made it yet, but at least he is working and he has a vision.

It is not your job to give your husband-to-be a vision. You can’t change him. Make sure that he already has a personal vision of what he wants to become and is already working towards it.

Please take note of this:

The son of a rich man is not a rich boy.

He will take you out on dates in a big car. It is not his car, it’s his father’s car. He borrowed it.

His father will throw a big party for the two of you when you are getting married. This is for his own ego. The father can even pay 2 years house rent for you to impress the inlaws, and hence you might not realize that you are in trouble.

When the marriage starts, it will dawn on you that the boy you married, does not have any money.

He is always dependent on his daddy.

The day daddy does not give him money, you guys will not have money.

All the responsibilities will fall on your head, and this will cause friction in the marriage.

Be warned my daughters.

You can prevent yourself from entering trouble.

5 Likes 2 Shares

Christianity Etc › Re: Enoch Adeboye Celebrates His 75th Birthday by bukatyne(f): 11:29am On Mar 01, 2017

Happy Birthday Sir. Many more years of God's grace and anointing on you & family.

Family › Re: How Do I Get Out Of My Present Dilemma? by bukatyne(f): 9:57pm On Feb 28, 2017

nairalandbuzz:
Dirty mind you've got. I didn't say we had sex even though it eventually led to that... same mind blowing we have 80% of the time...

I only asked her to lie on me with clothes on just to hug her and feel her weight on me...

Lobatan

You are wicked o!

Family › Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by bukatyne(f): 5:10pm On Feb 28, 2017

Godmystrength:
lol. Your eyes are not deceiving you.

Many things happened my dear but God is good

Missed you all

Where is aisha2?

Thank God.

Aisha has long deactivated.

Happy new year.

Family › Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by bukatyne(f): 5:00pm On Feb 28, 2017

snazzylove:
@ hispinkolo , Bryan, godmystrength, pickabeau , bellong , bukatyne
AM still trying to remember my fellow counsellors names oo

Happy new years oooooooooooo.

How are you and family?

Family › Re: Lady Who Hit Menopause At Just 22, Now Cares For Dolls As Her Kids. by bukatyne(f): 2:42pm On Feb 28, 2017

No offense, but stupid undecided

Why didn't she adopt real babies since she's even married?

How long will she feed the dolls?

How would see feel when she sees kids born when her dolls were 'born' grown?

1 Like

Family › Re: I Can’t Bear My Husband’s Strong Sexual Urge: Wife by bukatyne(f): 10:29pm On Feb 27, 2017

xynerise:
He has not paid your dowry and you call him husband?

Some girls will just be deceiving themselves

Considering the fact that her 'husband's family is begging for resolution, she is his wife.

I don't think any normal man will not consider his woman who has 4 kids in 5yrs cohabitation his wife.

This is not to encourage cohabitation.

@Topic:

In addition to paying their fees, the man should tie his prick so no more pikins forever & ever.

The wife sounds like her major problem is the conception.

1 Like

Family › Re: Marriage Is Hard Work! !!!!!! by bukatyne(f): 7:48pm On Feb 26, 2017

montezz:
It's happening already trust me.
Marriage is overrated.

Why is marriage overated?

Romance › Re: See How This Lady Replied Her Bae Who Gushed Over Her On Twitter by bukatyne(f): 2:14pm On Feb 25, 2017

Different things:

The girl can be his rock while he is her quicksand;

The guy might be lying and only gathering likes;

The girl is mistakenly a rock

P.S.: Don't even dig the pictures he decided to flaunt.

Family › Re: Marriage Is Hard Work! !!!!!! by bukatyne(f): 2:08pm On Feb 25, 2017

raumdeuter:
Men still need kids and sexx,
The guys might be people desirous of having kids.

If this isnt a church setting where they will be judged and tell the guys that ok you also have an option of a live-in girlfriend who will give sex regularly and have kids but you will never marry legally. See how many will take this

Ask around among the people you know boys and girls, give them the option of cohabiting vs marriage and see who picks what more

I think I have asked you before, If your BF tells you Bukatyne I love you so much, lets forget about this thing called marriage just move in with me and lets start raising kids. But we will never get married, Yay or Nay?

Men need more than sexX & kids.... Widowers with sexx on the regular still re-marry.

These guys were still 'young' & could be content with 'sexx' till next year instead of looking for marriage within next one year. I am also sure most of them have steady sexmates so lack of didn't prompt their decision.

Cohabitation makes no sense to me because there is no difference without the rites.

I agree that a man can evenjoy treat his side chic better and will all his stuff to her when he dies but what does the rites cost?

If I see a couple already cohabiting, I just say do the rites. .. if I see a couple about to jump into, I will say don't.

Family › Re: Happy Birthday To Cococandy by bukatyne(f): 2:00pm On Feb 25, 2017

cococandy:
Thanks

Happy belated birthday. Wishing you all the best in life.

Regards to your family

1 Like

Family › Re: Marriage Is Hard Work! !!!!!! by bukatyne(f): 1:56pm On Feb 25, 2017

raumdeuter:
There is no culture where the women dont desire marriage.. Naturally a teenage guys dream is to sleep with 100 girls, a teenage girls dream is to have the best guy in the world devoted to her holding hands and loving her for life

Let a guy come with you with a proposal, . Joavid, Lets be dating for the next 30yrs, we will live together have kids but will never get married.

Yay or Nay

Give this same proposal to 10 women and see how many will take this option

A teenage guy might want to sleep with 100 girls (depending on training & orientation), however, he will want a wife to himself who will give him kids and be a domestic support.

I see guys all around and they all desire marriage at a point; so they are settled and can launch back into the deep with a wife taking care of the home front (ideally).

Again, most guys I know (except abused) are very good 1st time lovers till the unserious girls break their hearts and they harden.

Even cohabitation is still 'marriage' without the ceremony grin

@Joavid, I don't see a future without marriage.

Even homosexuals are pushing for right to marry.

I only see more of women defining themselves outside their marriage.

Family › Re: Marriage Is Hard Work! !!!!!! by bukatyne(f): 1:48pm On Feb 25, 2017

raumdeuter:
A future without marriage? Thats every mans dream

Why do you think its women that asks what are your plan for this relationship

If a man gets free sex, and kids while being able to raise his kids do you think he cares about marriage? That is just to make the woman happy

@bold: not necessarily true.

Had a vigil today and when prayers were called for people who want to marry between now & next year, you need to se the young guys trooping out.

Most people desire marriage.

And marriage is not just to make a woman happy; infact, if we go to the basics, marriage is actually to cater to men and make them happy.

Family › Re: As A Family Man, Am I A Miser, Greedy Or Trying To Be Financially Smart? by bukatyne(f): 8:08pm On Feb 23, 2017

Erums:
Ure wise.... Rich dad poor dad

Thanks

Family › Re: As A Family Man, Am I A Miser, Greedy Or Trying To Be Financially Smart? by bukatyne(f): 8:08pm On Feb 23, 2017

vislabraye:
But wetin person go do nah ? Can one find a cheaper comfortable housing ?

Depends on his location & proximity to place of work.

E.g. it is better for someone living in Ajah to get a 35k job at Ilaje than 50k job in V/I or 60k job at Ikeja.

We need to know all the indices before giving him a holistic solution.

But I know N100 rent year in year out with same job and growing responsibilities wouldn't leave him with any savings or investment.

Family › Re: As A Family Man, Am I A Miser, Greedy Or Trying To Be Financially Smart? by bukatyne(f): 8:01pm On Feb 23, 2017

Ask4Info:
You for say make e go live inside BASKET or dey sleep inside Danfo.

Family › Re: As A Family Man, Am I A Miser, Greedy Or Trying To Be Financially Smart? by bukatyne(f): 4:18pm On Feb 23, 2017

kennydotkom:
Actually my rent is #100k per annum. How abou that?

100k rent on 600k salary is still high.

How about child care, school fees, feeding, clothing, entertainment, helping relatives, savings, investment etc?

Does your wife work? If no, you both need to strategize.

4 Likes

Health › Re: Age, Menopause Can No Longer Stop Women From Having Babies —IVF Expert by bukatyne(f): 3:54pm On Feb 23, 2017

ahamonyeka:
Aunty Kemi olunloyo will be glad to read this.

If I remember correctly, her son clocked 30 few days ago.

Health › Re: Age, Menopause Can No Longer Stop Women From Having Babies —IVF Expert by bukatyne(f): 3:41pm On Feb 23, 2017

Nothing new

Family › Re: Is Marriage Really The Answer? by bukatyne(f): 1:12pm On Feb 23, 2017

tobechi74:
what is the question!

Family › Re: As A Family Man, Am I A Miser, Greedy Or Trying To Be Financially Smart? by bukatyne(f): 1:09pm On Feb 23, 2017

150k annual rent on 600k annual income huh

??

Are you working for your landlord?

Oga, you need to restructure your life.

11 Likes

Family › Re: When I Became A Mother, Feminism Let Me Down by bukatyne(f): 1:07pm On Feb 23, 2017

Knew it had to be a Huffington Post article!

Those peeps sha.

Interesting article

Celebrities › Re: Temi Otedola Delivers Speech At The American Embassy In UK [PICS] by bukatyne(f): 5:38pm On Feb 07, 2017

If there is one thing I admire the Otedola's beauties for, it is their decency.

You rarely (if ever) see them dress indecently. They are decent, rich, beautiful and brainy.

Lucky parents....

Money + Blest kids!

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