₦airaland Forum

MMotimo:
Hmmmm, my primary school social studies said it happened in the days of old, long before you actually paid people to do your makeup and you had to worry about ruining 10% of your wedding budget your look

Chidoks:
both are equally important and none is more important.
Reason: In the first place, most parents complement each other.they blend to make a home.they make a team and the qualities lacking in a man is often found in his wife vice versa.
Now in bringing up a child this same team that is needed to keep the home going is useful. In most cases a parent may be permissive while the other is strict.if you leave a child in the custody of only the very permissive parent, the child will tend to be very pampered spoilt. On the other hand if you leave that same child in the custody of only the strict parent, the child may end up being timid. But both parents will most definately team up to produce a confident and disciplined child..it's a team work thing.
Growing up, most of us preferred the permissive parent but right now , we look back and appriciate the one that beat us with 'turn garri' abi na lie i talk.
These days sef, their roles are intertwined.

femi4:
King of queens

ronald4lif:
Not really about egoism. It's about trammelling manipulation like you rightly said and petit mind games people use to seek favour and think they're smart.

damiso:
You are very right .

One of the key things that leads to unhappiness is expectations. I try to manage my expectations and not put people into a box so to speak on what I feel they 'should' do for me. It's a trait I inherited from my father and my mum really reminds me of it 'you are definitely your fathers daughter'. I know no one is truly ever self reliant but I really view most things that anyone gives me as gift and not something I should take for granted.

I will give an example. I was unemployed for a while and my husband was taking care of ALL(ok most) the big ticket bills. I wanted to do a course and I was saving towards it.One day my husband told me that he had put some money into my account and I should go ahead to pay for it. I was soooo happy and i kept saying thank you in short I told everyone to thank him for me. He said I was embarassing me with the thank yous and that if he did not as my husband who should? I got his point but in my head I was already feeling I am the one who wants to do a course, as it is he is more or less footing my bills(ok he lives in the house as well but if was not married won't I support myself) so I really did not in my head think he HAD to do it . I honestly would not have resented him not paying those fees.

I know people who will say its his responsibility as doing the course could increase my earning potential and husbands are meant to help their wives grow. That is true also but sincerely and I am not being insincere here I did not feel entitled to those fees just cos he is my husband. I was happy that he helped out but I also would not have been unhappy if he did not.

tearoses:
Yes
However one needs to be a "reasonably easily happyified" person before you get married or the man/woman will be doing everything to make one happy & with no appreciation and it will be so frustrating.
Have you met a negative person before?
OMG they dont see any good in anything
These kinds of people just drain.
You cant make them happy cos they cant be happy.
Thats just the way they are.

ronald4lif:
When people start calling you sir, oga, chairman etc be worried. They are most times trying to weaken your demurrer and project an image of one who's loyal and respectful before unleashing their main objective which is to solicit for favours. I don't entertain such designates and would tell you to call me by my real name.

When we relate on an equal basis, you might not feel comfortable asking for unnecessary favours but when you guilefully attempt to place me above you by according me suspicious names then I'm unconsciously inviting bogus "demand list". Do well to stop anyone who assign you such titles, particularly those you don't know too well like this fella.

You did the right thing by asking for an account details that is related to his name and he should be willing to provide it or come up with a more convincing reason than the one tendered if serious. There's no point even trying to grill him further to ascertain if he's the said friend, let him just provide his accurate banking details. He has no right to be inundating you with calls, you no owe hin money, so you're supposed to send at your own convenience and terms.

2CatWoman:
And what are you bringing to the table apart from your "wealth" [size=2pt] and ego [/size] ?

Sagamite:
See question o.

12 times.





You mean that attractive girl (lepa, Orobo, inbetween, I like them all), who is sexy, who has a nice attitude, is not selfish, is willing to consider my interest and does not think I came to world only/it is my responsibility to satisfy her interest because she is the ish, fun to be around and hardly are we fighting, can have an intellectual conversation or is at least willing to listen to one and learn, is ready to sign prenup and would not an argument that my success is dependent on being with her, is not a slut, is a good mother, who is not emotionally needy and is at least reasonable in the kitchen (any cuisine is fine)?

You mean when I find that?

Think about it, how long do you think that will take before I find those in one person?

TV01:
Why does it pain you ?

- Head of my household - tick
- Final arbiter possessing veto power in family decisions - tick

- My wife is not inferior
- She has freewill/agency
- She is a loving & submissive wife

TV01:
I wield authority in my home as and when I see fit - and my wife graciously submits. If I ask my wife to serve me end-to-end at every meal, I don't need to repeat that instruction every time I sit down to eat - geddit now!!

TV01:
A submissive wife does not need to be hounded - she learns her husbands desires and preferences and consciously or unconsciously makes the requisite adjustments.

TV01:
That there is no head in your home and you have "equal rights", fine - carry go - nobody is forcing you to live the "Christian model" .

TV01:
As for your sly insinuation that I "edited" my posts and lied, in over 10 years on NL nobody has ever charged me with those or any of the other similar type offences. You are desperate. I never edit for more than quotation, grammar or punctuation.

TV01:
Why are you pained that my wife allows me to be a man in my own home? Or someone so enlightened and privileged eschews feminism

TV01:
And in truth, you can't know if I command or not

TV01:
but we all know your husband doesn't don't we? - you proudly told us !

TV01:
Keep on opening masturbatory threads so you can discuss biblical submission with non-believers, atheists and blasphemers - Evangelist Fevangelist Bukatyne

TV

GHoJes:
^^bukatyne.

cococandy:
What r you people talking about?

I'm sorry my amebo could not resist.

Timbuktou:
we all have reasons for believing and supporting what we do. The general idea of having an argument is to defend one's own stance, and possibly sway people over to one's "light". The misfortune or lack of regarding any school of thought isn't the purpose of this round of comments.

There you go again. It would behoove upon you to prove that facts have been twisted "deliberately" or not. And for someone who actually has twisted biblical submission from wife to husband, hypocrisy doesn't begin to express the richness of your claim.

Oh, sarcasm is alive and well in my writing style. Pay attention to the spirit of the letters, madam Buks

Timbuktou:
I think you guys should just shut up on this cabal business. The truth is there are the feminists who think everyone who isn't a feminist is a female slave or misogynist. Unfortunately for you feminist people, there are those of us who do not give a hoot what you think. Present your arguments and expect rebuttals which you are at liberty to respond to with sense or not.

Timbuktou:
Suggesting that people ignore comments they don't agree with because they belong to you and you cannot sufficiently defend your points is the height of conceit and entitlement. If you don't want people quoting you, don't fvcking make comments; or you may do so in the diary section. The moments anyone posts here, they have waived their right to be left in peace as they have effectively immersed themselves in the fray that is nairaland.

Timbuktou:
It is insulting for anyone to think they can legitimately make a don't-quote-me request. Such ediots will be dragged back to reality. So Bukatyne and Babygirfl, here's to you two: expect your comments to be quoted, or you may ignore those who quote you, or you may not make comments, or you may leave nairaland altogether. Don't let me see such nonsense facetious requests again. Comprende?

Timbuktou:
Now, let's all shake hands and kumbaya.

Malawian:
all this dish food ish, i was thinking the food was still in the pot. come on. i know of a guy form Ekpoma days that starts "tasting" his rice from when it was still being cooked. in fact, all the pot of rice will be fully tasted before he puts out the fire, he will then pour water inside the pot and wash it. i dont know if he even had a plate in his room.

forgive my offpoint. i was thinking the food was still in the pot.

SonOfEl:
see, as a man has wife, I know my wife will not always be around to get me first class treatment as a wife, but how she let's me understand is what keeps the peace at home, because I am not perfect too. however, it does not mean we don't owe each other this treatments.

my wife works in a hospital, am a nutritionist, but I serve in the church as a minister. truth is girls nowadays don't know how to follow up and address their issues, they end up braking their homes.

that is not to say men are not sometimes childish, sometimes in nairaland i say some things childishly for the fun of it which atimes, i regret, but we have to get real sometimes in order to address issues. this issue was never meant to be an issue at all.

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] yep... You are right in some of your assertions.

But still, it still books down to individual preferences and choices.
Wouldn't categorise it into a group thing still.

[/color]

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033]
Babygirlf and Timbuktou.... Please a word of advice.

Keep mentioning each other and debating back and forth on non issues.
There is a lot that can be achieved when we just ignore. It works like magic.

Oya.... Hug.... And make up.


[/color]

GHoJes:
You caught yourself and deleted the name you earlier mentioned, too late because your group stance prompted your comment. You also are guilty and its worse because you are a mod, what you dont know is that it can only not been seen if it is not there, so its obvious.
We all are hypocrite at one point or the other, knowingly and unknowingly we try to make the contrary opinion buy into ours regardless of what is the truth which is why the master say there's no one that is good. However between the feminist and non feminist group, there are those who bare out their bellies and there are those who dont talk unless in the midst of their comfort groups but has "unpleasantaries" in their belly, quite dangerous. Let him who is wise learn quickly.

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033]


Dont you think categorising people in this forum into groups is a bit off mark?

We will admit people have diverse opinions about issues and they will try and air the views in their own way...sometimes offensive to others sometimes not.

Having said that, I think all posters should just post along the line of their belief instead of looking out to post as a "group" and calling "others" who dont believe as anti-whatever.

Life is simple....really simple....make your opinion known and stick to your belief while not trying to change others.

Peace is all we want after all.[/color]

babygirlfl:
True thanks. I never believed the cabal thing but it's beginning to make sense now. Anyway we should all realise we can't all think the same.

TV01:
Nobody has said there is anything wrong in the man dishing out his own food...neither is there anything wrong in the wife dishing out her husbands food.


TV

TV01:
You are still here prating .

I command absolutely . When a man presents properly and enunciates his wishes clearly, he doesn't have to command repeatedly. Authority doesn't always have to be on show, leadership is in some regards about empowering.

A truly submissive wife does not have to be bossed, but you wouldn't know this as there are no leaders, no commanders and no authority is wielded in your "equalist" household .

Christian wives know how they do - feminists don't be pained

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:24 - Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Colossians 3:18 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
1 Peter 3:1 - Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands,
1 Peter 3:6 - as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good


"Lord Commander" TV

MrsChima:
I get your gist however chatters needs to stop throwing around the word feminist especially if the person has not expressed themselves to be a feminist.

We often times throw an adjective on a chatter if they fits the mold or definition of that adjective. However, a woman choosing not to dish or complaining that her husband wants her to dish food HAS nothing to do with feminism.

It will soon become a mantra that a woman who doesn't kiss ass and say no is automatically a feminist.

Bullsh1t.

babygirlfl:
I am calling you guys for peace talk here. I think it's a saner thread.
I just want to say we should put whatever happened behind us. We are adults and should behave as one. I don't hate any of you but things are getting really bad. And would appreciate we talk here. If we don't do this now, people will take the opportunity to drive more wedge between us. I did not create any new Monica to bash anybody and the mods can confirm that. Please whatever it is let's sort it now. #peace ladies.

MrsChima:
Did she say she was a feminist? Just because a female created a thread complaining about her husband and the woes on their marriages has nothing to do with feminism.

If she chooses not to be submissive and perform dumb sh1t doesn't make her a feminist. It means she has exercised her freewill not to be submissive.

Some submissive wives have horrible husbands. It doesn't save a marriage if there is no love, respect , effective communication , and compassion from BOTH parties.

#teamagainstchildmarriages

emusmith:
That analogy of yours is not a good quintessence in this scenario.

Jesus' case is like the MASTER and Servants stuff...unless you think marriage is like that, which I know it's not.

Nice moniker tho

mutter:
Yes you live all your children equally and most parents that are good parents can answer that question truthfully.
The only difference is how you show it.
I have a son that shows allot of affection, he is emotional, liked to hug as a kid, always fussing over me. It is clear that you respond more to such a child than one that is more reserved.
So in such a case the children think you love one more than the other but it`s actually not true.
Also some children can bring more achievements than others. I have a child that needed to work real hard to get an average note. The other kid`s felt I was discriminating because i was more excited when he got a 3 than when they got a 1. But how do you explain to children how much pain the child suffers when he is not doing as well as the others and needs to be motivated.
My last son started talking somewhat late and I was getting really worried. My kid`s can`t understand why I am excited about every new thing he learns.

As a kid I never understood why my mother would go out of her way to entertain my sisters friends when they came visiting. She was always sending my friends home. Now as a mother I understand better. My sister did not have any friends so my mother was trying to encourage the friendship. I had loads of friends that where always around. But then I really believed she did not like me as much.

So you basically love all the children but you show it in different ways.