₦airaland Forum

Acidosis:
1. Reason is because majority hail from single, broken and separated homes.

2. Those who weren't separated have been induced by brainwashing messages from their mothers. Mumu kids too would believe every negative thing they hear about their fathers hook, line and sinker.


3. It is only in Nigeria people claim they love their mothers more. One would begin to imagine whether there are another sets of mothers they call "Mother-In-Law". Talk about the power of self-acclaimed love, selfish and self-centered love and brainwashing from infancy.
Una love una mama, but hate mother in laws. So much for the so called love.




Anyway, I love my dad and my mom equally. Mom played her role, same with dad, so they both deserve the good stuffs from a proud son.

Any proof of the bolded?

How many foreign songs was sang in praise of a father?

LynnPetra:


Three children from three different women
Better men done finish for Nigeria?
Tiwa Savage wey I think say she mature look everywhere ,travel far and wide ,kon still carry boy wey dey still use hand pack blokus, keep for house as husband?A boy who tweet say him wife na Ashawo? The other one from akwa ibom still go marry another boy wey dey carry family matter enter tweeter?

So after all the open eyes wey Una do coupled with Una age,you ladies can't still separate the men from the boys?Funke!you fall my your hand!


Anyway na ya choice. Make I go drink panadol. Who send me?

Even with the Mr Churchhill wahala, the MAN went mute about the whole infidelity rumour.Tonto marry guy wey get sense. The side chick is left doing all the talks,defending couples wey no send am message.Making a complete fo.ol outta herself.

Churchill, Toke & Funke Akindele really responded well to their marriage crisis.

MMotimo:
I feel some irritation at some of these comments so forgive my tone if it sounds harsh.

In a normal marriage ( my definition - love for each other being the primary reason not procreation, not desperation, not money) you get to realize that your spouse is your firstborn. Your husband is your first child and your wife is your firstborn. With that foundation, things work out better. A firstborn helps with the younger children but still gets all the attention due him/her. Everyone likes attention and no one should be starved of it. If you are a Mom that needs help, pay for it if you have to. If your husband can provide sufficient help, then he should provide support. If neither of you can pay for needed help then suspend pregnancy till you can! If you need to stop having kids every year, do so!

For the vast majority of married men, a healthy, regular conjugal relationship is sufficient to cover feelings of neglect as long as you are fully mentally and physically engaged in the exercise and not responding with the enthusiasm of a log of wood. As you are creating time for the kids, create time for him on your schedule too.

This crazness of neglecting your husband because of the kids starts with breastfeeding your kids till they are 5 years old in the name of being a good mother.

You have 4 kids in quick succession and your body is laid to waste by the rigours of pregnancy as it gives up trying to recover from the rapid weight gain-weight loss cycle. Then you wonder why you don't feel sexually attractive any more and instead of paying attention to your body you are reduced to Broadway productions-type daily makeup sessions on your face while you buy bigger tent clothing to accommodate your neglected body.

You feel unattractive because you have leaking (breastmilk) breasts for 5 years so you avoid sex. How about stopping the breastfeeding at a reasonable age so that you don't spend the next 5 years in messy milk stained tops.

You can't do anything on the bed/room because the baby will wake up, please get on the floor or move to another room

If you can wear a top that provides easy access for the baby to breastfeed then you can wear lingerie that provides easy access to whatever your spouse needs.

Just because you had kids does not mean your spouse is now second class and does not mean the spousal relationship should be suspended. Your partner still has his needs and by the way, so do you! If you don't, then you have a problem that needs oiling and guess who you need for that oiling?

Having kids is not an excuse for either spouse to suffer neglect. Pay attention to the dynamics of your relationship as the kids come. Do not abandon your first love!

This post is not for everyone, it is for those in a normal marriage and who are interested in nurturing and growing that union. Happy new year!

Lovely

Horus:
According to the video they still practice it in the southern parts of Nigeria

Where in the South?

I have never heard of such.

Interesting comments @myking95

The OP is quite insightful and paints the true picture in an average Nigerian home.

The wife is expected to put up with so much bullshit that you are amazed why a typical Nigerian woman still wants to get married.

However, the issue is not so simple. When these wives were girls, they chopped their youth (not necessarily indiscriminate sex) and friend zoned a lot of 'nice' guys. Infact, the average Nigerian guy is very eager to please and love his 'first love' and will do a lot of things for her. (Yes, they might be interested in s.ex as part of the package). I hear stories of guys cooking food for their gals (who interestingly don't appreciate) in their hostels etc.

After these girls show them pepper, the guys 'harden' and metamorphosis changes him from a sweet guy to a typical 'Nigerian' husband.

Unfortunately, these girls grow into Nigerian wives looking for the type of men they discarded in their youth.

Add the fact that she has seen her father treat her mother so and they are well celebrated in their church/mosque for reaching 40th anniversary in marriage (nevermind the mother spent 30yrs chasing side & front chics, chopping beatings and fasting & praying), she has prepared her mind to chop bullshit (like a medal) and any providing man would do.

Have you seen where they discuss their husbands' nonsense and they smile that they have finally reached the sainthood in marriage?

I very much concor with the OP. Let the 'Nigerian' couple marry themselves.

@freecocoa:

Congratulations

Lady39:
Ok..very interesting. I do agree with the first paragraph, however I don't think every profession is designed for females.
I'm gonna keep silent on the last couple of paragraphs..lol. But I absolutely see what u r saying.
Thanks

What professions are not designed for women?

Joavid:
He needs you to get a job and contribute.
He probably doesn't earn much from what I see and he's upset that he can barely save.

so, get a job.

@bold:

100% on point.

Your husband doesn't appreciate 'sacrifice' of staying at home because that's not what he 'needs'.

I bet you didn't even discuss with him before deciding to take a break and stay at home.

Get a source of income & you both start worrying how to have time for your son; afterall, you both own him.

You are not doing anything strange; most Nigerians have never taken advice/opinion/feelings/choices/decisions of any one we feel is our 'subordinate' seriously. The fact that you think it is wrong is nice of you.

Now you have identified a problem, consciously work towards solving it.

Goodluck

She's even looking more beautiful.

God bless your home.

Foluke's husband sounds like 'I am cheating & there is nothing anyone can do to me'.

Goodluck to them.

thorpido:
Oddity has taken over.Even if you're so close to the groom,there're other ways to represent rather than dressing like the groom(groomslady whatever) or a part of the groomsmen.

Na dem sabi.

Lol @oddity has taken over...

Na them Sabi jare.

Happy new year.

crackhaus:
You be oversabi on a normal day, no surprises.

So you don't have oversabi cousins?

Eyah. ... what a pity.

I don't dig this groom's lady stuff.

If I am so close to the groom, I ensure I'm super hands on that day.

All the groom has to worry about is dressing up and joining his wife.

Each to his own.

.

So Toyin, what happened?

Oneminuteman:
This diary is not attract any sort of abuse or derogatory words but to share my story with the world because this forum is viewed by many around the world even though they are not registered.I'm married to the love of my life and we just got married this past year which is 2016. She was a virgin at 31 years old when i met her and I can say I was the one that disvirgin her,it wasn't any easy fit because I had to be patient with her while thrusting into her.

At the end I started having a easy passage,fast forward to this year I realise I need an increase in my performance because she has started to ask for more from one round to three round and I couldn't meet up.I told myself the truth that my wife is gradually enjoying these sex thing,all the same I realise I had premature ejaculation from what I could deduce.

Today 13th of January,2017 we had sex and I didn't last long on the first round which she was not happy about that I had release after some minutes I had entered her . She felt disappointed but advice me to Google a solution to the problem facing me. I stylishly ignore her but later remembered that someone once told me that exercising really help in the performance of a man during sex.

This morning I dusted my footwear and sport wear took a minute stroll to the estate close to my house and started jogging for about 30mins round the estate,I can tell you I have never felt light and better like the way I felt this morning. I believe gradually I would advance to one hour of the jogging and trying different routine but I know I won't stop till I see the result of my journey into an ex - one minute man.

I will continue again tomorrow.......

@bold:

You stylishly ignored your wife's advice (who is the major stakeholder and the person who would suffer the consequences of your poor performance) and acted on the advice of a somebody who doesn't even know you are acting on his advice.

I am sure if a poster told you to Goodlettsville it, you would quickly do so.

You need to learn to listen to your wife; it would help strengthen your marriage.

Goodluck on your issues.

freecocoa:
I'm a woman and I've been living with my sisters happily, at school, my roomie and I were inseparable, so I don't know what you are talkin 'bout.

Like you, I have never had any lady 'hate' me because of my gender nor do I hate any lady just because...

futurism:
It may sound strange because you have not experienced such. Truth is I used to wonder how my mum was different at heart among most of them, especially her own siblings. My mum, being a Benin woman, is from a family where jealousy is rife, when I mean jealousy I am not talking about something normal but one that share some traits of hatreds. It is just the unfortunate family we found ourselves.

And her weakest point is being generous to a fault, trusting people easily. I have those traits too but her life on earth has often reminded me to put a limit.

You clearly stated they are a jealous lot...

What are you and your siblings still considering contacting them for? Don't add them on whatsapp, defriend them on Facebook etc.

Like P-Square. ..

This game is over.

@futurism:

Except you are a sicker for pain, I don't understand why you and your siblings want/consider keeping in touch with family members who never cared about your existence.

Now you seem to be having small change, they are suddenly friendly.

You need to learn about your family history and dynamics... I find it strange that several members of your family would turn their backs on your family.

Like we say... Ti isu eyan ba funfun, a fi owo Bo je.....

If your yam is white, you will hide it in your palms to eat.

God be with you.

crackhaus:
Your experience has been both sad and uplifting because in the end, you have made something out of your life and this is all that matters. You do not owe any allegiance to this man, your aunt or any other extended family member who turned their backs on you all at your lows. However, you do need to make pace with yourself and not carry any grudges, neither should you ruminate or reminisce on those past experiences.

What you can do (which is actually what I do when dealing with certain people) is to look for a way to appear both friendly and distant at the same time. He wants your number on WhatsApp, let him have it ONLY because he asked. You do not have to chat with him all the time or respond to his messages often, using one-line replies works wonders and unless this man is a complete f00l, he ought to know when someone really doesn't want to chat with him.
I suspect he wants your WhatsApp number just to be able to keep tabs on you, see how robust and fresh you're getting or how sick you start to look (God Forbid). These kind of relatives are what I call MONITORING SPIRITS, every single person here can relate to this. They always want to know what is up with your life NOT because they care but just to frown when all is going well with you and/or feel good when all is not.

I myself have about five (5) extended family members on my blocked list on Facebook, two of them are direct siblings to both of my parents (One uncle from my mom's side, One aunt from my dad's side)... the other three are cousins. AND YES, THEY KNOW I BLOCKED THEM..but fvck them.
It's not like we even had any serious issues, but I truly passionately hate people who think being extremely wealthy grants them the right to have a say just because we share blood. I can't post something on Facebook and one thing will be asking silly questions like "Where are you? What are you doing now? I heard you got promoted, how much do you earn now? So you came to my city and didn't visit me?" .... dang, see jamb questions nah . I blocked the morrafvckers mehn.

Bro, you don't have any problem. Just hold your head up high and keep balling like there's no tomorrow. Any one who wants to be a monitor lizard can quench for all you care.

Cheers...

What"s wrong with the questions your relatives asked (except if you've had previous issues with them?) though I agree some questions are personal 'Like how much you are earning' but it's the same question I can ask my cousins when I see them physically...

megareal:
I'm a woman, but I know our wahala too much, reason I don't have female friends

The reasons vary, from jealousy to suspicion to competition. It's an unending list.

Let's agree with you that women are their worst enemies, can you give me examples of ladies/women you have had encounter with?

jumpandpas:
It's real even the Bible said it "Who can find a virtuous woman?

for her price is far above rubies". (proverbs 16 10).

I really suffered when i was looking for a wife and i believe God made it so.
But at end, God gave me a VIRTUOUS woman. I stopped having gf 6yrs before i met my wife and didn't sleep with her till our wedding night.

Thank God for your testimony.

Maple tree

Will edit later

A worthy cause to be jailed for.

Does this article have several titles or do the OP pick whatever title he/she deems fit?

baby124:
Well in Yoruba culture. Married women without kids were called Agan! The name holds a big stigma. I had aunts who were unmarried and we always showed them respect and called them *mummy*. No one ever insulted them within the family.

I heard that in some parts of my state (Ondo), a woman without a child was buried with a lizard.

Women who miscarried or did not have surviving children were seen as 'mothers' ans not buried with lizards.

edwife:
Happy new year, you are welcome.

-Yes

-No, customary court. The breaking and the forming of marital ties is less regulated than before. Husbands may simply turn away a barren wife who earlier would have been kept on, although, according to Guyer (1990), the wife might leave first to attempt to bear a child by another man. Wives also may leave a husband who cannot pay the rent. A man may bring a new wife into the home without prior warning, and wife-beating may ensue from these stresses. This sequence of observations highlights the preoccupation with lateral transfers of support noted by Guyer (1990).

Interesting although an older woman once said they had juju used for contraceptives

Yoruba believe in destiny and might think the barrenness was because they were not compatible and try their luck elsewhere.

baby124:
Lol, the side chicks then considered themselves wives. Now it's a thing of shame. Not so much back then. They had as much right as the women in the house if they had kids for the man.

Very true.

A funny prover.. obiririn to bi mo fun ni ti koja ale eni.

Children are esteemed by Yoruba no matter their source.

DarkRebel101:
Women never reigned as queens in ancient Yoruba/Hausa kingdom, nor did they hold any serious position. Even the few positions they held were by and large ceremonial as they exerted no real power.

Iyalode was a chieftaincy title conferred upon the most distinguished woman in the town, either due to her wealth or her husband's fame/wealth/influence.

Iyalode means queen of women.

Iyaloja is also a chieftaincy title that means head of traders.

I wouldn't compare what is obtainable now to what happened then.

Will wait for edwife on the king part. I was surprised myself.

Never heard of female kings in Yorubaland.

baby124:
Iyaoloja is the head of the market women. Iyalode is the head of the women in the community. Both titles are elected or voted for by the women as their representative on the king's council. The Iyalode is mostly elected by the king though! But before her election she is a powerful woman and mostly a rich one with political clout in the community. I am not too sure if the roles are interchangeable. I would expect though that the Iyalode is the overall head of all women in the community. The Iyaoloja would probably be one of her advisors in her own court. You know they would deliberate and decide what they present to the king as pressing issues affecting women.

Thanks a lot.