₦airaland Forum

tearoses:
Most of the issues arise because in the first instance people marry for the wrong reasons and choose to overlook a lot of important things during courtship assuming they even courted at all.

A lot of ingredients go into a marriage, not just love alone. The fear of God, Flexibility, integrity, trust, respect, communication, companionship, time, conflict resolution skills and many other things are very important too.

With the guy whose wife lied about her age, I can understand his disappointment and his wondering if anything else she says is true, I agree divorce is extreme, however reading between the lines he is hurting and it will take time for that hurt to go and the trust be restored.

You see; you can forgive a partner a million times and you should, however each episode erodes a part of the relationship and that is what causes the damage in the long term.
You could argue that if she really loved him too, she wouldn't have done anything to hurt him and that includes not lying to him

I agree there are many facebook foundation marriages abound that at the slightest wind, they fall apart like a stack of cards. Its because the foundation was flaky to start with
Its not the marriage that's the problem, its the foundation and that is what people should be taking more care on before saying I do. May God help us all

nubian999:
Women are the stronger sex. That's what I got from the story. She natured and protected him because she loves him. Men are simpletons, men are like babies, men think with their peckers; it confirmed all those clichés.

Now what I don't understand is why women of our time hate the fact that we're the stronger sex. Women were always emotionally stronger and men physically stronger. I found this story, especially the woman's actions, rather endearing.

#But I'm not married so what do I know

byvan03:
There is something i find really hilarious about that dead and buried assertion . You accept obvious stu*pidity =enjoying life, reject it =miserable life . You go fear brain nah.

SAMBARRY:


I thought I was the only one That felt that way

Nairaland misogynist and narcisstic tales is becoming very irritating

Ishilove:
This Lawson man is an idiot. If the tables had been turned he would have divorced her in a jiffy and remarried. What a nasty and wicked man.

Sarah for kuku leave am make e go fool himself with another woman.

Who wrote this yeye mushy unrealistic story, bikonu??

I'm a romantic person and I love happy endings but I just can't relate with this story. Look at how the guy used her past to rub her _shit. She for show am small pepper before she accept am back.

I hope whoever came up with this load of crap practices what s/he preaches. All these nonsense Whatsapp broadcasts. Ahn ahn. This story just dey vex daughter of Zion.

Utter rubbish.

cococandy:
That's what it's always all about. No matter the packaging. At the core is always the message that encourages women to accommodate BS that they the men will never do.
Often dressed as advocacy for the marriage institution, the plot usually unravels when a man is at the receiving end of the BS.

Then it's all quiet.

At best No marriage advocates to come tell him how a wise man buildeth his home. Or how he should pray and grind his way out of her nastiness.

At worst the hypocrites will come give a very blatantly different advice than they would if the woman was in the same exact situation.

Read rinse repeat.

5minsmadness:
But how can u see something bad about this story?
The man was in the wrong. The woman was the hero. This a story extolling women. What do you want??

If you have any story on decent husbands and evil wives pls post it for your enjoyment. If I do it you will say i am attacking women.

I wont answer any question on this line of reasoning again.

byvan03:
To be honest i counted 1-100 before typing so i dont say exactly what i feel like telling her. People like her dent women's image further.

jaybee3:
Which kain yeye english


As an example:

Cleaning the house vs Mowing the lawn

Cleaning the house -
Dusting
Hoovering
Cleaning the toilet and bathroom

In absolute terms, those are 3 specific tasks needed to complete that categorized Job

Whereas

Mowing the lawn is a single task


3 is far greater than 1 in absolute terms

BUT

The single 1 is probably more difficult to achieve than the combined 3

On average, it will probably take you 2 hours to clean the house whereas it might take 3 hours to keep the lawn clean


I know you will come back with the argument of frequency but it's just a simple illustration of how chores can be equally shared

trishapal:
Pictures of her finished works... That's what says something to me about her.

byvan03:
You don' t sound too smart ,stay away from marriage with your sheep following goat mentality . How can a normal person even be considering this? Go ahead and marry him because am sure that is what you are here for.

Pidggin:
In 2016, while Germany is being ruled by a Woman and UK too, who knows maybe US might follow and Brazil had a former female president, even impoverished India and Muslim Pakistan had elected female presidents, but Nigeria, the giant of Africa (on paper of course) is still debating whether women belong to kitchen or other rooms within the home

All thanks to backwardness and wickedness of our existing traditional cultures and institutions and our own self-created versions of religion.

Of course we cannot forget the immense contribution of our present president Buhari towards this backwardness, He himself told a female president that his wife belongs to his kitchen and other rooms lol

hanked:
I need a matured contribution on how to go about this, my wife of 8 years now did something I believe was bad ( 1. she stopped giving me food . 2. secretly in contacts with most of her ex. 3. associating with pple I asked her not to) divorce is out of it cos of the children. she's so stubborn that she did not want to listen , what's the best solution to this?should I ignore her or talk to her pple?

kunleajaye:
Next week will be the fifth year anniversary of the day my wife and I tied the knot. It hasn’t really been smooth sailing and many people feel marriage is all about a fairy tale, a handsome hunk sweeping the fair damsel off her feet and riding off into the sunset to live “happily ever after”. From my experience, marriage is anything but.

A year after our wedding, my wife lost her mother on that ill-fated Dana plane crash. She was barely into her first month of pregnancy and she almost lost the baby. God knows how much we all tried to hold things together for her and her younger ones as she automatically became the mother figure to her younger ones. A few months later, into her 8th month of pregnancy, we both left the shores of Nigeria to the US as I had accepted an admission for graduate studies.

Fast forward to today, we have three lovely kids, a girl (the first) and two twin boys. Unfortunately for me though, I seem to have lost some of the affection I had in the past for my wife. In clearer terms, I fear I don’t find my wife attractive anymore.

As I mentioned earlier, things aren’t as smooth as one would expect. We all know, especially those who live here in the States, that working as an International student is hard. You can hardly find companies that want to hire foreigners, especially in the IT field I’m in. I sometimes wonder how I would pay for rent, utilities, daycare, and even food at the beginning of each month. Rent alone takes away all my meager salary. My wife first of all started out by purchasing and sending baby clothes and other stuff home to Nigeria, but with the “receive today, pay tomorrow” attitude of people at home, coupled with the whole decline of the naira, the business has literally been ruined with so many bills to pay. Luckily she also started school on a tuition-only scholarship, so we have to take the kids to the day-care almost everyday, which is an additional strain to the meager pay I receive.

I don’t want to assume it is my feelings for her reducing, but these days I almost always catch myself staring at her in forlorn. I don’t see the beautiful girl I married during the first few years of my marriage. I want to assume it is the stress of all this, coupled with my school work, but these days any little thing she does annoys me. She doesn’t help matters either and sometimes we shout at each other or argue over the most trivial of things. For the past couple of months we’ve not slept in the same room. She prefers to sleep with our daughter while I sleep with the boys in the other room. Anytime I want us to be together, she’ll complain that the kids are too young to sleep alone. I accepted that argument when we first had the boys but they are almost three now. I sometimes have to carry them to their room so that she will “agree” to stay with me, and that is sometimes with great reluctance.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my wife. I just fear I don’t find her attractive anymore. The other night she told me our sex life has really dwindled and I out rightly told her it was her fault. She said she knows and she’ll try being better but till date I’ve not seen any improvement. She’ll complain of being tired or a headache anytime I want to initiate anything, only to plead with me the following morning. There was a day she just lay there like a log of wood, indirectly telling me to do what I want to do and be done with it. I got so angry that I didn’t know when I started yelling on her. She didn’t even respond and turned to face the wall. I left her alone in bed and slept on the couch that night.

I want to believe it’s the stress of work, school, and the many thoughts going through our minds that is causing all this, but I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I don’t love my wife anymore. I don't want a situation where all this will split our family apart and suffer the little ones.

5minsmadness:
Sometimes i see all the break up news about marriages and i wonder, why did you get married in the first place? Is your love for your spouse so fragile that you would break up at the slightest opportunity? You found out she is three years older than you and you want to divorce, you found out he is cheating on you and you want to divorce, he slapped you for the first time during an argument, u threathen divorce, what kind of marriages do we have these days? You marry someone and declare you will stay with him for the rest of your life, how do you intend to do that if you buckle and give up at the first sign of hardship? What inspiring story of travails and overcoming obstacles will you tell your kids or the future generations if you want to run at the drop of a hat? Do you think living with an individual FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES, that you will not find something horribly ugly? You honestly think you wont find flaws? What do you call your Love, if you cannot help your partner to become a better person, if you cannot suffer for him or her, if you cannot sacrifice anything for the one you love, if you cannot put your life on the line... What kind of fake love is that?

And for those who take advice to divorce him or her here, havent you noticed that the people advising you are either singles or have seemingly perfect partners? Partners with no flaws? And you believe them and get emotionally upset with thier vicious remarks and then go on to fight your spouses at home? Fighting your real life partner because of something an unknown person, probably a 15yr old said on the internet?

You are not wise. You are not wise at all.

If you truly love your partner then you should be quick to forgive. If you truly love your partner u wont wait for him or her to show you love first. If you truly married for love and not for material gains then your marriage will not be easily broken no matter the kind of rocks and daggers thrown at it. You should even be ashamed, bringing your intimate marital issues before unknown teenages and people with bitter spirits instead of meeting familiar and wise and elderly friends in real life, people whose marriages you have seen have stood the test of time in real life, not these mushroom advices you recieve here.


I have seen husbands in real life forgive thier wives for cheating, i have seen wives being celebrated by thier husbands for sticking to them during thier years of irresponsibility and drunkenness. Dont let those who couldn't do it trick or judge you into joining thier bandwagon. The ultimate wish for every person getting married is to live happily ever after, but that must come with hard work and perseverance. Nothing good comes easy! If it looks too good to be true then it usually is!

I have said my piece. I am out.

bellong:
Hello all,

Attached is the recent picture of Lola...

You can see that there is a huge difference to what she was before the transplant.

Thank you.

TheArchangel:
What about option C
Behaving like a rational human being by sitting down and talking out your problems.

jaybee3:
Meaning you agree they can be equally shared if we factor in the degree of difficulty and resource needed to execute each chore

jaybee3:
Why not?


Do you want to compare the chores in absolute terms or the resource needed to execute each chore?

Mindfulness:
I would say that it takes two to tango.




Does this woman have children? It sounds like children only require attention, time and energy from their mothers but it's not like that. Children change everything. They need a lot of time and energy. After spending the day with the mother, the father will come home and the kids will be all over him. They are in between all the time when they are little until you have them in bed ... FINALLY!

What do you want to do when your two-year-old wants your attention (and they want a lot of it), lock it up?



So?




Generalization. Men and women are not opposite ends of a spectrum as this book and some people imply. Some women talk a lot, my best friend barely talks at all. Another friend's husband considers communication key and will discuss EVERYTHING and communicte EVERY feeling.



Tell him to take out the garbage to find out that it's still there the next morning.




Were our grandmothers not chubby or even fat? Did they work out in the gym three times a week? Did their marriages last nonetheless?
Is Angelina Jolie not in shape? Yet her marriage failed.




Maybe - just maybe- in modern day marriages too much emphasis is placed on emotional needs even though marriage was designed for pragmatic purpose. It includes some form of care (e.g. cooking) and protection (finances) but the romantic love notion that is required for people to get and stay married is quite new. In fact, it is something that was developed in the 20th century. Correct me if I am wrong or ask your grandparents.




Oh yes!

But the reality is that children often change that and familarity turns to boredom. I remember the thread that was up here a few days ago about singles and their fears about marriage. How many people said that they are scared of having to be faithful to one person for decades and of boredom. Go and figure.




I have made the same observation.





I don't agree. I don't consider my family a sacrifice. Have I already said it?



The author has touched upon many interesting topics but has not offered any solutions that have not already been out there.

5minsmadness:
I think what the writer is trying to say is, your body is just as important as your soul. Physical attraction is just as important as intellectual/behavioural attraction. In order words women should realise that men see physical attraction as a very big deal. We worship the female body, moreso when it is a female we love. When we have sex with a woman we love, its much more than just a romp between the sheets and sexual gratification, its a deep physical and emotional connection. We yearn to give as much pleasure as we recieve. In fact most men reach climax faster from the visual confirmation that we are giving pleasure to the woman. That is why a man's sense of sexual achievement comes when he makes his woman climax. We dont just have sex, we make love.


Something like that anyway.

Timbuktou:
I think point 6 refers to men valuing a woman's body because of the affection they might have for her. And because they love a woman, they naturally want the best for her body and even when this best cannot be achieved, they don't really mind as they aren't fixated on that aspect of the whole person that she is. Also that men aren't as forgiving/lenient to women they barely know.
Also, men are happy when their wives surrender their bodies willingly to them when copulating, especially when she has taken good care of her body(vessel).
I agree with this and the other points very much.
PS: Laura says her male respondents says her male respondents tell her this makes them "feel like a man". Just a friendly nudge to those who hoard the cookie from hubby

damiso:
I think it did but the 'morality' was more aimed at a certain target audience on certain issues i.e. .women and marriage. Cos a lot of times you see the women sticking it out at all costs these days more than the past. Not like its necessarily a bad thing but its just funny when you see posts that romanticise the past.
Alot of older aunties and grandmas cant even comprehend the 'ruth abokokus me and my husband' ( ruth die with husband ) antics of the girls of these generation. I guess its cos there was more openness about polygamy so they sef no send the man I have aunties who cant understand all these 'our house our land ' business. They are asking 'what of your own house, what of your own land'