₦airaland Forum

TV01:
...a good man will expect all that and give more. May we be good and our expectations met.


TV

Interesting

bitchcrafts:
While I'm in no way opposable to the prospects of Feminism , I don't see to the practicability of it. The odd feeling that it won't just work lingers... It's principles too simple and straight, promises too good and sweet to be true; ideals too perfect for an imperfect human. . . Equality is a false god ! I hope u grab?

Interesting

Why?

@OP:

I do not think feminism solves the martial issues highlighted in the OP; after all, women who see themselves as 'inferior' cheat/defraud/lie their spouses. I know someone who would cringe at the thought of men & women being equals yet she has to be cajoled before stocking the home with food and she is a housewife and I am sure there are men who see their wives as inferior yet treat her like egg.

As much as I'm a feminist, I don't process if we are 'equals' before treating my husband well ditto him. That is just for knowledge's sake.

Like sisisioge said, find a good man who loves you & shares your ideals.

ephi123:
It's nobody's business what his wife chooses to do with herself as long as the husband is not complaining. People should stop putting others under pressure to live up to their own shallow expectations. Her beauty is in the eye of the husband, not of the public. Let the woman be.

And how do you know the husband is not complaining?

And I will not let the woman be...

Arrest me.

ojuolu:
Have you ever read any scandal involving this dude in the last ten years? Do you ever wonder why with all is fame and talents? Please think it through before posting your comments on social media. Investigate the man family life, you will appreciate God for his kind of man. She gave him stability, a steady anchor from the home-front. She is always there when it matters. A kind of woman every man that desire success should look out for.

I have read of scandals including the recent ones where 2 actresses are 'fighting' over him.

A woman can be a 'steady anchor' and good looking especially when her husband is in public eye.

Except if Odunlade specifically tells her that he's not interested in paparazzi, she's got to step up her game and look good for him in private and public especially as he is in the public eye.

Take a look at Odunlade 6yrs ago and you will see he is 'upgrading' in his looks and he actually looks better as the years go by. He is just 37+ so the wife would probably be in her mid-30s and should look it.

Spouses are always advised to improve themselves as their partner improves/upgrades so they are always at par and I have seen enough examples of spouses esp. men complain that they are ashamed of their wives because their wives did not go as they were growing.

CC: ephi123, Acidosis

@ephi123: The wife is a tool if you wish... the husband himself has gotten clean and polished his English over the years
@Acidosis: It is beyond makeup and It depends on what you want as an individual.

See Pictures Attached;

First 2 photos, Old Odunlade; Last 2 photos, New Odunlade

Acidosis:
Smart guy..!



A lot of people won't understand why he picked a decent-looking woman ahead of the plenty waka-waka oloshos

He picks the 'decent' looking woman for wife and sleeps about with the waka-waka oloshos.....

Lucky dude having best of both worlds

How many times does he take her out? Is he really proud of her as his wife or does he see her as a 'mummy' only good for caring for his kids and chores?

And who says the elegant looking woman will not be a good wife?

Is Omotola not elegant? Is she not fine? What of Mercy Aigbe?

Abeg, the wife should upgrade herself so she is relevant all round jor.

Even the Virtuous Woman in Proverbs 31 dressed in Purple (Royal/Beautiful) clothes.

Happy Birthday to her, long life and prosperity

pocohantas:
What kinda confusion is this?
Men will still come and say it's true, create another thread saying women enjoy sex more than men but pretend not to. They'll still come and say it's true.

Later you guys will say women are the confused ones.

fellis:
^lol , no mind them.
They always change the consensus abi na consensous? (Chai I need to start reading again)
anyway they always change it to suit whatever insult they want to hurl at women.

Hahahahahaha!

modath:
Yep since 2015... She may not have a First Lady designation but as the wife of the president, she definitely will have mails, correspondence, schedules, events etc that needs effective/efficient administrator... I believe she's the only one she has (I stand to be corrected if there are more)

Then it is just old wine in a new bottle.

She is getting all the 'pararazzi' as the First Lady of Nigeria.

Timbuktou:
Well, it would depend on what type of relationship it is. If its just a dating relationship, then I'd advise that career be chosen, dates are a dime a dozen, and breakups could occur. If it's a marriage relationship, however, family comes first.

Talk2Bella, I would also advise you to get someone who loves you now while you're coming up in the world. When your success can no longer be hidden, you'll look back on the times when you could vouch for some guy's true intentions but blew him off because you wanted to "build a career". If you haven't found such a person thats quite different, but closing out everybody because of career development will come back to bite you in the ass. Of course, assuming you have plans to settle and have a family in the future. Otherwise, fire away, nuttin do you.

Nice one

mysticgal:
Thank you tell the LadyMercedes

LadyMercedes is talking from a different POV.

@OP: Yes

However, in light of mysticgal's submissions, a husband cannot be prosecuted for raping his wife neither can a wife be prosecuted for raping her husband.

Although, if any party sustained physical injury during the act, the perpetrator can be charged with assault/battery.

5minsmadness:
Lol, leave these people, they will never admit they are wrong even if you prove it to them.

Coming from another angle. (my angle).

1. On the natural average men have a higher libido than women. So men woukd most times want sex more often than their wives. In countries where marital rape has been legalised does this not translate to marital sex being only for the benefit of the female? Since most times it is the male that does the asking, is it not an unfair constraint on the malefolk?

2. You seem to be speaking on the context of religion, may i remind you that even under law a married couple have become one and hence rape cannot occur in this case either?

3. If a man forcefully has his way with his wife and women are screaming rape, is it not also justice that any woman who takes money from her husband's wallet without his permission or uses his credit card without his consent or willingness or strongarming or lying to the husband to obtain financial favours from him is in fact guilty of theft/robbery abd should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law?

Jesus!

cococandy:
What am I supposed to say? That I'm the good one and they are they are the ones full of jealousy and resentment? Oh please.

For a fact there is no emotion that I've experienced at the hands of female friends that I haven't also experienced at the hands of male friends. Jealousy, back-biting, ultra-pettiness and what have you. It's even worse with them if I may say.

Men join hands to kill each other on the streets on routine basis in the name of jungle justice and the world moves one like nothing happened. Two females quarrel in your yard and the whole women in the world hate each other? What's wrong with you people? I mean those of you that are fond of propagating this theory.

And worse are the women who will agree with you that we hate each other. Ask them if they hate other women they wil say no. So everyone belongs to the 2% that don't hate each other? Who are 98% imaginary women that resent other women?

I'm tired of this sh*t. Stop it!

Take a kiss for the bold

I have not noticed women have hatred for each other any more than guys hating on each other.

Acidosis:
exactly, unlike the author of this thread whose ideas are post-conceived

una well-done oo

crackhaus:
And how exactly does the humour and sarcasm therein remove from the idea that there is a real problem between DILs and their MILs?

The relationship between a MIL and DIL is different from a mother & her daughter.

E.g., when my mom comes around, I am less stressed as she helps with cooking and cleaning. Sometimes, she will ensure she eats dinner before coming over so I don't bother about hosting her etc. She is also not bothered if my husband is cleaning etc.

Now if my SIL comes around, I would have to attend to her no matter how late I/She gets home and I certainly do not expect her to help around the house (although I must say, I would say no if she offers).

My SIL is not a good example because she has honestly been a very good SIL to me and doesn't seem mind if hubby cleans. I also tried to my little capacity to treat her like my elder sis and I recall helping her style her hair, polish her nails, send little things to her kids & hubby etc. She has even spent the weekend with her daughter which we all enjoyed and I wish her kids can come around for Christmas.

Now, I have another SIL who was ready for 'trouble' as per MIL things (she's the first child & MIL is no more) and who I was ready to treat as MIL as she is little younger than my mom. She accused me (in my absence) of lying about my age and pretending (cos the age I gave her was 'small' and I was too soft spoken) till my dad confirmed it (unconsciously) during the intro.

After studying the situation (and hubby knowing his sister extremely well), I knew that we couldn't mingle and don't associate with her. I know very well that to her, I am the poster bad DIL/SIL but again, who cares? I am sometimes tempted to reach out to her but when hubby says 'you are absolutely on your own when wahala happens' (which will and I honestly can't stand shit for long), I 'receive sense' and stay my side.

Men know their relatives they can't stand yet amazingly, they expect their wives to relate with them effortlessly.

Wives, if your husband tells you 'this my sister/brother/mom/dad' is a no go area, stay on your own. You can't love/know your husband's family more than he does.

Mimzyy:
I concur, provided the MIL is receptive then why not?

Starting with a clean slate helps too.

crackhaus:
Yea, Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world.

That may not sound surprising at first, but when you factor in the fact that this same Japan is considered a developed and highly industrialized country, you then start to understand how Africans are among the most relentless and psychologically-strong race of people on the planet.

We might have our problems but our ability to see humor in all situations and love for celebrations is really keeping us together.

A jobless person mopping about Monday to Friday will dig it on the dance floor on Saturday and shout hallelujah on Sunday.

Funny thread.

However, some of the stuffs are good things DILs can do to endear their MILs to them.

I stumbled on an article and thought of this thread:

Excessive hours exact heavier mental toll on Japan's younger workers

TOKYO -- Japanese employees in their 20s and 30s are particularly vulnerable to depression and other psychological disorders caused by grueling hours, government data shows, a finding likely fueling the labor ministry's focus on the mental health of the young.

About half of men and 60% of women awarded workers' compensation for mental illness fell between the ages of 20 and 39, a research group of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare said Tuesday.

The group analyzed 2,000 cases ruled eligible for such compensation between January 2010 and March 2015.

Some 31.8%, or 436, of the men were in their 30s when they developed a disorder, with those in their 40s and their 20s accounting for 28.6% and 19.1%. Among women, 30-somethings made up 31.2%, or 195 workers, closely followed by 20-somethings, who totaled 29.8%.

Extreme cases led to deaths. A total of 352 men and 16 women killed themselves, including 101 men in their 40s and nine women in their 20s.

Excessive hours continue to be blamed for suicides by depressed workers in Japan. Matsuri Takahashi, a 24-year-old hire at advertising giant Dentsu, took her own life last December after coming down with depression.

Takahashi had put in 105 overtime hours from Oct. 9 to Nov. 7, according to an attorney for her family. Inspectors from the Tokyo Labor Bureau raided Dentsu's headquarters in the capital as well as three branch offices and five major subsidiaries. Takahashi's case was ruled last month a death linked to overwork.

The ministry is taking seriously the rise in younger filers for workers' compensation over depression from overwork. It started dispatching occupational physicians and counselors to workplaces this fiscal year to help teach younger employees how to notice that they are under stress

http://asia.nikkei.com/Politics-Economy/Economy/Excessive-hours-exact-heavier-mental-toll-on-Japan-s-younger-workers

What a sad way to live...

Everywhere has its own madness.

CC:

Mindfulness, crackhaus

byvan03:
Buka nah tpia hide for your moniker?

You just sounded like her .

Lols! You are so not serious!

I want to know what sharks him na...

I like the 3rd and 6th one.

TerrorSquad147:
if you like be walking unclad sef, if I don tire, I don tire...

Wearing lingerie is se.xier than prancing about naked

If you are tired of seeing her na.ked, buy lingerie for her

raumdeuter:
who dat one epp

So what will help you?

jaybee3:
They are shared in my household Ma'am

We both pull our weight and it works for us

Good for you

jaybee3:
I'm actually doing all the chores at the moment, including childcare responsibilities as madam has been away in sunny Qatar since Jan

And yes, i still contribute a larger % share of the total household financial need

So no big deal

PS: Once a week in the summer/spring (Both front lawn and sizable back garden)

Exactly my point

The chores are not 'shared'

You do as required.

Some people have the 'I do this; you do that' thingy however, I am not a fan.

Rather do what is required per time.

TrapQueen77 and DaddySLY,

Please carry your love else where

Divorce seems to be a flimsy thing in Saudi.

jaybee3:
Lemme jor

jaybee3, how often do you clean the lawn?

Nice concept however, why are we seeing the pictures before her birthday?

I think it makes a good read.

IT’S one of the things we are most afraid might happen to us. We go to great lengths to avoid it. And yet we do it all the same: We marry the wrong person.

Partly, it’s because we have a bewildering array of problems that emerge when we try to get close to others. We seem normal only to those who don’t know us very well. In a wiser, more self-aware society than our own, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: “And how are you crazy?”

Perhaps we have a latent tendency to get furious when someone disagrees with us or can relax only when we are working; perhaps we’re tricky about intimacy after sex or clam up in response to humiliation. Nobody’s perfect. The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities. Whenever casual relationships threaten to reveal our flaws, we blame our partners and call it a day. As for our friends, they don’t care enough to do the hard work of enlightening us. One of the privileges of being on our own is therefore the sincere impression that we are really quite easy to live with.

Our partners are no more self-aware. Naturally, we make a stab at trying to understand them. We visit their families. We look at their photos, we meet their college friends. All this contributes to a sense that we’ve done our homework. We haven’t. Marriage ends up as a hopeful, generous, infinitely kind gamble taken by two people who don’t know yet who they are or who the other might be, binding themselves to a future they cannot conceive of and have carefully avoided investigating.

For most of recorded history, people married for logical sorts of reasons: because her parcel of land adjoined yours, his family had a flourishing business, her father was the magistrate in town, there was a castle to keep up, or both sets of parents subscribed to the same interpretation of a holy text. And from such reasonable marriages, there flowed loneliness, infidelity, abuse, hardness of heart and screams heard through the nursery doors. The marriage of reason was not, in hindsight, reasonable at all; it was often expedient, narrow-minded, snobbish and exploitative. That is why what has replaced it — the marriage of feeling — has largely been spared the need to account for itself.

What matters in the marriage of feeling is that two people are drawn to each other by an overwhelming instinct and know in their hearts that it is right. Indeed, the more imprudent a marriage appears (perhaps it’s been only six months since they met; one of them has no job or both are barely out of their teens), the safer it can feel. Recklessness is taken as a counterweight to all the errors of reason, that catalyst of misery, that accountant’s demand. The prestige of instinct is the traumatized reaction against too many centuries of unreasonable reason.

But though we believe ourselves to be seeking happiness in marriage, it isn’t that simple. What we really seek is familiarity — which may well complicate any plans we might have had for happiness. We are looking to recreate, within our adult relationships, the feelings we knew so well in childhood. The love most of us will have tasted early on was often confused with other, more destructive dynamics: feelings of wanting to help an adult who was out of control, of being deprived of a parent’s warmth or scared of his anger, of not feeling secure enough to communicate our wishes. How logical, then, that we should as grown-ups find ourselves rejecting certain candidates for marriage not because they are wrong but because they are too right — too balanced, mature, understanding and reliable — given that in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign. We marry the wrong people because we don’t associate being loved with feeling happy.

We make mistakes, too, because we are so lonely. No one can be in an optimal frame of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be wholly at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude in order to be appropriately picky; otherwise, we risk loving no longer being single rather more than we love the partner who spared us that fate.

Finally, we marry to make a nice feeling permanent. We imagine that marriage will help us to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us: Perhaps we were in Venice, on the lagoon, in a motorboat, with the evening sun throwing glitter across the sea, chatting about aspects of our souls no one ever seemed to have grasped before, with the prospect of dinner in a risotto place a little later. We married to make such sensations permanent but failed to see that there was no solid connection between these feelings and the institution of marriage.

Indeed, marriage tends decisively to move us onto another, very different and more administrative plane, which perhaps unfolds in a suburban house, with a long commute and maddening children who kill the passion from which they emerged. The only ingredient in common is the partner. And that might have been the wrong ingredient to bottle.

The good news is that it doesn’t matter if we find we have married the wrong person.

We mustn’t abandon him or her, only the founding Romantic idea upon which the Western understanding of marriage has been based the last 250 years: that a perfect being exists who can meet all our needs and satisfy our every yearning.

We need to swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. There can be no end to our sense of emptiness and incompleteness. But none of this is unusual or grounds for divorce. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for.

This philosophy of pessimism offers a solution to a lot of distress and agitation around marriage. It might sound odd, but pessimism relieves the excessive imaginative pressure that our romantic culture places upon marriage. The failure of one particular partner to save us from our grief and melancholy is not an argument against that person and no sign that a union deserves to fail or be upgraded.

The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition.

Romanticism has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners.

Written By ALAIN de BOTTON MAY 28, 2016
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?WT.mc_id=2016-KWP-MOBILE-AUD_DEV&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=MOBILEFULLPAGE&kwp_0=178895&_r=1

CC: Ramdeuter,

raumdeuter:
5minsmadness

Read this

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?WT.mc_id=2016-KWP-MOBILE-AUD_DEV&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=MOBILEFULLPAGE&kwp_0=178895&_r=0



timbutou what do you think about the bold below, maybe bukatyne can create a thread for it as usual since it seems some people have hijacked the thread to settle their differences



Or oga TV01 do you think being more religiously grounded could have resolved this
[size=2pt]Dont let mindfulness see this, kimoni won't bother you anyway[/size]

So I am now a master thread creator abi? , I need to start charging for my services then. You will be my manager

I agree 'romantic love' is a new construct which is I believe is fine provided both parties key into it.

5minsmadness:
Waiting for love to be reciprocated to you before you show love is not love. Its a buisness arrangement.


you're a Christian, yes? God did not love you because u loved him first. God loves you whether u love him or not. Hence He sent his son to save you while you were yet a sinner. It is his overwhelming love for you that makes you judge yourself and be truly sorry for your behavior and change.

Anyone can remain your friend as long as he/she doent dish out bullshit. But for the one who once loved you and who you professed that you loved as well, if he or she should stray or betray, your love should be strong enough to withstand major bullshit.

The same God that sent His son to die for us (love) said He hated Esau in the womb; the same God on many occasions destroyed part of the Israelites; the same God will send all those who don't believe in Jesus to hell at the end.

If someone who once loved me betray or stray, it depends on the extent and reason.

Afterall, Judas betrayed once and he lost it.

Again, the Bible clearly warns us not to ne unequally yoked with unbelievers.